Golden Insanity
by Kyarorain
Summary: A composition of random short stories involving comedic fun, insanity, action and the occasional horror spoof. At last, it has come to the final chapter.
1. Chapter 1

_**Golden Insanity**_

_Greetings, peons! Before you ask me what a peon is, allow me to introduce you to the wonders of Golden Insanity. Tired of generic action and romance fics, I have entered the world of the crazy and the random once more. Friends, enemies, people I don't know, I present to you, Golden Insanity! Drumroll please!_

**Sound: Monkeys hooting.**

_That's not a drumroll!_

**Sound: Sheep baa-ing**

_Okay, whoever is doing the sound, I'm giving you one more chance before I personally get over there and beat the living crap out of you._

**Sound: Drumroll.**

_Thank you. So, basically, the world of Golden Sun as you know it is again being poked and warped, to the point where it's barely recognisable. Do not bury your face behind a cushion or dive under the table screaming please. _

_Any questions?_

**What's a peon?**

_Other than that._

_Well, if we don't get on with it, people are going to get bored. On with the story! Golllldennnnn Iiiiinsaaaaaanityyyyyyyyy!_

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--------------THE-------------------------------

--------------FBM------------------------------

--------------ARE------------------------------

-------------TAKING--------------------------

-------------OVER!----------------------------

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The young, red-haired boy had no idea of the danger he was about to find himself in. All he had done was sneak into his older brother's room again, determined to find out the dirty secrets lying around in Garet's room. Aaron had gone on his own little treasure hunt in the junk heap beneath Garet's bed, discarding old snack wrappers and piles of unused condoms, until he had found a stash of suspicious looking magazines. He had promptly dragged them out and was now squatted at the edge of the room by a window, looking over one of the dirty old porn magazines.

"Oh, wow," Aaron whispered in rapture, his eyes wide as he stared at the dirty pictures and read the articles that accompanied them. "These people have really big boobies. No wonder Garet doesn't have a girlfriend yet. He just has to look at the pictures." He grinned insidiously, swearing to tease his older brother about it later and maybe even tell their parents what Garet got up to in his room if he didn't do what Aaron wanted. This was blackmail, right here.

Suddenly, a loud and thunderous crash sounded throughout the room. The incredible, rising crescendo of noise was enough to almost send Aaron flying, and he looked up in shock as the door was flung open, almost flying right off the hinges. The resulting draft caused by the door being flung open so suddenly and sharply was enough to send the dirty magazines flying everywhere, pages fluttering weakly as the magazines fell to the floor with dull, heavy thuds.

Aaron flung himself to the ground, crouching down in alarm and turning his head to stare with wide, fearful eyes at his assailant. He waited, his breath coming out in short, shallow gasps, suspense and fear causing his pulse to quicken. He had been caught, reading Garet's dirty magazines. Judging by the current situation, he was in great danger. The person who had caught him stepped forwards, eyes glittering darkly as she placed her hands on her hips. Her mouth curved up into an evil smirk. The sight alone made Aaron tremble, the shivering growing worse as her smirk became a snarl and she pointed a finger at him.

"Aaron!" Kay shouted in a voice that struck fear deep into his heart. "Just what do you think you are doing, mumbling about boobies and pictures?" One thing Kay was feared for was her strangely excellent hearing. Nothing could get past her.

"I was just reading Garet's magazines!" Aaron protested, looking guiltily at the magazines strewn all over the room. "I swear I didn't know he was into dirty magazines that had pictures of naked women in them, really!"

"Yeah right. You are just a pervert in the making and I bet you deliberately went looking for them. At such a young age too!" Kay snapped, her eyes narrowing. "Well, we can't have too many perverts in the family now, can we? It's time to be punished."

Aaron let out a high-pitched scream as Kay suddenly bared shining white fangs. A black cape appeared out of nowhere, fluttering dramatically from her shoulders despite the fact there was no breeze. The window was shut. Kay then lunged, but Aaron quickly dived sideways, narrowly avoiding her. Kay quickly reached out and latched a hand onto his ankle. Aaron panicked and grabbed the curtain, managing to pull it a bit, revealing sunlight in the process. It beamed down on Kay, causing her to scream in agony and explode in a mighty shower of dust.

"Hasta la vista," Aaron said, ignoring the pile of dust and reaching for another dirty magazine to read. The ghost of Kay roared angrily, swearing to haunt Aaron for as long as he lived, then jumped through the window and flew away in the form of a ghostly bat.

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-----MAGMASHIPPING-----------

-----------IS-----------------------------

-----------PROOF--------------------

-----------THE-------------------------

---------WORLD---------------------

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---------HAVE-----------------------

--------FUN!--------------------------

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**Special Feature Story**

_Ryuujoukohaku Kyoudai_

Felix ran down the street as fast as he possibly could, sweat trickling rapidly down his face. He was also screaming in sheer terror as his legs went as fast as possible. Adrenalin helped a lot. The reason that he was running down the street, screaming like this, was simple. His crazy, insane, fiery and temperamental younger sister was in a very, very bad mood and Felix had broken the number one rule. Never piss off Jenna when she was in a very, very bad move. Because of his mistake, she was probably trying to kill him right now as she pursued him along the street, eyes burning with rage. The only thing she needed to complete the effect was smoke coming from her nose and eyes, but of course that wasn't actually possible. People sometimes said Jenna had more than one time of the month, when she wasn't listening of course. Nobody felt like saving Felix either, lest they face Jenna's terrible wrath.

_I've got to get away from Jenna before she kills me for pissing her off!_ Felix panted heavily, his heartbeat roaring in his ears as he desperately tried to escape from his angry little sister. Jenna was always scary, but this time she was scarier than usual. He really shouldn't have made that sarcastic comment that somehow managed to piss her off so much this morning. _Where can I hide from her? Oh, I know! I'll just try that lamppost over there! She won't see me behind it, right?_

Jenna skidded to a halt, momentarily looking in disbelief as she saw Felix futilely try to hide behind the lamppost. Her confusion and surprise quickly faded away as her previous anger returned to her. He would pay for being sarcastic to her. Jenna lined herself up with the lamppost, plotting her trajectory, and then drew her sword. However, her crayon broke half-way through on the pavement, so she gave up and settled for charging at the lamppost instead with her short sword at the ready.

Her feet stamped rapidly over the pavement, coming closer and closer to the lamppost...

Felix tensed, sweating even more. She was coming. He was most definitely and utterly doomed.

Jenna ran faster, eyes narrowing as she came even closer to her target.

Felix realised what a stupid idea hiding behind a lamppost was.

Jenna continued to run.

Felix looked back and forth frantically, trying to seek out a better hiding place. Except, it was probably too late to even move now, so he was quite sure he was screwed.

Jenna almost reached the target, preparing to draw back her sword and then stab.

"Noooooooooo!"

Felix shuddered as he heard the sharp sound of sword meeting flesh and the soft thud of metal meeting with metal.

Blood trickled down the lamppost in dark red drops.

Jenna slowly looked up in bewilderment at her victim, who was pinioned to the lamppost by her own sword.

"Sheba," Jenna said, blinking up at her and looking surprised. "I didn't realise you had become suicidal."

"I couldn't let you do it!" Sheba gasped out.

"I was trying to defeat my enemy, the lamppost, and you interfered. Why did you do that?" Jenna pulled out the sword. Apparently, in the end, she had decided to take it out on the lamppost rather than her own brother. Well, she wasn't really that pissed off after all. Just annoyed enough to make him think that he was about to die.

Sheba fluttered down, feet meeting the pavement, and she fell to her knees, coughing up blood.

"No!" Felix knelt besides Sheba, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her into his arms, looking down in horror at her face. "Please, Sheba! Please, don't..."

"I'm so sorry. I gave up my life and in the end, it was for no good reason." Sheba fluttered her delicate lashes, already weakening from the nasty blow she'd taken in protecting the lamppost.

"What have I done? I cannot live with this!" Jenna yelled suddenly. She took one look at her sword and disgustedly flung it into the gutter, before hurrying to the side of the road and leaping into a purple and green car with orange splotches all over it. The car roared into life and hurtled away, spewing black smoke everywhere and causing pollution. People had tried to tell her to do something about that nasty looking smoke, but she either ignored them, yelled at them or burned them depending on the mood she was in.

"Sheba, don't die on me," Felix whispered, tears coursing down his face.

"Felix, please don't cry." Sheba reached up and wiped his tears away. "I want you to be happy for me. Live a full and happy life. Get married. Have children. Grow old. Keep your friends... close to you..." She gasped and closed her eyes, her breathing turning shallow.

"Don't go yet, Sheba!" Felix lifted her into a tight embrace across his lap and bowed his head. "I need you."

"Goodbye, Felix, and thank you." Sheba released her final breath.

"Noooooo! Sheba!" Felix screamed, preferring to mourn Sheba rather than wonder how a tiny gut wound could kill her so quickly. Jenna's sword really wasn't that big after all, it was mostly just used to scare people, not stab them to death. "You can't be... no, please don't be... Sheba... never again will you laugh, cry, get angry... I'm so sorry, Sheba. I shouldn't have let you..."

Felix stood up, holding Sheba, and walked into the middle of the road, where he kneeled again and held her close. A car drove past, the driver angrily honking his horn and yelling at him to get out of the road, calling him a complete lunatic in the process. Felix just ignored the driver.

"Where are you now?" Felix wondered, slightly distracted by the fact that for some reason he was now in the middle of the road. Why was he suddenly sitting in the middle of the road anyway? "Are you in the wind, caressing me with the gentle breeze? Sheba... I never even got the chance to tell you..."

The hooting of elephants sounded close by, and Felix began to palpitate. Now this was even scarier than Jenna trying to kill him after he'd made a careless mistake.

"I never got to tell you..."

A elephant appeared on the road and marched forwards, followed by a legion of his friends. For the sake of the story, let's call the elephants Mark, Jason, Matthew, Edward, Sam, Bill, Ben, Percy, Louis, Anna, Lisa, Marie, Jane, Isabel, Kate, Emily and Penny.

"That I..."

Mark looked at Felix with demonic red eyes as he marched even closer, certainly not intending to move aside. And his friends weren't either.

"Have an intense phobia of elephants," Felix whimpered. He looked squarely into Mark's eyes. "But, Sheba, because I owe it to you who thought you were protecting me but really just ended up shielding a lamppost, I'll let these nice elephants walk all over me. The worst thing that could possibly happen is that I..."

_**Squelch!**_

Felix was flattened into the ground as Mark, Jason, and their pals stomped all over him and Sheba. Strangely enough, once Penny had firmly stomped on the Venus Adept, the elephants vanished as if they had never been there in the first place.

Hours later, the Felix pancake peeled itself off the ground and cursed all elephants.

Unluckily, at the exact moment Felix sat up and cursed all elephants, a green and purple car with orange splotches reversed itself back onto him with a noisy squeal.

"Felix!" Jenna called, jumping out of the car. "Where are you? That's strange, I swore I could have seen him on the road a moment ago. I didn't just run over him, did I? Or am I just crazy and imagining things? I sure hope not."

"Could you please learn to drive a little more safely before you end up killing someone with your carelessness?" Felix crawled out from underneath the car weakly. He looked back, hoping to retrieve Sheba's body and gasped. "Sheba!"

"I'm not Sheba!" Jenna snapped crankily. "I'm Jenna! Huh? What's under there?" She kneeled besides Felix and stared in confusion, wondering what he was looking at. "It's called a road, Felix."

"Sheba's gone..." Felix said hopelessly. "Where has Sheba gone?"

"I can tell you." A raven-haired man wearing a yellow cloak appeared in the road, his red eyes glowing eerily.

"Red is such a cliché eye colour for evil people. So, are those just eye contacts or something?" Jenna got to her feet and stared at him, eyes widening as she noticed his appalling attire. Obviously, the concept of fashion was dead to him. "Um..."

"Look, flares are so out of fashion today." Felix stood next to her, looking at the villain. He was even wearing orange as well, with the yellow cloak! Maybe the man was blind, which would explain the strange looking clothes. "Wait, did you say you knew where Sheba had gone?"

"I will tell you, at a cost." The man chuckled, raising a clawed hand. "At the cost of your lives!" He took a few moments to laugh evilly, not noticing Felix and Jenna tiredly pull out bananas from behind their backs.

"_**COMBINATION BANANA CROSS SLASH!"**_

The evil guy, who will now never be named, gasped in stunned silence as he found himself sliced quarterly. His body was still holding itself together, only just.

"That was our special combo attack, Banana Cross Slash." Felix held up the innocent looking yellow fruit, looking very proud of himself. He had never bothered to wonder just how a soft fruit could cut.

"I have the Banana Vertical Slash and Felix has the Banana Horizontal Slash, and we can combine," Jenna said, not sure why they were bothering to explain things to a man who should have been dead already from that fatal blow. "That aside, who sent you?"

"MIALEX!" The guy screamed, as he fell apart and landed on the ground with bloody splats.

"Mialex?" Felix frowned. "Who would name their kid Mialex?"

"We've got to find this Mialex!" Jenna ran to the car and leaped in. "Come on!"

"You're going to drive?" Felix whimpered, as he slid into the passenger seat. He fastened the seatbelt extra carefully and screwed his eyes up, praying that at least if he was to die right now thanks to Jenna's reckless driving, he would see Sheba again.

"Let's GO!" Jenna slammed her foot on the accelerator. She took extra care to ram into the lamppost and reverse into a trashcan, not caring if she damaged the car in the process. Jenna then hurtled off at well over 120 mph, ignoring Felix's terrified whimpers as she weaved in and out of busy traffic and narrowly avoided killing innocent pedestrians on the street.

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"Hey, Sheba," Ivan looked up from the comic that he had just finished reading. Now he was bored and wanted to ask some pointless questions for the fun of it. "How many Adepts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

"The answer is quite simple," Sheba swirled around on her chair with wheels, from where she had been sitting at a desk and writing. She then leaned over, folding her hands neatly in her lap. "It takes one to pretend the lightbulb is mute, only for it to start talking after a prolonged absence."

"Lightbulbs don't talk." Ivan started.

"Silence, infidel!" Sheba snapped, glaring at him. "From now on, _I _make the rules!"

Ivan gulped and did as she ordered, shutting up. He didn't want to make her annoyed.

"One to put two holes in the lightbulb, just after it got repaired."

Ivan nodded sagely, recalling the telling of an incident with an unfortunate roof.

"One to shock anybody who accuses the lightbulb of being too small."

Ivan frowned, eyebrows knitting together. He hated it when people called him short and was quite sure they deserved the punishment he gave them.

"One to heal the lightbulb."

Ivan raised an eyebrow. Any Mercury Adept could heal the lightbulb. What made Mia's healing particularly special? But he still didn't feel like arguing with Sheba over something so trivial, because she would most definitely get annoyed.

"One to hide the lightbulb for three years, then bring it out of hiding and try and disguise it as a different lightbulb altogether, only to be forced to reveal its true identity."

Ivan's other eyebrow shot upwards. Now this was starting to get silly.

"One to defend the lightbulb vehemently and claim it has no emotions, despite rumours it has just spent an hour angsting."

Ivan exhaled noisily. He was unaware that lightbulbs were capable of angsting, let alone having emotions.

"One to tease the lightbulb about liking another lightbulb, when it actually might like a different lightbulb altogether," Sheba said dismally.

Ivan hid a smirk with a carefully placed hand. The Madra Blushing Scene was now infamous among the group, but since Jenna was with Garet now, Sheba just looked like a complete fool in the process and she hated it.

"One to refuse to say how long the lightbulb has been there."

Ivan resisted the urge to accuse Sheba of trying too hard. Would Picard ever even tell them how old he was anyway?

"One to hide the lightbulb's evil scheme to take over the world."

Ivan opened his mouth, but a glare from Sheba stopped him from saying anything.

"Four to think they are trying to save the lightbulb, but are actually hindering its chances of salvation."

Ivan bristled in annoyance, but Sheba could be awfully violent, so he figured that it was best not to say anything. Still, they hadn't known the Wise One was misleading them all. It wasn't fair of her to insult them like that.

"And nine to save the lightbulb in the end."

"Sheba, I think-"

_**Clunk.**_

Sheba stepped over the unconscious Ivan, grabbed the comic and relocated to another part of the house to read it.

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Feizhi pressed the telephone receiver to her ear and listened. She had just received a piece of paper with '**Dial 1-800-987654**' written on it. So, of course, she had. Some operator had answered, telling her to hold. Right now, she was listening to salsa music. Personally, Feizhi thought they had strange taste.

"Hello, you have reached Adepts with Disorders Helpline." A chirpy voice greeted Feizhi, and her jaw dropped. What, so she was supposed to be an Adept with a disorder, was she? Feizhi swore she was going to find the person who had sent her that piece of paper and teach them a lesson with her karate.

"If you suffer from temporary muteness, press 1."

Feizhi shook her head. What was that about?

"If you suffer from overprotectiveness, press 2."

Feizhi blinked. Being overprotective was a disorder, was it?

If you suffer from idiocy, press 3."

_Now who would press 3? _Feizhi wondered sceptically. She doubted anyone was willing to even think they were an idiot, let alone go ahead and admit it.

"If you suffer from lack of self-confidence, press 4."

_I'm pretty confident of myself._ Feizhi smiled. But, was it just her, or were these so-called disorders awfully random?

"If you suffer from lack of anger management, press 5."

Feizhi wondered who would be brave enough to deal with angry, uncontrollable Adepts.

"If you suffer from guessing the wrong pairings, press 6 to alert Mudshippers and Flameshippers to your presence."

_Mudshippers? Flameshippers? What...?_

"If you suffer from being an obnoxious brat who won't tell people your age, press 7 to call the OBHL."

_OBHL? _Feizhi was well beyond the realm of extremely confused now.

"If you suffer from overworking, press 8."

Feizhi sighed in impatience. She wasn't even sure why she was doing this.

"If you suffer from megalomaniacal tendencies, press 9."

Feizhi smirked. People suffering megalomaniacal tendencies would not last long if they tried to attack her. At least, that's what she thought. She was very confident of her scary karate abilities, that could even make people run screaming from the Xian dojo.

"If you suffer from psychosis, press 0."

Feizhi numbly jabbed the big, round 0 with her index finger. Right now, the voices were telling her that a colony of ants were under attack, and she was getting sick of them. Why would she even care about a colony of ants in the first place?

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_I'm afraid that's it for this chapter! Fear not, there will be more where this came from! I will be continuing the little segment with the siblings, it will be fun to have chaptered segments in each chapter of the story, won't it? So, stay tuned for the next chapter of Golden Insanity and the next instalment of Ryuujoukohaku Kyoudai! Or, translated into English, fiercely fighting siblings!_

_That's all, folks, please leave your reviews at the door. I'll be back!_


	2. Chapter 2

**__**

Golden Insanity

__

That's right, everyone, I'm back already with a brand new instalment of Golden Insanity! The rare breed of fanfic spawned off Coca-cola, Chocolate creme Oreos, and cherry flavoured Kool-aid, a recipe for disaster!

In the last chapter, we had Ryuujoukohaku Kyoudai part one, lightbulbs, a vampire, and a telephone operating service! What craziness will ensue in chapter two? Oh, wow, I just spoke in rhyme, but this isn't the time... for that.

-THERE'S-

-A-

-REASON-

-WHY-

-VALE-

-IS-

-IN-

-VALENTINE!-

"I'm going to show you just how much I've improved as a Djinn Trainer. We'll definitely win this battle together, Flint. Go!" Isaac held up a blue and brown coloured sphere which he hurled into the air. It opened up and yellow light streamed out, hitting the ground and taking on the form of a Venus Djinni. The ball, frozen in mid-air, flew into Isaac's hand and he took a step back, glancing at the Venus Djinni who was happily bouncing up and down, anticipating the battle that was to come.

"Fli, Flint!" Flint squeaked in an excited sounding voice.

"Heh, you shouldn't get so cocky, Isaac. I'll become a Djinn Master before you ever do." Garet took out a red and yellow ball. He had a confident smirk on his face. The young Adept was not concerned about losing this battle in the least. "Come on out, Forge!" The Mars Djinni emerged from the ball in an aura of bright orange light and sat on the ground, regarding Flint with a cool stare. Garet caught the ball as it came back to him.

"It's nice to have confidence, but don't forget to keep your cool in battle. That is the key to winning." Ivan spun a lilac and periwinkle ball expertly on his finger before he tossed it up into the air. "I choose you, Gust!" It opened up with a burst of purple light which streamed forth and Gust appeared, spiralling through the air. It proceeded to fly in dizzy circles around Ivan's head while he caught the ball as it came back. Ivan watched his Djinni's movements, trying to keep it in his sights, but it was going too fast and trying to watch it just made him feel dizzy. Gust eventually fluttered down to the ground.

"Gust, gust!" the Jupiter Djinni chirped.

"Forge!" the Mars Djinni retorted loudly.

"Flint, flint!" Flint cried out.

"Isaac, do you even know what they are saying?" Garet asked, staring in confusion at the three Djinn. The small creatures were now warily circling around each other. It seemed that they were having some kind of conversation with each other, though the Adepts had no idea what they could actually be talking about. At any rate, it looked like they understood they were about to go into battle with each other.

"I really have no clue," Isaac replied. "Where's your Djinni, Mia?"

"I was just getting to that." Mia stepped forward, cupping a blue and pink ball in one hand. "Go for it, Fizz!" she called out. In response to her call, the ball burst open, blue light pouring out of it and hitting the ground where it formed the shape of Fizz, the Mercury Djinni.

"Fizz!" The Mercury Djinni sat up and released a long stream of water in its mouth, scattering itself with water droplets. It then shook itself dry. Fizz could actually be a bit of a show off.

"Okay, let's battle now!" Ivan punched the air enthusiastically. "Time for a double team battle."

Isaac and Mia stood next to each other, facing their opponents, Ivan and Garet. The Djinn took their places in front of their respective trainers.

"Flint, Stone Cleaver attack!" Isaac ordered, pointing dramatically.

"Fliiiiint!" Flint howled out as it leaped up into the air. A stone club appeared before the Djinni and then it came swooping down to smash onto Gust's head. Gust released a squeak of pain as it was hit and it started to fly around in circles, dazed by the heavy blow that had just been dealt to its head.

"It's alright, Gust, don't let them get away with it!" Ivan shouted out. "I know that you can win this. Now use your Wind Gust attack!"

"Guuuust!" Gust hollered, quickly recovering from the attack and flying toward Flint. At the last minute it swerved away and flapped its little wings furiously. The movement stirred up large gusts of wind which flew at the Venus Djinni, buffeting it from all sides.

"Are you okay, Flint?" Isaac asked.

"Flint..." Flint growled, getting to its feet. It didn't appear to have been hurt too badly from the attack.

"Good job, Gust!" Ivan called out to the little Djinni, who flew back to him.

"Fizz, restore Flint's HP!" Mia commanded.

"Fizz, fizz," Fizz said in a calm voice, turning around to face the other Djinni. It glowed softly and then a soft sprinkle of water splashed onto Flint's body. Somehow, this was supposed to recover its HP and Flint did look a little better afterwards.

"Forge, uh..." Garet hesitated, remembering that Forge was not supposed to be an attacking Djinni. He had actually forgotten that. When it came to Djinn battles, he seriously needed to pick better Djinn to send out. Forge's power was to raise attacks, so it was only really useful in Double Team battles. All he could really do was help Ivan out. "Um, raise Gust's attack power."

"Hmm, it's just occurred to me that we may be at a disadvantage here." Ivan frowned, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. Both sides had one attacking Djinni, which at least was good, but when it came to a Djinni that could raise attack versus a Djinni who could heal, the latter was definitely the better choice. Even if Gust had stronger attack, it could still lose all its health points while Flint would be constantly rejuvenated by Fizz. At this rate, their Djinn would be knocked out while Isaac's and Mia's Djinn would be in good health.

"Honestly, Garet, couldn't you have sent out a better Djinni?" Isaac shrugged his shoulders and gave his head a weary shake. "I actually wanted a proper challenge for a change. It's a rather one-sided battle, wouldn't you say?"

"Sorry." Garet looked rather sheepish. "I sent out the first Djinni I thought of without really thinking about it."

"Prepare for a little trouble!"

"You can bet your life that's double!"

"We're saving the world from devastation!"

"And the ignorant people in every nation!"

"To emphasise the beauty of truth and love!"

"We're reaching for the Elemental Stars above."

"Menardi!"

"Saturos!"

"Team Prox, blast off at speed and light!"

"Back off now or prepare to fight!"

"Alex! That's right!"

Isaac, Garet, Ivan and Mia turned around to stare in disbelief at the newcomers. Saturos and Menardi were standing in there, clad in their uniforms. Saturos and Menardi both wore white shirts, the man wearing black pants and the woman wearing a particularly short black skirt. Bright pink Ps had been emblazoned on their shirts. Alex was standing just behind them. Though he was part of their team, for some reason, he didn't wear a uniform. Instead, he had cat ears perched on his head and was dressed up in a beige cat suit with a long tail stitched onto the backside. Alex was red in the face and judging by his expression, he wanted nothing more than to die of shame right there and then.

"You know, I don't understand that line. Blast off at speed and light what, exactly?" Mia inquired, recalling Fizz into its ball. Isaac, Garet and Ivan did the same with their Djinn, just in case the team felt like helping themselves to their Djinn. "It sounds like a really poor attempt to rhyme."

"The lighthouses, duh!" Menardi rolled her eyes, then threw an annoyed glare at the younger girl. She didn't much appreciate their motto being insulted. "Like, wasn't that totally obvious or something?"

Mia slowly shook her head, her mouth hanging open. She couldn't even begin to dignify Menardi's question with an answer. Just how could she think leaving a sentence unfinished was a good idea? Clearly, their motto was all about rhyming, but surely they could have done better than that. It was terrible.

"Pink? Seriously?" Garet was gaping as well, his gaze fixed on the very bright and very obvious pink Ps. Sure, it was fine that Menardi had a pink letter on her shirt. Anyway, she did have pink skin. But Saturos having a pink P on his own shirt was just silly. Was he trying to get in touch with his feminine side? As far as Garet was concerned, Saturos and pink just did not go together.

"It was Menardi's idea!" Saturos snapped crossly, knowing full well what Garet was getting at. "And you only argue with Menardi if you have a death wish or something!"

"So, what do you want with us?" Ivan asked, though he already had a good idea of what they were really after.

"Like, we want the Mars Star!" Menardi pointed a carefully manicured fingernail at Isaac. "So, give it to us, boy, or you will totally regret it, you know?"

"Oh, I know." Isaac folded his arms and nodded, wearing a very calm expression on his face. Even though these menacing looking warriors with red eyes and pointy ears were ready to try and take something from them, he wasn't particularly worried. "But I'm not giving you the Mars Star."

"Why do I have to wear these stupid cat ears?" Alex whined, his shoulders slumping over. He threw evil glares at Saturos and Menardi's backs. It was all their fault that he had to wear this dumb outfit and he hated it.

"What? Are you retarded or something? Like, you know we're trying to save the world and our hometown, so I said! Give us that Mars Star, like, right now!" Menardi demanded, clenching a fist. If he didn't hand it over, she swore she was going to hurt him.

"Like, your accent is totally annoying," Garet spoke up. "Can you please stop using the word like all the time?"

"You idiot!" Saturos gasped, looking at Garet in shock. He had actually said something negative about Menardi to her face! Yes, he was definitely doomed now. "Do you have a death wish or something?"

"Isaac, why don't you get rid of them?" Mia smiled somewhat calmly, perhaps a bit too calmly in Isaac's direction. "After all, I hate to be around Alex too long. He gives me violent urges and once I start, it's really difficult to stop."

Alex smirked, his miserable expression fading away as he saw the chance to mock her. "Everybody will soon know that you aren't really the sweet and innocent girl you pretend to be!" he cackled, pointing at her. "Just you wait! I am going to expose your dark and deadly secrets! It's only a matter of time before I find out the easiest way to do it."

"Me?" Mia's eyes grew to the size of saucers and her bottom lip quivered. "But what are you talking about? I am a nice girl, I would never hurt anybody." Tears formed at the corners of her eyes and she let out a loud sniff.

"You made Mia cry." Isaac lowered his head, gritting his teeth. His hands bunched into fists. "You will regret that."

"Like, how?" Menardi raised her eyebrow, placing her hands on her hips. She sincerely doubted these annoying twerps could make her regret anything.

"Oh dear." Ivan smiled widely. "You've made Isaac very mad now."

"Uh oh, we've made Isaac very mad now." Saturos gulped. It didn't sound good.

Isaac's body pulsed with a soft golden light and then he raised a hand in the air. "GRAND GAIA!"

Saturos, Menardi and Alex could feel the ground start to shake beneath them. They looked down, gasping in horror as a pillar of golden light burst out of the ground. The ground shook even more and then there was an explosion. The trio was sent flying into the air.

"TEAM PROX'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"

****

Ping.

-LUCKY-

-DICE-

-IS-

-FOR-

-GAMBLING-

-ADDICTS!-

"Why don't we show off our Psynergy to the Djinn for absolutely no reason other than we just feel like it? After all, what is the worst thing that could possibly happen?"

Ivan soon found out. He had been feeling very bored one day and tended to think up incredibly random suggestions when bored, so he made a random suggestion to the other Adepts, who were feeling just as bored as the young Jupiter Adept was, so they went along with his suggestion and decided to show off their Psynergy to the Djinn. The Djinn didn't really care but agreed to watch the Psynergy show anyway even if they weren't going to see anything new.

Isaac swore that what had happened after that just didn't make any sense at all. Even if it did make sense, it was still the freakiest of freak accidents to ever happen. He could even begin to wrap his mind round it.

Mia wasn't bothered by the near impossibility of it happening. It had happened and that was all that mattered, so who really cared if it made any sense? Arguing about it was not going to change anything.

Sheba wondered if it was possible to avenge her Djinn, but she didn't really know who to blame. After all, it had just been a very unfortunate accident. Jenna, on the other hand, was quick to blame everyone except for herself in her vehement rage. Now how could she summon Meteor and destroy things? Garet blamed Jenna for what had happened and nobody else, not even himself, despite his part in the freak accident.

The other Adepts had been foolish enough to listen to Ivan's plan and decided that Jenna should get to show off first. Well, actually, Jenna had bossed them all into letting her go first and few of them were brave enough to even think about arguing with Jenna. She was keen to show them her most powerful fire Psynergy, as she was quite proud of it. All seventy two of the Djinn had been assembled together and were standing in front of her. The others were a little worried about Jenna using her most powerful Psynergy but they knew how stubborn she could be so they didn't bother trying to persuade her otherwise. Garet was standing just behind Jenna, keen on showing some of his fire Psynergy as well when he was done. Jenna had held out her hand toward the Djinn and for a terrifying moment, the little elemental spirits thought she was going to burn _them_.

At that moment, a moth went fluttering by and Garet turned around to stare at it. It was a very distracting moth and anyway it wasn't like he wanted to watch the show. He saw enough of her fire Psynergy in battle, or when she was in a really bad mood. Jenna conjured up a large fireball in her palm which was definitely not meant to burn the innocent Djinn. Just then, Garet had accidentally let out a very strong fart. This, in turn, caused the fireball in Jenna's hand to explode and engulf the entire room in a ball of flame.

The Djinn never did see it coming. All they were able to do was stare in wide horror as the fire spread out through the room in a fiery ball of death. Their horror only lasted a couple of seconds as the flames washed over their bodies. The combined force of Garet's gas and Jenna's fire had turned out to be a mighty and terrifying power that nobody would ever want to see again.

It was very fortunate that the Adepts had not been consumed by the deadly fire. They would have been, had it not been for their Psynergy, which had swiftly formed shining blue domes around them, shielding their bodies from the explosion. Isaac, Garet and Ivan were very shocked to see this long forgotten plot device that they had only ever seen in action once pop up to protect them. The secret to these Psynergy domes was obvious now. They were really just a deus ex machina Camelot had thought up to help them not turn into trees, and had now appeared again to stop them all from burning to a crisp so that the plot wasn't ruined.

The fires eventually died down and the smell of gas faded away. Now that the Adepts were safe, the Psynergy domes faded away and they looked around at the scene of destruction. The room had been completely destroyed by the explosion. Where the Djinn had once been, they now saw tiny charred bodies. It appeared that Djinn did not have Psynergy domes of their own. Nobody could understand how elemental spirits that could turn into light and even go into an Adept's body had managed to die in a fire. It just seemed too strange.

The Adepts frantically tried to revive their fallen Djinn, but to no avail. They were all dead and nothing could be done.

And so, that was how they came to be walking along a road, all of them dressed in black. Felix was at the front of the group, carrying a large box in his arms. It was this box that contained the bodies of the Djinn. They were searching for a cemetery where the Djinn could be put to rest.

"It just doesn't make any sense," Isaac said for what wasn't the first time. "Are Djinn supposed to be able to die? These are elemental spirits that spent thousand of years sealed away inside freaking statues."

"And just how could the Mars Djinn burn to death?" Garet asked. "It seems totally ridiculous. I mean, fire is their element for crying out loud!"

"How could we end up burning our own Djinn?" Jenna swallowed heavily. Her face was drawn with guilt. Even if she was blaming everyone else except herself, she did feel guilty about the whole thing. Had she not conjured up that fireball the moment Garet farted, the Djinn would still be alive today.

"Oh, are you blaming both of us now?" Garet asked.

"You just had to fart, didn't you? Why couldn't you have held it in?" Jenna gave him a sharp look.

"That's enough, you two," Mia said quickly before they started arguing. "It's nobody's fault that the Djinn were killed. It was just a nasty freak accident and the Djinn happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Blaming each other won't bring them back."

"But can't I even blame the moth?" asked Garet.

"No!"

"Hey, I don't think we've ever seen that sign before." Sheba came to a sudden stop and pointed. Everyone else stopped as well and turned to look where she was pointing. They saw a dusty gravel path winding its way up a grassy hill. At the very top of the hill they could see a large iron gate with a fence. That was as far as they could see, so they read the sign sitting next to the path. It read:

****

PET SEMATARY.

"Oh, for crying out loud! It's not that hard to spell!" Ivan snapped in annoyance, pulling a black marker out of nowhere. He stomped up to the sign and crossed out Sematary, and wrote a new word underneath it, so now the sign read anew:

****

PET CEMETERY.

"Huh, there's a cemetery for pets?" Mia read it again, her brow knitting thoughtfully. The Djinn might not ever have thought themselves of pets, but they certainly weren't people either. "That's convenient, isn't it? I know they weren't pets, but, let's face it, putting them in a proper cemetery would be a bit odd."

"They did sort of look like animals," Picard said. "Very strange looking ones, though, but yeah. I don't think the Djinn would mind if we buried them here."

"Huh, I wonder why we never saw this sign or path before? It's rather attention grabbing, don't you think?" Isaac's eyes narrowed. How could they not have noticed such a creepy looking hill and this misspelt sign? "Have we not gone this way in the past?"

"Eh, who cares?" Garet shrugged. "We can just bury the Djinn in this place among all the other dead pets and the Djinn ghosts can frolic about on this creepy hill with the cat, dog and bunny ghosts."

Everyone gave Garet strange looks, feeling a bit disturbed by his bizarre imagination. Still, none of them were averse to the idea of burying the Djinn in the cemetery and so they set off along the path up the hill. Garet almost wanted to stay behind, since the hill was pretty creepy, but he could hardly miss out on the burial of his own Djinn. Everyone would probably disapprove of him staying behind for that matter. Weirdly enough, the grass on the hill was dead and the trees at the top were all bare, despite the fact that it was the middle of spring. What was up with that?

The Adepts reached the gate, which had been left open and was creaking noisily despite the fact there was barely any wind. They didn't let this spooky fact deter them from their mission however and looked through the gaps in the iron railings. It didn't look like a true cemetery, as there were no gravestones. Instead, there were crudely made graves where people had laid their pets down to rest. Many of these graves had been marked with sheets of paper, weighed down with stones to prevent them from blowing away.

"It looks like a lot of people came here to bury their pets," Sheba said. "I wonder if they were children?"

"That would explain the misspelt sign," Ivan said tartly.

Isaac pulled the gate open and stepped inside. The other Adepts followed him in and they made their way carefully through the rows of graves, taking great care not to step on Flopsy, Muffy, Pookie, Rover, Twinkle or Cottontail. They found a lone spot at the back where the earth had yet to be disturbed.

"This looks like a good spot to bury them," Jenna observed. "Nobody's even dug here yet."

"Let's come back to visit them often, okay?" Mia spoke.

"Yeah, of course we will," said Isaac. "We couldn't very well bury them here and then forget about them."

"Alright, time to start digging." Garet lifted up his shovel and drove it into the earth. Within minutes, a three foot deep hole had been dug into the earth and the box of Djinn was placed into it. The earth was then piled back on and stomped flat. Now that the grave had been made, they just had to think about what they were going to put on it.

"Why don't we find some stones and use them to spell out 'Djinn'?" Sheba suggested. "I don't think putting down their individual names would be very practical."

"No need to find any. Why don't we try this?" Isaac cast Stone Spire, and from the large chunks of stone the Psynergy created, he took a slab and placed it upon the grave. "Now, Ivan, how about using that marker of yours to spell the word Djinn?"

Ivan did as he asked and wrote out 'Djinn' in large, clear words. Now the grave was complete and the Djinn were at rest.

"Should we say something?" Felix asked as they continued to stand and stare at the newly made grave.

"Sorry we burned you to a crisp?" Jenna suggested.

"I swear to get revenge on you and destroy all moths," Garet said with a very serious expression on his face.

"Swearing revenge isn't a very healthy thing to do," Mia said in a concerned tone. "Why don't you try to think about happy things? Like bunnies. I think we should all do that."

"I still don't understand how elemental spirits, who spent hundreds, maybe even thousands of years, sealed in statues can die," Isaac stated.

"Yes, Isaac, you have made that quite clear," Sheba said.

"I guess we haven't got anything else to say to the Djinn then?" Picard asked.

"Doesn't look like it. Let's get out of this creepy place as soon as we can," Felix suggested.

The wind howled eerily through the trees, as the Adepts turned and left the lonely grave of the Djinn behind them.

If you think the story ends here, you've obviously not read a certain book by Stephen King.

How long had it been now? A week? Garet found himself losing track of time pretty easily. It was so confusing not having the Djinn around in battle anymore, and he wasn't the only one who thought so. Everybody kept shouting for their Djinn to jump into action before remembering that the Djinn were actually dead. They also greatly missed being able to summon. All that hard work involved in getting Catatstrophe, Azul, Daedalus and Iris was completely wasted now. What was the use in having awesome and powerful summons when the Djinn were dead and couldn't even use them?

It had been a whole week since the death of the Djinn and the Adepts were still staying at the town near the Pet Cemetary, somewhat reluctant to leave the burial place of the Djinn behind so soon. They all freely admitted it. What nobody ever bothered to admit was that none of them had gone near the grave at all, let alone the hill. It was just too creepy a place to be going alone and nobody had felt like rallying them together on a group visit either. Now they were walking back to the town after a dull battle session against monsters. Battling wasn't much fun without summons.

Jenna became aware of Garet coming to a sudden halt while they were just outside the town. While the others went onwards to the town, she stopped and turned around to walk back to Garet. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah... but I feel weird." Garet frowned. "I have this odd feeling we're being watched. Don't you feel it?"

"Maybe you should get some rest," Jenna said sympathetically, patting Garet on the shoulder and flashing him a sad smile before walking back into the town.

"Garet! Hey, Garet!"

Garet turned around in amazement at the sound which he hadn't heard in a week. It was the clamouring of seventy-two Djinn. But... it couldn't be!

"Huh, it's really you?" Garet exclaimed as the Djinn came hopping over to him, his eyes widening. Was he hallucinating? "But I thought you were all dead!"

"Not any more." Forge did a giddy dance. "We came back somehow."

"Uh." Garet fell silent, taking his time in processing this news. "You're really back? It's not a dream?"

"Not exactly, I mean... we're sort of back, I suppose," Flint answered.

"Sort of?" Garet exclaimed, raising an eyebrow. "Just go and rejoin everybody already!"

"That's not what we came back for," Echo said ominously.

"No? Then what did you come back for?" Garet asked.

"VENGEANCE!" Shade yelled, wielding a knitting needle.

Garet's jaw dropped in horror as he saw them all produce knitting needles, despite the fact they didn't even have arms or hands, and march toward him, eyes glinting darkly.

"We're going to kill you and everybody else!" Gasp cackled maniacally.

"Noooooo!" Garet screamed, turned and fled back into the town.

The Djinn stopped, put away the knitting needles and looked at each other in exasperation, before hurrying away into the bushes to concoct a grand master plan, which they would unfortunately not be able to carry out since it interfered with the plot.

"I must be imagining things," Garet whimpered, as he walked through the town. He briefly noticed Isaac standing next to a tree, and... was there a beaver gnawing through the tree? Isaac did not seem to have noticed the beaver or the tree being chewed through either, he was too busy staring at a nearby bunny. Things were getting weirder by the second. Garet looked away, then froze as he heard a creak. He turned around slowly and gasped as the tree started to fall down toward Isaac. Isaac looked up at the tree and screamed.

****

Crack.

And then there were seven...

Garet whimpered, tossing and turning in bed. Mia's cooking had gotten worse in the two days since Isaac died, but that wasn't the cause of his difficulty in sleeping. He was having nightmares about Isaac. The Venus Adept had been buried in a corner of the town, until the Adepts could be bothered to go and ask Dora and Kyle where they wanted him buried. The traumatised young Mars Adept was frequently suffering from dreams about the accident. Sometimes, instead of staring in disbelief at the beaver and turning away, he was running towards Isaac and the tree, screaming out his name, pushing him out of the way just as the tree fell. It was nice to be in a little dream world where the accident had just been his twisted imagination.

Garet jolted awake from the dream, somewhat reluctantly, and a very strange thought occurred to him.

"If the Djinn were revived in the Pet Cemetery then Isaac could be too!" Garet whispered in a hushed voice, his eyes gleaming with excitement. He swiftly put a coat and boots on, and snuck out of the inn. Garet walked across the town to Isaac's grave and dug it up, feeling very relieved that the grave was shallow. It took much less time to dig Isaac out. The Venus Adept's body had been wrapped in a thick blanket, which Garet was also relieved for. He didn't want to know what Isaac looked like two days after dying. Hopefully he wouldn't still look like that after becoming alive again. Garet hefted the body over his shoulder and hurried out of the town to the hill, making his way to the Pet Cemetery.

Once there, Garet ignored the wind's fierce howling or the rustling of the branches. What he was doing was admittedly far more creepy than the hill's freaky sound effects. He hurriedly dug up a new shallow grave and tossed Isaac in.

"You sure got stinky since you died," Garet muttered, pushing the earth back on top of Isaac's body. "Come back soon, okay?"

Garet hurried back to the town and returned to his bed, glad to see that nobody had discovered his absence in the time he was gone. He hoped Isaac would return before everyone woke up in the morning and found that his grave had been emptied in the night.

The following morning, an anguished cry split the air. Mia fell to her knees next to Isaac's grave and sobbed her heart out. The others came running and gathered around the sobbing Mercury Adept, seeing the empty grave for themselves. Garet felt very afraid when Felix swore he would gut whoever did it and decapitate them with their own intestines.

"Who could have done such a barbaric thing?" Picard wondered. "This is inhuman. I cannot believe anybody could be capable of this."

"Isaac, where are you?" Mia wailed. "Come back!"

"Sheba and I could read people's minds and find out if anybody knows what happens," Ivan suggested.

"That's right, we can do that," Sheba said brightly. "Good idea. We'll find this sick criminal and make them pay!"

"Then go and do it," Jenna ordered. "Be quick."

However, by evening, Ivan and Sheba had found out nothing. It didn't help that the perpetrator was one of the last people they would even have considered suspecting so of course they never even tried to read his mind.

Seeing the shocked, upset and angry looks on his friends' faces made Garet feel a bit bad, but he just had to remind himself it was necessary and they would be happy when Isaac returned, alive. How long would it be before he came back to life?

Jenna found out. She was taking a leisurely stroll through the town after supper, when she saw a familiar figure. Her pulse quickened as she thought she recognised him, but she reminded herself that Isaac was dead...

However, as he came closer, Jenna blinked and rubbed her eyes. There was no denying it. It was definitely him.

"Isaac? How?" Jenna asked doubtfully. "I thought you were dead. And your body..." The body had disappeared, and for a crazy moment, she wondered if they had buried Isaac alive. But then, why would he have disappeared after digging himself out? He would have told everyone he was fine. Besides, the grave had been undisturbed for two days, and he would surely have suffocated lying in the earth for that long.

"Hey, Jenna, I've got a surprise for you!" Isaac said brightly, smiling. He sure looked happy for someone who had been dead for two days.

"This is enough of a surprise. So, why are you even..." Jenna broke off, her eyes widening in shock as Isaac raised the Sol Blade and lunged. For some odd reason, he had been buried with it. She didn't even have time to scream as he ran it through her. For some reason, the cemetery made its residents psychotically insane but Garet hadn't realised it.

Jenna had barely been lying there half an hour, having bled to death ages ago, when Garet stumbled upon her body and screamed. For a second, he wondered why people wandering around the town had paid no attention to the body lying in a pool of blood, but then concentrated on the most important matter at hand, which was obviously Jenna lying in a pool of blood. He gathered Jenna up into his arms and cried bitterly, when he found no life at all in her.

"No, Jenna!" Garet cried, tears streaming down his face. "I'm so sorry this had to happen to you... I'll bury you in the Pet Cemetery. You'll be alive again. Just wait." He hurried out of the town, racing towards the cursed hill with the body. Garet hastily buried her and returned, pretending to know nothing when everybody started asking about Jenna and her whereabouts. For some reason, they never noticed the pool of dried blood. Strangely enough, Isaac had disappeared again. What was up with that?

The next morning, Garet was playing Solitaire with a pack of cards when the door swung open and a familiar teenage girl stepped in, wearing an evil look on her face as she looked straight at Garet.

"_Darling,_" Jenna hissed, placing a hand on Garet's shoulder and looking psychotically insane.

"Jenna, your breath stinks," Garet complained, not realising she was psychotically insane and he was about to die horribly.

-ALEX-

-IS-

-SLEEPING-

-WITH-

-THE-

-FISHES!-

****

Special Feature Story

__

Ryuujoukohaku Kyoudai

Felix cringed in the seat, holding his hands over his ears while Jenna sang along to the country music playing on the radio. She had appalling taste in music. He couldn't complain about it though, she would turn the volume up if he did.

The car careered out of the town, and the residents sighed in relief now that the particularly dangerous eyesore was gone. Felix looked sadly out of the window as trees and small cottages whizzed past, thinking of Sheba. Was she alive right now or still dead? Why would someone take away a body anyway? A startled yell from Jenna alerted him. He looked out of the front window and was surprised as he saw a little girl in the path of the car, simply standing right in the centre of the road.

Jenna twisted the steering wheel around sharply and the car went spinning off the road into a nearby forest. She continued yelling as she swerved through trees and even crossed a ditch. Eventually, she stopped and let out a sigh of relief.

"Should we go back and give that girl a lollipop or something?" Jenna asked.

"No!" Felix whimpered. "If you get driven off the road by a mysterious person standing in your way, you never go to talk to them! People always have a purpose for doing stuff like that! It happens all the time in those scary movies!"

"You're so paranoid, Felix." Jenna ran a hand through her hair. "We do have to find Mialex..."

"We're in the middle of a forest." Felix sighed. "We could be lost... at least there's no-one else here, right?"

Jenna turned her head and screamed as somebody suddenly looked right through the window at her. She stomped on the accelerator and the car roared into life, bearing the terrified siblings away from their possible attacker.

"I was only going to ask if you wanted cookies." The girl scout sighed miserably, looking sadly at her box of cookies.

"I knew it. I am going to die early!" Felix yelled, as Jenna navigated the car into a small clearing.

"If you don't stop yelling, you might!" Jenna snapped. "Well, it's getting dark now. I don't think we should be driving through a forest in the dark."

"I can't see a thing," Felix complained, as Jenna turned the engine off. "What, we're going to sleep in the car?"

"You don't have to sleep, Felix." Jenna crawled into the back seat and rolled over. "I'm going to sleep. Try not to wake me up if you get too scared."

"I'm scared," Felix whispered, as he closed his eyes and thought of Sheba again to try and calm himself. He then tried to think of his favourite foods and things that he liked doing to try and get rid of his fear of being in the middle of a dark forest in the evening and even all night.

Little did the siblings know, as they dropped off to sleep in the atrociously coloured car, that some very hungry bears were prowling around the car. They lay down besides it and fell asleep, anticipating breakfast. Let's just say they'd already eaten.

_"Sheba! You're alive!" Felix exclaimed, as he saw Sheba come walking towards him._

They stood on a path, suspended above empty darkness. The path was lit with lights. Sheba wore a gown and glowed with an eerie light.

"Felix," Sheba spoke in a whispery, echoing voice. "You must accept this quest. Find the villain known as Mialex. Find Mialex."

"Are you alive?" Felix grasped at Sheba, but his hand fell through air.

"That is for me to know and for you to not." Sheba closed her eyes and smiled serenely. "But, I can say this. Keep searching. You cannot fail."

"Sheba..." Felix fell to his knees. "Please don't leave me again."

"You must find courage and strength in the face of despair," Sheba said. "And, Felix, did you know that white elephants are considered holy in Thailand?"

"What has that got to do with anything?" Felix asked.

"Elephants also kill 300-400 humans per year."

"I knew there was something dodgy about elephants!"

"Well, what do you expect when humans destroy their habitat and use their tusks for crockery?"

"Sheba, is this real?"

"Just remember... REMEMBER! Remember!"

"Remember what?" Felix asked, feeling considerably freaked out as Sheba floated up into the sky and turned into a huge cloud.

"REMEMBER TO FIND MIALEX!"

-FLAMESHIPPING-

-IS-

-THE-

-ONE-

-TRUE-

-PAIRING-

-OH AND-

-MUDSHIPPING-

-TOO-

"Mia!" Isaac shouted, beating his fists furiously on the glass wall that stood between him and the girl he loved. She was tied to a chair with a gag wrapped around her face, staring back at him with wide eyes. "I'm going to get you out of there somehow, I swear to it!"

A mysterious figure suddenly warped into the room without warning and marched purposefully toward Isaac. The blond drew his sword and assumed a defensive stance.

"So you have come, Isaac." The mysterious figure stopped, regarding him with a cold smile. "I had no doubt that you would turn up with your lover in distress."

"Alex! I knew it was you!" Isaac swiped the sword through the air, his features creasing with fury.

"Release Mia at once, before I am forced to hurt you."

"Unfortunately, Isaac, I cannot give you Mia just yet," Alex said serenely, tossing back his flowing blue locks. "She has not been harmed, I can assure you. I merely needed bait to bring you here to me."

"Isaac, be careful!" Mia yelled, her gag conveniently slipping down. "It might be a trap!"

"I knew I should have tied that gag tighter." Alex sighed.

"Thanks, Mia, but I'm already prepared for that. It wouldn't be surprising if it he did set one up for me." Isaac rested a hand on the glass wall, staring fondly at the blue-haired maiden whom he was very much in love with. That was the reason for Alex kidnapping her, it seemed. "So, what do you want from me, Alex?"

"I want something very special." Alex pointed dramatically at Isaac. "And you have it!"

"What? What do I have?" Isaac glanced at his clothing, and his sword. "This sword isn't anything special, you know. And my clothes? You can't have them! They're mine! And so is my hair!" He thought about what he had just said and shook his head. His hair? Seriously, why would Alex even want to have Isaac's hair? That made no sense.

"Fool." Alex tutted, and shook his head, then crossed his arms and gave Isaac a condescending stare. "It is not those things that I desire. It is something else. If you give it to me, I will return Mia to you."

"Mia is far more important than anything I have." Isaac sighed dramatically, placing a hand over his heart and looking forlorn. "I will give you whatever it is you seek, if only I can have Mia returned to me."

"Very good." Alex walked towards Isaac and stood very close to him. "I desire..."

"Isaac, no!" Mia shouted. "I'm not worth it, whatever it is! Don't give in to Alex's selfish desires!"

"Mia, please, he's trying to be all dramatic and stuff." Isaac smiled patiently. "What is it, Alex?"

"I desire... your first edition copy of Lord of the Rings, supposedly signed by J.R.R. Tolkien himself," Alex breathed into Isaac's ear.

Isaac flinched and backed away, his eyes widening in shock. His face turned a few shades paler. He had not imagined that Alex could possibly want that in exchange for Mia.

"Will you give it to me in return for Mia?" Alex gave Isaac the pleading puppy dog look.

"Sorry, old pal." Isaac patted Alex on the shoulder before walking away. "It's just not worth it. Have a nice time with Mia, okay?"

"You... you may think you have won this round, but..." Alex shuddered with rage and shook a fist. "I'LL BE BACK!"

"What kind of a stupid plot was this anyway?" Mia spoke up. "Seriously, you went to the trouble of kidnapping me just to bring him to you so you could get his book? Why not just warp into his house and steal it when he isn't there?"

Alex suddenly had a violent desire to let her go anyway. No, he would keep her here, until Isaac realised what a grievous mistake he had made and gave the book to Alex in exchange for the girl that he loved.

Two months later, Isaac was snuggling down in his bed with a happy conscience. Occasionally he felt a slight twinge of guilt, but all he had to do was look at his precious copy of Lord of the Rings and he felt okay again. It was like drugs, but even better and healthier.

"Precious," Isaac murmured happily. "My own... it came to me..."

Isaac blinked sleepily. Any minute now, he might start dreaming that he was one of the Fellowship, on a journey to Mt. Mordor to destroy the One Ring. Actually, he dreamed about it every night. Sometimes he had nightmares where he was the Dark Lord Sauron, but then again, why anybody would consider this a nightmare is beyond us. Isaac wasn't into wearing pretty rings and scaring people anyway.

For a moment, Isaac's attention was diverted by the window. He wasn't sure why. It looked like any other window. Except dark blurs didn't appear in front of any other window and smash through it, sending glass flying everywhere with a thunderous crack.

Because that's exactly what happened.

Isaac yelled in shock and rolled out of bed, as the black clad figure sprang off the floor and landed neatly on the mattress before flipping over and pinning Isaac to the floor.

"Where is your signed copy of Lord of the Rings?" the mysterious person hissed into Isaac's ear.

"Under my pillow." Isaac gulped, eyes widening in his nervousness.

"Is it? Excellent." The person reached up and pulled a thick book out from underneath the pillow. They then proceeded to flip through the pages. Isaac paled visibly and prayed to the heavens that he wouldn't be found out...

"This isn't signed!" The person yelled in a high-pitched voice. They turned their hooded face towards Isaac and hissed. "Where is the signed copy?"

"It's... underneath that sticking up floorboard over there," Isaac whimpered.

"Thank you for your co-operation." The assailant got to their feet and walked over to the floorboard and wrenching it up. Isaac leaped to his feet and grabbed his nearby sword just as they grabbed the book and pulled a long dagger out of their scabbard, pointing it at Isaac.

"Are you... Alex?" Isaac asked tersely.

"Fool!" The mysterious attacker snarled, lunging forwards and knocking Isaac's sword aside. He somehow catapulted forwards and his hands brushed against something soft and round, right before a knee met with his stomach and the attacker jumped onto his back and sprang towards the window.

"Y... you're a... woman!" Isaac gasped out, as the mysterious thief turned to face him, standing in front of the window with his precious book.

"That's right, Isaac," the woman snapped, pulling off her hood. Long, blue hair spilled out over her shoulders.

"Mia!" Isaac exclaimed in disbelief. "Why?"

"You betrayed me!" Mia howled. "You abandoned me there all for the sake of a signed book!"

"You were the one who said not to give in to Alex!" Isaac cried.

"You still betrayed me!" Mia turned to the window.

"No!" Isaac screamed, running in slow motion towards Mia. He couldn't let that book fall into Alex's hands, It was a signed copy... he couldn't... no way... unfortunately, a slight error in speed and distance meant that Isaac ended up tackling Mia out of the window and they went flying with the book.

Mia screamed as the two plummeted towards the ground and squeezed her eyes shut.

Isaac gasped and quickly manoeuvred himself so that he landed on his back on the soft ground with Mia on top of him. The book landed safely with a soft thud on the grass.

"Isaac?" Mia shuddered as she looked at his face, screwed up in pain. "Why did you save me from the blow?"

"Because..." Isaac gritted his teeth. Pain was shooting up his spinal cord. It would probably be a while before he was capable of walking. "Because I still love you, Mia."

"Oh, Isaac." Mia's eyes welled up with tears. "I'm so sorry."

"I still love you too, book," Isaac whispered, closing his eyes. Mia frowned.

"Well, well, well." Alex walked towards the couple, smiling brightly. "What's this? Isaac's hurt, Mia's in a very interesting position and... my! The book is unguarded!"

"No!" Mia grabbed the book and leaped to her feet, backing away from Alex. "I cannot let you get it now! Not when Isaac risked his life for it!"

"Not even when his life is at risk?" Alex stepped towards Isaac's prone form, and an ice spear appeared in his hand. "Give me the book or I shall..."

"Eh, okay then." Mia shrugged and tossed the book to Alex, who neatly caught it.

"Thank you for your co-operation," Alex spoke stiffly, warping out and leaving Isaac and Mia alone.

"Heh." Isaac chuckled.

"What?" Mia stared in confusion at Isaac. "Your book's gone!"

"Do you really think he signed it 'Jay Ar Ar Tolkeen'? That was a joke copy Garet gave me a few years ago to try and make me think he'd given me an actual signed copy. Just another decoy. The real one's locked inside three safes." Isaac smiled.

"Well, geez." Mia sighed. "Talk about precautions."

"... Mia? Could you heal me please?" Isaac whimpered.

"Alright, FINE," Mia said sulkily, casting Pure Ply. "But you're not getting a romantic scene or anything."

"Aw, dagnabbit!"


	3. Chapter 3

_****_

Golden Insanity

Im back and fervently hoping nobody missed me! To tell the truth, Im not sure how long it could take between chapters it might be quick, or it might be slow. Oh well let the insanity roll!

I like bacon rolls.

Yeah.

Lets get on with the third chapter of Golden Insanity! In chapter two, we parodied Pokemon and Pet Sematary, and we had part two of our continuing story! But I shouldnt need to be telling you that! Maybe I just like talking eh

-GAIA-

-FALLS-

-IS-

-THE-

-NEW-

-LOVER'S-

-LEAP-

Picard was roused from his pleasant dreams at the unholy hour of 5am, a time when the sun still had yet to rise, by the loud screams of the demented fangirls who were gathered outside the building. The loud, constant rattle of pebbles striking against his window certainly did not help. The unfortunate Lemurian blinked sleepily and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He wondered how the fangirls had managed to find him in this very inn, let alone the right window for that matter.

"Every time we move town, the fangirls find me anyway!" Picard lamented. Those fangirls seemed to have some kind of tracking radar that would find him no matter where he was. How irritating.

"PICARD! PICARD! PICARD!"

"POW POW PICARD!"

"PICARD! I WANT TO BEAR YOUR CHILDREN!"

The door opened and Picard promptly released a scream of terror, believing that it was a fangirl mob who had come to snatch him right out of his bed and carry him off. However, it was not a band of kidnappers who loved him too much. It was Felix, watching him with an unholy scowl on his face.

"I had trouble getting to sleep last night because Isaac was snoring and I could really do with the sleep. Also, when Garet wakes up early, he ends up eating half our rations long before we consider even having breakfast... HEY!" Felix yelled, as somebody trampled past. Picard assumed it was Garet aiming to have his early breakfast.

"Well, you definitely aren't a morning person." Picard rubbed his eyes tiredly and wearily got out of bed, feeling quite reluctant to get up so early but the fangirls had awoken him anyway so what did it even matter? He tweaked open the curtains and shuddered at the sight of a horde of girls outside, screaming at him and waving frantically. One of them was even waving underpants over her head for some strange reason.

"Do something about this or I'll... I'll... I don't know yet," Felix said, unable to come up with a decent threat. The irritated Venus Adept then slammed the door particularly hard and walked away in pursuit of Garet who would be heading to the ship right about now. The walk was worth it to him when he was hungry, and it was where they kept their rations.

"I don't know what's worse in the morning, the crazy fangirls or ticked off Felix," Picard muttered to himself. "But I should do something about this, shouldn't I?"

When Picard was eating his cereal and trying not to look at the fangirls goggling at him from a nearby table, it suddenly occurred to him what he should do to drive them away. He needed to be mean to his fangirls and make them leave him alone. However, he needed to practice first, and he knew three certain girls he could test his charms on. No, charms was not the right word, but he couldn't really think of a better one.

"Hi, Jenna," Picard said later, approaching the redhead. The group of Adepts were hanging around the town for the day, doing absolutely nothing special in particular and it was a good time to have a private chat. He was already berating himself for coming up with such a crazy plan, he might as well go for the most suicidal option first and hopefully the pain would jolt him out of it.

"Hey, Picard," Jenna replied as she sat on a tree stump, busy mending a hole in her dress with a thread and needle. "I'm kind of busy at the moment."

"Jenna, please don't kill me, but..." Picard swallowed, already feeling some trepidation. "Your hair is the colour of drying blood, and your eyes remind me of cloudy, muddy red wine which doesn't really sound nice to drink at all. Oh, and your temper is worse than fifty very angry dragons that haven't slept in a million years and people keep calling them... uh, something rubbish like Reginald."

Jenna dropped the thread and needle, her forehead furrowing in an angry frown.

"And your skin is the colour of a very dry, stale peach..." Picard frantically grabbed for more possible insults. "Your particularly pink shirt looks like old, dead salmon without its skin, and your vest and skirt make me think the salmon was swimming in some muddy ditch... and... uh..."

"PICARD!" Jenna thundered.

Picard flinched. Now Jenna had her staff and...

Wow. He hadn't known it was possible for Jenna to hit people so hard with her staff that they fell unconscious from the blow. Well, now he did. When Picard awoke, he discovered several brand new bumps on his head. Apparently, Jenna had been furious. He would just have to apologise later, if he lived long enough to do so. Reeling from the blows, Picard set off to look for Mia, and he found her washing clothes in the river.

"Hi, Mia," Picard said awkwardly. He wasn't sure how Mia would react. Mia seemed like a fairly unpredictable girl. Sometimes she seemed so sweet and gentle, but she could really get mad if something ticked her off. He hoped she was going to get mad. If she ended up crying, he didn't think he could ever forgive himself.

"Hi," Mia muttered, fiercely twisting fabric and watching as the water dripped out.

"Mia, I just want to say you're really creepy looking," Picard said quickly. "Your skin is so pale, it looks like bones of the dead that have been left lying around for a long time in the sun. Your eyes are like a really freezing cold glacier and I sure know I wouldn't like to be near a glacier..." Actually, Picard wouldn't mind being near a glacier, but he had to lie, didn't he? "And your hair looks like it's spent too long in some sort of muddy aquarium with dirty water and dead fish floating around."

Mia got to her feet silently, her lips pursed together. Picard braced himself. Mia whirled around, flung the wet, muddy clothes at him, proceeded to punch him in his most sensitive area and then ran off.

"ISAAC!" Mia howled.

Picard sank to his knees, shaking from the new sensation of pain. Mia really was unpredictable. Now he was covered in muddy clothes. Things were surely going from bad to worse. Wait, had Mia called for Isaac? Picard had to get out of here, fast. And thus he did, hobbling away and clutching his pained crotch with a look of agony on his face.

Minutes later, Picard found Sheba sitting on a large stone and looking eerily calm as she did nothing in particular.

"Greetings." Sheba nodded, acknowledging his presence.

Picard was taken aback. Since when did Sheba act like that? Oh well, he might as well just go with the flow.

"Sheba, I think your head looks very strangely shaped like a melon, and it's got a heaping of old, dead straw on top of it. Your eyes are green as a warty, mottled toad that's been swimming in pea soup, and..." Picard broke off. He'd probably gone far enough now.

"I see." Sheba stood, smiling serenely. "Thank you."

"Uh, I..." Picard started, wondering why she was being so calm. Too late, he noticed her expression change to one of pure evil.

"SPARK PLASMA!" Sheba thundered.

Ow. Sheba was so cruel. Picard cowered on the ground, unable to believe he was suddenly at the mercy of a 14 year old girl.

"I do so like my power of premonition." Sheba smirked, skipping away to leave Picard lying on the ground.

"I knew I shouldn't have bothered," Picard muttered. He was probably going to get a sound beating for his actions now. Maybe he could ask his fangirls to be his bodyguards. Heavens only knew they would do anything for him.

-DULLAHAN-

-ON-

-PROZAC-

-IS-

-YOUR-

-WORST-

-NIGHTMARE-

"Blah blah blah alchemy blah blah elemental stars." Kraden was currently droning on in the midst of a very lengthy lecture, not realising that the Adepts were completely ignoring him. They were sitting together in a corner and whispering frantically to each other while glancing at him to make sure he hadn't caught on yet. It was beginning to look like they wouldn't have to worry about that.

"Man, Kraden's really gone off the deep end today," Isaac muttered. He usually listen dutifully to the old man's lectures but Kraden had been going on for well over two hours now and most of it was stuff they already knew. "Is he ever going to stop blabbering?"

"He knows way too much." Garet rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure we already know most of the stuff he's saying anyway. Couldn't he tell us something new for a change?"

"I wonder what Kraden is like when he discovers something he doesn't already know," said Mia.

"Easy. He acts like a giddy four year old who's just seen a new toy that he really wants," Jenna informed her. "You should have seen him when we discovered the werewolves in Garoh."

"I'd love to see Kraden confused for once." Garet was now wearing a dreamy smile. "Imagine the look on his face when he doesn't even know what to think about what's happening in front of him."

"I really shouldn't be so curious about that, but for some reason, I am," said Ivan.

"Hmm, I wonder." Felix looked pensive as he thought about it. Was it actually possible for Kraden to be confused?

"Well then, why don't we try and confuse him ourselves?" Sheba suggested, her green eyes lighting up deviously. It sounded too tempting a chance to pass up.

"Huh, what? How are we going to do something like that?" Picard asked in disbelief.

"We need to give him the opposite of what he expects." Sheba looked truly evil for a moment. "Go against what he already knows."

"Huh?" Felix stared at her in confusion, wishing that she would just make sense already.

"In other words, the easiest thing to change is..." Sheba paused for dramatic effect.

"Something we can control?" Ivan inquired.

"Rain?" Mia guessed. "The weather?"

"It's not like we can really make it rain, you know," Picard pointed out. "The closest Psynergy we have is Douse but that could hardly be called rain."

"That's too bad, huh?" Mia sighed, looking wishful. "Sometimes I wish I had the ability to make it rain really heavily. I think it would be quite fine."

"Um, right, whatever you say." Isaac gave her a strange look. He really couldn't understand why she would want to make it rain, and especially heavily.

"OURSELVES!" Sheba declared with a loud yell, which fortunately did not get Kraden's attention.

"Please specify what you mean by that," Jenna demanded, frowning at Sheba. She wasn't making any sense at all. "Hair job? New clothes?"

"No, silly, our personalities!" Sheba grinned.

"Yikes." Felix suddenly felt an unnatural fear. In fact, he wanted to get up and run away right now. It looked like Sheba was up to something all of a sudden, which wasn't a good sign.

"So how are we going to do that?" Garet asked.

"Duh, it's obvious!" Sheba jumped to her feet. "All we have to do is start acting differently in order to confuse Kraden. Like, saying things that we wouldn't usually say for example. Wouldn't it be weird if Garet sounded intelligent all of a sudden? Actually, I think that would be too hard for him."

"Yeah, Sheba, that really isn't ever going to happen." Jenna glanced at Garet, who was now frowning with obvious displeasure. "I'll eat my hat before Garet ever manages to say something intelligent."

"You don't have a hat," Garet pointed out. He wasn't going to rise to the bait. He was much more mature than that.

"No, of course I don't have a hat." Jenna folded her arms over her chest and pouted, giving Garet a narrow eyed stare. "Why would I wish to hide my perfect hair? Just look at the way my hair antennae stick up so perfectly. If I was wearing a hat, then nobody would be able to see them, and they would get flattened. My hair doesn't deserve-"

"So, Sheba, you say we should act differently in front of Kraden?" Isaac desperately tried to divert the conversation before Jenna could go on about her hair some more.

"That's right. Just be random and come up with whatever you can," Sheba suggested. "All we have to do is act so wildly out of character that Kraden can't handle it and his brain explodes or whatever. Imagine a giggly and hyper Ivan."

"Uh, no, I really don't like the idea of that." Now it was Ivan's turn to frown. Why would he ever want to act like that? Sheba just gave him a lethal glare. She actually liked the idea of Ivan acting cute and girly. He should be going along with the grand plan, not arguing with her.

"It could be really interesting, you know. What if Picard was, say, talking with a silly accent and actually flirting with the girls? I've certainly never seen him flirting or so much as looking at a girl-"

"We don't have time for romance on this quest," Picard interrupted, "and I'm a Lemurian. We take things very slowly. I'm not ready for romance yet."

"Right, if you say so," said Sheba, "Mia could be kind of aggressive and mean. That would be so weird, if you think about it."

"I can be aggresive," Mia protested, looking around for support. "Right?"

"Oh yes, very," Garet agreed.

Mia narrowed her eyes at him. She wasn't sure she liked the 'very' part.

"Felix could actually talk more than usual," Sheba quipped. "So, how about it, guys?"

"Are you bored?" Felix asked. "And anyway why do I have to talk a lot? I'm not really keen on talking a lot, actually, I really think that talking a lot is pointless. I don't wish to have any part in this stupid game. In fact, I think I would prefer to go and learn something new from Kraden. I can't believe he hasn't realised we're ignoring him yet."

"Were you dropped on the head as a baby?" Garet asked.

"No, but I heard you were." Felix gave Garet a scathing glare.

"Was not!"

"Were too!"

"Was not!"

"Were too!"

"Was not!"

"**ORDER!**" Sheba thundered. "**OR ELSE, I, THE GREAT GODDESS SHEBA, WILL SMITE YOU ALL INTO THE GROUND!**" Lightning crashed behind her and she gave everyone dramatic glares.

"Huh?" Now Kraden had managed to overhear the conversation and looked at the huddle of Adepts in consternation. Just what was going on here? He had thought that they were all listening attentively to his lecture.

"You know what? I've suddenly had an urge to go and get some coffee before I get a headache." Felix got to his feet. "I shall return when order is restored. I am not bowing to a great goddess. What kind of idiot do you think I am? Rest assured I was not dropped on the head as a baby." He walked away.

"You know, I think I remember Mom yelling at Dad for dropping you once." Jenna tapped her chin. Of course, she was only trying to tease him, she really doubted he had been dropped on the head. However, Felix had already fled the room. "Fine, be like that! You argumentative, stubborn, whiny... um..." She noticed Kraden was watching and stood up, deciding to go along with the game. "Foolish Sheba! Do you think you can stand up against the might of I, Queen Jenna of Weyard?"

"You, the Queen?" Mia stood and let out a maniacal sounding laugh. It sounded frighteningly natural for someone who, as far as her friends knew, had never laughed like that before. "You are all fools! Because I, Mia, will be the one to seize the world in my grasp. I shall claim the power of the Golden Sun somehow and use it to make everyone bow down to me and my awesome power! Resistance is futile!"

"Not so fast!" Ivan jumped up and assumed a defensive stance. "I wield the power of... um... sugar bunnies! You cannot stand up to the might of the sugar bunnies! I will stop you from taking over the world!" Why was he going along with this? Well, why not? He was kind of bored and going along with the game might turn out to be pretty fun.

"I'm afraid you can't do that, Ivan," Garet said, standing up and looking solemn.

"What, why not?" Ivan gave him a confused look.

"Because..." Garet paused, chuckling. "I ATE YOUR SUGAR BUNNIES!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Ivan wailed.

"And also... I AM YOUR FATHER!"

"No! Nooooooooooo!" Ivan sank to his knees, clutching onto his head. "That can't be!"

"You're wrong, Garet," Isaac spoke up. "You believed that the woman you were in love with had borne your child... but in actuality she had created a test tube baby in a science lab!"

"A what?" Garet blinked. "What's a test tube baby?"

"Did I ever mention that I'm pregnant?" Jenna spoke up loudly. She watched the door, waiting for Felix to return, but he didn't and she sighed in disappointment. "I'M PREGNANT WITH GARET'S BABY! AND ISAAC'S!" Still no sign of Felix.

"That's not possible! I'm a virgin!" Garet cried out.

"I stole your sperm while you were asleep!" Jenna laughed.

"I really hope he was just saying that as part of the game," Isaac muttered. He really didn't want to know if Garet was a virgin or not. Well, actually he probably was, seeing as he hadn't had a girlfriend yet.

"Er, is everyone okay?" Kraden asked. What was this? Were they all putting on some kind of ridiculous play or something?

Picard wondered if he should say anything right about now. Their plan seemed to be working, as Kraden was looking incredibly confused right about now. He thought this game was quite silly and was getting a bit bored of listening to them but the sooner Kraden snapped, the sooner it could end. "Felix and I are in a gay relationship!"

Everyone fell silent and turned around to stare at him. It was quite a surprise when Picard had jumped in all of a sudden and said something so random.

Jenna was the first to collect her composure and react. "No way. He would have told me if he was! I can't believe he wouldn't tell me about this!"

"He wanted to keep it a secret but I cannot do that any longer and besides, in a few months, there will be no hiding it," Picard continued. "After all, he's pregnant with my child!"

"I'm confused." Garet sat down and clamped his hands over his ears. This was getting so ridiculous that he couldn't keep up.

"Lies! Felix has always loved me, and only me!" Isaac shook his fist.

"Pay attention to me!" Mia shouted. "Weyard is doomed!"

"Hey, Jenna, I've always been fascinated by your breasts. In fact, I think I might be attracted to you," Sheba said. "I can't deny it any more. I love you!"

Jenna had gone bright red in the fact when she mentioned her breasts and might have gone so far as to slap her, had this not been a game. "Sorry, but I can't return your feelings. I'm already madly in love with Mia. Let's go and rule the world together!"

"Um, I'm sorry, but I don't really bend that way." Mia smiled awkwardly. This game was starting to get a bit strange. She almost wanted to just sit down with Garet and cover her ears instead. Couldn't they get back to the whole ruling the world thing?

"But that's not a problem because I am really... a MAN!" Jenna attempted to put on a deep voice but ended up having a coughing fit. "I just have a very high voice, And these?" She pointed at her chest. "Tissue paper!"

Everyone fell silent again.

"Quack quack quack!" Garet broke the silence. He was now up and waddling about. "Honk honk! Gobble gobble! Caw caw!"

"Garet?" Isaac blinked in disbelief. Had Garet gone insane from listening to everyone or did he honestly just feel like impersonating barnyard animals for some reason?

"Hey, Kraden's gone a funny colour!" Mia exclaimed. Indeed, Kraden did look very strange. She hoped he wasn't about to have a heart attack from listening to all this insanity. It really would be terrible if they caused the old man's death.

"Kraden, are you okay?" Jenna asked in concern.

"I think he's had enough." Picard sighed in relief. Maybe it was finally over at last. "I don't think we need to play this crazy game anymore."

"Oh, Iris, Sol and Luna, _please_ let it be over!" Ivan fell to his knees and clasped his hands in prayer.

"Aw, but I was having fun!" Sheba wailed in protest.

"I... I feel... faint..." Kraden closed his eyes and fell sideways out of his chair, hitting the ground with a loud thud.

"Is he dead?" Isaac wondered.

Mia hurried over to check Kraden's pulse. Everyone watched on with bated breath, waiting anxiously for her verdict on the fate of the old man. Though he did have a tendency to ramble on at times, none of them would ever want him dead.

"He's alive," Mia announced, and they released their held breaths in relief. "I might have to give him treatment for shock though."

"So the game's over now?" Ivan asked hopefully, a smile spreading across his face.

"Yes!" Mia shot a glance at Sheba, just daring her to protest. Sheba, fortunately, didn't argue. Even she was beginning to think Kraden had had quite enough of that insanity by now.

-ARET-GAY-

-AY-SAYS-

-IG-PAY-

-ATIN-LAY-

-IS-HAY-

-UN-FAY-

****

Special Feature Story

__

Ryuujoukohaku Kyoudai

"There is something that I had not told you before." The ominous voice was broken off by sinister laughter, before resuming speaking once more. "There was a reason that I did not kill you that time on the precipice even while you were distracted by the screams of your beloved maiden who was in the clutches of her father transformed into a dragon. I am actually... YOUR BROTHER'S MOTHER'S FATHER'S WIFE'S AUNT'S NIECE'S COUSIN'S ROOMATE'S DOG'S FRIEND'S OWNER'S CAT'S LITTER SIBLING'S OWNER'S GRANDDAUGHTER'S SISTER-IN-LAW! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Felix jerked awake in shock, thinking for a moment that he might be under attack. He glanced over at the driver's seat to see that it was empty. A quick check of the back of the car revealed that Jenna was lying across the back seats of the car, fast asleep and yelling random phrases. Great, so she was talking in her sleep again. Just what sort of weird dreams did she have? He didn't think he wanted to know.

It suddenly occurred to Felix that they were somewhere in the middle of a forest and forests could be pretty scary sometimes. It would probably be a good idea to get out of here quickly before they ended up meeting the local wildlife. He quickly clambered over into the driver's seat and started up the car.

The sound of the engine was enough to rouse Jenna from her sleep, just as she was muttering about foolish mortals or whatever. She sat up and looked around. "Huh, is it time for breakfast already? I don't think I'm ready to get up yet." She yawned and rubbed her sleepy eyes.

"I suppose you could go back to sleep," Felix said, pressing down on the gas pedal. "It would be much safer if you stayed sitting up and put your seatbelt on though."

**"ROOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRR!"**

**"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"** The terrified siblings screamed as several hungry bears leaped at the car, scrabbling at the sides and gouging deep scratches in the paintwork. Their jaws were dribbling with saliva and their eyes gleamed hungrily. They roared again, desperate to get inside for a snack.

Felix stomped his foot down on the accelerator and barely managed to break through the wall of bears, practically flying over a rock and bumping along the ground several times. Unfortunately, Jenna hadn't done her seatbelt yet and smacked into the back of the seat. The force of hitting the seat rendered her unconscious.

"Shit!" Felix yelled, coasting through the trees as fast as the car could possibly go. He wasn't even used to driving this fast, and the bears were now chasing him. "That's not what I meant when I said it was okay to go back to sleep!"

The bears chased the speeding car through the forest, all the way up to the edge of a cliff. There was no way they were going to throw themselves off a cliff just for some food. Unfortunately, Felix didn't see it and went coasting right off the cliff, screaming in terror. He braced himself for impact, believing that they were about to die a terrible death in the wreckage. Mercifully, someone had stacked a bunch of mattresses at the bottom of the cliff for some strange reason and the car managed to land on all fours. Felix drove off the mattresses, onto the road. He really couldn't believe what had just happened.

"I am never doing that again!" Felix wanted to drive at a safer speed, but now Jenna could be hurt and they needed to get to a town. "Stupid idiot bears! I swear I'm going to wipe bears out of existence! I can't wipe out elephants because they're an endangered species so I'll settle for bears."

Eventually, Felix reached a town and screeched to a halt. Smoke was pouring from the tires. Oops.

"Ugh." Jenna awoke and sat down on a seat, rubbing her head and grimacing. "Did a bear hit me?"

"Are you okay?" Felix asked. "No broken bones or anything like that?"

"Uh, let me see." Jenna slipped out of the car and did the Happy Fun Limb Dance (tm). "Nope. Everything's working just fine."

"Great." Felix got out as well. "Well, we're at a town. Let's go and get some breakfast."

Felix and Jenna walked into the town and were surprised to find that it was in fact empty. It seemed that all the doors were open, as if the people living inside were just begging to be burgled. As if leaving their doors unlocked wasn't bad enough. At least there were shops and those were also open and yet empty, so they helped themselves to the food they could find. Nobody was around so they figured it would be okay to do so.

"Hmm, I wonder why this town is so empty." Jenna was chewing furiously on a pastry. It was still fresh, so she figured the people hadn't been gone for very long. "Where did everybody go?"

"Maybe they were taken away. I really don't know." Felix shifted his huge bag of stolen food over to the other shoulder. "It's kind of creepy, like a ghost town."

They heard a moan in the eerie silence and hurried over to the source of the sound, discovering an old man lying in a doorway.

"Hi, Mr Old Man!" Jenna said chirpily. "Why are you lying there?"

"I said not to eat those sugar cubes," Felix muttered. "Are you injured?" He kneeled next to the old man. It didn't look like he was hurt, but he seemed to be awfully weak and frail. Was it just his age?

"It's too late." The old man let out a groan. He barely had the strength to even lift his head. "I am the last one... they left me... alone..."

"Where did everybody go?" Felix asked.

"Maybe they went on holiday and left him behind!" Jenna suggested.

"They were taken," the unnamed old man gasped out. "by a strange one named... Mialex!"

"Oh, wow!" Jenna exclaimed. "Mialex was here too! We missed him!"

"He took nearly everyone... but left behind the old ones... like poor me." The man fell silent for a short while, as if recovering his energy. "They are in hiding."

"Why aren't you in hiding?" Felix asked. "Did Mialex hurt any of you?"

"I didn't see the need to hide... the danger is past after all. I don't believe he hurt anyone," spoke the man. "My name is Nyunpa. I am currently undertaking a great task... starving myself to death... because starvation is great. Long... live... starvation." Nyunpa's head hit the doorstep as he passed out.

"Oh, I guess he was just suicidal after all." Felix got up. "So, Mialex was here. Let's go and find him."

"Okay!" Jenna bounced away. "Let's go, let's go!"

"I am confiscating those sugar cubes." Felix shook his head. "Really."

Felix and Jenna returned to the car and got in the front seats, Felix taking the wheel. He did not trust Jenna to drive when she was high on sugar. She would probably do something insane like trying to figure out if it was possible to drive on water.

"Alright, let's just drive on and see if we manage to find anything else interesting. Maybe we'll even hear more about..." Felix trailed off, staring into the top mirror with wide eyes. "Ack!" He had every reason to be surprised, for there was somebody sitting in the seat right behind him.

"I've been waiting for you," the strange figure spoke ominously.

-WHO LIKES-

-SHORT SHORTS?-

-IVAN LIKES-

-SHORT SHORTS!-

"Okay, exactly what's happening again?" The fourteen year old Garet asked, sounding somewhat tired. He was stumbling down some muddy steps and trying hard not to slip on them. It was understandable that he was annoyed, having to walk around in this weather. It was difficult to see anything in the rain and lightning kept flashing. This really was a bad storm. Garet would have much preferred to be in his warm bed, fast asleep.

"Come on, Garet, wake up a bit, will you? The boulder is about to fall and Felix fell into the river," Isaac reminded him. "We need to go and see if we can help Jenna."

"There she is!" Garet pointed across the plaza. Isaac and Garet hurried towards Jenna, who was currently talking to the Mayor.

"Felix needs help?" The Mayor sighed and shook his head. "Oh dear, this is quite troublesome. Most of our people are busy helping the elders try to hold the boulder back at the moment, and then there are the smaller boulders that keep falling."

"But I need help," Jenna cleared her throat and sang, "_My brother has found himself in a dangerous state and it's up to us to make sure he doesn't have a tragic fate. He has fallen into the river, just thinking about what might happen gives me a fearful quiver. After all, the Mt. Aleph boulder is about to fall!"_

_"We can't deny that Felix was being quite foolish!" _Garet joined in the singing, not realising that he was being a big hypocrite. _"Stepping out on a broken dock in a storm, it's like you have a death wish!"_

_"Felix might not be so clever, but right now he is at the mercy of the weather," _Isaac sang. _"We had better help him fast, his strength won't last."_

_"Oh, who's going to help poor Felix?"_ The three kids sang in unison.

_"I wish I knew," _The Mayor of Vale sang. _"I wish I knew who would help."_

_"Who's going to help?"_ The kids sang again.

_"I WIIIIILLLLLLL!" _The man on the Psynergy stone sang out to them, leaping off the Psynergy stone. It occurred to everyone that they had wasted time with all that singing and the four of them hurried off to the river, only for the boulder to get there first. And so, Felix was washed away, along with three others.

****

3 Years Later

So this was it. Isaac, Garet, Jenna and Kraden had located the secret Elemental Stars deep inside Sol Sanctum. They were trying to take them, but disaster had struck in the form of Saturos, Menardi, Alex and the mysterious masked guy! Oh yeah, we've got to reveal who the mysterious masked guy is, even though we already know, so let's do it!

"Ah, here's our guarantee!" Menardi pointed at the strange masked man. "When he takes his mask off, you'll know Jenna and Kraden will be safe and can get the Mars Star free of worry! Okay?"

"Take it off then!" Garet exclaimed.

"Yeah, take it off!" Isaac shouted.

"You two make me sick!" Saturos yelled. "Oh, you meant the mask..."

"Uh..." Jenna edged away from Saturos, giving him a weird look.

"Ew." Kraden closed his eyes and shook his head. "I don't need images like that." Jenna glanced at him, looking disturbed. How should she feel knowing Kraden didn't like the idea of her having her top off? If it was a younger man, she would definitely feel insulted.

"But..." Mysterious Masked Guy didn't seem so keen on the idea.

"Remove your mask, Felix!" Saturos demanded.

"Felix?" Isaac and Garet exclaimed in surprise.

"Felix? Wasn't that your brother?" Kraden turned towards Jenna.

_"Yes, Felix was indeed my foolish brother," _Jenna sang sadly. _"But three years ago, he got into a spot of bother. The storm of before took him away, in a tale so sad to relay."_

_"They searched for so long to find him," _Garet sang. _"But the lack of a body was indeed grim."_

_"So the pessimists gave him up for dead," _Isaac added. _"And we just mourned instead."_

_"Fine, I'll do it." _Felix pulled off the mask. _"Pessimistic Valeans are twits. Please forgive me for causing you such grief, I understand you must be feeling great disbelief."_

_"So you are indeed alive!" _Jenna sang. _"But how did you survive?"_

_"We were fishing in the river," _Saturos sang. Okay, he was lying, but who cares? _"When the water gave an almighty quiver. We fished Felix out, and we missed out on a giant trout."_

_"We were the ones who saved him," _Menardi added. _"Because he was unconscious and couldn't swim!"_

_"So, my brother is alive after all!" _Jenna sang. _"I thought fate had brought a great downfall... but how could you hide the truth for so long? I thought you were dead, but after all I was wrong!"_

_"I know I've caused you much pain," _Felix sang back. _"It's a miracle I wasn't slain."_

"Alright, alright, let's stop singing," Garet said impatiently. "This is going on for too long!"

The musical wasn't totally over. You see, Saturos, Menardi, Felix and Alex ran off with three Elemental Stars, and Jenna and Kraden, yadda yadda, so Isaac and Garet go off to save the world or whatever. Their quest had barely started when they happened to meet Ivan in Vault. The poor short boy had a problem.

_"What's wrong, short one?" _Isaac sang, as he and Garet approached the boy standing in a corner. _"Clearly, you're not having any fun."_

_"A nasty guy stole Master Hammet's staff," _Ivan sang. _"He didn't find it a laugh, so he left me here all alone. Poor Ivan, left alone without even a bone. Now I have to find the staff some way, otherwise I cannot return to my home, Kalay."_

_"We'll have to help you," _Garet sang. _"So, what can you do?"_

_"I can use Mind Read," _Ivan sang. _"It will give me a good lead. I already know your name's Garet. He's Isaac and yesterday he ate a carrot! Let's go and find the staff, there's a funny smell back there and I might barf!"_

And then there was meeting Mia at the Mercury Lighthouse. Well, okay, the singing didn't ensue until they got to the aerie.

_"Oh no! Oh, the sight makes me woe!" _Mia wailed. _"The beacon's already lit, my ancestors would be in a real fit, because I've failed my duty, and they've gone with the booty!"_

_"Please stop trying to sing," _Ivan sang. _"It clearly isn't your thing. Leave it to the experts here, our words you cannot fear. Maybe it's just a natural act, but we're better and that's simply a fact!"_

_"I can't believe we're too late!" _Garet lamented. _"What a terrible fate! Mercury Lighthouse has already been lost. We deserve to be eaten alive by moths!"_

_"Don't say that," _Isaac protested. _"Just because we're phat... doesn't mean we'll lose the quest. We can always save the rest."_

_"I'm over heeeeerrreeeee!" _Jenna's voice broke into their singing. _ "Oh, won't you look over here? Please, look at me, because I'm still not freeeee! Isaac, Garet, you're aliiiiiiive! I'm so glad you survived!"_

_"Isaac, you really shouldn't have come!" _Felix sang. _"That was indeed very dumb!"_

_"Hark, the cavalry is here from afar!" _Menardi trilled. _"Give us the Mars Star!"_

_"We never will!" _Garet argued. _"Lighthouse lighting just doesn't sound brill! So give us your Elemental Stars! Or we'll... give you SARS!"_

"You really suck," Mia sighed.

_"Felix, let's go fight them," _Menardi sang menacingly. _"We've got to-"_

_"NOOOOOOOO!" _Saturos leaped out from behind the beacon. _"I can do it alone! Flee for your lives, I'll take THEIR lives! And I'll get the Mars Star, so immediately run far!"_

_"Don't diiiiiiiieeeeee!" _Kraden sang just as the elevator went down. The four of them were now gone, leaving Saturos to go up against the pesky Adepts. Of course, he ended up getting his butt kicked, no thanks to the Mercury Lighthouse suppressing his power.

_"Oh woe, oh woe," _Saturos groaned. _"I have lost this fight, but at least I lit the light. Now who will save me? I'm just too hurt to flee. Four pesky Adepts are laughing at me, and I think they're going to finish me... help me!"_

_"If you need my aid, all you have to do is ask." _Alex did a pirouette out from behind the beacon and struck a pose. _"Now look in glee at my fine physique. Isn't my hair just so beautiful and sleek? I feel oh so pretty and witty and gaaaaaaaaaaay!"_

**"ALEX!"** Mia screamed with the fury of fifty angry violent banshees.

"Uh, singing moment over." Isaac gulped.

Well, we tire of their singing escapades, so let us quit this nonsense.

The evil Lord Babi sits alone in Altmiller Cave, being far too evil to just drop dead and be done with it and purge Weyard of his filth.

__

"Who needs the Lemurian Draught? Iiiiiiiiiii dooooooooooooooooooo!"

****

FIN.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Golden Insanity_**

_Guess who's back, Caz is back, back again, tell a friend! And, yes, I am hyper. That is the best time to be updating this, wouldn't you say? Oh, yes, indeed._

_Now for Chapter Four of Golden Insanity! Last chapter featured the musical, the starving man and Picard's attempt to practice putting off his fangirls, which went very badly! What lunacy can possibly ensue in this brand new chapter? We'll see!_

-

-ISAAC-  
-IS A-  
-FLOWER-  
-BOY!-

-

Alex picked up his little pink hand mirror from the dressing table in his bedroom and gazed at his reflection. He reached up to flip his luxurious blue hair back over his shoulder and gave a cackling laugh.

"Mirror, mirror in my hand," Alex spoke in a booming voice, "who has the prettiest hair in videogame land?"

"Zelos Wilder," the mirror answered.

"What?" Alex released an anguished yell of fury. That pretty boy from Tales of Symphonia had _prettier hair_ than he, the mighty Alex? "This cannot be! I must go and make him pay!"

Alex carefully put down the mirror and opened a portal somehow. Let's just say he had enough of Alchemy to do so somehow. Alex grabbed a syringe and an apple from nowhere, let out a menacing chuckle and leaped through the portal.

Zelos Wilder walked through the kitchen, whistling merrily to himself. He almost knocked over a towering stack of unopened presents reaching towards the ceiling. He never opened presents for some reason. A fruit bowl sat in the middle of the table and Zelos's eyes fixed on a shiny red apple sitting on the top of the fruit. He reached out and grabbed the apple.

"Hey, I got to get my five portions of fruit and veg a day so I'll still have a fine physique for the ladies!" Zelos grinned, biting into the apple. His eyes immediately went swirly and he dropped the apple. His mind was filled with psychedelic colours and a haunting voice whispered to him.

Zelos went to obey the voice. He grabbed shears out of nowhere and chopped off his beautiful curls. Several people screamed in horror. Meanwhile, Alex returned home through the portal while laughing maniacally. His plan had gone very well and he was quite satisfied.

"Okay, mirror," Alex said, picking up the hand mirror, "NOW who has the prettiest hair in videogame land?"

"Mithos Yggdrasill," the mirror answered. For some odd reason, it had a fixation on Tales of Symphonia characters.

**"DAMN YOU, NAMCO!"** Alex howled. He went to spike more apples and returned to Tales of Symphonia's world.

Mithos Yggdrasill, everybody's favourite psychotic brat, was sitting on a chair by himself in a lonely room somewhere in his dark fortress located on Derris-Kharlan. He was currently engrossed in ripping the wings off a fly. Yes, flies could in fact be found in Derris Kharlan. They were magical flies that could breathe in space.

"Disappear unto nothingness!" Mithos yelled.

Suddenly, a blue haired man appeared in the room. Mithos jumped up and turned around to face the intruder, thinking for a moment it was Yuan. However, it soon became evident the blue haired man was not Yuan.

"Who are you?" Mithos inquired. "You are not a half-elf. You are not worthy of being in the presence of the great Yggdrasill, leader of Cruxis... and the Desians!"

"You need to quit it with the cool sounding lines," Alex spat. "You are upstaging me! But... I will forgive you."

"You expect me to _beg_ for forgiveness? Ridiculous!"

"Repetitive brat." Alex pulled an apple out of his pocket. "Take this. If you take a bite, you will have the power to... um... revive anybody complete with body, mind, heart and soul!"

"Really?" Mithos's eyes gleamed. "I can revive Martel properly with it?"

"Yes," Alex said seriously. He couldn't believe how gullible Mithos was. The crazy kid obviously had some sort of freaky sister complex.

"Hmm." Mithos seemed doubtful but he could hardly pass up the chance to revive his precious sister. He would do anything to have her back, alive. He took the apple and bit into it. His eyes started swirling and he grinned. "Alright, this rules! I can see all sorts of pretty colours! Hey, where did that pink elephant come from?"

"Okay," Alex said slowly. "Now go cut off your hair, please."

"No, I want to show you something first!" Mithos grinned insanely. He clasped his hands and wings sprouted from his back, lifting him up into the air. The young boy closed his eyes and softly glowed. Alex waited... and waited... and waited...

"Um, what are you doing?" Alex asked impatiently.

**"JUDGMENT!"**

Well, that just totally and utterly ruined _his_ hair. Alex screamed, cried and ran back to Weyard, his hair smoldering from the attack. And the moral of the story? Don't try it with the crazy kids.

-

-WAS-  
-DEADBEARD-  
-BORN WITH-  
-A-  
-DEAD BEARD?-  
-WHEN ARE-  
-BEARDS-  
-EVEN ALIVE?-

-

"Hey, Isaac." Jenna approached the blond Venusian, Sheba trailing behind her. "We were wondering about something."

"Oh?" Isaac turned to face her, looking curious. "What is it?"

"What really happened to your ship?" Sheba asked, raising an eyebrow. "We haven't seen it at all. Not even at the dock. So how could you have even got to Contigo in the first place?"

"Heh heh," Isaac had been afraid that this question was bound to pop up sooner or later. He rubbed the back of his head and grinned sheepishly. "Now, that is a very good question. Yes, a very good question indeed."

"ISAAC," Jenna said loudly, in that warning tone you did not dare ignore.

"Okay." Isaac sighed and lowered his head, his shoulders slumping in defeat. Jenna was definitely not letting this one get away. "I'll tell you."

It had been a very fine day with a clear sky and the sun was shining brightly. It was the perfect day to be sailing on the seas and with such fine weather, nobody could have predicted that a disaster would happen involving their ship. It seemed, however, that the sun had caused a few people to lose some screws. How else could Garet have ended up sailing the ship at the time?

Isaac claimed that he had simply trusted Garet to do a good job of it. It wasn't that hard to crash into things, was it? Besides, they had just left land and it wasn't likely they would be seeing anything else for a while. And so, Garet had been sailing the ship, holding the Black Orb up to guide it on its way across the sea. While he was doing this, his friends were off doing other things.

Mia had a badly drawn picture of Alex pinned up on the wall. ("Don't tell Mia I said it was badly drawn," Isaac pleaded.) She was engrossed in throwing darts at it, wearing a gleeful smile on her face while she did so.

Ivan was also enjoying some time alone in his room, writing in his diary. Now, we don't know if this is true, but apparently he muttered "I'm not short," at one point while laboriously writing up his entry for that day.

As for Isaac, he was reading. ("What were you reading?" Jenna asked. "Garet's diary," Isaac answered.)

The next part, Isaac was not too clear on, but he had Garet's words for it. It seemed almost unbelievable, but with someone like Garet, anything was possible. Apparently, Garet had been distracted by a particularly shiny bird flying in the sky.

"Garet likes shiny birdies?" Sheba asked.

"I suppose, or he just likes shiny things," Isaac replied. "I think a shiny bird would be rather distracting, though I didn't actually see it for myself."

"Oh my god! It's a shiny bird!" Garet yelled, forgetting completely about what he was meant to be doing. He started to flail his arms in the air as he waved at the bird, as if trying to get its attention. Unfortunately, he did not see the continent of Atteka looming in the distance. So focused was he on that shiny bird that it was a great shock when the ship suddenly crashed into a cluster of rocks at the edge of the continent.

"The ship crashed right into Atteka," Isaac said, sighing and putting a hand on his forehead. It was really embarrassing to talk about.

The shock of the ship crashing had been so great that it sent tremors through the whole vessel. Isaac and Ivan had found themselves falling off their beds and to the floor. Mia had also lost her balance and also crashed right into the Alex poster, her lips meeting directly with his badly drawn ones. Thus, she had emerged onto the deck looking like a very violent and angry banshee.

"We're sinking!" Garet ran around in circles, gesturing frantically at the puddles of water at his feet. Indeed, water was coming through several new holes created by the rocks found at the coast of Atteka. They had no choice but to quickly abandon the ship and leave it there to sink.

"Hard to believe one bird could be responsible for so much disaster," Isaac said sadly.

"Eep." Jenna and Sheba winced in sympathy.

-

-WHACK-AN-ALEX-  
-A POPULAR NEW GAME-  
-SPONSORED BY-  
-THE WISE ONE!-

-

There was a man named Iodem who lived in a city known as Tolbi. To put it simply, he was not the brightest man out there.

Even when he was a teenager, he believed that babies simply appeared in their mothers' tummies one day and got so bored of being in there that they eventually decided to come out.

That wasn't all. Iodem even believed that the moon really was made out of cheese after some strange man told him so.

Sometimes, his stupidity could have some catastrophic consequences. One time, he popped a cat and a dog into a sack together because he wanted to breed them together. The two animals were not impressed and fought their way out. The dog, being a dog, just ran off. The cat, on the other hand, proceeded to maul Iodem and left him covered in scratches all over. By the way, both animals were male.

The worst incident was when he found a drunken man in an alleyway and learned that his name was Leslie. Iodem then teased him about his name and ended up getting beaten to a pulp. He ended up being in the hospital for a month.

Isaac, Garet, Ivan and Mia were unaware of how simple-minded the man could be, until a certain incident came to pass. It was the time when they were travelling with him toward Venus Lighthouse. When they came to Suhalla Gate, they discovered two badly beaten up soldiers lying there by the gate, appearing to be severely burned. Despite their injuries, they were still conscious, fortunately.

"What is the meaning of this?" Iodem asked incredulously. Why were Tolbi's soldiers lying here, utterly defeated?

"Uh... is that Iodem?" A soldier groaned out.

"What has happened to the gate?" Iodem approached the soldier who had spoken and knelt down to listen.

"There was a strange group who had no papers, they wanted to pass and we refused to let them," the soldier said weakly.

"Uhh... Iodem..." the other soldier spoke up, "we tried to hold them back but they were much too powerful for us. They had strange powers I had never seen before and we were no match for them at all."

"It must have been Felix!" Iodem exclaimed, turning around to face Isaac and his companions.

Ivan and Mia didn't understand what was so strange about that. After all, they didn't know Felix too well.

Isaac and Garet, on the other hand, were immediately struck by how weird that notion was. How could Felix possibly be the one who had done it? Then Isaac found himself drifting away into his imagination.

_"What? You want me to do what!" Felix cried out, his eyes growing wide in disbelief. Had he really heard him right just now?_

_"Oh, just go ahead and try." Saturos had a grin on his face. Was it meant to be a sadistic one? It wouldn't surprise Felix if it was. "Those guards are meanies who won't let us pass through that gate. They look weak anyway so I bet even a puny kid like you could beat them up."_

_"Saturos!" Menardi exclaimed in a shocked voice. How could Saturos be thinking of asking Felix to handle something like this? It was completely beyond his abilities._

_"Oh, don't worry." Saturos flapped a hand at her. "I'm sure it will be fine."_

_"Felix." Jenna clasped her hands worriedly. "Please be careful."_

_"Um, is this really a good idea?" Kraden muttered._

_"Heh. This should be interesting." Alex smirked. He was sure Felix was going to get his face pounded in pretty fast, but he didn't care. It would be amusing to see._

_Felix walked slowly towards the soldiers with growing trepidation. He hardly dared to refuse Saturos's orders. Being burned looked like it really hurt. Saturos might not really burn him, but he wasn't keen on finding out if he would or not._

_"You shall not pass!" one of the soldiers shouted, slamming his spear on the ground._

_"Yeah, not without papers!" the other soldier added._

_A bead of sweat formed on Felix's forehead and slowly dripped down his face. He swallowed heavily and then mustered up all the courage he had. In that moment, he then unleashed the strongest attack he had the guts to use._

_A swift kick in the shin._

_Felix hardly dared to risk using his sword. Actually, he kind of sucked at using it and maybe he actually taught himself to use it. That, or Isaac was just having a good time insulting him mentally. It wasn't like Felix would not, was it?_

_The soldier narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "Excuse me?" He pulled back his arm and then drove his fist squarely into Felix's face. Felix cried out in pain and went flying back to land at Saturos and Menardi's feet._

_"Oh no!" Jenna cried out in horror. "Felix got hurt!"_

_"It was just a punch in the face." Kraden sighed. "Boy, he's lucky the soldier didn't use any particularly life-threatening attacks on him." That spear had a very sharp tip after all. It wouldn't be good if Felix got impaled on it._

_"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Alex pointed and laughed._

_"You idiot!" Menardi shrieked at Saturos._

_"I didn't know they were so strong," Saturos protested. "I thought he could handle it."_

Isaac snapped out of his daydream as Garet sharply jabbed him in the ribs. Iodem was waiting for an answer.

"Um... I really don't think it was Felix." Isaac chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head.

"Yeah, Saturos and Menardi are the ones with the fire Psynergy, aren't they?" Mia spoke up. "It would make a lot more sense for them to be the ones who did it."

"Right, and they are the leaders. I'm sure it was them," Ivan added. "Besides, I don't think Felix really looked like much of a fighter from what I remember."

"Felix? Honestly," Garet muttered, slowly shaking his head. "Everyone knows Felix's weak as water."

"Don't you know the work of your own foe's hand?" Iodem argued. "Who else could it be?"

Isaac remained silent. Iodem was clearly too stupid to reason with.

And he sure had a good laugh about it with everyone else after Jupiter Lighthouse. Although Felix did seem a little mad about Isaac insulting him with his imagination like that. But he got over it.

-

-CRAZY-  
-IMMATURE-  
-ADEPTS-  
-ARE MADE-  
-BY MIXING-  
-ADEPTS-  
-AND-  
-CHOCOLATE!-

-

**Special Feature Story**

_Ryuujoukohaku Kyoudai_

Felix and Jenna looked back at the hooded stranger who was staring at them. They couldn't see who it was beneath the shadows of the hood.

"Who are you?" Felix asked. While he was engrossed in finding out the identity of this stranger, Jenna wrenched over the glove compartment and searched inside it furiously.

"Heh heh. My identity is a mystery," the stranger responded in an ominous voice. "However, I can tell you one thing... you will not be getting out of this alive. MUAHAHAHAha... aaaa... cough, cough. Crap, I'm still no good at the evil laughter thing."

Felix raised an eyebrow. Now his voice sounded familiar. "Wait a minute."

"Eee!" Jenna exclaimed in delight. "I found them!" She pulled out a box of cassette tapes and then proceeded to yell furiously while hurling the cassette tapes at the hooded man. Felix sighed in exasperation. Jenna really could be rather ridiculous when she was on a sugar high. The bananas were pretty ridiculous too, now that he thought about it, but somehow they worked.

"Ow!" the mysterious hooded man exclaimed. "Stop that, Jenna!"

"Huh?" Jenna stopped, holding a tape up in the air and blinking in confusion. "Is that...?"

"It's me, silly!" The man threw back his hood, revealing himself to be Garet. He burst out laughing and slapped his knees. "Dude! You so fell for it!"

"How did you get here?" Felix asked calmly, resisting the urge to maim him.

"Well, we noticed you two had been gone a while," Garet explained. "So I decided to go and look for you and so I hitchhiked. Somehow, the driver just happened to pass by your car so I got off the ride. I decided to sit and wait in your car for you to come back, but then I got bored and I found a hooded coat in the boot, so I put it on to scare you guys. It worked pretty well, didn't it?"

"Garet! I'm so glad you're here!" Jenna suddenly squealed, her face splitting into a huge grin. She suddenly leaped over the seat and flung herself on top of Garet, wrapping her arms tightly around him and furiously nuzzling him. Garet blinked in consternation, taken aback by her behaviour.

"You get to deal with her sugar high." Felix smiled not feeling sympathetic toward his plight in the least. "I get to drive." He started the engine and the car roared off down the road. Garet groaned slightly. Jenna could be a bit of a handful when she had had too much sugar.

"Wait, what are we doing anyway?" Garet asked.

"Finding Mialex, silly!" Jenna giggled.

"Uh, okay," Garet spoke slowly. He didn't know what the heck a Mialex was supposed to be and wasn't sure he really wanted to know. Maybe he would have been better off staying at home.

There was nothing particularly interesting about this road and driving along it was proving to be quite the monotonous experience. Jenna decided to liven it up by singing "Nine hundred and ninety nine green bottles on the wall", which she quickly changed to "Nine hundred and ninety nine purple-spotted sneezing porcupines on the very bright yellow moon" which involved pulling one down by a leg with fifty toes and swinging it precisely 360 degrees ten times before giving it a hug and putting it to bed. Which made it a very long song.

The coast appeared in sight and Felix let out an exclamation of joy. He loved the beach! So did Garet, apparently.

"Oh, wow!" Garet cried out, pressing his hands against the window. His eyes sparkled with glee. "Can we go to the beach and build sandcastles, Felix? Can we? Can we?"

Mialex and even Sheba were quickly forgotten, as the three hurried down to the stretch of golden sand, the sound of the crashing waves thundering in their ears. How could they resist the beach?

And so, Felix and Garet wasted the next hour or so building a giant sandcastle, while Jenna dug a very large hole. She then started throwing stones, shells and sticks in, crying and yelling "Rest in peace!" at the debris, before burying them in the sand.

A beautiful song started to fill the air.

Garet jumped to his feet and began to walk towards the sea. Felix watched him leave with a confused expression. Just where did he think he was going?

"Um, Garet?" Felix called out after him.

Garet did not say anything. He just jumped into the sea without a word.

"Hey!" Felix began running towards the sea. "Garet!"

Garet had vanished beneath the waves and Felix could no longer see him.

"Garet!" Jenna wailed, standing behind Felix. "The sirens got him!"

"Sirens?" Felix wondered what she was even talking about.

"Yeah, sirens!" Jenna nodded furiously. "They kidnapped Garet! I'm going to get him back!" She yelled and ran into the sea, disappearing with an almighty splash.

"Holy crap!" Felix screamed. He didn't want his sister to drown. It would be bad if Garet drowned too, actually. "Jenna, get back here! Jenna? Jenna? Don't leave me here! Garet? This isn't funny! Alright, fine, I'm going in, but it's not my fault if I drown!"

Felix disappeared into the waves. It was a bit difficult to see within the murky depths of the sea and he wasn't really sure what he was meant to be looking for. Neither Jenna nor Garet were anywhere in sight. All of a sudden, two strange women had come out of nowhere and grabbed hold of Felix. He almost screamed, before remembering that doing so underwater was not sensible. The strange woman carried him down to a floating castle in the water, surrounded by a bubble. Once they were inside the bubble, one of them said in a singsong voice that Felix could breathe now. Just as well, his lungs were about to explode.

He gasped in a lungful of air, feeling very relieved, and looked around as they drifted towards the castle. Where were Jenna and Garet? He couldn't see them anywhere! And thus, the very confused Felix was pulled into the castle... and to impending doom! Or was he?

-

-TAKE THE SECOND-  
-K OUTTA KRAKEN-  
-REPLACE IT WITH-  
-THE LETTER "D"-  
-AND YOU GET-  
-KRADEN!-  
-ITS A CONSPIRACY!-

-

Tonight, Alex was very excited indeed. He had just been wasting two weeks hanging around New Vale for no good reason, or so he thought. But then an idea had occurred to him and now he realised he did have a reason to be hanging around. Of course, it was so obvious. He simply had to go and get the rest of the Golden Sun's power of Isaac! Before, he had just liked eavesdropping on people talking. Well, he always had liked it and still did, but right now, that wasn't important.

Alex crept through the shadows, hidden beneath the blanket of the night. He had gained some very valuable information today. It seemed that Isaac was sleeping alone in his bedroom tonight due to a lover's tiff with Mia. Something about new dresses and big bottoms, he thought he had heard. And yet, it was Mia who would be sleeping on the couch tonight. The poor girl was so sweet and kind, she couldn't bring herself to kick Isaac out of the bed, so she kicked herself out instead.

Alex crept over to the wall and levitated up to the open window, peering through it into Isaac's bedroom. He crouched on the ledge, thinking for a long while about how he could make his dramatic entrance. Then he thought, 'screw it', and decided to yell whatever came to mind.

**"BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!"**

What the heck? Alex blinked and shook his head in consternation. Had he really just yelled _that?_

Isaac was so startled by the sudden noise that he screamed as he sat up in bed. He jumped out and caught sight of Alex at the window, gasping in horror. "Alex? Is that really you?"

"Yes, Isaac, it is I!" Alex declared, leaping to the floor. "And now I have come to claim the rest of the Golden Sun's power, which _you_ have, Isaac!"

"Oh crap," Isaac muttered. Mia had thrown his sword in the river in a fit of fury and he hadn't bothered to buy a new one. Now Alex was advancing on him, brandishing a huge sword, and grinning maniacally. The horrified Venus Adept threw up his arms and closed his eyes as Alex raised the sword. He waited... and waited some more...

"What's the hold up?" Isaac asked, putting his arms back down.

"I cannot do it." Alex lowered his sword.

"Huh? How come?" Isaac raised an eyebrow.

"It's quite simple, Isaac." Alex then burst into song.

_"I've grown accustomed to your face!  
I've grown accustomed to your spiky hair,  
Your beautiful sky blue eyes, your soft skin so fair,  
The way you whistle and merrily skip along your way,  
Brightening up my day!  
Your smiles, your frowns, your ups and downs,  
Are as natural as breathing in and out!_

_You are my sunshine,  
My only sunshine...  
You make me happy when the sky is grey...  
Please don't take my sunshine away..._

_And can you feel the love tonight?  
It is where we are,  
It's enough for this megalomaniacal wanderer,  
That we got where we are,  
And can you feel the love tonight?"_

Isaac twitched, almost wishing Alex had just turned him into a kebab instead. That might have been far preferable to having to listen to that tripe. It was bad enough Alex was singing. But to parody and combine three different songs? That was just too much!

Alex stopped and smiled at him. "So what did you think?"

"Oh, Alex!" Isaac clasped his hands over his heart. "You really shouldn't have!"

"Oh, yay!" Alex grinned. "Can we be best friends?"

"ODYSSEY!" Isaac screamed.

Alex shrieked as the large Psynergy swords crashed through him and sent him flying out of the window. He distinctly heard Isaac slamming the window shut before he collided with the soil. The crying Alex limped away to lick his wounds and feel sorry for himself.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Golden Insanity**_

_Yay, I'm back once more with further insanity to make you roll on the floor laughing! Just make sure your furry pet kitten isn't right next to your chair or anything. That is, if you have a furry pet kitten. Now that you've encountered the wonders of Alex's pretty hair takeover attempt, sirens and the secret behind Isaac's ship, it's time for Chapter 5!_

-

-PSYNERGY-  
-STONES-  
-ARE-  
-CANDY!-

-

The weary mailman trudged up the path to the inn in Contigo, huffing and panting with each step of the way. A large bag of mail had been slung over his back. At last, after much searching, he had managed to track down those pesky travellers to this particular town. It had certainly been an arduous journey all over the world. First, he had to look for Isaac's group and Saturos's group, but then Saturos and Menardi had perished which lightened his load just a bit. Alex had also split from the group and the mailman decided he just didn't want to give Alex his fanmail alone. That creepy Mercury Adept gave him the shivers. He had chucked all the fanmail for Alex in a ditch. When he started getting mail for Agatio and Karst, the mailman decided to throw those out as well. He had recently learned that Proxians were terrifying.

With Saturos and Menardi gone, the mailman just had to find Felix's group to give them their fanmail. He searched for them for ages while trying to find Isaac's group as well, then suddenly found out Isaac and company were at Jupiter Lighthouse as well as Felix's group. The mailman was incredibly slow and not all that great at his job.

He had only just reached the town when he learned that Isaac's group and Felix's group had joined forces. That was very good news indeed as it made his job much easier.

The mailman staggered into the inn, over to the counter where the innkeeper was on duty and groaned out, "Mail... for Felix's... group." He proceeded to pass out and fall on the floor with the sack of mail on top of him. The innkeeper promptly notified the group who eagerly pulled the sack off the poor mailman and went away to read their mail, not caring about the passed out man. Nobody cared about him.

The Adepts enjoyed reading their fan mail very much and also liked to give mental responses to them.

Isaac's Fan Mail

_Isaac,_

_You are a - son of a - and I am going to avenge Saturos and Menardi. I hope someone slits your - throat and tosses you in a ditch, otherwise I'm going to come and do it to you! - you!_

_Proxian Lover_

**Dude, take a chill pill. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?**

_Dear Isaac,_

_Can you say anything other than Yes and No?_

_A Valean_

**Well, duh!**

_Dearest Isaac,_

_I am not ill. The house is wonderful without you, it's so nice and quiet. For the first time in seventeen years, I feel young. I'm quite enjoying this. It's too bad Kyle isn't here though. I mean, we never found his body. Don't you think that's strange, that we assumed them all dead even though we never found any bodies? And there are rumours that the people who went to search all those weeks were actually having picnics instead of looking. Isn't that odd? Have you been having nice picnics?_

_Your mother_

**Well, you've pretty much confirmed Valeans ARE pessimists. I knew it. We're a pessimistic lot.**

_Beloved Isaac,_

_Did you get my ring?_

_Lots of love,_

_A mysterious girl from Xian._

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

**Mysterious girl? Maybe it's a girl from the dojo or something. What ring?**

_Dear Isaac,_

_I want my scarf back._

_Nils._

**What the heck?**

Garet's Fan Mail

_Deer Garet,_

_hay, want 2 join my club 4 stupid people, lol?_

_a stupid person_

**Um, no thanks.**

_Garet,_

_Don't think I've forgotten about my flowers!_

_Kay._

**Meep!**

Ivan's Fan Mail

_To the greatest Jupiter Adept on Weyard,_

_All hail the mighty midget! Listen, if Garet ever teases you or anything, just let us know and we'll rip his limbs off for you. We don't mind that you're short or anything, we love you anyway regardless of your height. We don't care that you faint way too easily either. Good luck with your quest and remember we're cheering for you all the way!_

_Fans of the Blonde Midget (FBM)_

**I'm not short! T.T**

_Ivan,_

_Stop fainting all the time, you stupid weakling!_

_A fly that followed you to Venus Lighthouse_

**Flies write letters?**

_Dear Ivan,_

_I hope you are well. I heard you won the battle against Saturos and Menardi at the Venus Lighthouse. I knew you would. Can't wait to see you at Con... I mean, a special place you haven't been to, yet. It's the only place on the continent though, so it's not hard to find. People are saying we're related. However, they got the wrong relation. I mean, I'm not saying we're related or anything, hahaha. Yeah, seriously. Um, good luck. Be safe._

_Hama_

_PS. Do you think Hamma is a better spelling?_

**Um... that's nice, sis...**

Mia's Fan Mail

_To a lovely maiden,_

_MIA! I love you!_

_Lovestruck in Bilibin_

**I dislike exclamation mark abusers.**

_Mia,_

_We think everyone in Imil's forgotten you. They never mentioned you._

_Megan asked someone if they missed you and they said "Who's Mia?"_

_Come back soon otherwise we might have to write you down as MIA! Missing in Action!_

_This is Megan. I hit Justin for you. He's a big meany meanie and he pulled my hair yesterday._

_We miss you!_

_Justin and Megan_

**Justin, I am coming back some day even if just to hurt you slowly and painfully.**

_Dearest, beloved Mia,_

_I dream about you every night. I even write love poems for you in a little book. One day, we will sit together under the stars and you can read the book._

_Alex_

_PS. Will you marry me?_

**Get bent, loser.**

Felix's Fan Mail

_Dear Felix,_

_Please tell the world we are not slashable together and I am a hundred percent straight. I AM NOT BISEXUAL. Thank you._

_Alex._

**Oh, please. You kept staring at me.**

_To the great and wonderful warrior, Felix_

_We're on a mission to hurt Agatio and Karst very painfully for you because they tried to kill you on Jupiter Lighthouse. Either that, or we'll just play up to Mars Lighthouse and enjoy killing the Flame Dragons and have a party after the battles. We will make your journey easier somehow and we want you to know you freaking rule! Although, you ruled more before you went mute. Please start talking again!_

_Your loyal fanbase,_

_The Psychotic Groupies of a Brown Haired Venus Adept (PGBHVA)_

**Um, thanks... and I'm not mute. T.T Am I?**

_Dear guy with the ponytail,_

_WHAT ARE YOUR FREAKING NAMES ALREADY?_

_Moapa._

**I thought we told him...**

_Felix,_

_A guy named Garet said you sucked. So Iodem told us all you sucked. So you suck._

_A random person in Tolbi_

**Note to self, hurt Garet painfully.**

Jenna's Fan Mail

_Dearest and most lovely Jenna,_

_I think of you all the time when I'm doing my work and I even dream about you all the time! I really hope you come back soon, each day without you is so painful!_

_The blacksmith in training for the past three years_

**Get a life.**

_Dear Jenna,_

_Is it true that 'time of the month' to us is 'time of the day' to you?_

_A random girl._

**WHAT?!**

Sheba's Fan Mail

_Sheba,_

_We are coming to annihilate you. Resistance is futile._

_Mudshipping Inc._

**What did I do?**

_Sheba!_

_You freaking rock!_

_Valeshippers Anonymous_

**I am so confused...**

_The Holy Child, Sheba,_

_We miss you. ALL HAIL SHEBA, THE GODDESS OF WEYARD._

_Laliverans_

**Now I remember why I'm glad I left...**

_Yo, Sheba!_

_Your head is shaped like a melon. Ha ha ha! Or was it a potato or what? Get a freaking new hairstyle already!_

_Anon._

**I'm going to hunt you down and hurt you,**

Picard's Fan Mail

_PICARD!_

_We love you lots and lots and lots and lots and we want to cover you in whipped cream and lick it all off and then glomp you and all kind of unmentionable things because we all love you so much and think you are the coolest, most sexy guy ever and we think you are HOT! And SEXY! And OH SO DREAMY!_

_POW POW PICARD!_

_The Obsessors of a Blue Haired Lemurian, AKA OBHL_

**Ulp... I'm scared all of a sudden...**

_Piers/Picard_

_Which name do you like better?_

_Confused_

**Um... I like both, I guess...**

_Picard,_

_How old are you already?_

_Disgruntled_

**Not telling, la la la...**

_Piers,_

_You are not the captain guy from Star Trek. Quit pretending._

_Trekkie._

**What's Star Trek?**

-

-MEGIDDO-  
-OWNS YOU-  
-ALL-

-

It was a very fine morning indeed with the sun shining brightly and not a single cloud to be seen. Birds were singing from the treetops and adorable baby lambs were being born in some yonder field. Not that that had anything at all to do with this particular story.

Kay marched toward her precious flowerbed with a watering can swinging in one hand, whistling a merry tune as she prepared to indulge in her favourite activity which was none other than watering flowers.

Then she saw her flowerbed and stopped in her tracks, her jaw dropping. The watering can fell from her hand, splashing water all over the grass.

The flowerbed was torn up and the flowers trampled and strewn across the soil. Petals were scattered all over the soft brown earth. It was a miserable sight indeed for the flower lover.

Suddenly, clouds were zooming across the sky and blocking out the sun. They rapidly gathered together, turning the entire sky a bleak greyish white, and thunder rumbled in the distance. Drops of rain started pelting down.

The song of the birds ceased as they all fell asleep. Men kidnapped the baby lambs and dragged them away, muttering ominously about lamb chops.

Kay released a scream that could be heard all over Vale, followed by a string of foul curse words that everyone would be very shocked to hear from the mouth of a young lady.

"Mommy, what do those words Kay just said mean?" Aaron asked, looking up from his breakfast and fixing his wide eyes full of innocence on his mother.

"It meant-" Garet was about to say, then he noticed his father giving him a sharp glare. "Uh, never mind."

"It, er, meant that she was very angry, dear," replied his mother.

Kay was continuing to scream obscenities and shake her fists in the air when an odd looking man wearing a trenchcoat and hat approached, holding an umbrella as a shield against the torrential rain. Kay didn't even seem to care as the raub was soaking into her clothes.

"Excuse me," the man spoke, interrupting her stream of curses. "Do you want quality protection for your flowerbed? Something to ensure nobody will ever come near it ever again?"

"Yes!" Kay grabbed the man by his coat lapels, staring at him with eyes full of desperation. "Give it to me!"

"With pleasure." The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pot with a little bud in it, neatly packed in soil. He handed it to Kay, who released him and looked at it in puzzlement.

"My flowers couldn't defend themselves from my monster of a younger brother," Kay said, looking at him as if he was crazy, "so what makes you think that this could?"

"That is a Venus Flytrap," the man answered. "In time, it will grow to be much, much bigger. And as for how it could defend itself, well, that's a surprise. But I can assure you that it's to DIE for!" Then he cackled maniacally.

"O...kay..." Kay blinked in puzzlement, tilting her head. "Thanks, I guess."

"Oh, you won't regret it." The man grinned. He turned away and began walking off. "Or will you?" he murmured under his breath.

"Hmm, he seemed nice." Kay turned around to plant the Venus Flytrap, not hearing the man suddenly burst into maniacal laughter. "I wonder what it will looks like when it's fully grown. How exciting!"

_Some time later (After the Venus Flytrap has fully grown.)_

Garet had been nice enough to leave Kay's flowerbed alone after his mother scolded him, but now he was back. Not to destroy the flowerbed, however, but to examine this odd spectacle that had sprouted from it. It was rather amusing and he couldn't help but point and laugh at it.

"What a stupid looking flower," Garet said derisively. "Don't you think so, Isaac?"

"Huh, I suppose it is." Isaac peered up at the looming flower, raising an eyebrow. "Why did she plant something so ugly?"

"Oh, she said it was for guarding her flowerbed or something strange like that." Garet chuckled and twirled a finger by his head. "My sister is completely loco."

"How could it even guard the flowerbed?" Isaac wondered. "Does it even do anything?"

"I don't think it does." Garet jammed his hands down his pockets and stomped up to the Venus Flytrap. He didn't think there was anything odd about the way it gently swayed back and forth despite the fact there was barely a breeze. "Hey, you stupid flower, I'm gonna rip you out!"

"Uh, Garet?" Isaac swallowed, looking around furtively. "Won't Kay get angry?"

Garet's only response was to scream as the Venus Flytrap suddenly dived down toward him.

"Whoah!" Isaac exclaimed in shock as the plant closed its jaws around Garet's body then swallowed him whole. "Um... er... Garet, are you okay?"

There was no answer.

"Garet!" Isaac ran over to the plant and shook the stem, which strangely still looked rather thin despite having a young teenage boy inside it. "Get out of there!"

The Venus Flytrap drooled and then had some dessert.

_The next day_

The entire village was in chaos, which was hardly surprising considering that two fourteen year old boys had just gone missing without a trace. The laws prohibited ever leaving the village without a very good reason, so naturally everyone was in a bit of a panic.

While everyone freaked out and searched for the missing boys, Jenna was entertaining herself by staring in amazement at the huge Venus Flytrap.

"What is that thing?" she wondered out loud. "It's really weird."

The Venus Flytrap swayed gently back and forth.

"Is it moving? It's not even that windy." Jenna stepped closer. "Hey, it looks like it has a mouth." She bent down and picked up a rock, then threw it into the plant's mouth, giggling. "Eat that!"

The Venus Flytrap did not like rocks, as it demonstrated by spitting it out. It much preferred to eat human beings.

And so, one more person ended up going missing.

_The very next day_

"For the last time, it is NOT called Ugly Flower!" Kay yelled, shaking her fists. "It's a Venus Flytrap!"

"Eh, I think Ugly Flower is a much fitting name," Felix said, lightly shrugging his shoulders. He was utterly uncowed by the rage building up inside of her or the demonic look on her face.

"Everybody is saying the flower might have eaten Isaac, Garet and Jenna," Aaron spoke up.

"That's nonsense." Kay scoffed. "Flowers don't eat."

"So what's the mouth for?" Felix gestured at the plant.

"Um, biting people who touch my flowers?" Kay guessed.

"Or maybe it eats ugly sticks!" Aaron started laughing.

"Alright, that's it!" Kay fumed. Smoke was practically pouring out of her ears at this point. "Apparently, everyone in Vale is calling it ugly and it's desecrating our PRECIOUS village's PRECIOUS image with its ugliness and maybe I should just BURN down the damn ugly flower just so you can all stop calling it an ugly flower!"

"That's a damn good idea!" Aaron grinned.

"You're apparently also desecrating kids' languages," Felix pointed out.

"Shut UP!" Kay shouted, her hand exploding into flames. For a second, Felix was terrified that she was going to throw it at him but she flung it straight at the Venus Flytrap instead.

And it exploded.

Isaac, Garet and Jenna went flying through the air and landed on the ground, dripping with plant goo.

Aaron cried, having been startled by the plant's unexpected explosion.

Kay and Felix stared in amazement.

Later on, Isaac helpfully explained to the shocked Valeans what had happened.

"Garet had eaten a whole can of baked beans before we got eaten," Isaac explained. "So the flower slowly filled up with gas. Since we were trapped in a concealed, small area, the gas stayed there and we slowly starved inside that flower. However, when Kay threw the fire, it ignited the gas, causing the Venus Flytrap to explode and freeing the three of us."

"Baked beans, you are my hero!" Garet exclaimed, falling to his knees and clasping his hands.

"But how could the Venus Flytrap eat all three of us and still look the same on the outside?" Jenna wondered.

"Now maybe it's possible that the plant was in fact dimensionally-" Kraden began to speak up.

Nobody felt like listening to one of his lengthy explanations so they all decided to scream and run away. Kraden watched them leave with a confused look on his face.

"But she asked..."

"It was a rhetorical question!" Jenna yelled from afar.

"Well, poop." Kraden sighed heavily. He really did love lecturing people after all.

-

-WARNING-  
-DO-  
-NOT-  
-FEED THE-  
-POINTY EARED-  
-MARS ADEPTS-

-

**Special Feature Story**

_Ryuujoukohaku Kyoudai_

Felix was feeling incredibly scared and pretty disturbed as well. He had been taken to this strange room which was full of men, who had all been tied to chairs with chains. This situation gave him the nasty feeling that the sirens might be about to do the same to him.

And he was right.

"Hey, what gives?" Felix grumbled as a Siren roughly pushed him into a chair. He tried to get up again but the Siren proved to be very strong and it didn't take long to realise that resistance was futile. She proceeded to wrap chains around him. ""What, is this supposed to be bondage or something?"

The Siren winked and took out a whip, which she used to hit his knee. Felix winced.

"Uh, you know, that kind of hurt." Felix stared up at her face, frowning. "Would you mind not doing that again? Also, I'm really not into that kind of thing, so if you would mind letting me go-"

The freaky singing woman ignored him and leaped onto his lap. She unbuttoned his shirt and began to stroke his chest while purring.

'_Okay, okay, this is freaking me out._' Felix looked away, trying not to look into the Siren's strangely hypnotic looking eyes. '_Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts._'

Kraden appeared in his thoughts, wearing a bikini. He started wriggling his hips while singing a Spice Girls song.

'_Gah! No more!'_

Cursing his imagination, Felix accidentally looked into the Siren's eyes and then he was completely lost in her compelling stare.

Jenna was currently wandering around the castle. Fortunately, no freaky singing women had captured her and turned her into one of them. She sidled along a wall and noticed a door labeled 'Rejects'.

'_Hmm,'_ Jenna raised an eyebrow. '_I've seen a quite a few men around, but not Garet. Surely they didn't put him in here? He might have some faults, but he's not that bad. Or maybe they are just picky. If they don't like them, why don't they just let them go?'_

Jenna quickly darted across the corridor, wrenched open the door and stepped in.

What she saw shocked her. There were even more men in here locked away in cages, clinging onto the bars and moaning piteously. They all looked utterly miserable.

"Yikes. Note to self, don't get on the sirens' bad side," Jenna muttered, a shudder running through her body. She walked around the room in search of her redheaded friend.

"Hey, Jenna!"

"Jenna!"

"Garet!" Jenna ran over to the cage where he was being held and drew back the bolt holding the door shut. "The sirens threw you in here?"

"They told me I smelled bad," Garet complained as he stepped out. "And that I was too noisy and dumb."

"Well." Jenna leaned over to sniff at Garet. "You don't smell that bad, though I guess a shower wouldn't hurt. And as for the dumbness, I'm sure you'll grow out of it eventually."

"Gee, thanks," Garet muttered.

"Well, let's get out of here." Jenna grabbed Garet's hand and they started running towards the exit. "This place freaks me out!"

Thankfully for the two, no sirens bothered intercepting them as they made their brave escape.

Even as they strutted down the main hall that lead to the only exit from the castle, nobody even tried to get in their way.

"That guy over there is uglier than me," Garet observed, pointing at a guy with a particularly big nose. "And the sirens didn't reject him."

"Maybe his asset is in the lower department," Jenna guessed, grinning wickedly.

"Ew, the sirens actually check there?" Garet exclaimed in revulsion. "Bunch of creepy perverts. Man, I'm glad they didn't do that with me."

"Remember, we're all perverts." Jenna smiled. "Don't deny it."

"Hey, look, Jenna, that guy over there looks like your brother." Garet pointed.

"Huh?" Jenna looked over in the direction he was pointing. "That is Felix, you moron!"

"That's exactly what the sirens called me." Garet sighed.

Jenna ignored him, looking concernedly at her brother who was in a very dire position. He was trussed up in so many chains and two sirens were practically slinging themselves over him. His eyes were glazed over and he hardly seemed aware of what was going on.

"We have got to save him," Jenna looked thoughtful. "But how?"

"It looks like he might be under their spell," said Garet. "We need to find a way to break their control over him somehow and then we gotta get outta here without becoming siren food."

"I know!" Jenna exclaimed. "Hey, sirens! Sirens!"

The sirens did not look up.

Jenna cupped her hands around her mouth and screamed, "BISHOUNEN ARE OUT ON THE BEACH!"

The sirens immediately screamed in excitement and fled the castle, leaving Garet and Jenna alone with the trapped men.

"Uh..." Garet looked at Jenna in confusion.

"Do not doubt the power of the fangirl complex." Jenna looked at him mysteriously. "NO girl alive can resist bishounen."

"What about lesbians?" Garet asked. Jenna stomped on his foot. "Ow!"

"Stop asking stupid questions," Jenna snapped as she rushed over to Felix. "Jeez!"

"Well, sor-_ry._" Garet limped over and helped her unwrap the chains. Felix fell out of the chair and landed face first on the floor. "Um, he seems to be in Cloud Cuckoo Land."

"Come on, snap out of it!" Jenna rolled him over and shook him. "Wake up, Felix! We can't hang around here, we've got to find Mialex and save Sheba. Remember? We have to save Sheba!"

"Sheba..." Felix murmured faintly. However, he still wasn't quite out of it.

"You know, he's nice and quiet, let's keep him like this," Garet suggested. Jenna shot a glare at him. "Or not."

"Wake up, Felix, or else I'll throw you to elephants!" Jenna shouted.

"AAAAHHHHH!"

Felix sat up, shaking and sweating all over. He looked around with wide eyes, his face turning pale as a sheet

"Elephants? Where?" Felix practically shouted.

Jenna managed to reassure him that there were no elephants anywhere. Then the trio made their easy escape.

Well, it was easy as far as the beach before the very angry sirens caught them making a break for it and chased after them.

They wanted Jenna dead for lying about bishounen and Felix because he was hot. Obviously.

They didn't care about Garet.

Who ended up eating sand and being tramped by sirens.

"Ow." Garet stood up to see sirens standing at the roadside, cursing and waving their fists over their heads. "What's the matter?" he asked, approaching them.

Rather than answer his question, the sirens just turned around and returned to the sea, totally ignoring him.

Garet walked up to the road and looked around in confusion. "Hey, where's the car?"

"Hey!" Jenna looked over her shoulder at the backseat. "We forgot Garet!"

"You want us to go back and risk being mauled by sirens?" Felix actually had his foot on the accelerator for once. "No way!"

"Eh." Jenna shrugged and settled back comfortably into her seat. "Let's stop for some lunch on the way. I'm starved."

-

-NO-  
-WITTY-  
-SAYING-  
-FOR-  
-YOU!-

-

**Monday**

"Whoah, you kidding? We actually won a week's holiday in this huge mansion?" Jenna looked up at the towering building in awe. "Awesome!"

"Uh, but why did we win it?" Sheba asked of the bald, spectacled man who had come out of nowhere to deliver the news to them. "We only just arrived here and we got the prize?"

"Well, er... ahem, you're just lucky, that's all." The man chuckled, his eyes darting around suspiciously. "Anyway, winter's just come in and I would hate to see a bunch of young people like you stuck out in the cold. Well, I should be off now. Adios!"

"But I'm not young?" Kraden sighed, feeling ignored as he watched the man leap onto his wagon. The wagon was carried away by speedy horses.

"That was incredibly random and made no sense whatsoever," Picard commented, shaking his head.

"Ah, let's just stay here for the night." Felix shrugged. "It's free. We'll set off tomorrow. We do have more important things to do after all."

"Aw, bummer." Sheba sighed. "This walking gets kind of tiring after a while but I guess we can't take too long to light the next lighthouse. Agatio and Karst are so impatient, sheesh."

The group walked into the mansion and prepared to settle down for the night and get a good night's rest so that they could set off bright and early tomorrow. As usual.

**Tuesday**

"What the hell?" Felix yelled as he looked out the window. "What the HECK is that?"

"Huh?" A very sleepy Lemurian scrambled out of bed and joined Felix at the window. "It's snow, isn't it?"

"Yeah, lots of snow!" Felix bumped his forehead against the windowpane in annoyance. "Lots and lots of snow for miles and miles!"

Screams of delight sounded from far below. Felix stared in disbelief as Jenna and Sheba rushed outside, kitted up in winter clothes and began having a snowball fight. He simply could not comprehend what was going on. Did they really think it was a good time to be playing?

"Let's play!" Picard exclaimed. "I'm going to go and get dressed right now! Come on, Felix!"

"I hate snow," Felix grumbled. "It's all we ever had in Prox, that dratted village of kidnappers and red eyed freaks!"

Still, Picard managed to get him outside with some persuasion and the group played together in the snow.

Meanwhile, Kraden stared through the window at them, looking rather despondent.

"Ah, I wish I was still young enough to play in the snow." Kraden shuffled away and walked into a room. There was a bar and some tables with chairs, suggesting this had been a restaurant at some point though it didn't look like it had been used in a while. How very curious. He sat at the bar and started twiddling his thumbs while whistling.

Back outside, Sheba had managed to escape from the wild snowball fight and headed around the back of the mansion to see what else there was.

"Hey there." Alex warped in front of Sheba from out of nowhere, almost causing her to scream. "Just thought I'd come by and tell you that this mansion is pretty dangerous."

"Oh, really?" Sheba asked, giving him a skeptical look. "I bet you're the dangerous one!"

"Did the guy who let you stay here say anything about the man who butchered his entire family in this place?" Alex asked.

"Hah! No!" Sheba grinned. "Are the bodies still here? Or are there ghosts at least? I wouldn't mind seeing them."

Alex grimaced in revulsion. He'd had no idea Sheba was so morbid. "Look, Sheba, this place is really dangerous. It drives people insane. Insane, I tell you!"

"I think I'd better go." Sheba began to back away, her eyes growing wide.

"No, wait." Alex grabbed her wrist. "You have a special gift. A very special gift."

"Uh, huh." Sheba nodded, looking at him dryly. "And I'm the Queen of Banana Land."

Alex ignored her sarcasm. "I call this gift... The Sparkling!"

Sheba burst out laughing and slapped her knees. "I didn't realize you were so funny, Alex! You always came across as a jerk, you know."

"Look, just use the damn Sparkling to contact me if something goes wrong!" Alex snapped, before warping out. Sheba simply ambled back to the group, laughing hard. Even as snowballs rained on her, she was still laughing.

"_I before E, except after C..._" Kraden hummed, drumming his fingers on the counter. He really was quite bored.

Suddenly, a man appeared on the other side of the bar. "What about science?" The man asked.

"AUGH!" Kraden fell off the chair and fled into the bathroom.

Only to find another man in the bathroom. Kraden recognized the man.

"Lord Babi?" Kraden gasped. "I thought you were dead!"

"I am dead." Babi rolled his eyes. "And it seems a lot of people are happy about that. Well, Kraden, how do you feel about your companions?"

"Um, I have no problems with them," Kraden replied. "They really are nice people."

"But don't you ever feel a little ignored?" Babi tilted his head. "It does seem that they don't respect you."

"I demand no respect," Kraden protested. "I'm not even the leader."

"They left you in here while they went to play in the snow," Babi spoke. "They ignore you, they make fun of you behind your back, they have all the fun. Have you ever fought in a battle?"

"No," Kraden replied. "But..."

"You should be more respected," Babi pointed out. "Demand their respect. Make them sorry for not respecting you."

"But..." Kraden tried to protest again.

"All I suggest is that you correct them, if you don't mind my saying so," Babi finished, before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Correct them, huh?" Kraden stroked his chin. Well, he would certainly sleep on this idea.

**Wednesday**

Of course, nobody noticed Kraden sitting in his room and chuckling to himself.

Jenna was being nosy and snooping around bedrooms.

"Hey, what's that sound coming from the bathroom?" Jenna ventured through the bedroom and peeked through the bathroom door. Seeing nothing, she stepped in further.

"**ROAR!**" A corpse leaped down from the ceiling and lunged at her.

"Ack! Scary, scary!" Jenna punched the corpse in the face, turned around and ran. She collided with someone in the hallway and screamed. They screamed too.

"Jenna?" Felix stopped screaming once he realised it was only his sister. "What is it?"

"Corpse in the bathroom!" Jenna pointed frantically at the bedroom. "Corpse in the bathroom!"

"Okay," Felix said slowly, not quite believing her. "I'll go... kick this... corpse's... ass..." He stepped into the bedroom and walked into the bathroom, expecting to see nothing at all.

Except there was a woman in the bathroom. She looked nothing like the corpse that had terrified Jenna. In fact, she looked alive and stunningly beautiful.

"Huh?" Felix backed away, raising an eyebrow. "What the... how long have you been in here?" He'd had no idea there was anyone else in this place.

The woman did not answer. Instead, she leaped at Felix and kissed him passionately.

A minute later, Jenna walked into the bathroom, wondering what was taking so long, and was astonished to see her brother kissing a corpse. "Felix!"

"Huh?" Felix pulled away and saw that he was indeed kissing a corpse. "AAAAAAHHHH!"

"RAAAAAAHHHHHH!" roared the corpse.

"Eeeewwwww!" squealed Jenna.

Felix kicked the corpse away and ran away screaming, Jenna following and also screaming. They were far too scared of it to kick its butt.

"_Redrum, redrum, la la la la, redrum!"_ Picard was singing in another room far away as he banged on a piano. "_Redrum, sir, is murder! I like palindromes!"_

As for Sheba, she was staring at a corridor as blood surged through it. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "Cool!"

To further distress the traumatized group, the snow had started falling again.

Some people got very little sleep that night.

**Thursday**

It wasn't until the early afternoon, while Felix, Jenna, Sheba and Picard were enjoying a card game, that someone realized something wasn't quite right.

"Has anyone seen Kraden lately?" Picard asked.

"Um, I saw him going into that huge room on the first floor, you know, with the sweeping staircase, with some crayons a while ago," Sheba answered.

"Hasn't he been acting strange?" Jenna frowned.

"Well, he's been chuckling a lot and he seems to like being by himself," Felix said. "It's odd."

"Let's go and see him." Picard dropped the cards.

"Agreed." Sheba flung the cards away. "This card game sucks."

The nervous group walked into the large room and gasped when they saw the vandalism.

"Kraden's been scribbling on the walls with crayons!" Picard exclaimed.

"What are we going to tell the man when he returns?" Jenna was dismayed.

"I hope we don't have to pay for this," Sheba fretted.

"Guys, look what the writing says," Felix said impatiently. "Kraden's been writing the same words over and over."

The group recited the words in unison. "ALL MOCKERY AND NO RESPECT MAKE KRADEN GO LOONY."

"Hee hee hee hee!" Kraden ran into the room and began to dance the Macarena. "You're gonna be sorry now, kids! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Aaaaahhhh!" Jenna and Sheba ran up the stairs, horrified at the sight of the Macarena dance.

Then Kraden began to sing the Barney song.

"Aaaaahhhh!" Felix ran up the stairs after Jenna and Sheba.

"Oh, that's right, leave me alone with scary Kraden!" Picard snapped. He spotted a baseball bat just lying around and picked it up. It totally seemed like a good way to defend himself against an old man who was doing nothing more than doing a terrible dance and singing a terrible song.

"Wa ha ha ha ha! I'll strike you down with this!" Kraden whipped a baguette out of his cloak and started to run at Picard, laughing madly.

Picard backed up the stairs while waving the baseball bat around in an effort to keep the crazed old man at bay.

"Hey, Kraden, how about I tell you how old I am?" Picard offered. Kraden stopped what he was doing and looked eagerly at him. Picard took a deep breath. "I am thirty eight millenniums, twenty centuries, nine decades, three years, six months, a week, two days and five hours old."

Kraden blinked in astonishment and passed out, rolling down the stairs where he came to lie in a heap at the bottom.

Picard looked up at his shocked friends. "I was lying."

"Ohhh!" Felix, Jenna and Sheba exclaimed in dismay.

Kraden was too crazy to be allowed to run around anymore so they locked him up in the larder and went back to playing games. He would be allowed out when the snow had melted and they could leave.

**Friday**

Kraden sat in the larder, munching on snacks.

"Hey, you coming out or not?" Babi's voice wafted through the door.

"Do I have to?" Kraden whined.

"Just come out already!" Babi screamed. There was a sound like a cannon exploding and a cannonball knocked the door off its hinges. Babi stood there, glaring.

"Okay, okay, I'm going, sheesh." Kraden sighed and stood up, stepping outside the larder. He picked up a handy-dandy axe also just lying around. A lot of things were just lying around.

"Hmm, I wonder where they are." Kraden started smashing down doors with the axe.

"Snap!" Jenna and Sheba yelled simultaneously.

"I said it first." Jenna glared at the Jupiter Adept

"No, I said it first." Sheba glared back.

"Maybe you said it at the same time." Felix sighed, putting his head in one hand.

"Why does this keep happening?" Picard also sighed. "This is so boring."

"Yeah, it should be less boring." Sheba nodded. "Wouldn't it be funny if some madman suddenly smashed down the door with an axe and tried to kill us?"

Suddenly, Kraden smashed his way through the door.

"Here's Johnny!" Kraden shouted.

"Who's Johnny?" Jenna asked.

"I don't know!" Kraden protested. "I'm going to kill you all now, okay?"

"Aaaaaahhhhh!" The frightened Adepts ran for their lives with Kraden in pursuit. Their flight somehow took them into a bathroom. Picard locked the door behind them.

"That isn't going to be much use against an axe," Felix pointed out.

"Well, it will slow him down!" Picard protested.

"Hmm, maybe I should use the Sparkling." Sheba closed her eyes and started concentrating.

"The what?" Jenna laughed.

Far away, Alex turned around and started heading towards the mansion.

Kraden started trying to smash down the bathroom door. He managed, only to find that the Adepts had already escaped through the window.

"Aw, crap, I'm too old to clamber through windows." Kraden sighed and headed towards the entrance where he found Alex.

"Hi, Kraden." Alex greeted him. "So, who's insane?"

"I AM!" Kraden roared, slamming the axe into Alex's chest.

"Oh, please." Alex pushed Kraden away, pulled the axe out and healed himself. Then he whacked Kraden on the head with a wooden post and knocked him unconscious.

Felix, Jenna, Sheba and Picard walked in behind Alex and were very relieved to see that Kraden was unconscious.

"You know, I really didn't expect Kraden to be the insane one," Alex said slowly as he turned around. "That was quite a surprise."

"Who did you expect to be insane?" Jenna asked, giving him a suspicious look. Alex wisely ignored her.

"Is he going to be insane forever?" Sheba wondered.

"Maybe we have to be nicer to him," Felix suggested. "As in less mockery and more respect?"

"Oh, yay." Jenna sighed. "I liked making fun of him."

"Um, can you stay here?" Picard asked. "Until Kraden gets better and we can leave?"

"Alright, fine!" Alex exclaimed. "I'll stay." He turned away and muttered under his breath. "Wussy wimps."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Golden Insanity**_

_Yay for more random insanity! Ideas are getting harder to come by, but I'm sure I can still come up with some more laughs for this chapter, so no fear! Last chapter featured fan mail and a Venus Flytrap! This chapter will feature even more craziness!_

---------------------------------------------  
---------------------------------------------  
--------------HOLY------------------------  
---------MACARONI PIE-----------------  
--------------I DO-------------------------  
-----------BELIEVE-----------------------  
-------------I CAN------------------------  
--------------FLY!-------------------------  
---------------------------------------------  
---------------------------------------------

The Great Quest to Save the World was once again on delay.

It was not because the group were battling a headless suit of armour.

Or a magician guy with annoying balls.

Or some beast that stupidly made the battle easier for them.

Or even a Psynergy immune soldier.

Nope, it wasn't even because of a boss.

It was because of Kraden.

Kraden was dancing around giddily in front of a shiny well in the middle of nowhere. If everybody looked hard, they fancied that they could see shiny sparkly light coming out of it.

"Tell me," Kraden turned around sharply, a feral glint in his eyes. "Do any of you see sparkly stuff coming out of the well? I do not, but a well in the middle of nowhere, it is certainly unusual enough... why, this could be THE well!"

The Adepts glanced at each other in consternation. None of them had ever heard about a well before.

"Did I never mention a well to you?" Kraden frowned.

"Well, maybe you did on one of the many lessons in which we fell asleep," Isaac answered.

"Isaac!" Jenna kicked him.

"Oh come on, he already knew!" Isaac protested. "Garet's snores almost blew the roof right off!"

"Yes, Kraden, we see sparkly stuff coming out of the well," Felix said impatiently. "Is it some special well then?"

"I've never seen a well that sparkled quite like that," Sheba added. "I suppose it is a special well."

"Squeeeeeeeee!" Kraden started dancing ballet and began pirouetting around the field.

The Adepts stared in consternation. Not only was Kraden squealing like a crazy fangirl that had found Picard in their bath entirely naked and trussed up in chains with a can of whipped cream and a bottle of chocolate sauce next to him, he was actually dancing _ballet_.

"_Isn't it wonderfulllll..."_ Kraden started singing.

"Somebody make him stop," Ivan hissed through gritted teeth. "He is getting on my nerves."

"What is so damn amazing about this stupid, crappy well?" Garet fumed, walking over to the well and peering inside. "Is there anything in here?" He leaned over further and further...

"Don't lean too far!" Picard exclaimed.

"Wah! Don't startle me-" In the middle of his tirade, Garet lost his footing and fell straight into the well.

An almighty **KER-SPLASH** followed.

"Aw, crap," Isaac gulped. "Garet can't swim."

"Help! Glub!" Garet's voice came out of the well.

"This is THE well!" Kraden squealed, his eyes huge and sparkly. The Adepts shuddered and backed away, horrified at the sight of his huge, sparkly eyes. "The amazing well of... Water of Life!"

Poor Garet couldn't stay above the water.

In the end, his weight dragged him to the bottom and he silently floundered around like a gigantic rhinoceros.

And sad to say, he drowned.

Garet hung at the bottom of the well, looking very limp. Suddenly, he sparkled and shuddered, his eyes snapping open.

'What the...?' Garet thought, splashing around some more. 'I thought I drowned!'

And then he drowned again.

About five minutes later, the Adepts remembered that Garet was down the well, blamed Kraden vehemently for making them forget, then threw some rope down.

"He'll be drowned by now," Felix shook his head. "We might as well just give up."

"No!" Jenna wailed and peered into the well. "We're not giving up on Garet!"

"Jenna, do you remember that dog you had when you were little and it ran away?" Isaac said gently. "You got over that. You will get over this too."

"Garet is _not_ a dog!" Jenna growled.

"He's like a dog with that voracious appetite of his," Mia said thoughtfully.

"And how he always does what Isaac says," Ivan nodded. "He's like Isaac's obedient lapdog."

"Excuse me?" Isaac frowned.

"Hey!" Picard spoke up suddenly. He was currently holding onto the rope. "I felt a tug!"

"You're kidding, right?" Sheba said in consternation as Isaac and Felix promptly helped Picard pull up the rope.

And indeed, they pulled out a sopping wet, yet alive Garet.

"Good job, guys!" Garet coughed and hacked, after spitting up water. "I was just about to drown again!"

"A...gain?" Jenna stared at him.

"Oh, that's right," A lightbulb appeared above Ivan's head. "Kraden told us this is apparently the legendary well that is the source of Water of Life. Which means that what Garet fell into was not plain, ordinary water..."

"It was Water of Life!" Mia finished.

"So Garet was drowning in Water of Life!" Isaac exclaimed.

"So that's what happens when one drowns in Water of Life," Sheba grinned at the drenched Garet. "They get revived... and drown again... and get revived again..."

"Argh," Garet shuddered. "I'm never getting in that well again."

"OMG!" Kraden screamed. "Now I know what happens if someone drowns in Water of Life! Now perhaps I should find out what happens if someone sleeps in a bath of elixir!"

"No. Please," Felix pleaded. "Enough of your craziness. I've. Had. Enough." He clutched his head and sank to the ground.

---------------------------------------------  
---------------------------------------------  
------------PHARMACY------------------  
---------IN ALTMILLER CAVE!----------  
---------------NOT------------------------  
---------------------------------------------  
---------------------------------------------

When journeying, the Adepts had time to send letters home. What kind of letters they sent, that was the question.

_Mom,_

_Will you please let me in the house? I forgot my favourite teddy bear. And yes, I AM Isaac. Why can't you believe that?_

_Maybe you need to see a shrink. I think you have chronic denial._

_Oh, yeah, and I miss you and stuff._

_Isaac._

_Mom,_

_I miss your cooking. T.T_

_Garet._

_Hammet,_

_We found your rod. Have you any idea how much I got laughed at when I went around asking people to help me find your rod? Oh, and I heard you were in Lunpa.  
What are you doing in there anyway? I hope you lose another rod so you can feel my pain!_

_Ivan._

_PS. Just kidding..._

_Alex,_

_I know you're evil. I'll prove it! Somehow! Even if I have no evidence! I know, I'll forge the evidence! Come on, lighting Mercury Lighthouse just proved it!_

_Mia._

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_I am absolutely fine, I swear. Okay, so Saturos and Menardi attempted to beat me up when I was protecting this new chick (they fell down the lighthouse and died.), then I  
had to leap off the lighthouse for said "new chick" whose name is Sheba, fortunately we landed in the water, then I swam to a floating island and reunited with Jenna, Kraden  
and the girly guy named Alex. Then wouldn't you believe it, we got hit by a tidal wave. But you know, after clinging for dear life in a storming river and nearly getting my head  
smashed in by a boulder, I learned to expect the life-threatening.  
And yes, I am totally and completely fine. Honest! I'll stay away from marauding Mars Adepts... actually, I have a bad feeling about marauding Mars Adepts, but I'm sure it's nothing._

_Felix._

_Mom! Dad!_

_I hope you have raised enough compensation money. I will ask for it when I reach Prox. Understand, this is necessary for a girl like me who was traumatised severely by believing  
her family dead for three years when they were lounging in a snowy village. Please do not feel burdened, you have plenty of time to raise this money for me. And also, could you  
add some presents with it? Maybe some nice jewellery, a dress or two, and of course your apologies.  
Really, can't you even get Pigeon Post there?  
Not that I'm accusing you of doing this deliberately or anything. I just find it very unfair. For all you know, I could be an emo chain-wearing girl with black dyed hair who wanders  
around spouting poetry because of what happened to me. But no, I'm still the same old Jenna. Well, Felix says I'm moodier, but honestly! Can you blame me? I don't think so._

_I love you. Really. And miss you both heaps. It's been three years since I last saw you. THREE YEARS!_

_Jenna._

_Mother and Father,_

_I am sad to say I did not discover my past just yet. In fact, I am not sure I will. So for the moment, I will continue to call the two of you Mother and Father, for you raised me these  
fourteen years and are the only parents I may ever have. However, I demand to be treated even more specially upon my return to Lalivero, as a token for helping to save the world.  
Perhaps even as a goddess! _

It is a dangerous quest but it is nearly at its end and even now we approach the final lighthouse. I will return someday to a throne encrusted in gold and splendiferous riches.

_In case you are wondering, I knew that word because Kraden made me read the dictionary. How traumatic._

_Farewell for now._

_Goddess Sheba._

_Hydros,_

_We did it! The final lighthouse has been lit! Um... am I getting rewards for this? Or is Conservato still yelling about not letting me return? Because, you know, I don't mind. Just  
tell me when the old guy croaks and I'll be right back._

_And yes, I'm aware there's no death in Lemuria. Just... arrange something!_

_Picard._

_Wise One,_

_Did you have to kick my butt so hard? T.T I wasn't doing anything either, you meanie! That was an unfair match and I demand you get me off Mt. Aleph right now._

_Hello? Wise One? I don't wanna die..._

_Alex._

_------------------------------------------------------  
------------------------------------------------------  
---------------_YAMPI------------------------  
----------RHYMES WITH-----------------  
-----------SCAMPI------------------------  
-----------MMM---------------------------  
----------DESERT OF----------------------  
------------FISH!---------------------------  
----------------------------------------------  
----------------------------------------------

"I dislike Aqua Rock!" Jenna complained, as the soggy wet group made their way out of the elemental Rock. "It's all wet! I'm cold!"

"I'm cold too," Sheba shivered. "Isn't there a hot spring around here?"

"I wish," Felix's foot skidded and he winced. "Whoah. The ground's a bit slippery."

"Oh, nonsense, it's not slippery at all," Picard skipped past them, whistling a tune.

Everybody else watched on silently, remaining completely passive when they heard skidding feet, a yell and a thud.

After a minute and the unconscious Picard had not moved, they stirred out of their stupor.

"I think he's dead," Kraden suggested.

Kraden was wrong, fortunately. Picard had merely been knocked out. They went back to sailing the ship while he slept.

Felix sailed the ship, watching seagulls fly past. Jenna pretended to watch from the crow's nest, actually reading a novel. Kraden lectured the unfortunate Sheba on useless things.

Eventually, Picard came out onto the deck, muttering something.

"Hey, Picard," Felix looked back and stopped, staring at the Lemurian.

Picard was not dressed in traditional garb at all. Instead, he was wearing black and white, and a beret, and had a fake curly moustache drawn on his face in black felt tip.

"Um... P-picard?" Felix's eyes widened.

"Who ees Pee-card?" Picard slurred, waving his hands with dramatic gestures. "Mon nom ees Piers."

"Okay. You're going with Piers instead," Felix shrugged and looked back at the sea. "Fine. Just make your mind up already."

A minute later, Felix looked aside and noticed that Piers was sitting on a chair on front of an easel and painting, a palette in one hand. He was giggling under his breath too.

"What are you painting?" Felix asked.

"Ah... um..." Piers glanced at the side of the ship. "Ah, yes. La mer. Sorry, I mean, the sea, yes?"

Felix decided he did not want to talk to the crazy Lemurian anymore and went back to steering the ship. Piers's giggling was mighty hard to ignore though.

Kraden came walking alone and peered at the easel, not noticing the French, I mean, Lemurian's alarm. "Oh! A fine painting indeed! I wouldn't mind having this on my wall." He laughed evilly under his breath and then retreated into the cabin.

Felix sweat-dropped. Kraden wanted a painting of the sea on his wall?

Then suddenly, Piers began singing something that sounded like "Fur Jack, Fur Jack, Dormouse, dormouse," and Felix almost lost it.

"Picard! I mean, Piers! What the heck is that crappy song?" Felix exclaimed, breaking his resolution to not talk to Piers.

"Ah, eet ees Frere Jacques," Piers waved his paintbrush airily.

"Well, don't sing that awful song again!" Felix snapped. He glared at the tiller, suddenly feeling like leaping into the sea, and swore he heard Piers blow a raspberry.

"What's the matter, Felix?" Sheba walked up to him. "You don't look so good."

"Picard," Felix hissed through gritted teeth.

"Oh, him," Sheba glanced at the Lemurian. "Hey, Picard, I didn't know you painted."

"My name ees Piers, mademoiselle," Piers corrected her. "And painting ees a fine and creative art. I do believe this ees making me hungry. Perhaps a croissant and coffee would make me trés bon."

"What did he call me?" Sheba glanced at Felix as if he somehow had the answer.

"No clue," Felix shook his head.

"May I see what you are painting, Piers?" Sheba asked sweetly, approaching the easel.

"Non! Non!" Piers waved his arms in a panic and the palette went flying.

"Don't be silly, Piers, I just want to..." Sheba took one look at the easel, went red in the face and then screamed.

"Zut alors!" Piers ran for the cabin and slammed the door behind him.

Felix stared as Sheba fainted. "Sheba?"

"Will you guys be quiet!" Jenna yelled from up above. "I'm trying to read!"

"What the hell is the big deal with that easel?" Felix stomped over to look, then screamed as his eyes burned up and shrivelled. He promptly ran into the cabin, yelling profanities on the way.

"Oh, geez," Jenna started climbing down, feeling extremely annoyed. "Just what is going on?"

Felix found Piers dancing and singing a song while Kraden watched on and clapped and cheered enthusiastically. Felix wasted no time in grabbing the heaviest object he could find and smacking Piers on the head with it, causing him to fall unconscious again.

"Felix!" Kraden exclaimed. "I was enjoying that song!"

"Bleach," Felix said mechanically, heading away. "Need bleach. Need bleach now."

Five minutes later, Felix was sitting next to Kraden and sulking because Kraden had confiscated the bottle of bleach.

"Where is Picard?" Sheba walked into the room and noticed the unconscious Lemurian. "Oh. I see. Jenna's just finished destroying the easel... so he might be next."

"My eyes," Felix whimpered. "Make it go away."

"I wonder what's wrong with Picard," Sheba sat next to Felix. "He's acting completely different and saying strange words."

Cries of rage and stomping of feet sounded nearby. Presumably Jenna was on the warpath.

"Oog," Picard slowly awoke. "Where am I?"

"You're going to hell in precisely a minute," Sheba nodded. "Unless you can think of an apology fast enough."

"An apology?" Picard sat up, blinking in confusion. "What for? And why am I on the floor?"

"Hey, you're not speaking strangely anymore," Sheba realised. "Are you Picard again?"

"Of course I'm Picard!" Picard exclaimed. "And why am I wearing these clothes?"

"So," Felix spoke very calmly. "You don't recall doing anything like drawing Sheba and Jenna holding each other with _no clothes on_?"

Picard's eyes widened, just as the door burst open and Jenna sighted him, releasing an angry roar.

"It's been great knowing you, Picard," Sheba smiled.

"But it wasn't me!" Picard screamed as Jenna advanced on him. "It wasn't me at all!"

"Then was it Piers?" Felix said sarcastically.

"PICARD!" Jenna held up a fireball above the cringing Lemurian.

"Put that fireball away!" Kraden said sharply. "Psynergy is not be used in that manner!"

"Oh dear. I see you are now aware of my alter ego," Picard hung his head. "You see, I occasionally turn into someone else, who goes by my other name of Piers. He likes to cause trouble for me and apparently he speaks funny. I've been like this ever since I was a child."

"Bollocks," Jenna clenched her fists. "You're a filthy pervert and-"

"I kind of believe him," Sheba interrupted.

"Yeah... me too..." Felix agreed.

"I'm going to go change," Picard got up and slinked out of the room, leaving behind a confused bunch of people.

-------------------------------------------------  
-------------------------------------------------  
--------------I QUIT----------------------------  
------------WITH THE--------------------------  
---------SCENE DIVIDERS--------------------  
-----------ALREADY!--------------------------  
--------------------------------------------------  
--------------------------------------------------

**Special Feature Story**

_Ryuujoukohaku Kyoudai_

"Hey, what is this tape?" Jenna scrambled around on the car floor, picking up an unlabelled cassette tape. "Do you have any idea what it is?"

"No," Felix shook his head.

"Ok, I'll try it then!" Jenna chirped, slamming the cassette tape into the tape player. She promptly jabbed Play and leaned back against the seat, smiling.

Suddenly, terrible pop music with cheesy lyrics sang by 12-year-old girls started blasting out from the tape.

"Aaah!" Felix screamed in pain as his eardrums were assaulted. "Turn it off!"

"I can't! My ears hurt too much!" Jenna bent over, her hands against her ears.

A glowing pink portal appeared in front of the car and sucked it right in along with the bad pop music. Then it vanished, leaving the road completely empty.

Mercifully for the tortured siblings, the tape player somehow exploded. And the car shot out the other end of the sparkly glowing pink portal of doom.

"Where... where are we?" Jenna looked out curiously.

"It looks like a dungeon," Felix looked out the other side. "How... interesting."

"Eee!" Jenna exclaimed as a bat fluttered past. "Whoah...a bat! Cool! Hey, do you think there are vampires in here too?"

Felix looked at her without saying anything, then very quickly leaped out of the car.

"Hey!" Jenna pouted and followed him out. "Wait up!"

"So..." A creepy voice said. "You... have arrived!"

Thunder boomed.

Lightning crashed.

Jenna sneaked a few sugar cubes out of her pocket when nobody was looking and happily munched away.

Felix looked at the speaker in disinterest, his expression clearly saying "Quit wasting my time. I am bored and want to go back home."

In front of them stood a tall human, wearing a white robe with blue patterns on it. They had long, flowing blue hair and sky blue eyes and quite a feminine looking face.

"Let me ask you a question," said the human. "Do you think I am a man or a woman?"

"Um..." Felix looked at their chest and squinted. "Man?"

"Incorrect," responded the human. "I have no gender!"

"For... real?" Felix said slowly, his eyes widening.

"HAY!" Jenna exclaimed, grinning hugely. "What's your name? My name's Jenna!"

"No... she ate sugar cubes again..." Felix whimpered.

"I... am... Mialex!" responded the human. Jenna started laughing.

"It sounds like something you get over the counter at a pharmacist!" Jenna spluttered.

"Where is Sheba?" Felix demanded.

"Right here," Mialex stepped aside, revealing Sheba tied to a post.

"Hey, Felix," Sheba smiled.

"Sheba!" Felix cried out. "You're alive!"

"Thank you for coming," Mialex boomed.

"Thanks for inviting us!" Jenna grinned wider.

"Jenna, let me do the talking," Felix sighed.

"No!" Jenna pouted. "I want to talk to Mialex too!"

"SILENCE!" Mialex screamed. "The reason I bought you here was for leverage."

"But why do you need leverage?" Sheba asked. "I'd do whatever you-"

"I need Sheba to do something for me... us..." Mialex continued, ignoring Sheba. "Now, Sheba," It turned around. "I need use of your Jupiter powers to separate the two beings in this body."

"Two beings in one body?" Felix raised an eyebrow.

"What are their names?" Jenna asked curiously. "What genders are they? How old are they? Are they nice? Can I talk to them too? Do you have any more sugar cubes? Why do you live in a dungeon? How did two beings get in one body? Have you ever been hyper? Why is the sky blue? Why do sheep go baa? Why-"

"Shut UP!" Mialex lashed out with a icy whip and sent Jenna flying into one of the rock walls. She fell down in an unconscious heap.

"Hey!" Felix exclaimed. "Don't hurt my sister!"

"How did you get put together?" Sheba asked. "I'll help you split!"

"There was an explosion one day in a biology lab when we were working on gene splicing," Mialex answered. "It seems however when it exploded, it did the exact opposite of what it was meant to do! The two beings in this body, Mia and Alex, got merged together!"

"You poor things!" Sheba exclaimed. "I'll definitely-"

"Now," Mialex pointed a finger at Felix. "Do what I say or else I shall harm him!"

"But she's going to-" Felix started, then trailed off. Evidently, it was ignoring them.

"But I am doing what you say," Sheba protested as Mialex untied the ropes.

"Don't try anything funny!" The odd genderless being laughed. "Now stand right here and concentrate your powers on separating me immediately. Your protests are useless!"

"Yeah, I can see that," Sheba blinked and then concentrated her powers on it. "Power of Jupiter, separate the bodies of Mia and Alex!"

"Why is everything so crazy lately?" Felix complained, as Sheba did pretty shiny stuff and the body of Mialex separated into two, revealing a girl and a boy. "No wonder it was genderless."

"Thank you," Mia smiled. "You separated our bodies."

"Now we are ourselves again," Alex smiled. "We are grateful."

"No problem," Sheba grinned, then rushed over and hugged Felix. "It's great to see you again."

"Yeah, you too," Felix hugged her back.

"Ugh..." Jenna awoke and then stared. "Ahh!"

"What's with her?" Mia raised an eyebrow.

"She's staring... at me..." Alex backed away.

"You..." Jenna got up and advanced on the terrified Alex, a delirious look on her face. "You're hot!"

"I... am?" Alex yelped as Jenna glomped onto him.

"SQUEE!" Jenna squealed. "I have a hot guy of my very own!"

"That was unexpected," Mia commented.

"Sorry about her, she's on a sugar high," Felix sighed. "Anyway, let's get out of here."

Somehow they all got out of there, Jenna refusing to let go of Alex the entire way. Then they found a bedraggled, starving Garet somewhere on the side of the road. Which was odd, considering he had only been alone for an hour.

"I'm cold and wet and hungry and lonely and I want to go home!" Garet wailed as the ugly car stopped in front of him.

"Alex..." Jenna mumbled into the blue-haired man's chest, a dreamy smile on her face.

"Just get in the car," Felix said tiredly, unimpressed by Garet's poor little beggar act.

"You're mean!" Garet wailed as he got in. "Why is everybody so mean to me?" He promptly began fake-angsting.

"You know, we can always leave you behind," Sheba smiled sweetly. "Now button it."

"Aww, don't be so mean to him," Mia protested. She blushed and looked down. "I feel sorry for him."

Alex muttered something about freaking saints under his breath so that Mia would not hear and then winced as Jenna squeezed tighter, a happy grin on her face.

**FIN.**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Golden Insanity**_

_Welcome to another brain-busting, gut-wrenching laugh-out-loud chapter of Golden Insanity! This story ain't dead yet, not by a long stretch. And "Fin." only referred to the end of the Ryuujoukohaku Kyoudai segments, yep. Don't feel like making up any more stories for that part. Don't worry, I have many more ideas for insane, crazy, funny stories to keep you amused! Hurray!_

_Those witty scene dividers are another matter however. Ah, well. Guess I'll just say random sentences or something._

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------------LUKE, I AM YOUR------------  
--------FATHER'S FATHER's FA...--------  
----------OH WAIT, WASN'T--------------  
--------ANAKIN IMMACULATELY-------  
--------CONCEPTED? BLAH!---------------  
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"Wahh! Help me!" Feizhi yelled, for she was tied to a tree and a creepy monster with fangs was advancing on her. "A creepy monster is about to eat me!"

"Bloargh! I am about to eat you!" The creepy monster said.

"I just said that, dumbass," Feizhi said.

"That's not your line," The monster, who was really Hsu in a suit, spoke up.

"Shut up, Hsu, I'm trying as best as I can considering my script just got blown away!" Feizhi glared up at a tree, where the script was currently fluttering from a stray tree branch. "Do you think I can read it from here?"

"This is our fifth take already," Hsu groaned.

"Cut!" A director yelled. "Take 6, scene: The Dark Doom Monster attacks Xian!"

"What kind of a name is Dark Doom Monster anyway?" A coffee delivering person nearby asked. The director threw an empty coffee mug at him.

"Wahh. Help me," Feizhi said in a deadpan voice. "HELP!"

"Hahahahahahahaha! I'll eat you!" Hsu Monster laughed.

The cameras swung away from the hapless Xian duo (in relief?) and towards a group of five behind a bunch of trees.

"So, basically, I'm Sailor Moon because I was born on the moon apparently and I have to have a Pokemon as my guide? This is so lame," Sheba muttered.

"Clefairy," The Clefairy hopping around Sheba's feet looked sad.

"You think that's bad?" Isaac sulked. "I've got to be Sailor Venus and wear a miniskirt. Not even Ivan as Sailor Jupiter is that funny because he looks like a girl anyway!"

"Hey!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Oh, the camera's on us," Jenna pointed out. "Let's just say our lines."

"TIME TO TRANSFORM," The Clefairy wrote on its special talking keyboard device.

"Moon Stone Power," Sheba grimaced as she held out the Moon Stone, wondering what kind of trouble she would get into if she just used it to evolve the stupid Clefairy instead. Why couldn't she have a Jigglypuff instead and get it to sing the entire crew to sleep?

"Mars Star Power," Jenna held up the Mars Star.

"Mercury Star Power," Mia did the same with the Mercury Star.

"Jupiter Star Power," Ivan glumly held up the Jupiter Star.

"Venus Star Power," Isaac said even more glumly while holding up the Venus Star.

"**MAKE UP!**" The group yelled in a horrible cacophony of dramatic, monotone, melodramatic and flat voices.

Somehow, they transformed into sailor outfits.

"My legs feel naked," Sheba muttered.

"I feel naked," Mia whimpered.

"Prepare to be eaten!" Hsu yelled.

"Just shut up and eat me already," Feizhi glared at the monster.

"What?" Hsu spluttered.

"Eat me please!" Feizhi wailed. "I'm so emo and miserable because I have lived a live of poverty! My parents were dramatically embroiled in a war of love and passion when they found themselves in a menage a trois with a bisexual man dressed as a woman, then they both formed a suicide pact and leaped off Lovers Leap, leaving me to be abducted by aliens who carried me to the Planet Fwahyfwahy where I worked as a slave in a diamond mine, then I escaped by seducing an alien and was brought back here only to find that I was now 8000 years in the future and ever since I have wandered the Earth seeking all the answers to life, the universe and everything. Oh, and I once went into a coma and-"

"Stop!" Hsu fell over.

"Feizhi, what are you doing?" One of the crew yelled. "This isn't some soap opera comedy!"

"Stop right there!"

"Cut!" The director screamed.

"A terrible monster who wants to end the life of a pretty girl from an oriental village who only wants to unite with the man she even went so far as to make a ring for," Sheba declared, the Sailor group behind her. "Crossing over mountains, searching far and wide for him, how can you possibly want to end such a beautiful dream?"

"Sailor Moon!" Feizhi exclaimed. "Hey, wait a minute, it's only Sheba wearing a miniskirt and tiara. How can anyone not tell it's Sheba?"

"Yeah!" Jenna agreed. "I don't look any different, I'm only wearing different clothes and jewellery, yet nobody can tell who I am? How weird is that?"

"For love and justice, a pretty soldier in a sailor suit!" Sheba yelled. "Sailor Moon! Guys, I feel stupid."

"Hehehehe!" Hsu flung out a hand, trapping the soldiers in a spider web thingy.

"We can't attack!" Mia exclaimed.

"First of all, I shall eat you!" The Hsu Monster started stomping towards the Sailor soldiers.

"I said, cut!" The director screamed. "What's wrong with you morons?"

"We just want to get this sham over and done with," A person answered the director's question. "Just let us finish this."

**Zip.**

A shiny red rose cut through the web and it shrivelled away, releasing the Sailor soldiers.

"What?" The monster turned around to look up at a young man standing in a tree, with a top hat, tuxedo and masquerade mask.

"Tuxedo Mask!" Sheba squealed.

"Insert cheesy lines here," Felix muttered and sat down. "Go ahead, finish him off, Sailor Moon!"

"Felix, you're supposed to say the cheesy lines!" Jenna shouted at him.

"I don't want to!" Felix shouted back. "I feel stupid!"

"You are a lazy, moronic older brother!" Jenna yelled. "In the name of Mars, I will chastise you! Hey, wait, Sheba, you didn't say that part."

"Aw man, I forgot," Sheba slapped her forehead. "I was focusing so much on feeling stupid, I forgot my lines. In the name of the Moon, I'll punish you!"

"I kinda realised you were going to," Hsu sweat-dropped.

"Guys, I'm cold and tired and I want to go home," Feizhi complained. "Can't we just quit?"

"That's it!" The director threw down a bunch of papers. "I quit! This parody is off! Everything is off! Everybody go home!"

"YAY!" Everybody on the set yelled. The set was abandoned within five minutes.

"I'll go find another world to terrorise with parodies," The director muttered, jumping through a hole in the air with Scary Author Powers.

"Clefairy!" yelled the little pink Pokemon, following the director through the hole.

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-----------MY BOLOGNA---------------  
---------HAS A FIRST NAME-----------  
---------BUT I'M NOT TELLING--------  
----------YOU WHAT IT IS!-------------  
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It was night time and Picard was looking through a telescope.

Goodness knows where he found the telescope. Meanwhile, Jenna, Sheba, Felix and Kraden were having a picnic nearby.

"Why are we having a night picnic?" Felix wondered. "It seems pretty strange to me."

"It's cold too," Sheba complained.

"Maybe it's just a tacked on plot device that makes no sense," Jenna shrugged as she chewed on a meat bun.

"Look, everyone, it is the constellation, Orion!" Kraden pointed at the sky. "Does it not seem like it shines brightest at midnight?"

"But it's not midnight yet, Kraden," Sheba pointed out.

"I have a suspicious feeling that was a deliberate error," Jenna muttered.

"I have a feeling you need some sleep," Felix pointed out.

"No, I don't," Jenna argued.

Suddenly, the strange sound of humming filled the air. Kraden exclaimed in shock. The confused Adepts looked up in the direction Kraden was frantically waving his finger at and were very surprised to see some kind of huge, flying disc soaring through the air.

"What the heck is that?" Picard exclaimed, looking away from the telescope. A strange blue beam shot down from the flying disc which we shall identify as a spaceship and started dragging him upwards. Picard screamed and grabbed onto the telescope as the mighty spaceship tractor beam pulled and yanked at him.

"Help me!" Picard yelled.

"Picard!" Sheba exclaimed. "Hang on!"

"We're not jumping into that beam to save you!" Felix exclaimed. "We'll only get dragged up too!"

"Yeah, and we can always ask Alex, if we need a Water Adept that badly," Jenna suddenly got a dreamy expression on her face. "I do kind of miss Alex actually..."

"Um, don't we need him to get into Lemuria?" Kraden asked.

"Oh, crap!" Felix, Sheba and Jenna started running towards Picard and the telescope in an attempt to save him from the Spaceship of Doom.

"Wahhhh!" Picard yelled, losing his grip and getting sucked into the spaceship. The spaceship promptly flew away.

"Double crap," Felix shook his head.

"I guess we'll just have to ask very nicely when we get there," Jenna looked sad.

"Yeah..." Sheba sighed.

Picard groggily awoke to the horrifying sight of aliens poking him with green probes. He promptly started laughing. "Hee-hee! Not there! That tickles!"

"The specimen is awake," A little green alien leered at him, blinking its bulbous black eyes. "Tell us, _human_, what is your designation?"

"My designation?" Picard frowned.

"Yes," Another alien hissed. "For example, I am 38259. This is my companion, 25381. We are numbered based on the order of birth. 88395 was born yesterday and it was a tremendously fantastic occasion."

"You mean, my name?" Picard realised. "My name is Picard."

The aliens suddenly looked stunned. They ran to a corner and started yelling at each other.

"I can't believe we kidnapped Picard!"

"Are you sure he's Picard?"

"His crew could be here to bust us any moment now!"

"But Picard's bald!"

"Maybe he's wearing a wig!"

"And Picard's well into middle age!"

"Well..."

"You know, if you hate my name so much, you could call me Piers instead," Picard suggested. "But couldn't you just take me home?"

"We must return him to Weyard at once!" An alien shouted. "The last thing we need is his crew running in here and exterminating us!"

"But he can't be that Picard!" Another alien argued.

"Who cares?" Yet another alien snapped. "Let's just return him anyway."

So, they promptly returned a very confused Picard to the site he had been kidnapped from. The others were very relieved to see Picard back.

"What happened?" Felix asked.

"I'm not sure," Picard subconsciously rubbed his bottom. "But I guess I was kidnapped by some green men who didn't like my name."

"Maybe you should go and get some rest," Sheba said pityingly.

"I'm telling the truth!" Picard yelled as he was immediately dragged to the nearest Inn.

**One Month later**

"Are you ill?" Jenna concernedly looked at Picard, who looked a bit green. "You keep... going to the bathroom."

"I've been getting sick a lot," Picard complained.

"I just caught some fish!" Sheba walked into the ship's cabin, holding a flapping trout. "Who likes trout?"

Picard took one look at the trout, put a hand over his mouth and ran.

"Since when does trout make Picard sick?" Jenna narrowed her eyes.

"I don't know," Sheba stared at the trout. "Anyway, let's go and gut the fish so we can have a nice fish supper tonight."

**Three Months later**

"You're putting on weight," Felix pointed at Picard's round stomach. "Have you been eating the rations?"

"I most certainly have not," Picard looked offended. "However, I do believe I would like some rice balls dipped in mustard and served with potato chips and dill pickle."

"Uh... right..." Felix backed away slowly. "You have some odd tastes."

"But I want rice balls in mustard with chips and pickle!" Picard sniffled, his eyes tearing up. "You're mean!"

"I am not mean!" Felix yelled.

"Are too!" Picard started bawling.

"Hey, Picard, I'll give you rice balls in mustard with chips and pickle," Sheba edged up to Picard. "If you do me a favour."

"Oh?" Picard brightened. "What's the favour, Sheba?"

"Tell me your age!" Sheba grinned evilly.

"Screw it," Picard said huffily, stomping away.

"Why is Picard having mood swings?" Felix frowned.

"He's been really weird lately and he's getting all fat," Sheba looked pensive. "How odd."

**Seven Months later**

The group had finished the quest to save the world a while ago and Picard was worried. He had a very large stomach now and occasionally it felt like something was... kicking him from the inside.

Somehow, Kraden got it and zoomed to Picard with the answers.

"Picard," Kraden said brightly. "In two months, you'll give birth to a baby."

"What?" Picard laughed incredulously. "Kraden, I am a MAN. Not a woman. A man."

"You have had mood swings and morning sickness, plus odd food cravings," Kraden explained. "That strange sensation you've had is the baby kicking you. Your stomach is becoming bigger because of the baby growing in you."

"No... way..." Picard said slowly, his eyes widening.

"Ever since you returned from the spaceship, you have been... pregnant," Kraden announced.

The aliens. They made him pregnant. Somehow. He was going to have a _baby_. He was a _pregnant man_.

"AAAAHHHH!" Picard fainted, falling out of the chair.

A blinding light flooded his eyelids.

Picard creaked open his eyes, seeing sunlight flowing out of a window. Someone had just yanked some curtains apart. He confusedly sat up, seeing a few people in the room.

"Congratulations," Mia walked up to him and placed a warm bundle in his arms.

"It's a healthy baby boy," Sheba beamed at him.

"Aren't you glad?" Jenna smiled.

"What..." Picard drew back the bundle of cloth and saw a small face with yellow eyes. Which didn't make any sense because babies have blue eyes. But then again, nobody has yellow eyes either. "Who... who is the mother?" He asked tentatively.

"You are, of course!" Ivan bounced up.

"Yeah, you got pregnant all by yourself!" Garet laughed from a random corner of the room.

"How does it feel to be a single mother AND father, Picard?" Isaac asked.

"Which is more painful, giving birth or getting kicked in the nuts?" Felix queried.

Picard screamed again. "AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Picard, wake up!"

Picard shot awake, looking into Felix's confused gaze.

"Are you okay?" Felix asked. "You couldn't stop screaming."

"I..." Picard sat up, shaking. "Felix, am I pregnant?"

"..." Felix paused, staring at Picard. "Um... no?"

"Thank the elements!" Picard cried in relief. "Where are we?"

"We're in Vault," Felix said in exasperation. "We finished the journey, remember?"

"That's right, I remember now," Picard laughed in relief. "So I never got kidnapped by aliens after all."

"What kind of stuff have you been dreaming?" Felix's eyes widened.

"You don't want to know," Picard smiled.

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---------------HOLY-----------------------  
-----------RAMPAGING------------------  
-----------BANANAS OF-----------------  
--------------DOOM!----------------------  
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Idejima was swiftly floating on the sea and the problem with this was that Alex, Felix, Jenna, Sheba and Kraden were very bored of sitting on a floating island so they decided to go and explore the floating island. While they explored, they discovered a somehow hidden cave somewhere among the trees. So of course, they had to check out this amazing discovery.

"There's nothing in here," Alex sat on a stone ledge and sighed. "I'm sick of this boring island."

"At least it's shelter over our heads," Sheba commented.

"Sheba, we are floating in the middle of the ocean without a boat on some island," Jenna gritted her teeth. "And you are worried about rain?"

"But I don't want to get wet!" Sheba started tearing up. "And... and... we could be stuck here for ages!"

"Hey, I found something," Felix held up a lamp. "A lamp."

"Amazing!" Kraden yelled, not even looking at Felix. "An electric device existing on this island!" He rushed over to Felix and stared at the lamp in confusion.

"Not that kind of lamp, Kraden," Felix raised an eyebrow.

"That's not a lamp, it's a jug," Jenna argued.

"No, it's a teakettle," Sheba argued with Jenna.

"It's an oil lamp!" Alex exclaimed. "Honestly."

"But why is it sitting in a cave?" Jenna stared at the lamp.

"It feels smooth," Felix rubbed the side of the lamp. "It's got some nice designs on the side too."

Suddenly, a puff of smoke shot out of its spout. Felix screamed and dropped the lamp. Fortunately, it did not break.

"WHO HAS AWOKEN ME FROM SLEEP?" asked the smoke as it formed into the shape of... a Djinni.

"Um, which Djinni are you?" Alex asked.

"Uh... I don't know," The Djinni answered. "But for awakening me from sleep, I will grant five wishes."

"Ooh," Kraden hung back, looking pensive. "I could wish for... ultimate knowledge or... something..." His glasses glinted.

"I wish for Idejima to smack into the nearest continent already!" Felix wished.

A huge tremor shook the island as it slammed into Indra as it should. The tidal wave passed over Idejima anyway. Somehow, the cave didn't get flooded or anything.

"I wish to be rich and famous, a beautiful singer, talented at everything, with a palace and beautiful clothes, loved by all!" Jenna declared grandly. Suddenly, she was wearing a floaty pink ballgown with satin pink slippers, lots of jewellery, and her hair hung down, a tiara glittering from the crown of her head. "Amazing!" Jenna squealed.

"I... I wish..." Sheba blushed and whispered to the Djinni. "I want to be a beautiful girl, 4 years older." Like Jenna, Sheba promptly transformed.

"I wish to remain young and beautiful, to be stunning, beautiful and handsome, admired for my looks worldwide," Alex fingered his silky hair. "I really need to be treated for my vanity."

Felix stared at Alex in surprise. Alex hadn't noticed, but he looked different. He looked more _feminine_. The most feminine male of all bishounen, surely. His eyes were big and cute, his features were slender, his body was lithe... Felix went red as he realised he was staring. Damn, Alex was looking far too womanly now.

"Your wishes have been granted," The Djinni vanished into the lamp. Kraden snatched up the lamp and pocketed it, looking a little annoyed. Everybody had merely thought of themselves and made selfish, conceited wishes. He, Kraden, could have done much better!

"WOW!" Jenna screamed, running out of the cave. "Look at me! I'm so beautiful!"

"Me too!" Alex pranced out of the cave after Jenna.

"I think you're too beautiful," Felix muttered at Alex's back, his eyes narrowed. "Vain idiot."

"Um, Felix," Sheba followed Felix out of the cave. "How do I look?"

"Sheba," Felix looked back at her. "Why did you make yourself older?"

"Don't you... like me better... now that I'm... older?" Sheba blushed. "I wished to become older so you would notice me."

"Uh..." Felix was feeling way too weirded out to think clearly. Sheba was older, Alex was really feminine looking and there was a crowd clustering around Jenna. What was a crowd doing on this island, er, peninsula anyway?

"I wanted to impress you so that you would like me more!" Sheba cried. "And now you're not even noticing me!"

"Sheba, calm down," Kraden cut in. "Felix seems to be very confused right now."

"But..." Sheba sniffled.

"I don't care what age you are, Sheba," Felix snapped back into reality when he realised Sheba needed an answer. "Sheba, you're special no matter what. I like you for yourself, not your age. Age is meaningless. I liked you as your normal age."

"So... you don't want me to be older after all?" Sheba bit her lip. "Drat. I should have made a better wish."

"Isn't my hair just so lovely?" Alex twirled. "Look at how it glistens in the sunlight!"

"Yeah, sure," Kraden waved his hand impatiently. "We need to sort this mess out."

"Hey!" Felix yelled, noticing that Jenna was being carried away in a carriage. "Where's Jenna going?" The crowd were even chasing after the carriage. "Why are all those people following her?"

"Because she's famous and talented," Sheba said sourly. "I'm glad someone's happy with their wish."

The group followed the carriage all the way to a huge palace, surrounded by a large fence and gates. A huge crowd hung outside the gates, guarded by two security guards.

"Hey, we need to get in," Felix said through the gate. "Can you let us in?"

"No way," The guard refused. "Lady Jenna is not accepting any visitors right now."

"Lady... Jenna?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"But I'm her brother!" Felix exclaimed.

"Yeah, sure, and I'm her father's cousin's grandfather's brother's nephew's dog's friend's owner's wife's ex-husband's brother's cat's enemy's owner," The guard said sarcastically.

"But my dad doesn't have any cousins!" Felix cried.

"Felix, he was being sarcastic," Kraden pulled Felix away from the fence.

"How are we going to get in?" Sheba said desperately. "We need to get Jenna back so we can sort this mess out."

"No biggie, I'll warp you all in," Alex held out his arms. "Grab on."

And so, Alex warped into the palace with them. Several people in the crowd saw them disappear, screamed and fainted. Or generally just screamed.

"Wow!" Jenna flounced around her chambers in amazement. "The bed is huge! And the wardrobe! And it's so beautiful! Wow!" She fell onto a soft and cosy chair, her eyes sparkling with happiness. "Oh, this is just amazing!"

Alex warped in with Felix, Sheba and Kraden, behind the wardrobe. They prepared to reveal themselves but then a knock sounded on the door.

"Come in!" Jenna said grandly, leaping to her feet.

Two maids walked into the room and curtseyed.

"Lady Jenna," One of the maids said. "Your advisor is here with a suitor. Shall we let them in?"

'A suitor? Is that someone who makes suits?' Jenna wondered. "Um, sure, send them in."

The maids called and two men walked into the room.

"Lady Jenna," One of the men bowed. "This is a rich and eligible bachelor who wishes to have your hand in marriage."

Jenna's face flared red and she suddenly realised what a suitor was.

"That's ridiculous!" Alex yelled, running out from behind the wardrobe. "You want her to marry a stranger?"

"I was about to do that," Felix muttered. "Or at least beat the living hell out of-"

"Let it go, Felix," Sheba nudged him. "Just let Jenna have her fun for now."

"Oh?" The first man, apparently the advisor, stared at the annoyed Alex. "I did not know you had a lady friend in here."

"L-lady?" Alex squeaked.

"Such a magnificent woman, if not lacking in the chest area," The suitor said pityingly. "But, Lady Jenna, she is not a patch upon you. Your voice is as beautiful as a nightingale and your eyes sparkle like stars! Beautiful madam, will you allow me to dine with you tonight? I, Lord Fizzywig-Agsadfhjkwalla, desire your kind company."

"Is he for real?" Kraden asked derisively.

"I... look like a girl?" Alex muttered. "I had no idea." He rushed over to a mirror, stared at his reflection and shrieked. "I didn't look this beautiful!"

"Oh, Lord Fizzywig-Ag...sad... uh, something," Jenna clasped her hands to her chest. "It is an honour to be approached by a wealthy and handsome bachelor as you. I kindly accept your offer to dine together tonight."

"What?" Alex said incredulously.

"Who are you?" The advisor looked at Alex suspiciously.

"I am Alex," Alex narrowed his eyes.

"Short for Alexandra?"

"AlexanDER!"

"Wow, Alex, I've never heard you use your full name before," Jenna looked surprised.

"That's because nobody calls me Alexander and lives," Alex frowned.

"Maids, could you please keep my friend, Alex, entertained," Jenna laughed nervously. "I wish to take my suitor, Lord Fizzywig, on a tour of the grand palace." Her eyes sparkled as she stared at the handsome suitor. He really was hot! Jenna blushed, unable to take her eyes off him. Lord Fizzywig held out his arm and Jenna looped hers with his, preparing to escort him out of the room.

"Jenna, WAIT!" Felix yelled, leaping out from behind the wardrobe. "We don't have time for you to dine with strangers and act like you're rich and famous! We've got to save our parents, remember?"

"Felix!" Sheba snapped.

"Who are you?" The advisor glared at him.

"Help me," Alex whimpered as the maids tried to bodily drag Alex out of the room, to keep him entertained apparently.

"Lady Jenna, you had a man in your room?" Lord Fizzywig looked shocked.

"What are you implying?" Jenna snapped at him.

"I am her brother," Felix crossed his arms. "And I do not approve of you pimping out my little sister to the first stranger that asks!"

"And I agree!" Sheba stepped out. "Jenna, you have no idea who that man is! He might have nine wives and keep skeletons in his cupboards."

"I was just having a little fun!" Jenna wailed. "I wasn't going to marry him or anything!"

"Don't you know the meaning of suitor?" Kraden also stepped out.

"Uh, no..." Jenna frowned. "I thought it was something to do with suits."

"Lady Jenna, if you show no interest in Lord Fizzywig, shall I escort him away from the castle?" The advisor asked.

"Get OFF me!" Alex screamed, shrugging the maids aside and running to stand beside Felix, Sheba and Kraden.

"Fine, take him away," Jenna waved a hand airily. "I thought his nose was a bit on the large side anyway."

"No!" Lord Fizzywig laughed and whipped out a knife which he held to Jenna's throat. Jenna nonchalantly looked at the knife, an eyebrow raised. "I shall take this girl to marry! Hah hah hah hah! And you can't stop me because then she'll die! Hah hah hah hah hah hah!"

"OH NOES," The advisor and maids cried.

"You're kidding, aren't you?" Felix muttered.

"This is ridiculous," Alex gritted his teeth.

"Um, guys, shouldn't we save Jenna?" Sheba asked.

"Judging by her expression, I don't think that's necessary," Kraden replied.

"Come with me, lady," Fizzywig laughed as he tried to pull Jenna out of the room.

"Oh no!" Jenna said loudly and dramatically. "I am being kidnapped! Why, I might have the vapours," She drew a hand across her forehead and let it hang there. "This man is trying to take me hostage and I can't do... a... thing!" Suddenly, a jet of flame shot out of her hand and struck Fizzywig, who went flying, screaming all the while, and smashed into a wall. The knife clattered to the floor harmlessly. "Huh. Imbecile," Jenna walked over to the relieved group. "So what shall we do next?"

"How did you do that?" The advisor and maids gasped, before they all fell over in a faint.

"We still have one last wish," Kraden held up the lamp. "And I have a pretty good idea what I should wish for."

"More wishes?" Jenna inquired.

"For that guard who was sarcastic to me to fall in a heap of manure?" Felix asked.

"The answer to life, the universe and everything?" Sheba suggested.

"For this nightmare to end?" Alex pleaded.

"I wish for everything to be back to normal," Kraden said dramatically, holding up the lamp.

"Your wish is my command!" The Djinni's voice came out of the lamp.

Some sparkly stuff happened and then Felix, Jenna, Sheba, Alex and Kraden were standing on the floating island, Idejima, with no oil lamp, and completely back to normal.

"I wouldn't have minded keeping that palace," Jenna sighed wistfully.

"Do I look normal again?" Alex enquired worriedly.

"Yes," Felix replied, feeling very relieved.

"And I'm fourteen again!" Sheba looked down at her body.

"That's right, everything is normal again," Kraden smiled. "And wishing for more wishes never works, I'm sure. I bet that loophole was sealed up a long time ago."

"Hey, check out that tidal wave!" Sheba exclaimed, standing on the beach.

"AAAAHHHHH!"


	8. Chapter 8

_**Golden Insanity ** _

Yay, another random fun chapter! Let's see what I can come up with. Unfortunately, Naruto parodies are out of the question, as a reviewer suggested, since I have never even seen the show. Got a parody idea for this chapter though.

And, um, Picard will be called Piers now, I'm finally just going to get used to the name, so don't get confused or anything.

_And this chapter's a little on the short side, I'm afraid. My computer's out of commission at the moment and I'm having to use a slow, cumbersome thing with slow dial-up for writing needs. _

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-----------BEWARE THE-------------------  
---------KILLER KITTIES!-----------------  
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The unexpected had happened.

Snakes were falling from the sky everywhere.

Cobras in Contigo.

Boas in Bilibin.

Kraits in Kalay.

Lanceheads in Lalivero.

Cottonmouths in Kolima.

It was here.

**SNAKES ON WEYARD. **

Our revered Adept heroes were currently vacationing in Izumo. The people of Izumo were having a festival right now, many villagers were dancing, and the drummer of choice was a girl with a short skirt, up on the high platform. Garet was taking advantage of this and staring up at the girl.

"Wow," Garet drooled. "Check out that girl's underwear!"

"Garet, you sick pig!" Sheba scolded in revulsion.

"Hey, things are falling from the sky," Piers craned his neck. "Are they ties?"

"Uh," Mia looked down as one landed next to her. "Snakes!"

"You're kidding?" Felix backed away from a writhing, hissing snake. "Snakes are actually falling from the sky?"

"Ah, don't worry," Isaac waved a hand airily. "I'm sure snakes are harmless."

"How cute!" Sheba patted a rattlesnake on the head.

"I'm keeping this as a pet!" Jenna scooped up an adder and hugged it. "I shall call him Squishy and he will be my squishy!"

"Ugh... agh..." Ivan choked. "Unn..."

"You okay?" Isaac glanced at Ivan, who had a python wrapped around his neck. "You're blue in the face."

"Gwaa..." Ivan fell over, kicking and flailing at the snake.

"Hey, that snake up there is dancing to the drums," Garet pointed and laughed, little noticing a snake's fangs sunken into his ear.

"Kraden, aren't snakes dangerous?" Piers asked.

"That can be so," Kraden got into scholarly mode. "Many snakes possess a venomous bite, and if the wound is left untreated, it can be fatal."

"Guuu..." Ivan cast Sleep on the python and it fell asleep, relaxing its grip. "Whew!" He gasped for breath.

"Oh, pish-posh," Isaac shrugged. "I bet it's just a tiny little bite and it wouldn't hurt me."

A King Cobra promptly sidled up and then lunged at Isaac, sinking its fangs into his hand.

"That all you got?" Isaac said dismissively. "It doesn't even hurt."

"HISS!" The King Cobra angrily began biting Isaac in a furious frenzy. Isaac fell over in a faint seconds later.

"Help!" Mia screamed, backing up against a tree. "SAVE ME!"

The tiny, harmless little grass snake promptly wrapped itself around Mia's leg in a friendly hug.

"WAHHHH!" Mia screamed. "I'm in danger!"

"Here, little Squishy," Jenna dangled a rabbit above the adder's snapping jaws. "Ha ha! Missed!" Where she got a rabbit from, nobody knew.

Squishy the Adder was not amused. The furious snake promptly lunged at Jenna and bit her on the nose.

"AHH!" Jenna threw the rabbit and ran around in a frenzy. "MY NOSE! MY NOSE! MY FACE! ITS RUNING MY FACE! IT HURTS!"

"Jenna!" Garet noticed she was in distressed. "Hold still, I'll get it off for you!"

Jenna stood still with great difficulty. Garet promptly delivered a high kick and smashed his foot into Jenna's face, dislodging the adder. However, Jenna now had a red footprint on her face and a bloody nose. She started to look very angry, very angry indeed.

"Uh... you don't look very pleased..." Garet backed away. Jenna promptly screamed with primal fury and proceeded to beat the life out of him.

"Just where are these snakes coming from?" Felix wondered.

"They are falling thanks to **ME!**" A voice boomed from behind him.

The surprised Adepts, except the still fainted Isaac, looked up at... a giant twenty-foot long viper that reared up far above their heads.

"Holy crap!" Ivan gasped.

"Snakes can't get that big, can they?" Kraden frowned.

"And snakes don't talk either," Piers raised an eyebrow.

"That's no ordinary snake," Sheba swallowed.

"I've HAD it with these **BLEEP**-in' snakes on **BLEEP**-in' Weyard!" Jenna yelled.

Nobody noticed her colorful language however, all staring up in horror or curiosity at this giant, talking viper.

"I am King Serpentium, lord of all snakes, and future ruler of the world!" The viper laughed. "I possess all of Alchemy. I make snakes fall from the sky. The population of snakes outdoes the population of humans. Snakes bite. People die. Snakes rule. MUAHAHAHA."

"How did you get all of Alchemy?" Mia asked.

"I bit this blue-haired guy and I got more powerful," Serpentium explained. "Then I came along to Izumo and bit that blonde guy over there. He didn't even notice. Now I was all-powerful and I could make snakes rain down from the sky! You foolish people are powerless! HA HA!"

"We're doomed," Kraden whimpered. "It's been great knowing you all."

"I'm not losing to a twenty-foot tall talking snake... wielding Alchemy..." Felix trailed off. "Oh damn it."

"Isaac?" Mia touched Isaac's face. "Your skin is very cold. Are you even alive? Oh? You're not? Well, why didn't you tell me? Dew, revive Isaac!"

Isaac was promptly revived. "See? I told you snakes were harmless! That snake's puny bites didn't even harm me!"

"What's this?" Garet picked up a basilisk. "Hey, its eyes are taped over." He ripped off the tape and held the snake up towards Serpentium. "Hey, why did this snake have tape on its eyes?"

Serpentium automatically looked down at Garet and accidentally looked into the basilisk's eyes. "Oh sh..." He promptly fell over dead and exploded, allowing Alchemy to escape and go off wherever.

"Garet, put the tape back!" Kraden yelled. "That's a basilisk!"

"Uh, ok," Garet shrugged and put the tape back on the snake's eyes. "Are we saved now?"

"The snakes have stopped falling," Sheba grinned. "Weyard's saved! ... Again."

"Alchemy is loose," Ivan pointed out. "Weyard's still not safe."

"Let's just get back to vacationing and pretend Weyard is very, very safe," Felix said through gritted teeth. He was getting a headache and it was putting him on edge.

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--------------PH33R-----------------------  
-----------------M3-------------------------  
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Alex was hopelessly doomed as Mt. Aleph sank into Weyard with him on top of it. Mercifully, he fell unconscious before he could see his fate.

When he woke up, he was in a dank cavern underground. It was dark and scary and Alex didn't like it.

"I want my mommy!" Alex bawled tearfully. "It's dark and scary in here!"

A few minutes later, Alex heard a scuffling noise and he promptly scooted up against the wall and began sucking his thumb in pure fear.

A drop of moisture splashed to the ground.

Alex whimpered.

And then he saw shiny eyes in the darkness.

"WAHHHHH!" Alex shrieked.

"Do not be afraid," The thing in the darkness spoke with a soft, warm voice.

"Are you going to eat me?" Alex squeaked, looking at the shiny eyes in pure fear.

The thing chuckled. "No, young human, I am not going to eat you. Come with me."

"But..." Alex waved his hands through the inky darkness as he shuffled forwards. "I can't see..."

A soft, clawed hand gripped one of his own and he felt a tug. Alex obligingy let the thing pull him along as he crawled through the tunnel, bumping over rocks, twigs and an assortment of other things buried underground.

Eventually, Alex could see a light. He was pulled down a slope and ended up in what looked like a city. The tunnel ceiling loomed high up above his head and the ground had been shaped in huts nd other necessities. There were torches fixed into the walls, with brightly flickering flames, to provide light.

Alex's jaw dropped as he saw what looked like large moles. He slowly turned to see what had brought him here. A three foot tall mole. A dizzy faint washed over him and he fell down unconscious.

When Alex awoke, he was sitting up on a chair on a pedestal and the three foot tall moles were sitting in front of the pedestal, just staring at him.

"Where am I?" Alex asked. "Who are you?"

"Welcome to Moletropolis, the city of moles," A mole spoke up. "We are an ancient race of talking moles and have always dwelled underground."

"You are the one whose arrival we have prophesized," Another mole squeaked excitedly. "For hundreds of years, it was foretold that one day a blue-haired human would descend from the world above and come to rule over us all."

The moles promptly bowed.

"Hail to our king!"

Alex blinked, stupefied.

He was destined to rule over a bunch of talking moles?

Oh Iris... he had to be crazy. He had lost his mind. This was all a crazy dream, wasn't it?

Well, if it wasn't...

"Well... my... loyal servants," Alex said hesitantly. "Could you... dig a hole... back to Weyard? I... order you to as your king!"

Well, that was a plan. Escape these talking moles, take a bath, change his ways, be a good guy instead, give Alchemy to some pure-hearted monk. Anything to get away!

"Sorry, but we cannot show ourselves on the surface," A mole told him. "We have always remained a secret from the humans and cannot possibly risk exposing ourselves."

Alex's spirits sank.

"Would you like some food, Your Majesty?" Another mole beamed, presenting a plateful of juicy wriggling worms.

Alex stared at the dirty, squirming worms and promptly wished himself dead.

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------------PIE IS--------------------------  
------------NICE---------------------------  
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The Adept band walked up to the aerie of the Mars Lighthouse and were greeted with the gruesome sight of a three-headed dragon. Beneath the three headed dragon were three separate piles of clothes. The Adepts stared at the dragon, then at the clothes.

Jenna gasped. "Hey, those clothes look familiar!"

"Mom and Dad's clothes?" Felix's eyes widened.

"Dad's clothes..." Isaac looked horrified.

"They wore the same clothes for the last three years?" Garet raised an eyebrow.

"Well, so did we, Garet," Jenna pointed out. "And so did Isaac, and Felix. And Isaac's mom."

"Oh, yeah," Garet realised. "Did we just not have any other clothes?"

"Did the clothes grow to fit you as you grew up?" Ivan asked.

"You'll never have to worry about that," Sheba smirked.

"Hey! Take that back!" Ivan started chasing Sheba around the aerie.

"Guys? The dragon?" Piers desperately tried to divert their attention.

"Hey, if those are the parents' clothes, then where are the parents?" Mia asked.

Everybody stopped what they were doing and slowly looked up at the dragon, who licked its lips.

"Oh, elements," Kraden gasped. "The dragon has eaten your parents."

"No!" Jenna wailed.

"So that's where they went," Felix looked crestfallen.

"You monster!" Isaac shouted at the Doom Dragon, reaching for the Sol Blade strapped to his back.

The Doom Dragon swerved one golden head to fix its beady eyes on him.

"You killed my father!" Isaac waved the sword, eyes brimming with angry tears.

"No, Isaac..." The golden head spoke in a deep voice that sounded strangely like Kyle's yet more breathy. "_I_ am your father."

"That... that can't be!" Isaac's jaw dropped and he backed away.

"Search your feelings, you know it to be true," The head chuckled.

"Noooooooo!" Isaac screamed, clutching his head while the Sol Blade fell to the floor.

"Isaac, wake up!"

Isaac groggily woke up near the steps leading up to the aerie. Everybody stood around him, looking concerned.

"Are you okay?" Mia looked concerned.

"You've got to be more careful, Isaac, the floor's wet and slippery," Ivan told him.

"Yeah, you slipped and fell and hit your head," Garet added.

"We didn't... find a dragon, did we?" Isaac got to his feet, looking confused.

"Dragon?" Jenna blinked. "Agatio and Karst?"

"Never mind," Isaac shook his head. "I guess it was just a dream."

"Yeah," Sheba agreed. "Let's go save the world now."


	9. Chapter 9

_**Golden Insanity**_

_My computer is no longer on the fritz, so I can make the effort to deliver a better chapter of one of the funniest, most random, most insane Golden Sun stories! And, um, last chapter, heh, I didn't think anyone would get the mole thing. A long time ago on GameFAQs, I think, people were talking about what GS3 would be about and a very strange individual said something about Alex getting pulled underground and hanging out with mole people. I think they might have just been a bit drunk to think of that. But hey, it gave me quick inspiration for a skit._

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--------------DO A-----------------------  
----------BARREL ROLL!---------------  
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Karst walked along the dusty track towards the dilapidated building and frowned as she looked straight at it. It looked like nothing more than a rundown shack. Yet, this was close to Prox and there was a cluster of trees nearby just like the directions told her. Karst leaned against a tree and pulled the envelope out of her pocket, gazing critically at the scrawled name running across the envelope. It was addressed to her of course and some bird had flown over and dumped it on her head.

Karst pulled out the letter and read it very carefully.

_Dear Karst of Prox,_

_We know you are eager to go and light the Mars Lighthouse and you didn't need this diversion so close to your hometown, but we wish to tell you that we have Isaac hostage and if you are willing to avenge your sister's death, head to a house in the north wastelands. It is fairly close to Prox and is right by a cluster of trees. Here you can finally get your revenge! Hurry up and come before Isaac's friends arrive!_

_Yours sincerely,_

_Anon._

"Anon. How wussy," Karst sniffed, stuffing the letter back into the envelope and heading towards the shack. She pushed open the creaky door and walked along a cobwebbed hallway, shocked at how filthy this place was. Did they never do the dry cleaning? What was this house even doing here? Karst had never noticed it before in her life.

She walked through an open door and found a person with thick glasses standing at one end of the room in front of a chalkboard. There were two chairs in front of him, a person already sitting down in one of them.

"Welcome, Karst," The man with glasses beamed at her. "Take a seat."

"Where is Isaac?" Karst demanded. "I must avenge the death of my beloved sister!"

"Please," The man gestured at the free chair. "Take a seat."

"I want to rip his stomach open and spill his guts!" Karst screamed, waving her scythe in the air as she went to sit down. "And then I'll slit his throat!"

"I am Dr. Frood," The man introduced himself. "How about you two introduce yourselves?"

"Who are you to ask for my name, inferior human being?" The other person in the room asked, flipping back his blond hair. "But very well, I am Mithos Yggdrasill."

"And I am Karst of Prox," Karst hissed, her eyes gleaming bright red. "I desire blood."

"Now, tell me," Dr. Frood clapped his hands together. "Okay, Mithos, do you have any siblings?"

"An older sister," Mithos said quietly. "Martel. I have trapped her in the Great Seed for four thousand years in the hope that I will someday find a vessel for her. I split the world and I cause countless deaths just so that I can bring my sister back."

"And was this plan of yours successful?" Dr. Frood asked.

"Well, no!" Mithos snapped. "A bunch of people stopped me, so I tried to take my dead sister away to another planet to live there with only her!"

"Good grief," Dr. Frood muttered under his breath. "I assume that failed too."

"Martel," Mithos sobbed, burying his face in his hands. "I'll bring you back one day, I swear to it!"

"Now, Karst," Dr. Frood turned to the red-headed Proxian. "Do you have siblings?"

"Um..." Karst glanced at the sobbing blond. "Well... I also had an older sister."

"Excellent!" Dr. Frood grinned. "Tell us about her."

"I don't think I want to," Karst looked worried. "I'd rather just go and slaughter Isaac."

"If you don't tell us, you can't go and kill Isaac."

"Darn! Well, okay, her name was Menardi and she was blonde and pretty and amazing. She could slice and dice things really nice with her scythe. I always wanted to be like her. Then she went away to go and light the lighthouses with her companion, Saturos. And that was the last time I saw her, when she left," Karst clenched her fists tightly.

"Do continue."

"Eventually, I left Prox with my companion, Agatio. I met up with someone Menardi and Saturos were supposed to be with, but they weren't there. Then some impertinent young girl told me that a boy named Isaac had killed them. Of course, I simply assumed she was telling the whole truth. If she said Isaac killed them, he did, so I charged off to look for Isaac and to absolutely destroy him for killing my beloved sister!"

"And did you find him?"

"Eventually, and I went absolutely crazy," Karst smirked. "In fact, I was so angered and eager for revenge, I somehow forgot to target Isaac in the Jupiter Lighthouse battle and picked on his friend Ivan instead. I don't know why I let Agatio fight Isaac instead. But we were so close! I was so close to making Isaac suffer and die for what he did to my sister!"

"And why did you pick on his friend?"

"Well... well... his friend was an accomplice!"

"Was he the only one you attempted to kill?"

"Hell, no!" Karst grinned. "We were so mad when we failed to kill them, we even tried to kill more people! Innocent people who stopped us from killing Isaac! Damn them! I swear to this, I will kill Isaac and avenge Menardi!" She began frothing at the mouth.

"Lovely," Dr, Frood's face was ghostly pale and he trembled against the wall.

"Why am I even here?" Mithos yawned. "I just got a letter saying someone would help me revive Martel. Are you really going to help?"

"Where is Isaac?" Karst shrieked.

"Er, heh heh," Dr. Frood opened up a portal with a button. "Thanks for your time, we at Sister Complex Anonymous have been very happy to- WAUGH!" He leaped through the portal, narrowly dodging a fireball.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Karst shrieked as the portal closed. "WHAT'S SISTER COMPLEX ANONYMOUS!"

"So that's what's wrong with me!" Mithos exclaimed. "I knew there was something screwy about me!"

"I do not have one!" Karst gritted her teeth. "I am just very violent and vengeful!" She stomped out, leaving the blonde to start angsting about Martel as usual. Time to go and light Mars Lighthouse now.

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Isaac drifted off to sleep, little aware that he was about to have one of the strangest dreams in his life.

Isaac stepped off a train, blinking in confusion. What the heck was a train?

"Come on!" Garet yelled, waving a strange looking arm, before running off with some other people.

"Uh..." Isaac pulled his sword along and then grunted in exertion. This was heavy. How was he supposed to move this?

Finally, Isaac made it to where Garet was waiting.

"You're slow, Cloud!" Garet shouted.

"I'm Isaac."

"No, you're Cloud and I'm Barrett!"

"Garet."

"No, B. Barrett."

Isaac sighed and assumed that Garet was having one of his stupid days. Why was he lugging around some weird shiny thingy on his arm? What were those things firing out of it? And now Garet was droning on about the planet's life being sucked out.

"Frankly, my dear Garet, I don't give a damn," Isaac stopped and almost hit himself. He had to be more careful with quoting random stuff. Thank goodness this was only a dream.

Garet smacked him. Wow, for a dream, that sure was painful.

Then stuff went boom and now they were in a place called Sector 7.

"Things move so fast in dreams," Isaac sighed as he walked into a bar called Seventh Heaven where a little girl was serving drinks. "Um, lemonade for me please." He was still below the drinking limit after all.

"Hic... yesh, sir!" The girl stumbled away to serve the lemonade and almost tripped up serving the drink.

Isaac slowly sipped at the lemonade, astonished beyond belief.

Where was Garet? Oh, yes, shouting somewhere and insulting Isaac. Why was his best friend insulting him so badly? Isaac pouted.

"Hey, you!" Garet walked into the bar with Jenna behind him. "Here's your money!"

"Hi, Cloud!" Jenna walked up to Isaac, sporting a very, very short skirt and a very tight shirt.

"Hey... Jenna..." Isaac squinted, pretty sure that Jenna was more endowed than usual. "Why are you wearing that?"

"I'm not Jenna, I'm your childhood friend, Tifa!" Jenna exclaimed. "And we're on a mission to save the world from Shinra and I want to know if you remember a promise we made on the well!"

"Yeah, sure," Isaac sighed. This dream was getting pretty ludicrous.

They were on a train again. Yippee. And now they were running and he was too slow and Garet and Jenna were blasting doors down and getting mad at him. Then they jumped off, infiltrated some reactor, it blew up and now he was falling. Double yippee.

Isaac landed in a soft, snuggly pile of flowers.

"Hey, you!" A snappish voice rose him from his happy flower smelling. "Get out of my flowers!"

Isaac reluctantly stood up, finding himself in some building that kind of resembled a sanctum, and there was Mia... wearing pink. _Pink!_

"Are you okay?" Mia asked, looking concerned. "What's your name?"

"Isaac."

"No, I'm pretty sure your name is Cloud," Mia smiled. "My name is Aerith."

"For the love of the elements, Mia..." Isaac said in frustration.

"You mean Aerith."

Before Isaac could snap, a bunch of people busted into the sanctum and they wanted to grab Mia. So Isaac and Mia ran for it then escaped. Then Isaac very unfortunately found himself wearing drag.

"No... this is a nightmare," Isaac whimpered, looking in dismay at his dress.

"Walk this way, Miss Cloud!" Mia smiled innocently.

"NO!" Isaac screamed. "GET ME OUT OF THIS DRAG!"

Unfortunately, he couldn't. And now here he was in some kind of house with Mia and Jenna, and horror of horrors, the Alhafran Mayor was picking from them. Now Isaac was in his boudoir and absolutely terrified.

"Come here, you sweet young thing!" The Mayor of Alhafra lunged at him.

"NOOOO!" Isaac shrieked and dodged, running to the door for dear life. Fortunately, Mia and Jenna ran in to save him and now he was allowed to take the horrid dress and wig off. Then he fell again. Isaac was beginning to get used to falling.

"The Sector Seven plate will fall!" Jenna shrieked.

"Off the table?" Isaac was confused. Was she even talking about a dinner plate?

Now they had to stop it. But they couldn't. And now Mia was kidnapped. So Isaac, Garet and Jenna infiltrated the HQ, some stuff happened, they landed in cells, but not without meeting some wacky old wolf from Garoh. Apparently, the wolf was someone named Maha Isaac had heard about before, but he was calling himself Red Thirteen. Even though Maha wasn't red.

Then they got out and found blood everywhere.

"Wow!" Isaac exclaimed. "It looks like a horror movie!"

"WAUGH!" Garet screamed, staring into a tube. "That thing doesn't have a head!" He sat down and began crying.

Isaac found a guy slumped over a desk with a sword in his back.

Then things sped up, and Isaac was whisked through some story that ended in a fire, and found himself in a forest. Sheba attacked the group, waving a huge ninja star above her head.

"Muahaha!" Sheba yelled. "I'm Super Ninja Yuffie!" She tried to fight them and got her butt kicked then joined anyway when playing Twenty Questions.

"I've got a headache," Isaac whined.

It got worse when Ivan showed up as some freaky black cat sitting on a huge stuffed creature, then they found Felix sleeping in a coffin.

More stuff happened, now Isaac stood in front of an altar.

"Look," Jenna pointed. "There is Aerith praying in front of an altar."

"Why is Mia praying at an altar?" Isaac blinked. He was confused. He remembered something about some fancy black marble and apparently he gave it to Alex, who called himself Sephiroth. What was so special about a marble anyway?

"Just go!" Sheba hissed, pushing Isaac.

"I don't want to!" Isaac sniffed, hopping over to Mia. "I just want to wake up now. Nothing makes any sense anymore!"

Now he was whipping out his sword and trying to hit Mia with it. However, Mia just sat there.

"Are you stupid or something?" Isaac exclaimed. "Get out of the way of my stupid sword!" Somehow, he managed to stop himself though and now Mia was smiling at him. "Are you INSANE?"

"Insane in the membrane, insane in the brain," Mia started humming.

"Wheeeeeee!" Alex fell from the sky and speared Mia on his sword. "Aerith kebabs, anyone?"

"Why isn't she bleeding?" Isaac stared at Mia, slumped across the floor. "Oh, elements! Mia doesn't have any blood! AAAH!"

Isaac sat up in bed, sweating and shaking. He was awake, in his own bed, in his sane, normal world. Thank goodness.

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-------------DO YOU-------------------  
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------------POLKA?--------------------  
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Felix and co. arrived in Shaman Village, Hesperia.

Shaman Village was quite different to most places.

In most places, people talked.

"Hello?" Sheba poked a man in the back. "Hello, I am talking to you."

"You are so rude," Jenna said huffily to a random person who did not even blink.

"I'm going to go check out that house up there," Felix walked away, sensing something bad was about to happen. Something bad was usually Jenna and Sheba getting up to things that they simply should not be getting up to. However, Piers and Kraden were too fascinated by the girls' activities to bother following Felix.

"Yo," Jenna stuffed two twigs up a man's nostrils. "Hehe! He looks like a walrus! Oh, wait, the tusks come out the mouth." Jenna whipped out the twigs and carefully put them up the man's upper lip instead.

"This is so fascinating," Kraden sighed. "These people simply do not talk or anything. They just ignore us."

"If anyone can provoke a reaction, I'm sure Jenna and Sheba can," Piers said hopefully.

"Your mom," Sheba said rudely to the man with twigs coming out his mouth. "Hey! Did you hear me? Insert your mom joke here! Yes, YOUR mom."

"Oh, what's this?" Jenna held up a Magic Marker. An evil grin spread across her face and she approached a woman standing still and silent. Within seconds, the woman was sporting a moustache, thick eyebrows and rings around her eyes, yet she still hadn't bothered to move. Jenna sighed in frustration as she added the finishing touches to the woman's goatee. "Why won't they just TALK?"

"Hey!" Felix yelled from somewhere. "These guys came out the house and are talking! I think you got to come up here now!"

"In a minute!" Kraden yelled back, provoking a sigh of frustration from the exasperated team leader.

"Here, I'll make someone talk," Piers approached a solitary man standing nearby and then promptly stuffed ice cubes down the back of his shirt. However, all the man did was flinch. "I have lost all confidence as a man." He sighed and slouched his way over to where Felix was, feeling very depressed at his failure.

"This calls for extreme measures," Sheba smirked evilly as she yanked down another man's pants. Jenna and Kraden gasped in shock as Sheba proceeded to pull down the underwear next, then pointed and laughed hysterically.

"Come on, Kraden, let's go," Jenna grabbed Kraden's arm and pulled him over to Felix and Piers, red in the face with embarrassment.

"Hey!" Sheba called desperately. "That was funny, wasn't it? Right? Right? Aw, man, I guess I overdid it." She sighed and went to join them, unhappy at their lack of humor and the fact the man still hadn't spoken or moved despite his public embarrassment. Why were those stupid people so stubborn?

After the group completed the trial and got the Hover Jade, they re-entered the village proper and found that things were very bad indeed. Several people were glaring at them and not being silent at all.

"That's the girl that humiliated me!"

"That girl there drew on my face!"

"You put ice cubes down my back!"

"They are talking?" Felix was amazed.

"Wow, how did that happen?" Piers gaped.

"This looks bad," Jenna cringed.

"Yeah, that man I humiliated looks really angry," Sheba shied behind Felix.

"RUN!" Kraden screamed.

Somehow, the group managed to escape the angry Hesperians and swore never to come back again unless they really had to.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Golden Insanity**_

_Welcome to another brain-breaking, laughter-inducing, fun-filled chapter of Golden Insanity!_

_I don't know how many chapters this will get to be... depends on if I can still come up with ideas. I won't deny it's hard to think of new ideas, but I'm trying my best for sure!_

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-------------------GET--------------------  
-------------YOUR OWN-----------------  
------------WITTY SAYING!-------------  
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Isaac, Garet, Ivan, Mia, Felix, Jenna, Sheba and Piers were all enjoying a nice little vacation that would only last for two days (at least that was what they had decided) on the sunny islands of Apojii. Kraden had been left behind in Alhafra and would hopefully not come charging after them. This had been a necessary measure since he was desperate for them to get on with the quest. They didn't want to be doing the quest right now, they wanted to be tanning on the beach.

"Ahh, this is the life," Garet craned his neck and watched a woman in a bikini walk past. "Beautiful view, beautiful beach, I love it!"

"Check this out!" Felix exclaimed, casting Sand. He promptly showed off by transforming into a funnel of sand and slithering around on the beach's surface.

"Quit showing off," Jenna slammed a rock down on the funnel of sand. The funnel whimpered, started moving around in dizzy circles and finally stopped, turning back into a dazed Felix who fell over, clutching the bump on his head.

"Anyone want to rub suntan oil on my back?" Mia held up a bottle of the stuff.

"ME!" Garet, Isaac and Piers all started running towards Mia, only to collide, banging their heads together, and falling over unconscious.

"Wow, you're enthusiastic," Mia glanced at the knocked out guys. "Seriously, anybody want to rub it on?"

"I'll do it," Sheba offered, reaching for the bottle.

"It's crazy, isn't it?" Ivan started on a tangent, shaking his head and looking out to sea. "People like Hama and Kraden... they say we have to go and light the lighthouses as soon as as possible. It's not like Weyard is going to be eroded away completely in the next five hours. And now we're going to be turned into popsicles? Yeah right. It's so warm. This whole thing about Weyard freezing over is a big joke."

Suddenly, the temperature dropped by ten degrees and a chill wind blew over the beach. Suddenly, everyone was putting all their clothes back on and shivering as the cold weather started beating on them and Murphy, the guy who said whatever can go wrong will go wrong, laughed evilly many millions of miles, years, take your pick, away.

"Look, there's a ship," Garet pointed at the sea.

"That's not mine, is it?" Piers looked anxious then relaxed. "Of course not. It's just a pirate ship."

"Wow, it's even got a black flag with skull and crossbones on it," Felix looked on in awe.

"I've always wanted to meet real pirates!" Jenna exclaimed.

Eventually, the pirate ship beached on the shore of Apojii. A crowd of drunken, singing pirates stumbled off the ship, looking around uncertainly.

"Avast, me hearties!" A pirate wearing an eye-patch stumbled up to the group.

Sheba reached out and grabbed the eye-patch, yanking it off. She gasped. "Wait a minute, you've got _both_ eyes!"

"Aw, shaddap!" The pirate grumbled, snatching back the eye-patch. "When yer a pirate, it's cool to wear an eye-patch, yarr!"

"Hey, hey," Another pirate, this time with an assortment of scars on his face, stumbled up with an annoyed look on his face. "Yer supposed to be asking about der one we're looking fer!"

"Are those scars actually battle scars?" Felix enquired.

"No," The scarred pirate looked downcast. "I hacked at me face with a cutlass so I'd have darn cool looking scars. It's cool to have scars when yer a pirate, arr!"

"Anyway," The other pirate replaced his eye-patch and grinned, displaying a row of possibly fake gold fillings. "We need to tell ye that we're searching fer a man named Isaac!"

"Isaac?" Jenna repeated, glancing at the blond Venus Adept.

"Uh..." Isaac swallowed. "May I ask why you're looking for Isaac?"

"Oh, is it because of what those pirates were talking about in Alhafra?" Piers said suddenly.

"Oh yeah, we kind of forgot to tell Isaac about that," Felix realised.

"Like we forgot to tell Isaac about the ring Feizhi gave us to give to him?" Sheba spoke up.

"Yeah, that too," Felix replied, looking slightly guilty.

"Did we also tell him that that Babi guy was dead?" Jenna asked. "He was supposed to go to Lemuria and save that guy's life, apparently. But he didn't get around to it."

"We forget to tell him a lot of things, don't we?" Felix swallowed.

"Isaac is der new King o' Pirates!" Scarry Pirate exclaimed, waving his arms around exuberantly. "He defeated der ancient Pirate King, Deadbeard..."

"Is anyone getting sick of this phonetically spelled accent?" Ivan asked in annoyance.

Everyone decided they were all sick of the phonetically spelled accent.

"Anyway," Scarry Pirate continued. "Isaac defeated the ancient Pirate King, Deadbeard, in Crossbone Island. He even cleared the island of its treasure. It is said that when someone defeats Deadbeard, they become the new king of Pirates!"

"And we," Eye-patch Pirate smiled, waving a bottle of rum happily. "We are seeking out Isaac so that we can be his crew!"

"Wow," Garet turned to Isaac in shock. "You're the KING OF PIRATES!"

"Calm down, Garet!" Mia exclaimed. "Ivan, why are you giggling?"

"Isaac, the king of pirates?" Ivan grinned in amusement. "I can't imagine Isaac plundering towns and stealing booty."

"Isaac is among you?" Scarry Pirate squeaked in excitement.

"I'm Isaac," Isaac stepped forwards reluctantly. "But..."

"Yes!" Eye-patch Pirate cried out in delight. "We have found our King!"

Before Isaac could get a word in, Eye-Patch and Scarry grabbed him by the arms and started dragging him towards the group of pirates, singing a corny song as they went along. Isaac screamed, looking back, his eyes filled with desperation.

"HELP!" Isaac yelled.

"Bye, Isaac!" Ivan waved.

"Have fun!" Sheba called out.

"See ya later!" Garet waved both arms frantically.

"Don't forget to send a postcard!" Jenna hollered.

"Come back sometime, we've got loads of stuff to tell you!" Felix called after him.

"Ahh, he looks so excited about becoming a pirate," Piers smiled, watching as the crew surrounded the frantic Isaac and bodily grabbed him.

"Does he really?" Mia asked doubtfully, watching on as the pirates bundled the screaming Isaac onto the ship and followed him onto the deck.

"Yes," Jenna said firmly. "Isaac has finally found his true calling."

"I wonder what his pirate name is going to be?" Garet wondered.

"Swiss Cheese," Jenna decided.

"Swiss Cheese?" Felix exclaimed in disbelief.

"Have you got a problem with that?" Jenna said in a steely tone.

"Eep," Felix squeaked in fear.

"It's setting sail!" Garet exclaimed.

"Farewell!" The group yelled out, watching as the ship departed out to sea. A minute later, a plank was put out on the side of the ship, Isaac walked along the plank with a sword pointed towards his back, and he leaped into the sea.

"What the heck?" Ivan blinked in confusion.

Isaac frantically swam back to shore and collapsed on the beach, gasping for breath.

"Did you just walk the plank?" Mia stared at him.

"I upset their pet parrot," Isaac spat out water. "I asked it if it wanted a cracker. Turned out the parrot was allergic to crackers, wasn't happy about that and had a nasty tendency to get suicidal if someone mentioned crackers. So they made me walk the plank off the ship."

"Wow," Piers was amazed. "I never knew parrots could be allergic to crackers."

"Yeah," Felix shrugged. "Anyway, welcome back, Isaac."

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-------------MEOW----------------------  
------------KITTIES----------------------  
---------ARE COOL----------------------  
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The characters of Golden Sun had been formally invited to participate in the Super Smash Brothers Brawl tournament. This was a great honour for Nintendo characters and of course they accepted it. Felix, Jenna, Sheba, Piers, Isaac, Garet, Ivan, Mia and Kraden all arrived at the tournament hall promptly, and were told to wait until they were called in.

Garet was the first one called in, and he had to fight Mario among a bunch of mushrooms.

"It's a-me, Mario!" Mario waved to the screaming audience.

"Wow, are these magic mushrooms?" Garet looked around in wonder. "I wonder if I could get high off these?"

Garet barely noticed Mario running up towards him. Mario leaped up and landed on a shiny block floating in the air. He had to get up on the block if he needed to get above Garet. Garet continued to stare blankly ahead, wondering where the fat Italian guy had gone, when Mario leaped down with a yell, aiming to jump on Garet. His black booted feet impacted with Garet's hair... and he screamed.

"Get me off-a this!" Mario screamed in pain as he found his feet impaled on Garet's hair. He managed to pull himself off Garet's head with some effort and limped away with blood pouring from his feet. Eventually, Mario managed to pluck up the courage to leap onto another block with a question mark on it. A turtle shell fell out of the block. Mario ran after it and grabbed it, throwing it squarely at Garet's head.

The turtle shell smacked into Garet's head and shattered.

"That has never happened before!" Mario gasped. "This calls for extreme measures!"

Garet watched on in interest as Mario hit yet another block, this time grabbing a leaf, which made him gain a stripy tail and ears. Tanuki Mario came charging at Garet with a vengeance and span around with fury, whipping Garet with the formidable tail. Garet went flying with a scream and crashed into the ground.

"The winner is... Mario!" The announcer declared.

"What was the matter with Garet?" Jenna wondered. "He didn't even fight!"

"Actually, I don't think he understood what was going on," Sheba replied. "He thought we were going out for a meal or something."

"Uh... wow," Jenna blinked. "Typical Garet."

The next fight was Ivan versus Pikachu.

"Spark Plasma!" Ivan yelled, casting his powerful lightning Psynergy.

"Pikachu!" Pikachu said cutely, squeezing its cheeks and absorbing the electricity.

"Huh?" Ivan looked on in shock. "Did it absorb the electricity? That's cheating!"

"Pika, pika," Pikachu looked very cute and then cast Thunder.

"Ugh," Ivan winced. "That's... not fair! TEMPEST!"

"Pikaaaaaa!" The surprised Pikachu went flying and ended up out of the ring.

"The winner is Ivan!" The announcer cried out.

Next up was Isaac versus Wario.

Wario began the battle by trying to jump on Isaac.

Isaac dodged the attack and cast Stone Spire, flattening Wario with the attack.

He didn't expect Wario to disappear. In fact, Wario had become Flat Wario and shrunk.

"Hey, where did he go?" Isaac started running over the ground, looking around in surprise. There was a loud squish as he stepped on something and he lifted his foot in disgust. "Ew, a bug!"

"The winner is Isaac," An announcer announced as first-aid medics rushed into the ring to save the injured Wario.

"Eh?" Isaac walked off, looking very confused. "What did I do?"

Next up was Samus versus Mia.

"I can blast things, roll up into a ball, do nifty things with my armour," Samus tossed back her blonde hair. "What do you do?"

"I shoot... ice," Mia replied slowly.

"That's it?" Samus said in disappointment.

"Er... yes," Mia looked wounded. "I can heal too."

"That's it! I'm going to show video gamers and game developers that girls can be powerful too!" Samus promptly flung her energy whip at Mia and shocked her with it, before blasting her with the handgun. "See?"

"Ugh," Mia fell over in surprise. More medics rushed on to save her before she lost too much blood.

"That's unfair," Jenna complained. "Mia's the second weakest of us three girls. What about me? I'm strong, I can use fire, I kick butt!"

"Are you saying I'm the weakest of all?" Sheba frowned.

"With your pitiful HP, yes," Jenna replied.

"The winner is Samus!" The announcer cried out.

Since Felix and Piers were not participating along with Jenna and Sheba, only Kraden was left.

Kraden stepped into the arena, holding aloft the mighty Wheat Sword, a revered and hard to get weapon, a fabled legend that had been born on a faraway website known as GameFAQs. Kraden was only able to hold this magnificent sword because of the Mythril Gloves he wore on his hands and also because he was the great, revered Kraden, and very worthy to hold such a precious weapon. In fact, he even had a temple dedicated to him.

Link stepped into the arena and faced Kraden, standing straight with the Master Sword in his grasp. He stared Kraden in the eyes.

Several people in the audience gasped.

"He did not bow to the great Kraden!"

"Blasphemer!"

Link ignored the yells of shocked Kraden worshippers and marched towards Kraden, thinking him only a pitiful old fool. How easily he would fall to one swipe of the legendary Master Sword! This old coot was not worthy of facing he, Link, the legendary hero, the constant rescuer of Princess Zelda! Which game was he from again? Link pushed the question aside and continued walking towards Kraden. For some reason, he was taking a long time to get there.

Kraden smiled serenely and closed his eyes, a calm expression on his face. He knew what he had to do in order to defeat this enemy. He was wise and all-knowing, he could easily do this. In fact, he was the true strength behind the party of The Lost Age. The only reason he did not fight was because Felix and the others were not worthy of fighting among one so great as he and his power was so immense that he had to hold it back lest he accidentally destroy something on the scale of a small town.

He listened attentively to the steps of Link's feet, predicting the distance and angle at which Link currently was.

Kraden opened his eyes and raised the legendary, amazing Wheat Sword which let out a howl.

Dutch Farmer!

Link screamed in shock as the almighty unleash overpowered him. He could not believe this immense power! Surely it had to be greater than the Triforce itself! Five seconds later, Link fell over covered in blood, bruises and bumps, knocked utterly unconscious.

"A winner is KRADEN!" cheered the Announcer.

Several people stood up in the audience, cheering and whooping as they celebrated the great Kraden's victory. Kraden turned and bowed to the audience, causing some people to gasp in shock and scream "We are not worthy!" before fainting.

"Is this for real?" Felix muttered.

"Apparently it is," Piers raised an eyebrow.

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-----------WORSHIP---------------------  
-----------KRADEN----------------------  
--------THE GREAT!---------------------  
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**Special Feature Story**

_Warugi Nijuushin_

Jenna happily wandered through the mall, clutching bags of assorted things in her hands. Suddenly, she came to a stop and stared, her eyes sparkling in wonder. There was actually a sale going on at her favourite clothes store! She was just about to charge through the door, screaming in ecstasy, when a blue-haired man walked right past her. Jenna stopped and stared in wonder.

"Alex?" Jenna blinked, hurrying after him. "Hey! Alex!"

However, Alex did not seem to hear her and she lost him in the surging crowds.

"Wow, that was weird," Jenna blinked, before heading back to the store. She strolled in, not noticing people removing signs from the window, grabbed a bunch of clothes and then dumped them on the counter.

"That will be eight hundred dollars," The woman told her.

"Huh?" Jenna frowned, checking the price tags and trying to add up the total. "But... wasn't it a half price sale?"

"Sorry, dear, the sale's over," The woman smiled evilly. "The sale ended today at 1:00 pm. It is now 1:02 pm." She pointed at the large clock behind her, her evil grin becoming even bigger.

Jenna gasped and fell to the floor, a horrified expression on her face. **_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_**

The woman started laughing hard.

Even as the disappointed Jenna walked out of the store without the clothes, the woman was still laughing.

People queued up at the counter, staring impatiently at the laughing woman.

A bird flew into the store and plopped on the woman's head, but still she laughed maniacally.

A crazy man ran into the shop announcing the end of the world, but even that did not quell her laughter.

Eventually, the woman fell over unconscious from oxygen loss.

Jenna miserably walked into her home, dumped the bags on the table and fell to the floor crying bitterly.

"What's the matter, Jenna?" Sheba rushed into the kitchen.

"The sale ended!" Jenna cried. "I wanted to buy some clothes!"

"You were only meant to go and get groceries," Sheba peeked into the bags. "But apparently you had to stop at some other places on the way." She pulled a meowing kitten out of one of the bags. "Why was there a kitten in the bag?"

"Isn't it cute?" Jenna sniffled. "I, er, accidentally walked into the pet shop and this kitten... it hypnotised me with its eyes! It made me buy it!"

"Likely story," Sheba murmured, petting the kitten's head.

"Anyway, I saw Alex at the mall," Jenna got to her feet. "He ignored me."

"Alex couldn't have been at the mall," Felix walked into the kitchen. "He's been watching TV the whole time."

"Really?" Jenna rushed into the living room where Alex was watching television. "Hey, Alex!"

"Must... watch... football..." Alex said in a monotone, his eyes glazed over.

"AAAAHHHH!" Felix screamed in terror from the kitchen.

"What now?" Jenna rushed into the kitchen where Felix was shying in terror from the kitten.

"You're scared of cats as well?" Sheba exclaimed, brandishing the cute kitten in his face.

"Get it away from me!" Felix shrieked. "It's going to scratch my eyes out!"

"He thinks all cats hate him or something," Jenna rolled her eyes. "So he doesn't like being near them."

"Hey, everyone," Alex walked into the kitchen through the outside door, flipping back his blue hair. "So, what's up?"

Everybody glanced towards the living room door then back to Alex in surprise.

"Um... weren't you in the living room?" Sheba frowned.

"I was...?" Alex blinked then backed away. "Aw, crap!" He turned and fled out the door, screaming in terror.

"What was that about?" Sheba dropped the kitten, which scuttled underneath the table.

"Let's go find out," Jenna strode into the living room, Felix and Sheba following her. "Alex!"

Alex was still sitting in front of the television. "Football..."

"I didn't realise Alex liked football so much," said Felix.

Jenna turned to Sheba and whispered, "Read his mind, quick!"

Sheba slowly crept over, dramatic suspenseful music playing, and leaned on the sofa behind Alex, reaching out with her Mind Read powers. She looked into his mind and gasped in shock, backing away. "Everyone, this is terrible! This is not the real Alex, this is an evil clone!"

"That's right!" Alex leaped up from the sofa laughing. "I am Evil Alex Clone #45 and we came from another fic to invade this one! MUAHAHAHA! Also, we are not the original property of the author, we were created by Akiko and Elena, and the author is just using us for her amusement."

"He's an evil clone!" Felix cried out.

"Now I shall destroy you all!" Evil Alex Clone #45 laughed.

"Don't give me that!" Jenna gritted her teeth, whipping out a banana and lunging forwards. "BANANA VERTICAL SLASH!"

Evil Alex Clone #45 screamed and fell over, split almost in half by the deadly attack.

"Now tell us where the real Alex is!" Jenna demanded, pressing a foot down on his chest.

"Never!" Evil Alex #45 Clone laughed evilly again, before self-destructing and sending her flying across the room.

"Aw, darn it!" Jenna exclaimed.

"Don't worry, those clones seem to be everywhere," Sheba smiled. "We'll just find one of them and force it out of them! We'll find the real Alex!"

"Great, another adventure," Felix turned and headed into the kitchen. "Let's go then."


	11. Chapter 11

_**Golden Insanity**_

_Yay, new chapter! And in regards to a common question in the reviews, "Warugi Nijuushin" basically means malice and doppelganger. Japanese have no proper word for clone, but they have words for doppelganger. How odd..._

_Anyway, on with the happy fun chapter!_

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--------------NINJA----------------------  
-------------POWER!---------------------  
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Now that the journey to save the world was over, the Adepts found themselves getting bored quite quickly. Rebuilding Vale was not much fun either, so they shirked their duties and went off on an exploration trip around Angara. So far, their journey had taken them to Altin, the famed lagoon of monster spit. At least, it had been at one time. Now it was just a village that used to be a lagoon of monster spit. Isaac, Garet, Ivan and Mia explained about the place to the less knowledgeable group as they walked around the village.

"This village was absolutely flooded with monster spit." Garet shuddered. "It was gross!"

"But Isaac just said it was water." Jenna frowned in confusion.

"Technically, yes, the monsters were spewing water." Isaac nodded. "But we liked to think of it as monster spit."

"How about monster vomit?" Sheba suggested.

"Ew, Sheba." Ivan grimaced. "That's gross."

"Well, so is monster spit," Sheba swiftly responded.

"So the monsters were, er, flooding the village and you defeated them and saved the village?" Felix looked around at the village. "But how did the water go away?"

"Game logic," Isaac responded. "Game logic dictates that when a monster stops spewing water, the water just magically goes away. I think."

"Where did the monsters come from?" Piers asked.

"They were Altin's Guardian Statues at one time," Mia replied. "But they got transformed into monsters. I think most of them were called Living Statues, but the largest and most powerful one was called the Hydros Statue."

"Hydros?" Jenna frowned. "That sounds familiar. Didn't we meet a guy named Hydros?"

"You did?" Garet's eyes widened.

"The King of Lemuria is named Hydros," Piers reminded Jenna.

Garet gasped in shock.

"Wow. Coincidence." Isaac raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah... just a coincidence." Ivan shrugged.

"No!" Garet cried out. "It can't just be a coincidence!"

"The fact that Lemuria's King is a Mercury Adept and a statue with the same name as him spewed water isn't just a coincidence?" Felix mused.

"And being a Mercury Adept means he's allied with water," Piers said slowly. "And he shares a name with a statue that also shares his element?"

"You see what I'm getting at?" Garet clenched his fists, his eyes wide with excitement. "King Hydros is connected to the Hydros statue and the other statues!"

"That's crazy!" Sheba cried out. "Lemuria is a long way away from Altin!"

"I agree. You are all insane." Ivan nodded fiercely.

"Perhaps Hydros had a way to get the statues here," Isaac guessed.

"Not you too!" Ivan exclaimed, swinging around to face Isaac. "You can't believe something so crazy!"

"It is too much of a coincidence." Mia looked perplexed. "I think I agree with Garet."

"Me too." Felix crossed his arms.

"Let's go and bust him out!" Jenna cheered, punching the air. "We'll make him confess to it!"

"Then let's go." Isaac nodded decisively.

"To the Shipmobile!" Piers struck a pose.

Everybody stared in silence at him.

"Er... I mean... to Lemuria!" Piers exclaimed, looking awkward.

"We can't get to Lemuria with the ship from here," Felix pointed out.

"Yeah... I knew that..." Piers looked away.

"Here we go!" Sheba raised the Teleport Lapis. "Teleport!"

The Adepts were whisked away to Lemuria by the Pretty Rainbowy Lights and wasted no time in entering. They stormed the city and marched up to the palace, where the two guards were standing in front of the door.

"We need to go in." Piers stood at the front of the group. "Can we?"

"Ah... Piers..." One of the guards swallowed. "King Hydros is in a conversation with Conservato right now."

"Conservato is still trying to get you banned from this place," The other guard replied.

"Can't we just go in and tell Conservato to shove it?" Sheba asked.

"Hold your tongue!" The first guard cried out. "Lord Conservato must be respected in Lemuria!"

"I'm not a Lemurian." Sheba narrowed her eyes. "I'll say what I want about Conservato."

"And we think Conservato is a stubborn old goat anyway!" Jenna exclaimed.

"Sheba, Jenna," Piers sighed. "Please..."

"We have to get in! I don't care how!" Garet ran to the side of the castle and started trying to climb up the wall. "That's a door up on the roof, isn't it? Yikes!" He lost his grip and fell, landing on his butt. "Oww, that hurt."

"I've got it." Isaac pulled Ivan aside and whispered into his ear. "Cast Sleep on one of the guards. Mia, you have the Halt Gem, don't you?"

"Right here." Mia held up the jewel.

"Great. Cast Halt on the other guard!"

"But..." Ivan protested. Isaac gave him a stern look. "Okay..."

Ivan and Mia stepped up to the guards and cast Sleep and Halt together. One guard froze to the spot and the other fell to the ground, snoring like a baby. The Adepts quickly opened the doors and stepped into the castle, hurrying towards the throne room. The guard standing in the corridor attempted to stop them.

"Excuse me." The guard frowned. "How did you get in? King Hydros is having a conversation..." Garet shoved him forcefully aside and the group continued onwards, storming into the throne room. "Hey!" The disgruntled guard yelled at them. "Great, now I'm going to lose my job."

"What the..." Conservato turned around, looking annoyed. "How dare you enter here! I am-"

"Spewing a load of nonsense?" Jenna asked.

"Anyway, we need you out of here!" Sheba pointed towards the exit.

"We have an appointment with Hydros," Felix said.

"And it's more urgent than your petty little grudge against someone who just saved the world." Piers smirked.

"I will not leave this room!" Conservato thundered.

Seconds later, he was bodily thrown out of the room by four of them and landed with a heavy thump next to the shocked guard.

"What is the meaning of this?" King Hydros rose to his feet from his throne.

"You're busted!" Sheba struck a pose, pointing accusingly at him.

"There's no use in denying it, Hydros!" Jenna folded her arms across her chest, smiling smugly at the King.

"King Hydros!" Piers exclaimed. "It's disrespectful to-"

"Yadda, yadda." Jenna flung a hand in his face, silencing his words. Piers exhaled noisily, rubbing his head in mild irritation.

"We know your dark and deadly secret!" Felix proclaimed.

"Dark and deadly?" Ivan stared at him. "You guys are getting way out of hand."

"Um, do you ever lend your name to a statue?" Mia tentatively asked the King. He was currently staring at everyone in pale-faced shock.

"Ah..." King Hydros tugged at the collar of his robe. "Statue?"

"Yeah!" Garet marched up and grabbed him by the shirt, putting his face close. "You're responsible for the Hydros statue!"

"Garet, put the King down!" Isaac snapped.

"Heh, whoops, sorry," Garet put Hydros back on his feet and stepped away. "Got a little carried away."

"King Hydros." Piers swallowed, looking miserable. This was getting worse by the second. "Do you know anything about living statues and the Hydros statue?"

"We discovered some in a town named Altin," Isaac told him. "They were Altin's Guardian Statues and they turned into monsters. It's quite a coincidence, since they spewed water and you're a Water Adept."

"And the largest, most powerful one was called a Hydros statue," Mia said.

"Seems I cannot hide it any longer then." Hydros chuckled sinisterly, causing everyone to back away in fright. "You are right. I created the Hydros statue and the Living Statues!"

"I knew it!" Garet exclaimed.

"I can't believe it," Ivan muttered, sinking to his knees. "Garet was actually right?"

"I crafted them in the shape of some kind of lizard things." Hydros smiled evilly. "And named them after myself. I sent them away from Lemuria."

"How?" Felix asked.

"Excellent question!" Hydros cackled. "I asked a friend of mine, Babi, to take them away on a ship."

"I thought he stole the ship," Piers said.

"That's what you think," Hydros responded. "But actually I wanted him to take those statues and put them somewhere, in the hope that Alchemy would possibly be unleashed again. I was sure that Alchemy would affect my precious statues..."

"Affect them?" Isaac repeated.

"And they would come to life!" Hydros flung his arms into the air and laughed insanely. "Then the monsters would drown the entire village, town, city, wherever they went, with water! People would look up to these fearsome beasts, even regard them as water gods, and bow to the name of Hydros! Mwa ha ha!"

"Wow," Sheba said. "He's nuts."

"I'm surprised he could make statues that came to life," Jenna commented.

"And with an infinite supply of water too," Mia said, looking perplexed as she thought about how little sense that made. Where had all that water come from?

"Maybe it was spit," Felix suggested. "Saliva doesn't run out."

"Oh come on!" Ivan exclaimed, getting to his feet. "It was Alchemy that did that! The Lighthouse of Water had been lit already."

"Ivan, stop being so logical," Isaac sighed.

"Well, your plan failed!" Garet smirked at Hydros, who was still laughing. "We defeated the statues and the village was unflooded!"

"No..." Hydros broke off, looking horrified. "My statues... my precious statues... noooooo!" He fell over in a faint.

"Well, there you go," Mia said. "We got the secret out of him."

"Hah! Now let's go and put him in jail!" Garet demanded.

"Put the King in jail?" Piers said incredulously. "No way!"

"I think we should leave." Felix looked back. "There's a bunch of soldiers heading through the corridor."

"To the roof!" Sheba yelled.

"Escape!" Jenna jumped up and down in excitement.

"You're suggesting we... I guess we have no choice..." Isaac glanced nervously at the Lemurian soldiers marching their way. "We're not exactly equipped for battle and I don't want to get thrown in jail."

The Adepts frantically ran into Hydros's bedroom and through the exit which led out onto the roof. They carefully clambered down the walls and managed to reach the ground safely, running for dear life. Angry Lemurian soldiers stood on the roof and yelled angrily at the retreating group.

"I think I'm definitely banned now," Piers gasped out as they ran.

"You're not really going to miss anything, are you?" Felix asked.

"Nah," Piers shook his head. "Not much to miss here."

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-----------SAMURAI---------------------  
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**Special Feature Story**

_Warugi Nijuushin_

The first thing the small group decided to do on their great quest to hunt down Evil Alex Clones was to knock on doors and ask if anyone had seen Alex in the area. Most people had seen him around, but did not give them any leads. It seemed Alex just tended to wander around, appear in places, and then just disappear again. At least, his clones did.

"How many clones do you think there are?" Sheba asked. "So many people have seen Alex around recently in different places."

"Well, we know there's at least forty-five clones," Jenna said. "If they are numbered in order."

"Forty-five..." Felix shook his head. "That is a lot of clones. Why would someone make so many clones of Alex?"

"And you know what they say?" Jenna demanded. "Too much of a good thing is a bad thing! Maybe that's why!"

"They want to make Alex a bad thing?" Sheba guessed.

"Uh huh!" Jenna nodded fiercely, bunching up her fists. "I am not going to let them get away with doing this to my beloved Alex!"

"You don't even know who's behind this yet," Felix said.

"I'll find out!" Jenna declared in a menacing voice.

"Hey, we've reached Mia's house," Sheba ran up to an open window and looked into the kitchen, where she saw Mia walking around with a wooden spoon in hand. "Hey, Mia!"

"Oh, hi!" Mia walked up to the window and wiped a smudge of flour from her cheek. "I've just been baking some cookies. I had to make another batch."

"Another?" Jenna repeated. "How come?"

"I put my first batch on the window to cool," Mia said. "But when I turned my back, Garet came up and stole the cookies. I saw him running away with them when I turned back to the window. Then I was making the new batch and Alex came to the window, he said that he smelled cookies and he wanted some. I was a bit annoyed over the fact someone stole my cookies without asking so I told him to go after Garet and get the cookies he stole."

"When was this?" Felix asked urgently.

"Oh, about five minutes ago," Mia responded. "I'd just put the cookies in the oven. They're still in there actually."

"To Garet's house!" Jenna cried out.

Felix, Jenna and Sheba started running, leaving Mia feeling very confused.

When they got to Garet's house, they found Garet wrestling with Alex in the kitchen, while the tray of cookies sat on the table nearby.

"Give me the cookies!" Alex yelled, pushing Garet away.

"Never!" Garet cried, pushing him back. "The cookies are mine!"

"Jenna, do you think that's the real Alex?" Sheba asked.

"I really can't tell." Jenna frowned. "He looks just like Alex and honestly, I can imagine Alex being so desperate to have cookies. Who doesn't like cookies?"

"Let's try this/" Felix brandished a heavy object at Alex. "Here, take this."

Alex snatched the heavy object from Felix's hand and smacked it into Garet's head, knocking him unconscious. The group watched on in shock as Alex grabbed the tray of cookies and ran for it.

"Does Alex have a secretly violent disposition?" Felix asked.

"Felix, you idiot! Garet could have been killed!" Sheba scolded, checking for Garet's pulse. Fortunately, there was one.

"That was not Alex!" Jenna said. "We've got to go after him."

The trio ran quickly out of the house, spotting Alex marching down the road with the cookies.

"Stop right there!" Sheba cried out.

"Hand over the cookies!" Felix demanded.

"We know you're an evil Alex clone!" Jenna told him.

"Muahaha! You are right!" Alex laughed. "I am Evil Alex Clone #59 and I shall be taking the cookies. You cannot stop me."

"There's at least fifty-nine?" Sheba's eyes widened.

"How many of you are there?" Felix asked. "And who created you?"

"That is a secret." Evil Alex Clone #59 turned around and started running.

"You won't get away with this." Jenna started marching forwards threateningly. Ominous music played as she walked towards Evil Alex Clone #59. EAC #59 turned around, sensing danger. He looked into the fiery, wrathful eyes of Jenna and let out a scream of terror, flinging the cookies into the air and running.

"No-o-o-o-o-o!" Sheba wailed, surging forwards and running as fast as her legs would take her. Just as the tray began to turn over, Sheba made a tremendous leap into the air and managed to grab the tray of cookies, clasping the biscuits to her chest and falling back down to her knees, sighing in relief. "I saved the cookies."

Jenna was still marching after EAC #59, somehow managing to keep up his pace. EAC #59 tripped and looked up in fright, his fear increasing as he stared up at the very vengeful Jenna. An aura of fire shone around her, flames furiously eating away at empty space. Her eyes glowed with pure evil... er, wrath. "This is the end for you," Jenna growled in a low, menacing voice, raising a hand.

"Eek!" EAC #59 backed away, scrambling furiously on his backside. "Get away from me, you psycho!"

"You think you can impersonate my boyfriend, knock my friend unconscious and steal such delicious cookies?" Jenna stepped right up to him. The temperature around her seemed to increase by several degrees. "And get away with it?"

"Jenna, we need to keep him alive!" Felix cried out. "Don't-"

"But the last evil clone self destructed!" Sheba exclaimed. "This one might just do that too."

A sword of fire appeared in Jenna's hand. She let out a maniacal laugh and plunged it into EAC #59's chest, causing him to scream. "Now tell me how many evil clones there are and who made you!"

"Not telling," EAC #59 spat out.

Jenna narrowed her eyes in annoyance, looking grim and pulled out the sword. "Then I have no choice but to destroy you."

"Wait." Sheba held out a cookie. "Evil Alex Clone #59, would you like a cookie?"

EAC #59 turned his head, staring wide-eyed at the cookie.

"Then tell us who made you!" Sheba demanded.

"It... was... Great... Da-ark-ark," EAC #59 shuddered and began pouring smoke.

"What's happening?" Felix cried out, running forwards.

"He's blowing up!" Jenna screamed.

"Great Da-arrrrrrgh!" EAC #59 exploded in a massive fireball, knocking everyone back. They all hit the ground unconscious.

A minute later, sinister, shadowy forms surrounded the unconscious group.

"They heard the name, didn't they?"

"Well, they only got 'Great Dark'..."

"Still, that's a lead."

"We can't allow ourselves to be endangered. The Great Dark Lord would not be pleased."

"After all, we've already lost #45 and #59. We cannot afford to lose any more."

"Let's take them to the base as prisoners."

The sinister shadowy forms called down a helicopter and tied up the unconscious Adepts, throwing them into the helicopter. It flew away with them.

A few yards away, Mia had seen most of the action. "Uh oh, this isn't good." She ran to Garet's house, deciding to forgive him for the cookie theft at the moment. Besides, now the cookies were all lying burnt across the street. As she ran, she pulled a cellphone out of her pocket and dialled. "Isaac? It's Mia here. You're driving somewhere today, aren't you? Well, if you see a black helicopter, follow it. Felix, Jenna and Sheba were kidnapped and taken in the helicopter. I'm serious, Isaac! Follow it and call me back to tell me where it went right away! No, it's not April Fool's Day today!"

"You've got to be kidding me," Isaac hung up the cell and peered out of the window. He spotted a black helicopter and decided it wouldn't be such a bad idea to follow it. "But who the heck would kidnap them?" Isaac hit the accelerator and started driving as fast as he could, carefully watching the helicopter.

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Piers was sitting in his room on the ship idly reading a book and doing no work whatsoever. Telling Felix to take the tiller had been all part of Piers's plan to have a nice, work-free sail around the world. It was great! He could sit on his butt and do absolutely nothing while the waves gently rocked the ship and comforted him. It was pure bliss. Piers smiled to himself and turned the page, reading all about a forbidden romance between a pirate and princess. Cheesy romance novels were one of Piers's secret indulgences.

The ship suddenly stopped moving and everything went still. Piers sat up in shock, the book falling to the floor. The ship had actually dared to stop? That could only mean two things, they had reached shore or Felix had stopped sailing. Piers got off the bed and marched out of his room, ready to give a certain Venus Adept a piece of his mind. He certainly did not expect to be ambushed in the hallway by four people.

"Piers!" Sheba exclaimed, grabbing him by the arm. "Just the person we were looking for!"

"Uh-huh." Jenna nodded eagerly. "You see, up on the deck, we were talking about stuff. Somehow, we were talking about birthdays."

"And we realised that we don't know when yours is," Felix said.

"You stopped sailing the ship to ask me when my birthday is?" Piers raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"You don't need to tell us what year or anything." Kraden waved a hand. "Really, just the day and month will do. We want to know as much as possible about each other since we're travelling together and we're all friends, aren't we?"

"And friends don't keep secrets." Sheba pouted.

"Please tell us," Jenna begged.

"I don't know," Piers said finally.

"What?" Felix exclaimed. "How can you not know?"

Piers noisily exhaled and turned away, starting to feel a little irritated with all the questions. Could they go for one day without asking him anything? "You see, time passes slower in Lemuria so dates have lost almost all meaning. Therefore, we only barely manage to count the years. I have a fairly rough estimate of my age, but not my date of birth."

"So you have no idea when your birthday is?" Sheba looked sad.

"Do you ever celebrate it?" Jenna asked.

"No," Piers replied.

"This will not do!" Kraden declared. "Felix, we must hurry and sail to the nearest town! Go!"

"Uh... okay..." Felix backed away, looking alarmed, then turned and ran back up to the deck.

"What are you doing?" Piers demanded.

"Secret." Kraden tapped his nose and hurried after Felix.

"Hey, do you think he's thinking what we're thinking?" Sheba turned to Jenna.

"If you're thinking surprise party, yes!" Jenna whispered.

"Yay!" Sheba ran up to the deck, Jenna following.

"I am not even going to ask." Piers turned around and headed back to his bedroom, resuming the reading of his cheesy romance novel.

Things only proceeded to get even more mysterious when they arrived in town. Piers was mercilessly abandoned while everyone ran off to the shop and they all returned to the ship without telling him. Piers soon figured out they had returned to the ship and came back, walking into the cabin. He found Felix pacing around the lounge.

"Oh, hi, Piers!" Felix exclaimed. "Uh, I'm not allowed to let you in the kitchen."

"I can't go in the kitchen?" Piers frowned.

"Nope." Felix shook his head. "So, uh, what's that rag for?"

Piers glanced at the red rag tied around his wrist and shrugged. "It's just a rag. It's a nice fashion accessory, isn't it?"

"Well, I have a colour changing cape," Felix bragged. "It goes from green to blue!"

"That's weird." Piers blinked in surprise.

Eventually, Jenna emerged from the kitchen and ordered Piers to sit down in the dining room. Felix and Sheba joined her, standing at the table while Piers sat there in utter bewilderment. Soon, Kraden came in with a large cake and plonked it down on the table in front of Piers.

"Happy surprise birthday, Piers!" Sheba cried out. "We made you a cake!"

"We wanted a party, but we don't have enough money to spend on that kind of stuff," Jenna explained.

"What's wrong, Piers?" Felix asked. Piers was staring aghast at the cake.

"That... is... a lot of candles." Piers's eyes bugged out as he tried to count the many unlit candles covering the surface of the cake.

"It took us a long time to put all those candles on the cake," Kraden said.

"Since you wouldn't tell us your age, we had to guess," Sheba said.

"How many candles are on that cake?" Felix asked.

"One hundred candles!" Jenna declared. "Now I've got to light the candles so that you can blow them out, Piers. Lean back a bit."

Piers did so, gazing bleakly at the cake. He could scarcely comprehend this. One hundred candles? Jenna cast Flare and the candles caught fire. Even the candlesticks were being engulfed in fire as the flames hungrily licked away at the candles and began melting the icing on the cake.

"Oh no!" Jenna cried out in horror.

"The cake's on fire!" Sheba screamed.

"Put it out, Piers!" Felix yelled.

"All that hard work gone to waste," Kraden sighed miserably.

Piers numbly reached out and cast Frost, encasing the cake in ice. The fire died out, leaving an iced over and burnt cake with many burned out candles on its surface.

"Sorry, Piers." Jenna bit her lip guiltily.

"We should have just used these," Sheba muttered, holding up a box of matches.

"ONE HUNDRED?" Piers exclaimed.

"It was only a guess!" Felix protested.

"We really can't tell your real age," Kraden said.

"But... but..." Piers started weeping, putting his hands over his face. "You could at least try to make me feel good about myself! When people get older, they want to still feel young! Instead you just make me feel like a really old man!"

"You didn't tell us that, Kraden." Sheba swung around to give him an accusing stare.

"But it made me feel good about myself!" Kraden said defensively.

"So, were we too low or too high, Piers?" Jenna asked innocently.

"I think we've done enough now," Felix said firmly. "Let's not pester him about his age."

The group of four silently left the room, leaving Piers to angst in front of his cake.

"This is another reason why Lemurians don't celebrate birthdays!" Piers cried.


	12. Chapter 12

**_Golden Insanity_**

_Yet another chapter of craziness, randomness and hyperness abound! Even more fascinating skits to interest you, including a suggestion from a reviewer who knows who they are. Now, go ahead and read the chapter!_

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_"Wielder of fire's might, place your hands upon the stone" _

The eight Adepts all gathered around the stone tablet, reading the words etched into the stone. Jenna stepped forwards, looking excited. Of course, being a Mars Adept, she was a wielder of fire and it was finally her turn to get to touch one of these cool looking tablets.

"It's finally my turn!" Jenna declared, standing in front of the tablet. "You know, I can't believe I ended up being last. I waited so long to get one of these cool tablet Psynergies, it had better be worth it." Without another word, she placed her hands upon the tablet. Everyone watched on as the tablet's power flowed into her.

"I have learned Blaze," Jenna announced, turning away from the tablet with a broad grin on her face. "I can't wait to try it out."

"Um, can I get it too?" Garet asked tentatively.

"Why don't you try?" Isaac asked. "I mean, if Garet also wields fire, why shouldn't he be able to get Blaze as well?"

"Oh come on, it's supposed to be my nifty unique tablet Psynergy!" Jenna complained. "Felix, how would you feel if Isaac could also do that cool thing with the sand?"

"Well, to be honest..." Felix hesitated and nervously tugged on his ponytail as he tried to think of something to say that wouldn't anger Jenna so much she burned him to a crisp. "I wouldn't feel too bad about it."

"Piers?" Jenna snapped, turning to look at the Lemurian. "What about you?"

"If more people could evaporate water, it would help with floods now, wouldn't it?" Piers shrugged casually. Wrong words. Jenna lost it and cast a helping of Fume upon him. Piers groaned and fell over backwards, casting Ply Well upon himself.

"I'm going to touch it!" Garet argued, stomping over to the tablet. Jenna almost raised a hand to burn him, but then she remembered that burning a Mars Adept was very uneffective. She was just about to turn her big, pleading eyes on her older brother when the sound of Garet's hands slamming on the tablet jolted her out of it.

_"Noooo!"_ Jenna cried out.

The Adepts waited, watching as Garet stood with his hands on the tablet. Eventually, Garet's hopeful expression was replaced with confusion. He looked quizzically over his shoulder.

"Ah, shouldn't something happen?" Mia asked.

"The tablet reacted to Jenna," Ivan said, scratching his head in a perplexed manner. "However, for some reason, it didn't do anything when Garet touched it. That's odd."

"Maybe the tablet's a one time thing or game logic has just defeated you," Isaac suggested.

"No!" Sheba said. "This old guy in Garoh was able to learn a Psynergy from the tablet in Air's Rock. I learned it too, so it can't be one time only."

"Then it's game logic," Felix said. "And you really can't argue with game logic."

"Aw, man!" Garet whined and turned away from the tablet. "I want to learn a cool Psynergy!"

"Never mind," Jenna said, patting him on the shoulder. "You'll be able to witness me using the awesome and super cool Blaze spell. It will be a treat, won't it? I can't wait to see what it does."

"I've also got a really cool tablet Psynergy of course," Felix said. "I think I've mentioned it, but it lets me burrow into the sand and I can even travel under things on the sand that would normally block my way."

"That sounds really fun," Isaac said wistfully. "Just playing in the sand like that... you're lucky, Felix."

"And me," Piers said, stepping forwards. Mia immediately looked intently at him to hear what he had to say. "Like I said, I can evaporate water. It doesn't work all the time for some reason, just in certain spots. So I can't go evaporate the water in Ancient Lemuria or anything. I really don't know why."

"Nice, Piers," Mia said, her eyes shining. "It does sound very, very fascinating."

"And _I_... I, Sheba..." Sheba paused suspensefully and marched up to Ivan, who regarded her with a raised eyebrow. "I have a very cool Psynergy. You will be so jealous to hear it, Ivan."

"You have poor sportsmanship," Kraden commented, startling most people in the vicinity. He'd actually been quiet for once, fascinated by the Adepts' conversation.

"Go ahead," Ivan said, blinking. "Tell me."

"I have _Reveal!_" Sheba laughed, almost evilly. "I get to use this wonderful Psynergy that reveals hidden pathways, secret doors, things normally hidden from view and even items hidden in jars, barrels, anywhere. Reveal is the most useful Psynergy EVER and it is so functional. I LOVE it!"

Ivan stared blankly at her.

Sheba quietened down and stared at him in confusion. "Aren't you... jealous or something?"

"Oh boy," Isaac muttered. "Here it comes."

"Um, Sheba, I don't know how to say this," Ivan said nervously. "But I _already_ have Reveal."

_"WHAT?!"_ Sheba screamed, causing the Adepts to jump again. They were starting to get tired of being startled already. "Are you telling me that you also scrambled all the way up Air's Rock, nearly got blown off your feet, wandered through repetitive pathways and spent hours climbing that forsaken rock and made your way, weary and tired, to that tablet to get _Reveal?_"

"Actually, no," Ivan started, ignoring the warning signals that several people made at him. Apparently, he didn't sense that Sheba's twitching eyebrow, grinding teeth and clenched fists meant danger. "I kind of just learned it off my sister in five seconds."

"Was... there..." Sheba had started breathing heavily, her eyes burning with rage. "Any hardship involved?"

Ivan looked around. Isaac was drawing a finger across his neck. Garet was wide-eyed. Mia was biting her lip and looking very worried. He shrugged and looked at Sheba. "Not really. I just had to stand in front of her and she taught me it."

Kraden, Felix, Jenna, Piers, Isaac, Garet and Mia all recognised danger and scooted to the far edge of the platform, putting as much distance between themselves and the Jupiter Adepts as they possibly could.

"I'm sorry about your trouble in Air's Rock?" Ivan offered.

That wouldn't do it for Sheba, that wouldn't do it at all. She just raised a hand and began glowing with Psynergy, her emerald eyes narrowing to slits. Ivan gulped and assured himself that whatever she had to throw at him wouldn't hurt very much since he was also Jupiter aligned.

**_"SHINE PLASMA!!!"_**

Wow. That really had hurt.

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Vale had just been rebuilt and quite impressively so. Now that Vale was rebuilt and everyone was comfortably settled into their new houses and everything, it was time for life to get back to normal. And some people have very creative ideas of life getting back to normal. Namely, getting people to bake cookies.

"Mom?" Jenna approached her mother, her eyes widening as she prepared to beg. "You know how you haven't baked anything yet..."

"I've been a little too busy for baking," Jenna's mother replied crisply. "I mean, when you're patiently waiting for people to rebuild your house and having to do various tasks, various tasks do not include baking apple pies. Although, some of us did make a lot of sandwiches."

"But you can bake now, right?" Jenna said tremulously, her bottom lip wobbling. "Because you know... it's been a really long time..."

"We want cookies," Felix said impatiently, standing next to his sister with a petulant expression on his face. "Can you make us cookies?"

"Well..." Felix's mother paused. "I suppose I could."

"Please!" Jenna exclaimed. "I haven't eaten any of your cookies for four years! That's a really long time!" She sniffled for added effect. "I mean... Isaac's mother's cookies aren't as good as yours... so..."

"And you never baked any cookies in Prox either," Felix said, pouting. "I never got to eat cookies."

"I was a hostage," his mother said in a rather forced tone. "You see, it's not common practice to take a hostage aside and tell them to bake cookies."

A few miles away, an Evil Wonder Chef laughed evilly as he descended into Vault and grabbed an innocent person who was good at cookies. The innocent person was immediately taken away to be forced into the Evil Wonder Chef's cooking schemes. Which involved being forced to bake cookies. And yes, as hostages.

"Anyway, fine, I'll make the cookies," their mother said, turning towards the kitchen. "But it will be a while, you know."

"We've waited four years," Jenna said, sighing dramatically. "I'm sure we can wait a little longer."

"Jenna, I think you should stop dragging out the four years thing," Felix muttered. "We can wait, Mom."

Suddenly, the front door slammed open and Garet strolled in. "Hey, Jenna. Hi, Felix. Hi, ma'am, I was wondering if you had cookies?"

"Excuse me?" Felix's mother looked at him in surprise, raising an eyebrow. "You want my cookies?"

"Yeah!" Garet exclaimed. "For some reason, on Mars Lighthouse, your cookies were all I could think about."

"What does your mom think of this?" she asked, very calmly.

"She doesn't know," Garet said shamefully. "I can't tell her."

"Ugh... fine... I'll make some for you as well-"

"Hi!" Isaac exclaimed, running into the house.

"You too?" Jenna almost screamed.

"Isaac, do you want cookies as well?" Felix asked in exasperation.

"I certainly do," Isaac looked at Felix's ashen mother. "Thank you."

"Look... I..."

"Helloooo!" Kay called out, walking into the house with Aaron behind her. "Garet said something about coming here for cookies."

"He said they were better than Mom's cookies," Aaron said excitedly. "Can we have some too?"

"Mom? Are you okay?" Jenna frowned, looking at her mother. Her mother was beginning to twitch quite oddly.

"What's going on in here?" Jenna's father asked as he walked into the room. "Quite a lot of people in here."

"Mom's going to bake cookies," Felix announced. "At least... she said she was going to."

Suddenly, the number of people in the room increased by four as Mia, Ivan, Piers and Sheba entered in single file, all of them wearing guilty, hopeful expressions.

"Let me guess," Felix's mother snapped, looking at the four newcomers. "You all heard about how great my cookies are and would also like some?"

They all silently nodded and wore sheepish grins.

"Oh, hello, I do hope I am not too late for the occasion," a familiar, rambling voice floated into the room and struck fear into the hearts of the Valeans (and an Imilian, a Kalayan/Contigan, a Laliveran/supposed Anemian and a Lemurian) as they all heard it. "In fact, I just heard people talking about cookies in this particular house and I do believe I would like to partake in this eating of cookies that were baked by-"

"We get it, Kraden!" Felix yelled in frustration. "I just want my cookies already!"

"Calm down, Felix," Jenna hushed him. "You don't want to anger Mom."

Isaac sighed and turned around, looking mildly annoyed. "You know..." He suddenly let out a yelp as Kyle and Dora walked into the room. "Oh no!"

"There you are, Isaac!" Dora said menacingly.

"Oh come on, Dora, we all want her cookies," Kyle protested. "I'm sure Isaac still likes your cookies."

"But coming here in secret... like he's committing a crime..." Dora muttered, glaring at her quivering son. "Still, I do believe I would like to try a cookie. Make sure you haven't gotten shabby, hm?" Her eye glinted as she looked at Jenna's mother.

"Challenge accepted," Jenna's mother said in a steely tone.

"At this rate..." Garet looked pale.

"Oh! There are a lot of people here!" The Mayor of Vale exclaimed as he walked in, his wife next to him.

"Are you all here for cookies then?" His wife said.

"Please.. no..." Garet whimpered.

"Oh, Garet! Are you here for her cookies too?" Garet's mother's acidic voice floated across the room.

"I hope you don't actually prefer her cookies over your mother's!" Garet's father said, chortling as if he had made a funny joke.

"Is the whole of Vale coming in here?" Jenna's mother hissed through her gritted teeth. Suddenly, Alex warped in and landed on top of her.

"Well, now that you mention it, I'm from Imil..." Alex realised he had actually landed on her and quickly got off. "Whoops. Sorry. My warping's a bit dodgy so I haven't been using it lately."

"Why do you look like you've been in a drag-down knock-out fight with... a... um, an insane elephant?" Sheba asked.

"Alex!" Mia screamed in fury. "EVIL! EVIL!" She pointed accusingly, her eyes burning with livid rage.

"You just like saying that, don't you?" Ivan looked sceptically at Mia, who smacked him over the head with her staff. "Ow!"

"I got into a scrap with a floating ball of rock with an eye a long time back and for some reason, I'm here alive and well, although I probably should have died after that scrap. Oh well," Alex said, shrugging. "I think I'm only here for some cookies anyway. Are you the one making the cookies, ma'am?"

"Let me guess, you want cookies?" Felix's mother said angrily, rising to her feet. "Even though you just knocked me down? The nerve of it! So why is the whole of Vale walking in here and demanding my cookies?"

"Because of me! Muahahahaha!"

Everyone turned around in shock to look at a ball of rock with an eye.

"The Wise One!" Isaac cried out.

"Yikes!" Garet whimpered "Please don't sick a dragon on us..."

"I am behind this evil plot," The Wise One said, its eye revolving eerily. "Because I cannot eat cookies and they smell great and I'm always hearing about how wonderful they taste but I can't try them or anything, I have decided to take revenge. Yes, on innocent people. Therefore, I have notified all of Vale that Felix's mother is making cookies! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"I can't believe you!" Jenna exclaimed. "That's terrible!"

"Then where's all of Vale? Oof!" Felix exclaimed as he fell on his face, knocked over by a stampede of raging Valeans. He barely managed to get up and found himself in the middle of a swarming crowd.

"I can't see anything!" Ivan wailed.

"Yeah, all I see are heads," Sheba complained. "Just how many people are there?"

"Are we going to get the cookies yet?" Aaron asked petulantly.

"We want the cookies!" Garet cried out.

"Muahahahahahaha!" The Wise One laughed again, before disappearing.

"WE WANT THE COOKIES! WE WANT THE COOKIES!"

Felix's mother looked around in horror as everyone started chanting that they wanted her cookies. Veins began pulsing on her forehead and she clenched a fist, gritting her teeth together. Even Dora was chanting it... even Garet's disgruntled mother... just what was the matter with these people?

"WE WANT THE-"

Considering she was a Mars Adept, it didn't take long to explode. Suddenly, things burst into flames and everyone stopped chanting, looking around in surprise. Alex, Mia and Piers quickly tended to the fires while everyone looked in consternation at Felix and Jenna's very, very, very angry mother.

"Just _what_ is so _great_ about my _**damn cookies?**_"

Several children gasped and committed the bad word to memory forever.

While several people looked at Garet questioningly. It was he who had made a not-so-big deal out of those cookies on Mars Lighthouse after all.

"I just like her cookies best of all," Garet said, shrugging. His mother let out a heartbroken cry and flung a vase at his head. "Ow!"

"Why are we even here?" A Valean demanded. The other Valeans didn't know, so most of them ended up surging out of the house and muttering. In the end, only Felix, Jenna, Isaac and Garet still remained in the room. Garet was desperate for the cookies. Isaac still wanted to see what the big deal was.

Felix's mother sighed and pressed a cold cloth against her head.

"Um... Mom?" Jenna said tentatively.

"Can we... still have cookies?" Felix asked.

**"NO!"**

"Eh, I'll ask my mom for some instead," Garet sighed.

"Yeah, me too," Isaac said, following him out of the house.

"Well, can I at least have your recipe?" Jenna demanded.

"I'll be way too scared to eat them," Felix protested, earning a smack from his angered sister.

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---------WIND!--------------  
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**Special Feature Story **

_Warugi Nijuushin_

Isaac was able to keep track of the helicopter as he drove along the road and eventually the helicopter descended down the back of a dark, ominous looking building. Isaac was uncowed by the dark ominous building and parked the car close by. He picked up the cellphone and briskly dialed.

Mia was currently in Garet's kitchen, shaking him and trying to wake him up. Garet was apparently a heavy sleeper. Nobody ever saw Garet until after eleven o'clock in the morning, so presumably he enjoyed his lie-ins. He also had a fondness for sleeping on kitchen floors as well, it seemed.

"Garet!" Mia shouted. "Wake up!"

Garet let out a loud snore which caused Mia to wince and clap her hands over her ears. She prayed that no woman in all of Weyard would ever be crazy enough to marry Garet. They would end up filing for divorce in a week because they wanted to be able to sleep again. Mia sighed and stood up.

"Okay, Garet, I apologise for this, but I want you to just wake up already!" Mia exclaimed, holding out her hand. A stream of icy cold water flowed out of her palm and splashed all over Garet. Mia paused, waiting for Garet to scream and wake up as the icy cold water trickled down his skin. "Uh...?"

Garet rolled over and reached out with a hand, scratching his butt as he slept. He did not even wake up.

"Ew!" Mia grimaced. "Okay, this calls for desperate measures." She pulled out her cellphone and pressed a few buttons, accessing the music menu. Mia mostly had good music in here, but she did have some annoying tracks. Sometimes people just asked to be senselessly tortured. Mia made sure the volume was set to loud and chose "Barney Theme". She quickly kneeled down and held the cellphone to Garet's ear. Poor Garet got an earful of the horrendous theme song that was associated with purple dinosaurs.

"Augh!" Garet screamed and jerked awake, scrambling back with a horrified look on his face. "What the heck...?"

"Oh, you're awake," Mia said calmly, stopping the music. "It's about time."

"Alex stole my cookies!" Garet wailed, getting up and looking at the table.

"Correction, _you_ stole _my_ cookies," Mia hissed, advancing on Garet who looked at her in pure fear. The phone rang and she quickly held it up, answering the call. "Oh, Isaac? You know where they are? Mmm-hmm..." She nodded and muttered, as she listened to Isaac. "Okay. We'll be over there soon."

"Huh?" Garet looked at Mia. "We're going somewhere?"

"Come on," Mia snapped, taking him by the arm. "We've got to go and rescue Felix, Jenna and Sheba. I'll tell you on the way."

Isaac had no regard for his safety and had decided that getting out of the car was in fact a good idea. He wanted to investigate and find out just what was going on. Isaac slammed the door shut and hurried towards the building. It wasn't even guarded, which struck Isaac as quite odd. They kidnapped people and didn't even prevent potential rescuers from coming in?

The sound of voices attracted Isaac's attention. He moved towards the side of the building and peered around the corner, spotting two people having a conversation.

One person was Alex... and the sight shocked Isaac beyond belief. Alex was wearing a flowery hat on his head and what looked like a Chanel suit. A _pink_ Chanel suit. Not just that, he had high heels on and huge beads around his neck and bangles...

"So, I was, like, shopping." Alex giggled, holding a hand against his face, revealing manicured pink nails. "And, like, this girl shouts out my name. I thought she was totally scruffy, so I, like, didn't even bother answering her, you know? I was wearing men's clothes at the time too. Can you believe it? I'm _so_ glad I got this new suit, it's much more comfortable, like."

Isaac wordlessly looked at the other person and gasped quietly. The other person was also Alex. Just what was going on here? The other Alex at least looked normal.

"This won't do, Evil Alex Clone #12," normal Alex snapped. "We have to dress like Alex!"

"But I totally dress like Alex in public, like!" EAC #12 whined. "Anyway, nobody, like, comes here, you know? So why do I have to dress like Alex? It's totally annoying dressing as a man!"

"You are a man!" normal Alex exclaimed.

"But... Evil Alex Clone #21..." EAC #12 sighed and fiddled with a strand of hair. "I wish I was a woman, you know?"

"You're a freaking **CLONE!**" EAC #21 yelled, veins pulsing on his forehead.

Isaac quietly scuttled back around to the front of the building and sighed, putting a hand on his forehead. He was sure he was getting a headache now. There were Evil Alex Clones running around and one desired to be a woman. Felix, Jenna and Sheba had apparently been kidnapped by the Evil Alex Clones. Just what was happening here?

"Intruder!"

Isaac gasped as several Alexes came running towards him. Something told him that they were all Evil Alex clones. Fortunately, none of them were dressed as women. Evil Alex Clone #12 was clearly an anomaly. Isaac leaped aside just as a chunk of ice crashed into the wall. He started running to the car while giant chunks of ice crashed behind him.

Isaac reached the car in record time and wrenched the back door open. He quickly searched through the bags of groceries and then backed out of the car just in time to avoid getting hit by more ice.

"My food!" Isaac cried as all his stuff was encased in ice. He turned around to look at the Evil Alex Clones with narrowed eyes. "You'll pay for that." The very annoyed Venus Adept held up his weapon, a bottle of ketchup, and pulled up the cap. The Evil Alex Clones blinked, utterly stupefied.

"KETCHUP ATTACK!" Isaac yelled, pointing the top of the bottle towards them and squeezing. Oodles of ketchup spurted out of the bottle and shot straight into their eyes. The Evil Alex Clones squealed in pain and ran around blindly, colliding with each other. They all ended up in a writhing heap, their limbs flailing around helplessly.

Isaac was just about to say something smug as he savoured the sweet taste of victory. However, it was sharply cut off as an unseen Evil Alex Clone leaped onto the roof and grabbed Isaac. Isaac barely had time to cry out as the Evil Alex Clone warped away with him.

Meanwhile, in the dark, ominous and mysterious building, Felix, Jenna and Sheba were just waking up inside their Happy Cell Of Love, Happiness and Eternal Imprisonment.

"We're not really imprisoned here forever, are we?" Sheba asked.

"Of course not," Jenna said. "It's just a name."

They fell silent, done with breaking the fourth wall, and looked at Felix who was looking hopeless.

"Steel bars," Felix said.

"Why can't cells have bars made of biscuit for once?" Jenna sighed.

"Or chocolate," Sheba said, licking her lips.

"So you have awakened," said a creepy, mysterious voice.

"Alex!" Jenna cried, looking towards the bars. "Oh..."

There were in fact six Alexes standing in a row on the opposite side of the bars, looking at them.

"Evil Alex Clones!" Sheba cried out.

"So that's why we're in the Happy Cell of Love, Happiness and Eternal Imprisonment," Felix said in realisation. "The Evil Alex Clones brought us here!"

"Welcome to the Scary Doom Fortress of Love and Justice," said another Evil Alex Clone.

"Who the heck comes up with these names?" Sheba demanded.

"Evil Alex Clone #39," yet another Evil Alex Clone said. "He is wildly bipolar."

"And you are?" Jenna asked.

"We are Evil Alex Clones #4, #8, #15, #16, #23 and #42!" The Evil Alex Clones chanted in unison.

"We are The... I mean, our Master's most prized and loyal clones," EAC #16 said.

"We are perfect in every way," EAC #23 said. "Perfect clones of Alex. EVIL clones of Alex."

"I'm bored of this!" Jenna yelled. She flung out her hands and threw fire at them through the cells. The EACs screamed and backed away, narrowly avoiding getting burned to crisps.

"What kind of EVIL clones get scared?" Felix said. "You sure don't act very evil, rambling on all the time either."

EAC #42 shrugged and flung a huge chunk of ice through the bars that sent Jenna flying against the wall. "Is that evil enough?"

"Uh..." Felix blinked. "Yes! Very, very evil! Don't hurt her again! Please?"

"You're going to pay for that!" Jenna yelled.

"She said you're gonna-" Felix realised the glare of death was directed at him. "Hey, I didn't ask him to throw ice at you!"

"You guys, shut up!" Sheba yelled, startling them into silence. "Why are we here, Evil Alex Clones?"

"It's a secret," The Evil Alex Clones chanted. "We want to annoy you. Ha ha ha ha ha." They all promptly warped out.

"That was pointless," Sheba said. Jenna groaned and started taking her fury out on her brother. "We have to think of a way out."

"You do it," Jenna said, hitting Felix repeatedly with a banana. "I'm busy."

"Help can't come soon enough..." Felix groaned.

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Isaac had been quite bored. So bored in fact that for some reason he was playing with chunks of wood. Now he had some odd contraption that was a cylinder of wood with four pieces sticking out of it.

"What is that?" Felix asked, looking closely at the piece of wood.

"It hasn't got a name," Isaac answered. "But look! The sticky outy parts spin!"

"Sticky outy parts?" Ivan stared at him.

"Garet called them that," Isaac said. "It just stuck."

"What's wrong with sticky outy parts?" Garet pouted.

"It's lame!" Sheba exclaimed.

"So what is it for?" Jenna demanded to know. "Is it useful in any way?"

Isaac fell silent. He stared at the wooden thing. "Um..."

"We should stick it to the ceiling," Piers said randomly. "Wouldn't it be cool to stick it to the ceiling?"

"I agree!" Kraden exclaimed.

For some reason, the Adepts lso thought so. Isaac had to stand on Garet's shoulders since Garet was the tallest and hoisted up Ivan, who was the shortest and would put the least stress on Garet. Ivan precariously applied a huge wad of Superglue to the top of the object and then stuck it to the ceiling.

Now they stared up at it, wondering what to do next.

"Make it spin!" Jenna exclaimed. "Ivan, Sheba!"

"Oh man..." Sheba sighed and cast Whirlwind. The object began spinning and the Adepts gasped in amazement.

"It blows air around," Mia said. "It's a bit like a fan, isn't it?"

"Let's call it a ceiling fan," Isaac said.

The Adepts sat on the floor and stared at the fan in reverence.

"The power of Jupiter is indeed amazing to create such a wonder," Kraden sighed appreciatively. "A wonder like a spinning ceiling fan!"

"Guys, can I stop now?" Sheba groaned after a while had passed. "My Psynergy's running out."

Garet threw a Psy Crystal at her.

"You know," Ivan said. "It's lunchtime now."

"Can't eat," Jenna groaned. "Must watch fan."

"Um..." Sheba said hesitantly. "Aren't we supposed to go and save the world?"

"Can't save world," Isaac muttered. "Must watch fan."

Much later, Agatio and Karst came in and kidnapped Jenna in an effort to get everyone after them so that they would have incentive to light the final lighthouse.

"Jenna kidnapped," Garet said in a dazed voice. "You go save her, Felix."

"Can't save Jenna," Felix moaned. "Must watch fan."

Even more time passed and Sheba was getting very, very tired. Every time she said her Psynergy was running out, someone just threw a Psy crystal at her. It was really beginning to get on her nerves, but what could she do? The second she stopped, the crazy ceiling fan worshippers would probably attack her. She sighed and stared miserably at the ceiling fan. Hey, watching it was kind of fun.

Eventually, night fell and everyone was still watching the ceiling fan even as their stomachs grumbled and full bladders screamed to be emptied. Nothing would tear them away from the reverence of watching the incredible ceiling fan.

In the end, Agatio and Karst stomped into the room, dragging along the yelling and screaming Jenna.

"Ceiling fan!" Jenna screamed, wrenching herself out of their grips and scuttling to the middle of the room where she bowed fervently and stared at the fan. "I missed you..."

"Silence," Mia said in a spooky zombie-like voice. "Must watch fan."

"What the heck is wrong with you?" Karst shrieked. She promptly burned the ceiling fan. It fell off the ceiling in a heap of burned chunks.

Everyone gazed in shock at Agatio and Karst.

Ivan began to cry.

"Well!" Kraden exclaimed. "That was uncalled for!"

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be dead?" Felix frowned, checking his pocket. Yep, the Mars Star was right there.

"We revived temporarily to try and get you to light the lighthouse!" Agatio yelled.

Then Agatio and Karst fell over dead again and disappeared.

"That was interesting," Piers said.

"I need to pee," Garet moaned.

"Isn't it suppertime now?" Isaac asked.

"Ceiling fan!" Ivan wailed.

"Oh come on, Ivan, we got sick of that thing already!" Sheba exclaimed. "Well... for some reason, we are now."


	13. Chapter 13

_**Golden Insanity**_

_Wow, this took a while to come around. Well, prepare for more random fun and insanity!_

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Piers stared at the sobbing brown-haired Venus Adept in front of him and wondered for a moment how he ended up playing therapist. His amber eyes slid down to the notepad he held in his hand, a pencil ready to write. Felix had already asked how sharp the pencil was. Piers bit his bottom lip, eyes flicking back up at Felix who was taking deep breaths and struggling to compose himself.

"I think he's snapped," Sheba had said, as Felix cried bitterly into a tree.

"Kraden said eating too much chocolate would make him fat," Jenna had told Piers. "And Felix kind of freaked. We told him to eat chocolate to cheer himself up, but honestly I don't think it works."

"Life is so unfair!" Felix had wailed bitterly. Before asking the group if they had any sharp objects.

And somehow, Piers was now playing therapist to a sorely traumatised Felix. Kraden had arranged a makeshift couch, saying it would be good for Felix. And now he, Jenna and Sheba would be sitting outside the room, ears glued to the wall. There was no such thing as patient confidentiality.

"Alright, Felix," Piers said finally. "Get on the couch."

Felix did so, gazing at him with wide brown eyes. Piers almost asked him to turn his eyes somewhere else, but thought better of it. He was just going to have to put up with that creepy kicked puppy stare while he played therapist, like it or not.

"Now, Felix," Piers said, poising the pencil above the notepad. "Tell me about your life from the beginning. I want every traumatic experience of yours down here."

"Okay," Felix said, taking a deep breath. "It all started when I was just two years old."

"You can't remember that far back, Felix," Piers said.

"I know." Felix pouted. "Let me finish. According to my dad, I got stung on the nose by a bee. A bee! Do you have any idea how much a bee sting hurts? The bees hate me!"

"The birds and the bees talk must have been heavily traumatic," Piers muttered.

"And then when I was three, I lost my favourite teddy," Felix said, sniffling. "I don't know what happened, but it just disappeared one day. I looked for ages and I never found it again! It still hurts to think of losing Snuffles!"

"You called your teddy bear Snuffles?" Piers raised an eyebrow.

"Lay off, I was a child then!" Felix glared at him. "You're mean."

"Just carry on, Felix," Piers said patiently.

"When Jenna turned three, she developed a habit of hitting people with her toys!" Felix burst out. "She would go after me with her dolls and beat me senseless over the head with them for hours! I used to have nightmares in which Jenna would find me hiding in the closet, laugh evilly and smash me with a giant doll of doom! Those nightmares stopped eventually... but, oh, the pain, the nightmares." He whimpered and clutched his head.

Piers sighed. It was becoming evident Jenna had always had that violent streak then. "Any more painful childhood memories?"

"Uh huh," Felix nodded tearfully. "Once Mom brought a cat into the house. I pulled its tail and it scratched me on the face and tried to kill me."

"Well, that explains your fear of cats!" Piers exclaimed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, keep talking."

"Then there was the time Mom made cookies," Felix said shakily. "I was out walking with Isaac at the time and when I came back, Jenna told me there were cookies waiting for me. Except when I got there, they were gone. Dad said Garet had come in and then left with strangely full pockets. He ate them, Piers! Garet ate my cookies!"

"This Garet sounds very unpleasant," Piers said. "Perhaps he was the cause of some more trauma?"

"Not really," Felix said. "But the thought of Garet dating my sister is one of the most terrifying things I can think of."

"Back to painful childhood memories," Piers stressed. He had no desire to listen to Felix ramble on about dating matters concerning Jenna.

"When I was about seven or eight," Felix continued lamenting. "Kraden came to Vale. No, I don't mean Kraden coming was a traumatic thing. It's just that he used to lecture us all the time! He would drag us to his cottage, tie us to the chairs and teach us! It was awful!"

"You seem to be coping pretty well with him now," Piers pointed out, looking sceptical.

"I got used to him," Felix explained. "Anyway, so life wasn't that miserable until I was twelve and a dog peed on my shoe. But at that time, something else was happening. I was beginning to take an interest in girls."

"Had some romantic fallbacks?" Piers asked, suddenly looking very interested. "Do tell."

"It started with this pretty girl I had a crush on," Felix said. "She had this beautiful honey coloured hair and eyes as green as a lush meadow. And her skin-"

"Felix, if you continue with the comparisons, I will have to gag you," Piers said. "I asked for angst, not prose."

Felix let out a heavy sniff and looked away. "One day, I plucked up the courage to go and talk to her. Except..."

"Except?" Piers prompted him.

"She took one look at me and burst out laughing," Felix sighed. "It turns out that that very morning Jenna had put make-up on my face while I was still asleep and I didn't know about it. So I went all the way to talk to her with make-up on my face!"

"You poor, poor baby," Piers said. "I hope that taught you to wash your face in the morning."

"Whatever," Felix muttered sulkily. "Nothing happened until I was thirteen and, well, there was this ugly girl who was kind of overweight and had a lot of spots. She was a bit older than me and she had a really bad sense of fashion. Anyway, I wasn't interested in her, and then one day she told me that she liked me and she kissed me! Right on the lips! I can't imagine a worse girl kissing me there!"

"Your sister?" Piers suggested. Felix angrily threw a cushion at him. "Sorry, I'll keep my mouth shut."

"Then there was Kay," Felix sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "Garet's sister. Except at the time she was dating someone else. Well, she was until the day before THAT night. I finally had my chance, but I waited too long..."

"What happened?" Piers asked, looking concerned. "She didn't..."

"No, nothing happened to her," Felix said quickly. "But... I ended up getting carried away in the river! For three years!"

"Ah right, the incident with that boulder?" Piers asked. Felix nodded. "So by my understanding, you were washed away and disappeared from Vale for three years. So, do tell me about your time in Prox."

"I was held hostage by these scary people with red eyes and pointy ears," Felix said. "They are scary, Piers."

"I know, I was there in Madra and Champa, remember? I met Karst and Agatio," Piers said before he could stop himself.

"You're a lousy therapist," Felix said, frowning. "And it was cold in Prox and it snowed and I was cold! And Saturos would make me go through all these horrible sword training exercises! I got blisters on my hands! Menardi would make cruel jokes about me. Agatio bullied me and Karst kept teasing me. Everybody was mean to me. And I was so worried about everyone back home, especially Jenna, since my parents were with me too and she was alone and it was just a horrible time, Piers."

Piers was too busy frantically scribbling away to speak. Felix could really go off on a tangent when he wanted to.

"The food!" Felix exclaimed. "The food in Prox is terrible! It's all weird and tastes funny and... well, I got used to it actually. And there was this strange old lady who smelled like pee and used to make me read to her. I was forced to sit right next to her and I had to put up with that disgusting pee smell. Being a hostage is not fun at all. They can make you do anything they want. It's awful."

"How about moving on a bit?" Piers asked gently. "How about to leaving Prox?"

"Okay," Felix said. "The sailing across the sea wasn't so fun at first. I fell over a lot and was sick once. Then we reached Gondowan and passed on through to Angara. We went to the Mercury Lighthouse and in Imil, we met... Alex." A shudder passed through his body and his eyes flickered back and forth nervously.

"Tell me about Alex," Piers offered. "I know he's an annoying jerk and all that. Anything else?"

"Alex used to stare at me a lot," Felix whispered. "And his hair... he was crazy about his hair! Once I tried his shampoo and he had me up against the wall with his sword at my throat and he said, touch that again and you die."

"Really?" Piers asked in surprise.

"Okay, he didn't have his sword at my throat," Felix relented. "My imagination gets a little crazy sometimes. So, after recruiting Alex, we went to Vale and I ended up robbing my own hometown. Isn't that fun? I wore a mask so nobody would know it was me and still got busted anyway. And then I kidnapped my own sister and lo and behold, we were off on the quest to light the lighthouses."

"Any upsetting experiences?" Piers asked.

"Saturos and Menardi kept threatening Jenna and that wasn't nice." Felix pouted. "I had the added responsibility of protecting Jenna and Kraden from two psychos, who were holding my parents hostage to make me help them in the first place. And the journey... the Lamakan Desert... ugh... it was hotter than hell in that place. And Mogall Forest was creepy."

"Okay, okay, enough details." Piers held up a hand. "So, it's interesting to know you have a fear of cats. Any other fears?"

"Water," Felix said, eyes widening.

"Water?" Piers sat back in surprise. "Why do you fear water?"

"I fell in a river, I had to swim through the ocean to catch a floating island, I ended up in a tidal wave." Felix counted off his fingers. "And Alex. Alex is a Water Adept and Alex scares me."

"You have been through a lot, Felix," Piers said, shaking his head. "I think we're done. Anything else?"

"WHY ME?" Felix screamed, throwing himself at the floor and smacking his head.

"My sentiments exactly," Piers said, getting to his feet and looking weary.

The door opened and Kraden, Jenna and Sheba walked into the room, all looking rather tired.

"I honestly think Felix is beyond help," Sheba said, shaking her head.

"I am rather disgruntled that he partly blames me for his angst." Kraden pouted.

"You poor thing," Jenna said, kneeling next to her crying brother and patting his head. "Hey, if it helps, I'm very sorry about the dolls, the make-up and anything else I did. Really."

"I need coffee," Piers announced, walking out of the room. "Lots of coffee."

"Can I have something sharp now?" Felix asked.

"No!" everyone yelled, causing him to cry again.

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The Adepts were all standing in the middle of a forest, along with Kraden. Today they were participating in birdwatching, or so they claimed to be. There was a distinct lack of binoculars though, so it seemed more like they were wasting time and pretending they didn't have anything better to do. For example, saving the world from being eaten by Gaia Falls.

"Oh, look, a pigeon," Mia said, pointing.

"Bloarg ha ha ha!"

"An egg!" Garet cried out, looking shocked as he stared at a giant manifestation stomping their way. Jenna and Sheba also noticed it and hurried away without anyone seeing them. Everyone else turned to look at Garet, not noticing the manifestation of evil walking toward them.

"Garet, an egg is not a bird," Isaac said patiently.

"Are you hungry?" Ivan asked.

"Blarg ha ha ha ha!"

"Hey, where's that awful laughter coming from?" Piers asked suddenly. Garet frantically pointed and everyone turned around, looking surprised as they gazed at a manically laughing walking, talking egg coming toward them.

"Hey, where did Jenna and Sheba go?" Isaac asked, looking around in surprise. "They were here a minute ago."

"Huh?" Piers glanced over his shoulder. "That's odd. I'm sure Sheba was right behind me."

"Oh no!" Felix cried, starting to spaz as he realised his sister was missing. "Jenna's gone? What if she went and got kidnapped again? Or she somehow got lost? What if a giant bird flew over and grabbed her and we didn't see and..."

"Oh, calm down, Felix," Isaac said in a very patient and calm tone. "We should concentrate on the fact an evil egg is laughing evilly and walking toward us."

"This seems like a formidable foe," Ivan commented, staring at the egg. It was high as the trees that surrounded them and had large thick limbs sprouting out of its shell.

"Clearly," Mia said, "this is a foe that we must band together in order to defeat."

"Yay!" Garet jumped up and down, looking excited. He licked his lips in anticipation. "Come here, I'm gonna make you into the best damn omelette I've ever had!"

"A walking, talking egg," Kraden sighed, his eyes shining behind his glasses as he watched from afar. "Can this indeed be more of Alchemy's work? It truly is a beautiful and marvellous sight." Then it occurred to him the Adepts were going to destroy this beautiful, marvellous sight and he started crying.

The egg glared down at the six Adepts, feeling quite unimpressed with Garet's words. "Take this!" it yelled. "Yolk Spout!" The egg opened its mouth wide and a shower of yolk spewed over everyone, splattering on the ground. They stumbled around, cussing and cursing as they wiped yolk out of their eyes, not realising they were stepping in the yolk. Then they stopped and looked up at the egg in consternation.

"Eww." Mia shuddered. "That was gross." She held up her hands in disgust as thick, yellowy goop dripped off her fingers.

"I am covered in yolk." Piers grimaced, shaking his arms.

"Is that all?" Felix asked, waving his sword in preparation to strike. He attempted to run forward with his mighty sword of doom then froze, his eyes widening in shock. Felix slowly looked down at the yellow mess beneath his feet and uttered a curse word under his breath.

"Uh oh, this yolk is like glue!" Isaac exclaimed, struggling to lift his feet up. "I'm stuck in the yolk!"

"You cheater!" Garet snapped, glaring at the smirking egg.

"Hey, would you like to hear a yolk?" The egg asked. "Knock knock."

"Who's there?" Ivan asked.

"Omelette," replied the egg.

"Omelette who?" Mia asked.

"Omelette tougher than I look!" The egg declared, grinning. "Egg Rain!"

Tons of hard boiled eggs rained down from the sky, causing the Adepts to yell in pain as they were struck by a torrent of hard boiled eggs. Being hit by hard boiled eggs hurt.

"Hey, this tastes pretty nice," Garet commented, as he unpeeled and started eating one of them.

"Put that down, Garet!" Isaac snapped. "We're supposed to be battling, not eating!"

"That really hurt," Mia whimpered, clutching her head.

"How are we going to get unstuck?" Piers asked, still struggling to lift his feet.

"Maybe if we ask nicely, the egg will tell us how," Felix said sarcastically.

"Now it's time for the finishing blow!" the egg declared, smiling triumphantly. "Drown-in' Yolk!"

A circle of yolk began to spread around the Adepts and once the full circle was formed, it filled up and began rising.

"This does not look good." Ivan gulped.

"It's not going to go over our heads, is it?" Isaac asked tentatively.

"Didn't you hear what his attack was called?" Mia sounded almost shrill as the yolk reached her hips. She struggled to move, but the yolk still stuck fast.

"No! I don't want to drown!" Felix began to spaz again. "I'm scared! Help me, someone!"

"We are all equally helpless here," Piers said levelly. "Yelling is not going to get you out of this. Just calm down."

"But... I'm really scared!" Felix wailed, flailing around in a panic. The yolk was almost at his chest now.

"Is he alright?" Mia asked, looking at Garet.

"Well, he did nearly drown in the river three years ago," Garet explained. "I suppose he hasn't got over it yet."

"Oh, right, I remember now." Mia nodded in understanding.

"How are we going to get out of this?" Ivan asked nervously, staring in horror at the yolk as it moved up his chest.

"Easy," Garet said. "All we have to do is drink the yolk and we will be fine." A few people looked at him in disgust, not keen on the idea of drinking yolk.

"But, Garet, how are we going to be able to breathe?" Isaac demanded.

"Erm... well... I don't know," Garet admitted lamely. "Oh, Iris, help me! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! AAAHHH!"

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" Felix screamed.

"I'M GONNA DROWN FIRST!" Ivan yelled. "THIS IS SO UNFAIR!"

"IF WE'RE GONNA DIE, WE'LL TAKE CAPS LOCK DOWN WITH US!" Isaac shouted.

The egg laughed maniacally as the Adepts continued to scream in terror and abuse the poor caps.

"Stop right there!"

Suspenseful music played. The egg looked around in surprise. The Adepts stopped screaming and looked in the direction of the sound.

Atop one of the tallest trees stood two girls, whom were actually Jenna and Sheba wearing costumes and goggles to disguise themselves. Jenna sported a pink leotard with a large black flower on it and a black miniskirt decorated with pink flowers. A black cape fluttered from her back and she wore pink goggles, the outfit finished off by pink rose earrings dangling from her earlobes. Sheba was wearing a dark pink blouse with black dots and a multi-layered green miniskirt. She also wore pink gloves and green goggles. A pair of miniature watermelon earrings dangled from chains on her ears.

"A nature-loving beautiful girl out to protect those in danger! Miss Flower Power!" Jenna cried, striking a pose.

"Pretty girl who likes fruit fights for justice! Watermelon Girl!" Sheba yelled, also striking a pose.

"Your time is up, evil egg!" they shouted in unison.

"Aw, come on," the egg whined. "Can't I at least kill them first?"

"No!" Sheba leaped off the tree and held up her hands, a giant watermelon appearing. She flung it at the still rising circle of yolk. "Juicy Absorption!"

The watermelon became a sponge and sucked away all the yolk, including the stuff that had trapped the Adepts to the ground. They sighed in relief.

"Thorn Cascading Rain!" Jenna yelled, holding up a hand.

"Yarrgh!" the egg screamed in pain as several zillion thorns impaled him. Then he fell over. And died painfully.

"Well, we did good, Miss Flower Power," Sheba said.

"It was easy." Jenna shrugged. "But good work on saving them, Watermelon Girl."

"You saved us!" Garet exclaimed.

"Who exactly are you?" Piers asked.

"It's a secret," Jenna said, smirking. The goggles made it almost impossible for anybody to figure out their true identities.

"Anyway, we must go," Sheba said. "Farewell!"

The Adepts watched on in silent surprise as "Miss Flower Power" and "Watermelon Girl" disappeared into the woods. Then Jenna and Sheba came running out from the exact same direction.

"Did we miss anything?" Sheba asked.

"What's with that giant egg lying dead over there?" Jenna asked innocently.

"So, you expect us to believe you were hanging around in the woods and only just came out after the superheroes disappeared?" Mia said incredulously.

"Hm?" Jenna blinked. "I really have no idea what you are talking about."

"And Sheba's head is shaped like a melon too," Isaac said snidely. "Coincidence?"

"Wah!" Sheba started crying and sat down in tears. "Is that why I became Watermelon Girl? That's so mean!"

"You gave it away!" Jenna exclaimed in annoyance. "Well done, Sheba!"

"If you want to keep it a secret, don't go running in and out of the exact same place," Felix sighed in exasperation.

"Anyway, let's go back to stopping Gaia Falls from eating Weyard," Ivan suggested.

The Adepts liked that idea so they went off to do so.

And Sheba awoke from her rather strange dream, cursing Ivan for ever telling her he thought her head resembled a variety of things. Her stylist was so fired.

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----------WII----------------  
----------WII!----------------  
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-------------------------------

**Special Feature Story**

_Warugi Nijuushin_

Isaac groggily awoke and found himself tied to a pole in a dark and mysterious room. He cried out and looked straight at Alex, who stood in the middle of the room, smirking at him.

"Evil Alex Clone?" Isaac guessed nervously.

"Yes, I am Evil Alex Clone #33," answered the clone. "And I'm here to interrogate you."

"Okay," Isaac said. "Go ahead." He curiously looked around the room. It was drab and boring and there was nothing of much interest in here.

"How did you find our fortress?" Evil Alex Clone #33 asked. "Why were you here?"

Isaac gazed at him levelly, wondering what the best option was. It was probably best to lie. "I know everything."

"Everything?" EAC #33 gasped.

Isaac nodded.

"Then you know of the Great Dark Lord?"

"Uh-huh."

"And his plan to make many, many clones of one person to take over the world?"

"Yes."

"Many, many EVIL clones?"

"Of course."

"And you figured all this out by yourself?"

"I certainly did," Isaac answered. Now he'd actually learned what was going on.

"Oh well," EAC #33 said, shrugging. "I guess I'll just have to kill you then."

Isaac flinched, just as the door opened and another Evil Alex Clone walked in.

"Ah, Evil Alex Clone #39," EAC #33 said, turning around. "I was just about to kill our hostage."

"Oh, really?" EAC #39 gave Isaac an evil look and he shuddered. "Well, this should be fun."

"This guy knows everything," EAC #33 hissed. "He cannot be allowed to live."

"My goodness!" EAC #39 gasped. "Kill him at once!"

Isaac trembled as Evil Alex Clone #33 advanced on him with a very sharp butcher's knife. Suddenly, Evil Alex Clone #39 let out a horrified cry and smashed Evil Alex Clone #33 in the head with a rock. Isaac stared in surprise as Evil Alex Clone #33 slumped to the floor, unconscious, and Evil Alex Clone #39 ran up and untied him.

"Get out of here, quick," Evil Alex Clone #39 urged. "You are in great danger. Here, this might come in useful." He placed the rock in Isaac's hand.

Isaac slowly walked toward the door, feeling very confused.

"Hey, stop right there! You can't escape!" Evil Alex Clone #39 yelled, running at him and looking evil again. Isaac turned around, smacked him with the rock which knocked him out, and fled from the room.

Moments later, Evil Alex Clone #33 awoke and glared at his companion. "We have GOT to do something about your damn bipolar disorder."

Back in the Happy Cell of Love, Happiness and Eternal Imprisonment, Felix, Jenna and Sheba were gazing in boredom at the cell bars, still unable to think of a way to escape. They had tried playing games to pass the time, but that too had got boring, and now they were just staring at the bars.

"I'm so bored," Jenna moaned.

"Me too," Sheba sighed.

"Look. A fly," Felix said, looking very interested in the random insect that had infiltrated their cell.

"Cool," said Sheba.

Suddenly, a psychotic goat came charging down the corridor, bleating furiously, and skidded around just in front of their cell. To their surprise, it smashed right through the bars and cantered around, continuing to bleat maniacally, eyes glowing demonically red.

"Insane goat! Help!" Felix yelled, running out of the cell.

"Holy crap!" Sheba cowered in the corner, staring at the goat with wide eyes.

Jenna turned her head to look at the goat in utter disinterest and shrugged, holding up her hand. The goat was devoured by a torrent of flickering flames and fell over, utterly incinerated. "Hmm, I've never had barbecued goat before."

"Have you ever eaten a goat?" Felix stared at her.

"Hey, we can get out now!" Sheba exclaimed. "Let's go!"

"Finally!" Jenna cried out, following Sheba out of the cell. The three hurried off through the creepy dungeon and once they got out, they stumbled upon Isaac.

"You guys!" Isaac exclaimed. "I've figured out what's going on!"

"When did you get here?" Felix asked.

"Tell us," Sheba said quickly. "What's going on?"

"I knew it was a conspiracy!" Jenna declared.

As they hid from the Evil Alex Clones, Isaac told them all he'd heard. It was evident, they would have to stop the Great Dark Lord from taking over the world with Evil Alex Clones.

Somewhere in the fortress, a station wagon smashed through the front doors and barrelled through the large hall, squishing several Evil Alex Clones.

"That's the last time I go in a vehicle you're driving," Mia said, glaring at Garet.

"But we're in now," Garet said, pouting. "Hey, look, it's Alex! And another Alex! And yet another Alex-"

"I get the point," Mia said, grabbing a bottle of pepper spray. "Let's find the others."

"Got it," Garet said, wielding a baseball bat.

The two jumped out of the station wagon and hurtled through the crowds of Evil Alex Clones, smashing their heads in and spraying them as they ran.

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-------I RAN OUT-----------  
-------OF DUMB-------------  
------WII JOKES-------------  
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Nobody was aware of the myth that cheese gave you nightmares for some reason. So when Kraden had suggested everyone eat a lot of cheese as part of his twisted experiment, since _he_ had heard the myth and wanted to test it, the Adepts did so without question. Then they went to bed with bloated stomachs and barely managed to sleep, even as their stomachs threatened to ache in sheer agony at being stuffed full of cheese.

And then the nightmares started.

Felix walked down a random path, wondering where he was, then decided it didn't matter and continued on his way anyway. He turned around a corner, his view mostly blocked by the cliffs on either side, and stopped, staring straight ahead. Felix shivered and stepped back, his blood running cold.

Kittens. A group of kittens. Standing in front of him, staring straight at him, claws shining as they popped out.

Felix knew they weren't just average kittens.

They were evil manifest.

Felix let out an ear-splitting scream and ran, a bunch of kittens in pursuit. Then without warning, he fell through a pitfall, and landed in a random cave. Felix shook his head and looked around in confusion.

Then saw a ten-foot tall cat prowling toward him. And screamed again.

Jenna stood outside a building, reading the sign above the door in interest. It declared the building to be "Hall of Mirrors". Jenna decided she would like to go into one and proceeded to do so. She walked along the corridor and found herself surrounded by mirrors. Jenna turned around, looking at her reflection from all angles and shrieked.

Her hair was a mess! A terrifying mess!

Jenna shrieked and twirled around, trying not to look at herself, as she reached up and tried to arrange her hair to look nice, but for some reason it was moving on its own and twisting into a terrifying nest upon her head. She desperately tried to find a way out, only to realise the door had vanished and there were nothing but mirrors.

And her hair was growing. It was almost to the floor now, spreading in a tangled mess, and it was absolutely terrifying. Not just was it growing down, it was growing _sideways_.

Sheba sat on the crow's nest of the ship, watching as the other Adepts did random things below. Felix was sailing, Isaac was talking to him, Piers was somewhere inside the cabin, possibly cleaning his ship, Jenna was setting fire to Garet in an uncontrollable rage and Kraden was lecturing the unfortunate Ivan. Sheba sighed in contentment.

Suddenly, the sky went dark and lightning crashed.

"WE'VE FOUND YOU!"

Sheba screamed as several hands yanked her off the crow's nest and pulled her into a swirling vortex in the sky. "Help!"

The Jupiter Adept frantically looked up and saw several Laliverans pulling her away. "No! I want to stay!"

"You cannot leave us again, Holy Child!" Mocking laughter followed.

And then she was pulled into the vortex, still screaming.

Piers sat on a tree stump, smiling as he sat in a shaft of sunlight. He closed his eyes and leaned back, letting the sun warm his arms and legs.

The Lemurian scarcely heard the scurrying of feet. Then there was even more scurrying.

Piers's eyebrow twitched but he remained still. He could hear lots of running feet for some reason. Then all went quiet.

There was a squeak.

And another squeak.

Piers sighed and opened his eyes, gasping as he saw that he was surrounded by a row of small lemurs, noses twitching, eyes unblinking as they stared at him.

He trembled as he stared into their amber eyes, feeling very uneasy all of a sudden.

"What... what do you want?" Piers demanded as he looked at the lemurs.

"One of us. One of us. Join us. Join us," the lemurs chanted, beginning to grow upward. Piers gasped again as they towered over him, grinning maniacally. "One of us! One of us! Join us! Join us!"

"AAAAHHHH!!!" Piers screamed.

Isaac strolled along a path, feeling quite at ease, as he inhaled the smell of flowers.

He passed a tree and then something horrifying happened.

His scarf snagged on a branch.

Isaac turned, gasping as his scarf started unravelling, long, yellow thread pulling off his scarf and wrapping around the branch.

"No!" Isaac cried, grabbing at his scarf and pulling it free. But it remained stuck fast and only continued to unravel. "Nooooo!"

Garet stared at a buffet table laden with food and then licked his lips in anticipation.

It was clearly a beautiful sight.

All his favourite dishes were right there in front of him and it was all for him to eat.

Garet grinned and reached out to take a chicken leg, his heart drumming rapidly as he prepared to tuck into his feast.

Only for the food to vanish.

Garet blinked in confusion and rubbed his eyes. "Food?"

The table was bare. Garet whimpered and pushed back his chair, running out of the room.

He found Isaac and Ivan talking to each other in the hallway.

"You guys!" Garet cried out. "It's awful!" Isaac and Ivan silently looked at him. "My food! It's all gone!"

"Uh, Garet?" Isaac blinked.

"What's food?" Ivan asked.

"Aaaahhhh!" Garet screamed, clutching his head in horror.

Ivan woke up and rubbed his eyes, yawning as he swung his legs over to the side. Ivan frowned as he realised that the bed seemed to be higher than usual. How had that happened? He shrugged and pushed himself off the bed, hitting the floor with a thud.

Ivan hummed to himself as he went about his morning chores. He had to stand on tiptoe as he looked in the mirror to brush his hair and his clothes seemed to be a bit baggy. However, Ivan didn't catch on yet and simply suspected it to be a prank. Of course, someone had raised the mirror and swapped his clothes with new ones. It was simple.

Ivan continued to hum as he walked into the kitchen, where the others were eating breakfast. Ivan headed to the counter to serve himself cereal and frowned. The counter seemed to be higher than usual. How odd. Ivan got his cereal and walked to the table, feeling very perplexed. He silently ate his cereal, trying to figure it out.

It wasn't until everyone was ready to leave the inn and Ivan caught up to them that he realised it.

Everyone was taller.

He could see the underside of Garet's jaw!

Ivan tentatively turned to Sheba and realised that his head barely came up to her shoulder.

"What's wrong, Ivan?" Sheba asked, looking down at him.

"No!" Ivan screamed. "I'm short! NO!"

Mia walked through the village of Imil, feeling quite happy to be home again. She was just about to go to the sanctum where Megan and Justin would probably be to announce her arrival, when a screaming Imilian ran past. Mia blinked in confusion and waited for the next Imilian to arrive, grabbing them as they tried to run past her.

"What's wrong?" Mia demanded. "Spill it!"

The frantic Imilian gibbered and pointed backward, looking frantic. "Snowman! Evil snowman!"

Mia let him go and he ran away screaming. She blinked in confusion and walked toward the waterfall instead, feeling like checking on the snowman that was there. Somehow, _still _there. Even if she had last seen it months before when she set off with Isaac on the quest. Mia reached the spot where the snowman was and gasped. It wasn't there anymore!

Surely it couldn't have _melted_?

A roar came from close by. Mia slowly turned and gasped, seeing an evil snowman bouncing up and down, waving stick limbs in the air and somehow charging at her.

"Aaahhh!" Mia screamed, turning and fleeing from the psychotic, evil snowman of doom.

The morning came and Kraden looked around at several very sleepy Adepts at the breakfast table.

"So, have a good night's sleep?" Kraden asked brightly.

Once the Adepts had figured out what happened, Kraden was immediately locked in the closet without lunch and he spent most of the day banging on the doors and begging for forgiveness.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Golden Insanity**_

_Yikes. I am well aware that this chapter took a long time to come up. Sorry about that. Well, it's here now so time for more craziness._

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-------MERCURY------------  
-------POWER!--------------  
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The group stood upon the aerie of the Mars Lighthouse, paying little heed to the wind and snow that buffeted them. After overcoming a challenge involving battling a dragon that loved summons so much and had an indeterminable gender due to being two men and a woman, the time had come to light the beacon. Felix stood in front of the gaping hole, gazing at the red jewel that sat in the palm of his hand.

"Hey, I just had a funny thought," Garet said, distracting everyone.

"How can you be thinking funny thoughts?" Piers asked sternly. "Isaac's father and Felix's parents lie dying on the floor as we speak!" As if on cue, Jenna let out a huge sob as she sat next to her unconscious mother.

"If Garet didn't have anything funny to say, we'd get depressed," Ivan said. "We need an optimist in the group."

"Can the funny thought wait until after I've lit the beacon?" Felix asked, sounding impatient. He really didn't want that rift to swallow them all up. How fast did it actually crumble anyway?

"No," Garet replied. "Hey, Isaac, do you remember back in Sol Sanctum? When the Wise One said Felix had to unlock the power? That means it was all fated way back in the beginning."

"Yeah, so?" Isaac looked at Garet in annoyance. "We don't have time for you to reminisce."

"Speaking of reminiscence, I should have known Alex was evil from the start," Mia said with a heavy sigh. "He always did like to kick puppies and rip the wings off flies. Why did I never see it? Why?"

"Fate," Sheba said quietly. "We were all fated to join up and do this from the beginning. Everything's been controlled by fate, hasn't it?"

"It does seem pretty well orchestrated," Kraden commented. "Everything that happened to bring us together like this can't simply be chance."

"I'm tired of fate," Garet announced. "If it's fate that made the Mt. Aleph boulder take Jenna's whole family and Isaac's father away, had Ivan sent away from his birthplace, set Mia up to be betrayed and hurt, made it so Sheba winds up in Lalivero and never finds out her past and stuff... aren't we just a little bit sick of fate?"

"My mother died," Ivan sighed. "My life was dictated by a prophecy."

"Alex may have been destined to betray me," Mia said. "Even if it hurts, it's true."

"I had to spend three years thinking my family dead because of fate..." Jenna said, sounding bitter.

"If I hadn't been washed out of Lemuria, my mother might be alive even now," Piers said, a mist of sadness passing over his yellow eyes as he thought of her.

"And I still didn't find out my past!" Sheba exclaimed. "Where the heck are my family anyway? The moon?" She said this last part in a heavily sarcastic tone.

"Was I taken from my village at the age of four so I could go to Tolbi, become a rambling sage and then go to annoy the heck out of Vale?" Kraden wondered.

"Guys, I don't think I like where you're going..." Isaac said nervously.

"You seem to have some kind of sudden grudge against fate," Felix said, looking around at everyone. This did not seem good.

"Revolt! Revolt!" Garet chanted.

"Revolt against what, Garet?" Isaac asked in exasperation.

"Why does Felix have to do it?" Garet asked. "Just because the Wise One said he must, way back? That's silly. What if Isaac lit it instead?"

"What?" Felix backed away, looking stupefied. "But... but..."

"Well, maybe it can't do any harm," Isaac said doubtfully. "What's the big deal? Maybe I'm a little sick of fate. Aren't you, Felix?"

"I guess we might as well give destiny a kick in the rear," Felix said finally, handing the Mars Star over to Isaac. "Fine, you do it."

"Weyard is going to be saved, no matter who lights it," Ivan said. "So I don't think it matters."

Isaac carefully levitated the Mars Star down into the beacon and then a ray of light streamed up from the hole. "I've done it," he whispered. "I've unlocked the power. I've gone against the Wise One's little prophecy."

The lighthouse split into four and then a sphere of light floated up. Before anyone could speak, an eerie voice whispered to them.

_"You have gone against Destiny in the final moment. Until now, your lives were controlled by fate. Now that you've gone against it at a crucial moment dictated in the very beginning, time, space and everything else has been ruptured and the universe will now implode. Have a nice day."_

The Adepts and Kraden could only stare in shocked silence as a thunderous boom sounded from above and a sparkly pink light surrounded them. Then there was nothing.

Isaac awoke in his bed, groaning as he clutched his pounding head. For some reason, he felt like he was forgetting something, but he wasn't sure what it was. He simply got up and walked out of his bedroom and downstairs into the kitchen where his parents sat, eating breakfast.

"Morning, Mom. Morning, Dad," Isaac said, walking past them. He was just walking toward the door when Dora called out.

"Oh, Isaac, if you're going out, could you take your little sister with you?"

"What little sister?" Isaac frowned, turning to his parents.

"Your two year old little sister, Robyn," Kyle said. "You didn't forget her, did you?"

Isaac heard a cry and his eyes widened. He wordlessly walked toward the sound, into some room he didn't remember being there before, and found a toddler sitting in a crib among the remains of a destroyed teddy bear. Isaac looked at the evil smile and gleaming eyes and for a moment, he thought of red-eyed, pointy-eared people. Isaac shook his head. That was silly. No such people existed.

"Uh, okay, come here..." Isaac said hesitantly, reaching out for his sister. She promptly lunged and sank her needle sharp teeth into one hand. Isaac yowled and shook her off, crying out in pain. He ran from the house, the baby's maniacal laughter sounding in his ears.

Isaac walked through Vale, recovering from the shock, and shuddered. What was going on today? Something was definitely weird. He glanced over at Jenna's house, which was not destroyed. Wait, why would it be destroyed? Isaac shook his head and walked over the river, heading toward the house. Of course, Isaac simply walked in instead of knocking on the door. He ignored the sign saying "PAINTING- KEEP OUT."

"Hello?" Isaac called out, walking in the kitchen. He stopped and stared.

"I-Isaac..." Jenna's mother stuttered, standing naked in front of an easel.

"Didn't you see the sign?" asked Jenna's father, sitting naked on a chair. His image was being imprinted on the easel.

Isaac couldn't even answer. His eyes burned and he ran out of the house screaming. He ran a long way before colliding with Felix.

"Ahhhh!" Isaac stopped and screamed, rubbing his burning eyes.

"What is it?" Felix asked.

"Your parents!" Isaac screamed. "Naked! Painting! Ahh!"

"Isaac... did you go into the house?" Felix stared at him incredulously. "You know not to go in there when my mom is painting people nude. Nobody is allowed in the house at those times. Didn't you read the sign?"

"What?" Isaac's voice sounded shrill. "You mean you all know about it?"

"Of course everybody knows," Felix said. "My mother's nude paintings are quite popular. You actually forgot?"

"My memory is a little patchy today," Isaac hissed through gritted teeth. "So... what are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm just going to walk and sniff the flowers and look for cute woodland animals," Felix said cheerfully. "Want to join?"

"No thanks," Isaac said sourly, walking past him.

"Suit yourself then!" Felix called, skipping off to resume his walk.

Isaac shook his head. Was it just him or did Felix seem too happy? Why did everything seem so strange? He rubbed his aching temples and moaned. Maybe he needed to talk to Garet or Jenna. After some searching, Isaac found them pelting the cottage near the cave with rotten eggs.

"What are you doing?" Isaac gasped.

"Oh, we just want to annoy Crazy Kraden!" Jenna giggled. "Here, have an egg."

Isaac stared at the oddly smelling egg. "But, wait, why?"

"How can you have forgotten, Isaac?" Garet said crossly. "Kraden is what the sound of mind would refer to as an insane person. He took up residence in Vale many years before, attempting to turn our minds with ludicrous beliefs. To this day, we still refuse to listen. Have I refreshed your memory?"

"Garet, when did you start sounding so smart?" Isaac asked. Had he always sounded like that?

"He owned a great many books," Garet said, gesturing at the cottage. "My grandfather confiscated them though, he would not allow Kraden to pollute us with his so-called knowledge. I read some of his books when my grandfather was not around. I learned a lot."

"Come on, Isaac!" Jenna shouted. "Throw the egg!"

"I don't want to, Jenna," Isaac said, handing her back the egg.

"You're a wuss!" Jenna pouted and kicked Isaac in the leg before walking away.

"That's odd, Isaac," Garet remarked. "Normally, you jump at the chance to help us pick on Kraden. You seem different today."

"Since when do you and Jenna go around egging people's houses?" Isaac asked accusingly.

"Well, as a matter of fact, Jenna simply roped me into it. She does what she likes around here. In my opinion, she's a little spoiled, but please don't tell her I said that," Garet said. "Anyway, I will see you later."

Isaac stared as he walked away and groaned, rubbing his head again. Something was wrong here, but he still couldn't figure it out. He decided to walk into the cottage and saw Kraden kneeling in the corner, giving Isaac a deranged glare.

"Kraden?" Isaac nervously walked toward him.

"It's true, I tell you!" Kraden burst out. "All is not right in this world! Time has changed! The world... it is changed! Why won't you believe me?"

"Actually, I'm going now," Isaac said quickly, turning around.

"The pink light!" Kraden screamed. "Remember the pink light!"

Isaac decided he did not want to spend any longer around Kraden and fled.

Pink light?

Isaac winced and clutched his head. This headache was really bothering him. He groaned and started walking toward Mt. Aleph for some reason.

"It is forbidden to enter Mt. Aleph!" the healer in front of the sanctum exclaimed.

"Aw, shut up," Isaac grumbled, pushing the healer aside and stomping toward Mt. Aleph. For some reason, he felt as if this place held the answer to this mystery.

As he approached the mountain, the Wise One appeared in front of him. Isaac cried out and stepped back.

"Oh, do you remember, Isaac?" the Wise One asked him.

"Why do you know my name?" Isaac asked. "For that matter, why do I know who you are?"

"You screwed with Destiny and changed the world's fate slightly," the Wise One said. "That little action of yours caused a great rupture in the flow of time. Now, even as we speak, Sheba is on the moon, Alex and Mia are lovers in Imil, Ivan lives in Contigo with his family and Piers is in Lemuria."

At that moment, Isaac's memory rushed back to him. He gasped. "Wait... so, are you saying... the quest didn't happen? We didn't have the storm? The Proxians aren't even trying to save their hometown?"

"The Proxians simply accepted their fate," the Wise One said.

"Why is Kraden here?" Isaac asked.

"I don't know. For some reason, he still has parts of his memory. Well, to be honest, I don't care about that," the Wise One said. "But do you know what all this means?"

"The lighthouses aren't being lit, Gaia Falls is going to eat Weyard, and... ALEX AND MIA ARE LOVERS?" Isaac screamed.

"You're... slow..." the rock said, sounding surprised.

"No! Mia!" Isaac screamed, falling to his knees. "Wise One, please! Restore the flow of time! I don't care how! I'll let Felix light the lighthouse! I'll stop Garet from talking. Anything! Just please don't let me remember Jenna's mom and dad in the nude!"

"I knew you'd understand," said the Wise One, sounding amused. "That will teach you not to screw with my prophecy."

A blinding pink light enveloped Isaac. Then he was standing on the Mars Lighthouse aerie with everyone else around him. Luckily for him, he didn't remember anything about what just happened. He just knew he couldn't let Garet talk. Isaac walked over to Garet, holding his breath.

"Hey, I-"

Isaac smacked a hand over his mouth. "Be quiet, Garet. Just light the beacon, Felix."

Garet glared at Isaac, but kept quiet anyway. Felix threw Isaac an odd stare but proceeded to put the Mars Star into the hole anyway. Isaac let out a quiet sigh of relief.

"What's wrong with you, Isaac?" Garet hissed.

"I don't know," Isaac said. "I just had to stop you from talking."

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---------MARS---------------  
--------POWER!------------  
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Hama walked out of the temple and let out a sigh. She would have to go to Contigo shortly in order to meet the two groups. They would be joining together after Jupiter Lighthouse and she needed to give them guidance. Sure, it wasn't such a bad thing, but there were certain friends of hers that she would miss. Hama turned around, looking at the sign on the top of the building that declared it to be "Lama Temple". Hama frowned and shook her head, purple braid swinging with it. She still hadn't forgiven those translators for missing out an L when naming the place.

Anyway, it was time to say goodbye to her closest friends. Hama sneaked around the back of the temple and walked toward a small field that lay at the end of a path. Several llamas were grazing in the field. As she approached, they all stopped what they were doing and stared intently at her. Hama fell to her knees and prayed, "Hail llamas. Great Llama God, take care of the llamas, I beseech you. I'll present you with a nice sacrifice when I get back, I promise."

Once she was done praying, Hama hurried back inside Lama Temple- _Llama _Temple- and grabbed her stuff, slinging a bag over her shoulder. She set off on her way, waving goodbye to the monks that pretended to be meditating when really they were thinking about food, sex and alcohol. But they never dared to tell Hama that lest they get smote by the wrath of this so-called Llama God of hers.

"Goodbye," Hama said. "Don't forget to pray regularly to the Llama God. May he bless you with luck for the rest of your lives."

The monks remained quiet, waiting with bated breath until she was gone, then once she was, they started talking to each other.

"Crazy woman, isn't she?"

"That Master Hama definitely has a screw loose."

"Yeah. Screw llamas."

"Llama God, my ass!"

"Let's set all those llamas loose in the Lamakan Desert!"

"Maybe the Llama God will smite _her_!"

The monks laughed raucously, not seeing the apparition of a giant llama appear in the sky. It was completely black with glowing red eyes. The llama let out a humming sound which grew louder in volume until the monks looked up, then the llama let loose with a huge gob of spit. As the stunned monks found themselves covered in llama spit, the llama in the sky disappeared.

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---------JUPITER------------  
--------POWER!-------------  
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**Special Feature Story**

_Warugi Nijuushin_

"Okay, where exactly are we going?" Sheba asked as she smashed an Evil Alex Clone in the face with a lead pipe. "We've got to at least get somewhere if we're going to charge through hordes of evil clones, you know? And hopefully get there before they pull out dangerous weapons and hurt us."

"We're going to find the Great Dark Lord, whoever he is," Jenna replied, fiercely kicking a clone in the nuts. The clone sank to the floor groaning. "What a cheesy name. Ugh. He should have just called himself Bob. Or, hell, Cheesy McCheesepants. Whatever."

"This is obviously his hideout," Isaac said, exchanging blows with an Evil Alex Clone. "So, he must be somewhere. Sheesh, how many of these clones are there anyway?"

"Why don't we ask him that when we meet him?" Felix said as he chopped a clone in half with his sword.

"This is terrible!" an evil Alex Clone exclaimed. "Some of you, go and alert the defence! They cannot be allowed to reach the Great Dark Lord's lair! If they reach the top, we're doomed- oog..." Then he fell to the floor with a thud.

"Evil Alex Clone #12, you moron!" another clone shouted. He looked at Jenna and grinned. "Er... uh... hi? You didn't hear that did you?"

"Oh, that the Great Dark Lord's lair is on the top floor?" Jenna shrugged. "Yeah." She whipped out her rapier and sliced his head off.

"The evil clones aren't terribly bright," Isaac said, shaking his head. "But what the heck, it makes our job easier."

"This defence sounds scary," Felix said. "Maybe we should hide and resort to sneaking now. Somehow."

"That does sound like the safest plan," Sheba agreed. "What if they are smart and use weapons? That doesn't sound good at all."

So they hid, and waited, instead of sneaking. Hiding and waiting seemed safer somehow. Soon enough, a troop of Evil Alex Clones with very big guns came charging past. They stopped and looked around, somehow not seeing the hiding intruders, then continued running. Now that the defence was gone, Felix, Jenna, Sheba and Isaac were safe to continue heading up through the fortress and smacking down Evil Alex Clones left and right.

They had just reached the top floor when they found a line of Evil Alex Clones with very dangerous weapons waiting for them.

"Oh, damn," Felix said.

"You didn't really think we'd send the whole defence down, did you?" asked an Evil Alex Clone.

"Actually, yes, we did," Jenna replied.

Meanwhile, Garet and Mia were having a great time barrelling through the horde of clones with the pepper spray and the baseball bat. Until the defence force found them. They weren't too shy about aiming their guns either.

"It was so easy up until now," Mia said.

"No kidding," Garet said, looking disappointed. "I just wish I could have one last cookie."

At the exact same time, at the very same moment, both sets of Evil Alex Clones blasted at the very unfortunate infiltrators with their very dangerous guns and bullets ripped through the air...

Only for a blinding white light to envelope the endangered Adepts. And then they were standing in some kind of shiny, white, nondescript place with walls.

"Hey, how did you guys get here?" Garet looked around in amazement.

"We could ask you the same," Isaac replied.

"Does anyone even know how we got here?" Sheba demanded.

"No. One minute we're about to be torn apart by bullets, the next..." Mia shook her head.

"So, we were all about to die, and then we're here?" Felix asked, feeling quite confused.

"Maybe we are dead," Isaac said. "Kind of strange we didn't even feel it."

"You are not dead," said a heavenly voice. Then a blue-haired man with yellow eyes floated down. Everyone stared in amazement at this young man clad in blue, with light blue and feathery wings protruding from his back, that sparkled prettily when they moved.

"Who are you?" Sheba blurted out.

"I am the Angel of Deus Ex Machina," replied the angel. "But you may just call me Piers."

"Well... thanks, Piers," Felix said uncertainly. "But... why were we saved?"

"Good-looking people can't die," Piers said. "It's a rule. Those two over there were just exceptions." He glanced at Sheba and Garet.

"Hey!" Sheba exclaimed. "What is it, the shape of my head?"

"Maybe I don't use enough hairgel..." Garet muttered, tapping his rather tall and spiky hair.

"Are you serious?" Jenna demanded.

"Okay, no, I don't have an excuse," Piers sighed. "I'm just a conveniently placed plot device used to save your lives."

"That is so lame," complained Isaac.

"Why can't people just appreciate what I do?" Piers looked upset. "I save the heroes' lives and this is all I get?"

"Hey, we don't mind you saving our lives," Jenna said. "It's just that with psychotic goats and angels, we're wondering if someone's even trying."

"It also seems like an excuse to randomly toss in a character not yet used," Isaac said.

"Okay, guys, let's stop breaking the fourth wall," Sheba sighed. "Piers, could you send us back so we can get to the Great Dark Lord's lair, now?"

"No problem." Piers snapped his fingers.

Everyone found themselves standing in front of a threatening steel door, labelled "LER UF THE GRATE DARK LAWD. ABANDUN HOAP ALL YEE HU ENTAR."

"Who the hell wrote this?" Felix yelled.

"Evil Alex Clone #1," replied an Evil Alex Clone, turning around to look at the group that had magically appeared behind him. "He doesn't spell very well. Hey... wait a minute!" Before he could whip out the pistol in his holster, Garet had slammed a fist into his face and knocked him out.

"Good move," Mia said. "Let's hurry."

After walking through a dark and scary corridor, they found a dark and scary door at the end and walked in to find a cloaked figure cackling evilly while standing over a tube-shaped container. Inside the tube was what was possibly Alex. Several long tubes and wires ran from the container to a machine.

"Now let's see..." the hooded figure muttered, pressing a red button. "Time to make a special clone. All my hard work and effort will finally manifest in the perfect mechanically enhanced clone! Then I shall overrun the world with these clones and strike fear and confusion into the hearts and minds of innocent people! Then I shall somehow claim ownership of the world itself! I don't know how making clones leads to me taking over the world but this is surely a plan that cannot fail!"

"He's short, isn't he?" Isaac whispered.

"No kidding," Felix whispered. "Should we interrupt his monologue now?"

"Who's there?" the short hooded figure yelled. "Who dares interrupt the Great Dark Lord?"

"Are you sure it isn't Short Dark Lord?" Sheba asked.

"Alex!" Jenna cried out. "Release him at once!"

"How many evil Alex clones are there, anyway?" Mia asked.

The Great Dark Lord turned and gave her a serious look from underneath his hood then shouted, "OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND!"

At that very second, a replica of Alex appeared inside the machine and it bleeped. "Evil Alex Clone #100 has just been created."

"... By the way, I was just joking," said the villain, hanging his head.

"Who the hell are you?" Jenna demanded. "And no monologuing!"

"I am... an evil clone," said the Great Dark Lord, pushing back his hood. "I am a clone who is perfect in every way. My creator wanted to be able to replicate life, to preserve it... why, he even had crazy thoughts of cloning the dead. He was... a genuis."

"Was?" Sheba repeated.

"Oh, he... accidentally got blown up." The Great Dark Lord coughed and looked shifty. "I'm quite sure he's dead now."

"You're wrong!"

Everyone looked up to see a ninja flattened against the wall, aiming a firearm squarely at the villain.

"I can't even be surprised anymore," Mia said, looking completely blank.

"You!" hissed the Great Dark Lord. "My creator is alive! But you see, I cannot be defeated so easily as I am perfect in every-"

The firearm went off and a bullet blasted the Great Dark Lord in the head. He promptly fell over dead.

"How anticlimactic," commented Isaac.

"Excuse my sudden entrance," said the ninja, leaping off the wall. He pushed back his hood and smiled. "My name is Ivan."

"You're kidding?" Sheba exclaimed. "You're a genius? You can't be much older than me!"

"I am a prodigy," Ivan said, looking very pleased with himself.

"Excuse me?" Evil Alex Clone #100 coughed and stepped out of the machine. "I am Evil Alex Clone #100, the perfect mechanically enhanced evil clone of Alex, and you killed my creator. Prepare to die." His hands vanished and became pistols, which he aimed at everyone.

"Looks like we got ourselves the battle we wanted," Felix said.

"Yay!" Jenna waved a banana over her head. "How exciting!"

"Let's do this," Ivan said, waving a shuriken.

"And then go out for a meal," said Garet.

"Stop thinking about food all the time!" Mia exclaimed, holding up the baseball bat.

"Let's fight!" Isaac shouted.

And the heroes stared directly at the villain and the villain stared back as they prepared to battle.

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"But, Jenna... Aren't you and Isaac an item? Couldn't you, you know, do something?" Sheba asked, a devilish grin on her face.

"A... an item?" Jenna spluttered, going red. "No! I mean... It's not like that! Not... really..." She turned away, looking annoyed. "Stupid Sheba."

"Ah! Well, er, yes. For now, we should press onward to Jupiter Lighthouse like we had planned," Kraden said suddenly, reminding everyone of the all important plot at hand. It was a simple matter of standing around in Madra and reeling from the revelation that Karst now had a deadly vengeance and wanted to go after Isaac. However, everyone was too busy to bother with warning Isaac after all, they had a quest to save the world.

Little did Sheba know that her teasing would have serious repercussions in store.

As the group prepared to go out of Madra and maybe meet angry thieves or not, a bunch of blue suited people suddenly leaped down out of hiding ninja-style. Felix, Jenna, Piers and Kraden could only watch on in amazement as they grabbed Sheba, dropped smoke bombs and promptly disappeared in puffs of smoke.

"So... what just happened?" Piers asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I think we just lost our Jupiter Adept," Felix said slowly.

"Oh well, we'll get a new one at the pound," suggested Kraden.

So they went off to the imaginary Adept pound to get a new Jupiter Adept.

Sheba had been knocked unconscious during the kidnap. The last thing she remembered was a sweet smelling rag pressed against her face and someone hissing "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" As she awoke, she shifted around and realised that she could not move. Not only that, but she was upright. Sheba's eyes flew open in alarm and she looked around to see that she was tied to a wooden post and there was a pile of wood beneath her feet.

"Uh oh." Sheba gulped and swallowed heavily, looking up. It was then that she saw a row of people standing in front of her, clad in blue. Their faces were obscured beneath hoods. For some reason, they were in a dark and creepy cave. "Uh, who are you?"

"We are Mudshippers," said a person whom we shall call Mudshipper #1. "And you are in the Mudshipper's lair." A sinister chuckle followed.

"We cannot forgive you for that little stint in Madra," said Mudshipper #2 in a heavily venomous voice, crossing their arms and glaring at Sheba from beneath the hood.

"Wait... what's a Mudshipper?" Sheba asked. "And... what stint?"

"Mudshipping is the pairing of Isaac and Mia!" #1 exclaimed. "How can you not know that?"

"You been living under a rock?" #2 demanded. "Don't you know that making your own pairing names is better than actually just putting their names together? Confusing people and making them wonder what the names stand for is what shipping is all about!"

"Could we just get on with this?" Sheba asked tiredly. "You're kind of boring me. So... the stint... you mean teasing Jenna about Isaac?" The Mudshippers nodded. "But I really do think that they would make a cute-"

"INFIDEL!" The Mudshippers screamed, drowning out the rest of Sheba's sentence. "BLASPHEMER!"

Sheba quietened down and sighed, a bead of sweat rolling down her head. She shook her head in exasperation. "You really like Isaac and Mia together, huh?"

"We totally do," said #1 with a rapturous sigh.

"I ate a Valeshipper last night!" exclaimed Mudshipper #3. "Still alive too!"

Mudshipper #4 turned to stare in surprise at #3. "But... isn't that... murder? And... you know, cannibalism?"

"Pfft," said #3, shaking their head at #4. "Valeshippers aren't even human."

Sheba stared incredulously at #3. "You are _insane_."

"HAIL MUDSHIPPING!" Mudshipper #5 cheered, raising a hand.

"Okay, so why am I here?" Sheba asked.

"We are sacrificing heathens to the God of Mudshipping," answered #2.

"You're our first victim!" #1 declared, pointing a finger at Sheba.

"This is for the Madra Blushing Scene, bitch!" #3 hollered.

"You really are giving Mudshippers a bad name," #4 muttered, glaring at #3.

"Oh, shoot," Sheba muttered, as the vengeful Mudshippers advanced at the woodpile with flaming sticks.

"Have a nice time burning in heck, Valeshipper!" exclaimed #5.

"I... am a Valeshipper?" Sheba asked as flames began to lick hungrily at the woodpile. "Is that someone who likes Jenna and Isaac together?"

The Mudshippers hissed, blanching at the mention of Isaac and Jenna being together. They then began to dance and chant as the flames spread and came even closer to Sheba.

"I could really use some help right now," Sheba said glumly as she stared at the roaring flames.

Suddenly, Alex warped in right next to her. Sheba stared in confusion at Alex.

"I haven't told anybody this, but I am actually plotting world domination," Alex said, flipping back his hair. "Say, if I save you, will you help me with my grand, evil plan?"

"No stinking way!" Sheba snapped.

"Oh well. Fine." Alex shrugged and then warped out.

Sheba's spirits sank. Maybe she should have said yes instead. Then the flames jumped on her and she screamed in pain.

An hour later, the Mudshippers walked out of the dark and scary cave, leaving the corpse behind.

"Let's go convert people," said a Mudshipper, waving a pendulum and a book on hypnotism.

"Sounds good to me!" said another Mudshipper. "We must admit more people into the great Mudshipping cult."


	15. Chapter 15

_**Golden Insanity**_

_Randomness is just so fun. Here's some more. This chapter has violence, so... you've been warned._

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Isaac stared at the sunken peaks of Mt. Aleph, feeling absolutely perplexed. Just five minutes ago, somebody had headed over there with a deadly serious look on his face, telling Isaac he had to see the Wise One about something very important and he had to do it alone. Isaac let out a confused sigh and sat down on a rock, shaking his head. He had a nasty feeling there was something that he was missing.

Garet had been acting rather odd lately. Isaac had a nasty suspicion it was something to do with some strange potion in Kraden's cottage that idiot had drunk after Jenna had dared him to. After he had, Jenna just couldn't believe that he had been stupid enough to follow the dare. Felix had asked Kraden what the potion had been and the old man had... clammed up. No amount of persuading could get him to say what it was.

Ivan and Sheba hadn't been helping one bit. After learning the lengths Garet would go to, they had been playing a manner of cruel tricks on him. But _why_ did Garet follow Ivan's suggestion to wear a dress around Vale all day? There was no way Garet would do that. Something had changed about his behaviour too. He kept making funny hand gestures when he talked and his speech was... different. He kept using words like "fabulous" and "darling" and he had actually once complimented Mia's dress sense.

That potion had done something. Isaac knew it had. But why had he gone to seek the Wise One? This was quite a perplexing matter and it confused the heck out of Isaac. So he sat and waited for Garet to come back, wild possibilities running through his mind. Maybe Garet wanted to be friends with the Wise One. Maybe he wanted fashion tips from a one-eyed rock. What if he wanted dancing lessons?

_No!_ What the heck was he thinking? Isaac cursed his overactive imagination and looked up, seeing someone coming toward him. It was a well-built woman with slightly muscular arms and short red hair hanging down in spiky tips. Her dark brown eyes looked intently at him. Isaac's eyes dropped to her ample bosom and then trailed down to her wide hips. Then they fell upon her stocky, hairy legs and he let out a shudder. A muscular woman with hairy legs? He wanted to run away screaming. Right now. Wait a minute... the woman looked oddly familiar...

"Hey, Isaac!" the woman trilled, flinging out her arms. "Do I look great or what?" She twirled around on her high heels, a big grin on her face. "This is simply marvellous! Marvellous!"

No. It couldn't be. The Wise One didn't...

"Garet?" Isaac croaked out, his eyes widening in horror. His face turned ash-white.

"It's Greta now," Garet corrected, waving a finger in a stern manner.

Kraden was quite surprised when Isaac came charging into his cottage and grabbed him by the lapels of his robe, pinning him against the wall.

"Okay, spill it!" Isaac demanded, looking quite shaken. "What was in the potion?"

"Female hormones," Kraden admitted. "I was making hormonal drugs for no reason at all. And I haven't made the male version yet. It might actually take a while."

"Oh, man..." Isaac dropped Kraden. "Well, you'd better hurry up and make it! Garet just got the Wise One to turn him into a girl!"

The Wise One was promptly scolded for his actions, and Kraden made the potion. Thankfully, Garet was turned back to normal. However, Ivan and Sheba were unwilling to let him forget what had happened. Jenna also owed him a year of favours, on popular demand, though she didn't like that much.

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The Adepts were happily sailing around Weyard and feeling quite bored. They had explored every single part of it and there was nothing new to do. Whatever could they do stuck in a ship in a world that they had explored over and over? They didn't feel like going back to Vale just yet either, there wasn't really much to do there. It was about time someone came up with an idea.

"Let's sail off Gaia Falls!" Sheba exclaimed, looking absolutely insane from boredom. Her hair was frazzled and she had a wild look in her eyes.

"Hee hee... I like it!" Jenna said, burning a seagull to a crisp and watching it fall to the sea.

"Sounds better than being bored," Isaac said. "I really am so bored."

"Ridiculous!" Piers said, sitting on the side of the ship and fanning himself. "In Lemuria, it takes years to get bored. Why, I hadn't even begun to experience true boredom yet. If you think this is boring, why don't we have a vacation in Lemuria?"

"And come back to find we've actually been there for one hundred years?" Mia scowled. "No thanks."

"Yeah, exactly," Garet said, taking Mia's side. "I want my parents to still be alive when I'm settling down!"

"I've always wanted to know what's down Gaia Falls!" Kraden exclaimed, doing a giddy dance around Felix who was slumped over the tiller, gazing into the distance with bleary eyes. "Come on, Felix, get sailing!"

"Use... Hover..." Felix moaned, closing his eyes. "Bored... sleepy..."

"I do think it would be safer if we flew the ship off rather than sailing off," Ivan said. "Just sail us to the edge at least."

"Hey, isn't anybody a little worried about the risks?" Mia asked suddenly as Felix unhappily started sailing again.

"It's going to be fun!" Sheba protested. "Don't you want to have some fun?"

"But... but... why don't we just go to Imil and build snowmen?" Mia suggested. "I bet I can build a better snowman than all of you."

"NO!" Isaac, Garet, Piers, Sheba, Jenna and Ivan chorused. They were bored of snow, snowmen, snowball fights, snow angels and everything to do with snow.

"Well... how about... oh, geez..." Mia sighed and shook her head. It was no good. Now everybody was quite keen to take a suicide leap off Gaia Falls in the ship.

"I'm so excited!" Kraden babbled. "I've always wanted to go down there! At last we can know the great mystery of what actually lies beyond Gaia Falls! What a joy and a wonder this will be!"

"I'd just like a nap," Felix said, yawning as he brought the ship to the edge of Weyard. He was absolutely tired from sailing all the time and nobody ever offered to take over the tiller for him. Sometimes he felt like a slave on Piers's ship.

Sheba promptly used Hover and everyone except Felix rushed to the side of the ship in excitement as it began to gently descend down Gaia Falls. Felix had slumped back over the tiller and was now attempting to sleep. He was absolutely unexcited about finding out what was down there.

As the ship drifted down from Weyard through an abyss of dark, empty space, everyone saw a planet. It was an impressive looking planet and they stared in amazement at the round world.

"Do you think the people on the bottom walk upside down?" Jenna asked.

"It actually goes all the way around?" Garet gaped. "I always thought all worlds were flat."

"How come we aren't suffocating from oxygen loss and freezing to death and being crushed by the pressure in space?" Piers asked suddenly.

Nobody knew the answer, though they racked their brains over it, even as they fell through the atmosphere and the ship was temporarily covered in roaring flames. Nonetheless, the Adepts were unharmed.

A large object zoomed through the air moments later, heading toward the ship.

"Look, a flying ship!" Ivan shouted. "It looks different from Piers's ship though!"

"It's coming right at us!" Sheba screamed. She stopped using Hover and the ship suddenly plunged through the air, the oncoming object zooming over it by mere centimetres. Everyone covered their ears to block the noise, little paying attention to the ship's rapid descent toward the ground.

The ship came to rest with an almighty splash in someone's luxury pool. Someone stared in amazement out of the window of their luxury mansion as they watched people getting off the ship and then walking out of the garden.

"Wow," Isaac said, eyes wide in surprise. "This is amazing."

The Adepts stood on the side of a road, watching zooming objects hurtling past and feeling rather disoriented. They were getting weird looks too as people walked past them.

"It's too noisy," Felix whimpered.

"It's kind of smelly too," Jenna said, wrinkling her nose. "Gross."

"So what we discovered was... there's nothing below Gaia Falls," Sheba said. "Just space."

"Then we apparently decided to explore space," Ivan said, shaking his head. "But... what is up with this world?"

"It's so advanced," Piers said. "Clearly, civilization has come much further on this world."

"Their fashion sense is bizarre too," Mia said, watching a girl wearing odd looking trousers go past. "Those girls are dressing like men. How odd is that?"

"Look at that person in the box," Garet said, pointing at a man standing in a phone box, frantically dialling and speaking into a phone while gazing wide-eyed at the Adepts. "He's watching us. I don't like the way he's watching us. Let's go and beat him up."

"No, Garet," Piers said sternly. "These people are different to us. Perhaps we just frighten them."

"And we haven't even used Psynergy yet!" Felix exclaimed. "This is so horribly ironic."

Jenna smiled evilly and held out a hand, a fireball flickering from her palm. She lobbed it at a nearby hedge, setting it on fire. Several people saw this then ran away screaming.

"Jenna!" Isaac exclaimed in shock. "What was that for?"

"I just like the idea of frightening people," Jenna said with a shrug.

"Okay, guys, let's go explo-" Ivan started, walking onto the road and paying little heed to the zooming objects. A screech and a loud thud followed. Ivan went flying through the air and hit the pavement, already unconscious.

"Ivan?" Garet exclaimed in shock.

The car that had hit Ivan stopped for a moment then began to drive away. Mia saw it and began to chase after it, quite annoyed with it for hitting Ivan.

"Get back here, you shiny metal monster!" Mia yelled. She gasped for breath and began to slow down, even as horns honked around her. "I can't keep up..." Mia turned around and stared at an oncoming bus. "Ooh... what is that?"

Isaac had ran across the pavement after her, shouting for her to get back, and he winced as he heard a loud splat. "MIA!"

"You have got to be kidding me," Felix moaned as Isaac came back, looking agonised.

Piers knelt next to Ivan and cast Ply. "Is Mia okay?" he asked as Isaac walked up.

"I don't think so," Isaac said quietly. "It wasn't a pretty sight."

"Argh..." Ivan twitched.

"How are people still alive in this place?" Jenna asked.

Several cars came along the road, sirens wailing and lights flashing. They screeched to a halt nearby.

"Ooh, flashy lights," Sheba said, staring in rapture at the cars as people started coming out of them.

"This is the police. We have heard reports of a group of people carrying around weapons in a public area," a man in a suit bellowed into a loudspeaker, as several men surrounded him. "Hand over your weapons immediately."

"Why should we?" Piers demanded, eyes narrowing. Just who were these people? What right did they have to come along in their fancy suits with those flashy lights and tell them what to do?

"Because we have ordered you to," said the man. "You shall comply with the law at once!"

"What the heck is a law?" Garet muttered.

"I am not letting go of my sword in this dangerous place!" Felix shouted. Everyone else seemed to share his sentiments.

"This doesn't seem good," Sheba said, as the men drew odd looking sticks from their hips and pointed them at the Adepts.

"If you want to take our weapons, you will have to fight us!" Jenna declared, waving her staff.

"Guys... _guys_?" Ivan said desperately, after reading the men's minds from long distance. However, nobody was listening to him as they stared fiercely at the police.

"This is your final warning," said the policeman with the loudspeaker as the guns cocked.

"Are you going to beat us over the head with shiny objects?" Piers asked.

"Looks like we have to fight!" Felix shouted.

Everybody except Ivan drew their weapons and charged. Ivan was too busy screaming bloody murder. A series of loud bangs followed and the surprised Adepts collapsed to the ground in pools of blood.

"Ow!" Sheba yelled, bleeding from multiple places. "What the hell?"

"I'm bleeding!" Jenna complained, gritting her teeth.

Felix just swore loudly and descriptively.

Ivan desperately fished the Teleport Lapis out of his pocket, hoping nobody would see him.

"I think we should have used Psynergy," Isaac gasped out.

"Too late to think that, smart boy!" Garet exclaimed.

"That is so horribly ironic," Piers muttered.

In a flash, the Adepts vanished along with the ship.

Back on Weyard, the ship re-appeared along with the Adepts, floating in the sea. Ivan sighed in relief and held up the Teleport Lapis, feeling quite amazed.

"I can't believe this worked!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Save... me..." Mia gasped out, lying on the deck in a bloody, mangled heap.

"... It worked pretty darn well," Ivan muttered as Kraden ran out of the cabin with the healing items. "Hey, where were you?"

"I was so enraptured by the size of the pool, I couldn't do anything else," Kraden answered, handing out Waters of Life and Potions. "Then I heard noises and I assumed something had gone terribly wrong, so I went to get these items. Oh, are we back on Weyard now?"

"I said it would be dangerous, you incompetent morons!" Mia screamed as she cast Pure Ply on whoever needed it. "You had all better listen to me next time!"

"That's the last time we listen to any of your ideas," Jenna said, glaring venomously at Sheba who immediately looked guilty.

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------SAN----------  
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**Special Feature Story**

_Warugi Nijuushin_

Evil Alex Clone #100 smirked and then started shooting off rounds of bullets. The Adepts quickly dodged and ducked the flying bullets. Ivan flung a shuriken at EAC #100's head. It narrowly missed, slicing off half of his glossy, long, blue hair. EAC #100 stopped and gasped, looking stunned. He slowly reached up to touch his half shorn hair then shot a menacing look at Ivan.

"Wow, he seems protective of his hair," Jenna muttered, raising the banana weapon above her head. "Banana Vertical Slash!"

Evil Alex Clone hissed and leaped back as a flying banana sliced at his chest. His eyes glowed red and fiery lasers shot out, blasting holes in the wall behind Jenna as she narrowly avoided the lasers.

"Ouch," Jenna whispered, staring at the smoking holes. "Okay, this guy is obviously tough."

"It's okay! We can defeat him!" Isaac shouted, running forward. Evil Alex Clone #100 sharply turned around, only to get a roundhouse kick in the face. He sharply retaliated by grabbing Isaac's foot and then hurling him over his shoulder. Isaac exclaimed in pain as he hit the floor and rolled away for a good metre. "Ugh..."

"Take this!" Mia shouted, leaping at Evil Alex Clone #100 and smacking him sharply in the back of the head with the baseball bat. EAC #100 swung a fist, which she narrowly dodged, and Mia swung the baseball bat again, slamming it into his crotch. EAC #100 groaned and fell to his knees as Mia backed away. "Okay, guys, I think this is our chance."

"I'm on it!" Garet shouted, breaking into a run. He tripped over the deceased Ivan clone's body and fell flat on his face. "Crap, I forgot that was there!"

"You moron!" Felix muttered, aiming a banana. He promptly flung it through the air. "Banana Horizontal Slash!"

EAC #100 cried out in pain as the banana sliced at him and sent him flying. He crashed into the tube and collapsed in a heap. As everybody watched suspensefully, he raised his head and grinned. "I hope you don't think you've defeated me yet."

"Are you kidding?" Ivan rolled his eyes. "Some of us aren't that stupid."

"Hey, what do you mean by some?" Garet growled, now back on his feet. "This battle would be easier if a body wasn't lying on the floor!"

Evil Alex Clone #100 stood up and healed himself, glowing with a blue light. He advanced again, firing bullets at the Adepts. Garet shouted in pain as a bullet went through his arm and he sank to his knees, groaning and clutching the wound.

"Garet, be careful!" Mia exclaimed, trying to run to heal him. EAC #100 shot a blast at her, causing her to back away.

"Don't worry, guys," Sheba said, walking forward with a calm expression on her face. "I can defeat him with my special ability... Ballet no Jutsu!"

Everyone stared in amazement and incredulity as Sheba started twirling and leaping as well as doing assorted high kicks. She then cartwheeled over to Evil Alex Clone #100 and gave him a swift kick in the face before she backflipped and landed gracefully on her feet. Sheba looked up with a smirk.

"What the hell was that?" demanded Evil Alex Clone #100, raising an eyebrow.

Sheba's eyes widened, as a blast of water knocked her off her feet. She screamed and crashed into the wall, slowly falling down with a groan. "No... I haven't perfected my ballet-fu..."

"You're insane," Isaac muttered, still lying in a pained heap on the floor.

Ivan broke into a run, running in circles around Evil Alex Clone #100 who whirled around in confusion, unable to keep his eyes on the fast moving ninja. Several shurikens flew past him, cutting him in various places, and then a kunai was embedded in his shoulder. He clutched his shoulder and winced, gritting his teeth in pain.

"This is our chance!" Jenna said, looking at Felix. "Let's try our Combination attack, okay?"

"Okay!" Felix said, a banana at the ready.

"I cannot be defeated, fools!" Evil Alex Clone #100 yelled. "I am invincible!" He pulled the kunai out of his shoulder and flung it aside before laughing maniacally and of course not paying attention to the scene around him.

_**"COMBINATION BANANA CROSS SLASH!"**_

"No..." EAC #100 gasped out, staring at his fatal wounds. "This cannot be..." He let out a cry of defeat and then fell onto the ground in four separate parts.

"We did it!" Ivan shouted triumphantly.

As Mia healed various injuries, Jenna frantically ran to the tube and opened it, discovering the unconscious form of the real Alex.

"Alex!" Jenna cried, shaking him. "Wake up, Alex!"

"Ugh..." Alex opened his eyes and slowly sat up, rubbing the back of his head. "Where the heck am I?"

"Are you okay?" Jenna asked desperately. "You were being held hostage by some evil clone and he even made a hundred clones of you."

"My work here is done," Ivan said suddenly. "Now I must go off to do my own things. Maybe we'll meet again." He threw down a smoke bomb. When the smoke cleared, Ivan was gone.

"What the heck?" Garet asked, looking very confused.

"That was random," Mia commented.

"I feel fine," Alex said slowly, climbing out of the tube. "I just don't understand why someone would make a hundred clones of me."

"Apparently, it was part of some plot to take over the world," Felix said. "We don't understand it though and the guy's dead anyway." He gestured at the dead Ivan clone.

"What should we do about all the Evil Alex Clones left?" Mia asked.

"Simple!" Sheba said. "We'll just have Alex pretend to be an Evil Clone!"

"And then let them run around doing whatever the heck they like?" Garet asked incredulously.

"How much harm could they possibly do?" Felix scoffed. "Let's go."

"Okay, Alex, you lead the way," Jenna said. "Remember to act like you're evil."

"Sure, I get it," Alex sighed as he walked ahead of the group through the hallway. "I don't even know what the heck was going on and you expect me to..."

As they stepped out the door with the badly misspelled message, several Evil Alex Clones popped up out of nowhere.

"Freeze!" shouted a clone, aiming a firearm. "None shall escape the Great Dark... wait, who are you?" He stared at Alex.

"Evil Alex Clone," Isaac hissed quickly. "Any number."

"I am Evil Alex Clone any number..." Alex frowned. "Wait, that didn't sound right."

"Did you forget your number?" asked another clone in surprise.

"One hundred!" Jenna whispered. "That might work!"

"Er... one hundred," Alex repeated.

"OMG!" cried the Evil Alex Clones, falling to their knees and frantically bowing. "It's the great Evil Alex Clone #100!"

"Huh, I guess they will eat out of your hands now," Sheba said.

"Tell them to self-destruct!" Felix frantically whispered.

"As your superior, I am ordering you all to self-destruct," Alex said. "Do it."

The Evil Alex Clones stared at him in wide-eyed confusion then exploded, heads flying everywhere and bouncing on the floor.

"I cannot believe they all just did that," Jenna said, shaking her head. "The clones aren't very bright, are they?"

"Don't complain. It's making things easier for us." Garet smirked.

"Okay, so that's what we'll do," Mia said. "Walk out of the fortress with Alex masquerading as Evil Alex Clone #100 and tell all the evil clones to blow up!"

"Sounds like a plan!" Jenna punched the air. "We're good at this!"

"Really? It's all just been dumb luck so far," Felix said, sounding rather cynical.

They couldn't stand around talking forever, so they did as Mia said and walked out of the fortress, leaving the debris of many exploded Evil Alex Clones behind.

Meanwhile, at Felix's, Jenna's, Sheba's and Alex's house, an innocent looking kitten sat on the floor, holding up a paw. Upon this paw was a cunningly disguised wristwatch, which was not really a wristwatch, but a mini communication device.

"The pathetic humans have not yet returned, Lord Mittens," the kitten said seriously. "But when they do, the brainwashing process... will surely be simple."

"Excellent," Mittens the ginger tomcat said, looming in front of the mini screen and reaching up to adjust the pink bow around his neck with a perfectly manicured white paw. "Soon... cats will rule over mankind." He then meowed maniacally and cut the link. The kitten put down the screen and then turned around, its little mouth spreading in an evil grin.

Jenna really hadn't been kidding when she said the kitten hypnotised her and made her buy it.

---------------------  
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-------SHI----------  
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---------------------

"You know," Kraden said, approaching the group of eight Adepts who were all standing around in the middle of Vale. "It's been a long time since we last had a lesson-"

"I'm telling you, my mom's cooking is the best!" Garet shouted.

"No way! My mom's cooking owns your mom's cooking!" Isaac declared.

"Your mom wouldn't fry anything if her life depended on it," Garet said. "My mom makes me chips, eggs, bacon, stuff like that, all the time!"

"At least my mom cares about my health," Isaac shot back.

"Helloooo..." Kraden said pointlessly.

"I know you took my manicure kit," Jenna said, glaring daggers at Sheba.

"You haven't got any proof!" Sheba declared, narrowing her eyes. "I bet you took my hairgel!"

"You use way too much anyway," Jenna spat. "Why do you like that salad bowl hairstyle so much?"

"It's not shaped like a salad bowl!" Sheba yelled.

"Is anybody listening...?" Kraden asked, looking around.

"My life just sucks," Felix moaned. "Sometimes I feel like just disappearing and burying myself in a hole."

"There, there," Piers said, patting his back. "What happened this time?"

"The cookie jar is empty," Felix whimpered, sinking to his knees. "Someone finished off the cookies."

"Hold on," Piers said, sitting next to him and giving him an incredulous stare. "You're emo because the cookies ran out?"

"Yes!" Felix wailed. "WHYYYYYY?"

Kraden exhaled heavily, a vein bulging on his forehead. Nobody was paying any attention to him. He turned to look menacingly at Ivan and Mia.

"So which type of Djinni do you think is the cutest, Mia?" Ivan asked.

"Mercury, of course!" Mia squealed. "I just love those little tails of theirs. They are so adorable."

"Jupiter for me," Ivan said. "Don't you think it's weird that Djinn have legs and no arms?"

"No kidding," replied Mia. "They must fall over a lot when they walk."

"LISTEN TO ME!" Kraden yelled.

Of course, nobody paid him heed.

"My mom's food is still the best!"

"My mom's food is healthier!"

"Gross!"

"You're a pig anyway!"

"Give me back my manicure kit!"

"Only if you return my hairgel!"

"COOKIES!"

"... You are honestly pathetic."

"So which Djinni is your favourite?"

"Geez... that's tough... er..."

"We need to learn about how to protect Weyard!" Kraden shouted desperately. "With Alchemy on the loose, there's a big danger that wars will start and we must..." He trailed off in despair, as the Adepts continued to ignore him and discuss pointless things.

Finally, the sage snapped. He started laughing maniacally and started marching towards Mt. Aleph, a manic look in his eyes. Maybe the Wise One would be willing to help.

_**An hour later**_

"Wow, have we really been standing here for an hour?" Isaac asked.

"I don't want to have a heart attack," Garet whimpered, his eyes wide in fear.

"Okay, fine," Sheba sniffed. "The manicure kit is buried by that old oak over there."

"You BURIED it?" Jenna wailed incredulously. "Well, that's okay then, because I threw your hairgel into the river."

"Are you feeling better now?" Piers asked as he rubbed Felix's back.

"Yeah..." Felix gulped and nodded. "Mom will make more, I guess."

"There should be a summon that uses all 72 Djinn," Mia said. "It would be incredible!"

"It... wouldn't work..." Ivan said. "We fight four at a time, remember? Summons have a maximum of two elements as well."

Suddenly, the Wise One appeared above them. The Adepts immediately ceased talking and stared up at the floating rock. They were apparently more inclined to pay attention to a floating rock than an old man who had Weyard's safety in mind. The Wise One didn't even talk. Instead, a strange white mist floated out of his form and swarmed around the group of Adepts. They blinked rapidly, feeling quite light-headed all of a sudden, then all proceeded to fall down into a deep sleep.

_**Some time later (at night)**_

"What happened?" Isaac groaned as he slowly awoke. He was aware of a metal collar around his neck and clutched it, wondering when it had got there. Around him, everyone else was waking up and grabbing at the metal collars around their necks. They all sat up, looking at each other in confusion, then looked around. They seemed to be in some unfamiliar room with plain grey walls. Some assorted objects sat at one end of the room.

"Where are we?" Jenna asked, wide-eyed in surprise.

"Last thing I remember is the Wise One," Garet said. "I think he sprayed us with some kind of mist."

"It knocked us out, didn't it?" Felix asked. "Now we're in some room and wearing metal collars. What is going on?"

"Maybe the Wise One is holding us hostage," Ivan whispered in fear.

"But why? What did we do to him?" Mia asked incredulously.

"We have to get out of here!" Sheba ran to the nearest door and tried it. "It's locked!"

Indeed, both doors in the room were locked and there was only one window, up high where it was difficult to reach.

"This doesn't seem good at all," Piers said, gulping.

"Ah, so you are all awake," said the Wise One, warping into the room.

"Wise One!" Isaac exclaimed. "Why...?"

"Well, your behaviour as of late... is unimpressive to say the least," said the Wise One, glancing around at the shocked Adepts. "It's high time we did something about this. Kraden actually had high hopes for you people protecting Weyard and making sure wars didn't happen. Alchemy IS a threat, even if it stops the world from eroding itself!"

"But... but... we do care about Weyard's safety..." Garet faltered. "Anyway, people aren't even fighting yet."

"Yeah. Kraden was pretty worried about that, but it's going to be fine," Felix protested. "Actually, I don't think we've talked to him lately... have we?"

"Enough! Stop talking!" thundered the rock. "Now we are going to play a very special game. Battle Royale."

"Eh?" Sheba frowned.

"We're going to play a game?" Piers looked incredulous. "You're punishing us by making us play a game?"

"I don't think the Wise One has a fun game in mind," Jenna said nervously.

"Yeah. Knowing the Wise One, it might be something sick and twisted," Felix said.

"You're going to make us battle?" Mia asked. "Are we going to be fighting monsters?"

"Is it going to involve kings and queens?" Garet asked, looking quite perplexed.

"That's _royalty_, Garet," Isaac said.

"You people talk too much," the Wise One hissed. "SHUT UP!"

Everyone immediately shut their mouths, quite frightened by a yelling rock who had just abducted them and put metal collars on their necks.

"Now, you have all come here to play the Battle Royale," said the Wise One. "However, I think this tape can explain it all. Now watch the tape carefully." He glanced at a TV screen and then it flickered into life.

At first, all they saw was a blank white screen, then Kraden walked into view, grinning evilly.

"Hello, my former students!" Kraden sneered. "I asked the Wise One if we could play a game with you lot and he nicely agreed. Now first, you might wonder why I am doing this." He chuckled and stroked his white beard, seeming quite amused. "It's because... I'm fed up with you lot. You are all a bunch of rowdy teenagers who can't even listen to me and when cookies are the most important thing in someone's life, it... angers me!" He shook his fists.

"But Piers isn't a teenager," Ivan started, looking at the Lemurian. "Though, he looks like one..."

Piers didn't say anything. To say Ivan was right would be to say he was at least 20 and he had a phobia of telling his true age.

"NO TALKING!" yelled the Wise One. He turned around, his eye flashing dangerously, as he looked at Ivan. Ivan leaped up in fright, eyes widening as the Wise One fired an adamantium stemmed rose at him. The stem embedded itself in Ivan's forehead and he let out a cry, falling over dead.

**Dead: Ivan**

The Adepts screamed and backed away from Ivan, horrified at seeing one of their friends die. Even worse, with a rose sprouting from his forehead.

"I wasn't really supposed to do that myself," the Wise One said, chuckling. "Now watch the tape."

The Adepts shakily did so, focusing on Kraden's frozen form.

Kraden sprang to life and leaned back with uproarious laughter. "Now, my foolish students, you are going to pay. For too long now have you been ignoring me and putting your own trivial issues above the safety of Weyard. It's time we taught you what is truly important. Survival. The will to live. Then, you can learn... what is truly important. So... you will now be playing Battle Royale."

"Battle..." Isaac whispered, eyes widening.

"Now let me explain the game to you!" Kraden did a happy jump, waving his arms in the air. "You are all located on a tiny little island! South East Islet, in fact. There is no way to get off either, your ship is all the way back by Vale. You will be spending one day here. We will give you provisions and stuff so you'll be just fine. You will also receive a weapon, but what you get, I'm not saying!" He chuckled and looked down, his glasses glinting.

"Why do we need weapons?" Mia asked. "Wait... our weapons are..."

"You obviously won't be needing your own!" Kraden declared. "Didn't even bring them, did you? I bet they are simply collecting dust in your bedrooms! For shame, neglecting them! How can you protect your world if you get lazy and stop fighting? Oh, and one more thing. Those metal collars around your necks? Don't interfere with them. If you do... they go... BOOM!"

"Yikes..." Sheba gasped.

"Also, you may absolutely not use Psynergy," Kraden said, waggling a finger. "That includes defensive, attacking, healing and even item Psynergy. I bet you thought of using the Teleport Lapis to get off here, didn't you? Well, you can't. If anybody attempts to even use the tiniest amount of Psynergy, it triggers the mechanism inside the collar and it will explode, killing you!"

"But... what if something like in Kolima Forest happens?" Garet cried. "With that... Psynergy using itself thing..."

"Oh come on, Garet," Isaac said, rolling his eyes. "It never happened again. It was obviously just a plot device they forgot about five minutes later and never brought up again."

"Ahem," said the rock in a warning voice, silencing them.

"Now, to tell you the objective of the game," said Kraden, clearing his throat. "It is very simple. You must all kill each other until only one is left standing. If, by this time tomorrow, more than one person is still alive, you will all die. It's simple. Be the last one standing if you want to live. If even one other person is still alive, you both die by exploding collars."

The Adepts looked at each other in stunned horror, then looked at the Wise One incredulously.

"This is... a joke, right?" Piers asked slowly.

"Heck, no. We are deadly serious," said the Wise One. "But because you aren't taking me seriously, I think I'll demonstrate just how dangerous these collars are." He narrowed his eye, staring intently at Piers's collar. It began to flash red. Piers leaped up with a cry and backed away. The other Adepts cried out as they saw the flashing collar.

"Piers!" Jenna yelled in horror.

"Wise One! Please stop this!" Mia begged.

"Why?" Isaac cried.

"Help me..." Piers gasped out, reaching for Felix who backed away in horror.

"Piers..." Felix bit his bottom lip in agony. He really didn't know how to help. Then the collar exploded and he turned away, blood showing over him. "Piers!" Felix cried out, as Piers fell to the floor.

**Dead: Piers**

"No..." Sheba whimpered. "This is just horrible..."

"You were right about the game being sick and twisted," Isaac said shakily, as Felix numbly stared at Piers.

"You want us to kill each other?" Garet asked, dismayed as he looked at the Wise One. "You're a monster."

"I suppose I am," the Wise One said. "Oh, there's a little bit more of this tape left."

"Ah, yes, one more thing," said Kraden, leaning forward and grinning. "Have fun." Then the TV screen switched off.

"Here are your provisions," said the Wise One, looking aside as a heap of bags appeared in the corner. "Be sure to take a bag as you leave. Happy killing!"

The speechless Adepts went to pick up their bags and as a door opened, they left the building, still speechless.

"Um... let's go sleep on this," Isaac suggested.

"Yeah. We'll think about it in the morning," Mia said shakily.

"Please don't kill me in my sleep," Garet said pleadingly, looking around at everyone.

"Nobody is killing!" Felix exclaimed.

"I can't believe this is happening..." Jenna moaned as they walked away from the building across the tiny islet.

"Ivan and Piers are both..." Sheba shook her head sadly. "This is pretty serious, isn't it?"

The Adepts found shelter and settled down for the night to sleep. It was a disturbing night of dreams but they managed and woke up bright and early. They walked out of the shelter into the morning sun, blinking and feeling quite disoriented as they clutched their bags.

"I'm hungry," Garet moaned. "The only food in my bag was a pack of rice crackers I ate last night. Then I ate everybody else's rice crackers and I'm still hungry."

That was when everybody realised where their food had gone and gave Garet homicidal looks. Garet screamed and ran away.

"Let's go for a walk," Isaac said, glancing at Mia. "We might as well find something to do on this boring little islet."

"I'm going back into the shelter," Felix announced. "I'm just going to sit down and angst all day and look forward to getting my head blown off."

Jenna and Sheba stood side by side, utterly alone as everybody else deserted them.

"Hey, check out my weapon," Jenna said, rummaging into a bag. "A bow and... wait, only one arrow?" She looked positively dismayed.

"Heh... Jenna... we're not using them..." Sheba backed away.

"Oh, it's okay," Jenna said, smiling brightly. "I can forgive you for the times you were a tease and stuff, you know. Heck, the manicure kit was a small loss too."

"Have I ever told you what an awesome person you are?" Sheba gulped as Jenna stared at the lone arrow in disappointment. "And your hair is awesome. It puts mine to shame. And..."

"However, I intend to live," said Jenna, coldly firing the arrow into Sheba's eye before she could react. "Great, I used up my one-time use weapon." She disgustedly tossed the bow aside as Sheba collapsed in a heap. "Oh, hey, Sheba might have a better weapon!" Jenna exclaimed, running to look in Sheba's bag.

**Dead: Sheba**

Meanwhile, in the shelter, Felix was sitting and angsting. "I can't believe I must face death so soon after all. Even though I always anticipated it, I never thought it could come today! And Piers... Piers is..."

His eyes fell upon his bag and his spirits lifted. There had to be a weapon in there. A weapon to free him from waiting and being bored as he waited to die. He had no desire to go and slaughter his friends and spend his life without them around. He would much rather die and give someone the chance to live. Or maybe he was just too darn emo.

Felix grabbed the bag in excitement, unzipping it, and rummaged around. To his dismay, he pulled out a blunt razor.

"That's _it?_" Felix wailed. "It's blunt! It won't cut!" Nonetheless, he tried to desperately slash his wrists, down not across, but of course he couldn't even break the skin. The razor fell to the ground and Felix threw his head back, screaming. "NO!"

Jenna walked away from the dead body of Sheba, staring sceptically at the weapon in her hand. A spork? She was supposed to kill someone with a spork? Well, it was better than a used arrow. She strolled around the tiny islet, seeking out her next victim, and discovered Garet trying to hide behind a rock.

"Hello, Garet," Jenna said in a cheerful voice.

"Ah!" Garet screamed, eyes wide as he stared at Jenna. "Please don't kill me!"

"You don't want to play this game, huh?" Jenna asked. "Wouldn't it be so much more fun if we were actually all trying to kill each other?"

"Not really." Garet grimaced. He sighed and kneeled, looking up at her with wide puppy eyes. "There's no way I could kill you, Jenna. I love you!"

"And?" Jenna prompted, waving the spork.

Garet froze, eyes widening as he stared at the spork. She'd _ignored_ him! "I... would rather die... than kill- GACK!"

Jenna had already flung the spork at his throat at the words 'rather die'. She shrugged as Garet fell over on his front, blood bubbling from his neck. "Well, if you wanted to die from the start, why didn't you just say so?" As Garet suffered a slow, painful death, she proceeded to rummage his bag for his weapon.

**Dead: Garet**

Isaac and Mia had ceased walking and were now quite bored so they decided to just stand and talk as usual.

"Isaac..." Mia said. "Do you think we're really going to die?"

"It doesn't look good," Isaac said sadly. "But we can't kill each other. It's not an option."

"Of course not," Mia said. "I could never take a life."

"This game is just wrong and pointless," Isaac said. "There's no way anybody's going to turn against us. We're all too close to fight."

"Think again!" Jenna yelled, leaping from a tree and waving a paper fan over her head. Isaac and Mia swirled around and backed away in shock as Jenna advanced on them.

"Jenna!" Mia cried out in shock. "What are you doing?"

"Is that your weapon?" Isaac asked, staring incredulously at the fan.

"No, it was Garet's," Jenna replied. "Sheba's spork was pretty useless too. I actually had an arrow... but it can't be used more than once."

"Sheba... Garet... wait, what are you saying?" Mia asked desperately.

"I killed them," Jenna announced, tensing. "And I will take your lives too."

"No, Jenna!" Isaac cried, dodging as Jenna ran at him and swung the fan. "This is wrong! We shouldn't be fighting among ourselves!"

"I have no desire to die," said Jenna, eyes narrowing. "You should have the will to live as well."

"What about the will for our friends to live as well?" Mia cried. "Aren't their lives important too?"

"Don't give me cornball speeches!" Jenna growled, swinging the fan at Mia who was too slow to react and could only throw her arms over her head.

"_Noooooo_!" Isaac screamed, magnificently leaping in front of Mia. The fan slashed at his chest and he screamed, falling to the ground as blood poured from the wound. Jenna gasped and staggered back, dropping the bloodied fan.

"Isaaaaaac!" Mia wailed, falling next to Isaac as tears dripped down her face. "No!"

"Mia..." Isaac gasped out, touching her face. "I... have one... important thing to say... before I die..."

"What?" Mia whispered. "You're not going to die, Isaac... you can't..."

"Something I kept secret for so long..." Isaac whispered. "I... like wearing women's panties." His eyes closed shut and he expelled his final breath. His hand fell to the ground and he went limp.

**Dead: Isaac**

"What the heck?" Mia exclaimed.

"Why... why did he take the blow?" Jenna whispered. "Having your friends live... it's really that important? To sacrifice yourself so they can go on?"

"Of course!" Mia cried, looking tearfully at her. "He put my life before his own. That's why we shouldn't be fighting each other. We're supposed to stick together."

"Well, this sucks!" Jenna wailed. "Now I'm feeling all guilty and stuff! Curse your sudden yet inevitable guilt, conscience!"

"We're all going to die anyway," Mia whispered, standing up. "But... I would rather die than hurt anybody, so that's okay."

"What was your weapon, Mia?" Jenna asked.

"A stick," Mia replied. "From a tree. Isaac's was a frying pan."

"I don't believe this!" Jenna exclaimed. "We got such crappy weapons! This must have been a twisted plan from the start to... kill us all. Maybe we were all meant to die. That means we had no chance of winning from the beginning!"

"Let's go and confront the Wise One," Mia said. "Wait, where's Felix?"

"Angsting in the shelter," Jenna replied. The girls immediately headed to the shelter where Felix was curled up in a ball and crying.

"Get up!" Jenna exclaimed, kicking him. "We're going to have a word with the Wise One!"

"The razor's blunt!" Felix wailed, waving his useless weapon.

"You were angsting over a bad weapon?" Mia backed away, eyes widening.

"Yes, because I can't kill myself with it!" Felix cried.

Mia and Jenna stared at him, then Jenna just growled in frustration and pulled him to his feet.

"We're going. Right now," Jenna said, pulling Felix along as the trio walked toward the building.

"I want to die..." Felix moaned.

As they entered the building, they found the Wise One was not there. However, Kraden was.

"So, you've come, fools!" Kraden swirled around, waving a black cape over his head and chuckling.

"Kraden!" Mia shouted. "You set us all up to die!"

"Why won't anyone kill me?" Felix demanded.

"Your game is up!" Jenna declared. "Now let us off this island!"

"Why, Jenna, you don't want to kill anymore?" Kraden looked astonished. "I had such high hopes for you. You took the lives of Sheba, Garet, even Isaac... why have you stopped?"

"You mean you wanted her to kill us all?" Mia cried.

"I hoped Jenna alone would survive this game," Kraden sighed. "I always did like her best."

"Stop staring at my sister like that!" Felix snapped at the sage.

"We're not going to play your game anymore!" Mia shouted. "Now let us go!"

"No. Now, Jenna, embrace your destiny," Kraden said, walking forward. "You must live and then we will be together, in Vale, watching as the world changes... together... with nobody else to interfere..."

"He's scaring me," Jenna whispered, clutching Felix's arm.

"What the hell? None of this is making sense anymore," Felix muttered.

"I'll help you," Kraden said, pulling a knife from the pocket in his robes. Before anyone could react, he flung it and it embedded itself in Mia's chest. She groaned and sank to the floor, clutching the fatal wound.

"Mia!" Jenna exclaimed in horror.

"Why didn't you throw it at me?" Felix wailed.

"SHUT. UP." Jenna kicked him, quite annoyed with his emoness.

**Dead: Mia**

"Go on, Jenna. Your destiny awaits you," Kraden said in a creepy voice. "Take the knife... kill your brother... and be the sole survivor then come and live with me... forever..."

"I don't want to," Jenna whimpered.

"I can kill myself if that helps?" Felix offered, though with Kraden being creepy and especially toward Jenna, he was feeling a little more reluctant to leave her alone.

With tears streaming down her face, Jenna slowly walked over to Mia's body.

"Yes, that's it," Kraden whispered. "Save yourself."

"This is horrible," Jenna moaned as she pulled the knife out.

"Jenna... you don't have to..." Felix said as Jenna began walking toward him. "Hey..."

"I... I'm sorry..." Jenna looked up, even more tears coursing down her face.

"Hurry. Do it," Kraden said, grinning with glee.

"I'm sorry to kill again!" Jenna yelled, spinning around and hurling the knife. It promptly embedded itself into Kraden's throat and he fell over with a choked cry.

**Dead: Kraden**

"Good move," Felix said. "Now how do we get these collars off?"

"Maybe the Wise One will," Jenna said hopefully. "Kraden's dead after all."

"Are you freaking kidding me?" the Wise One demanded, appearing out of nowhere. "You cheated!"

"But this was Kraden's game! If we killed him, the game doesn't matter anymore, right?" Felix asked.

"Can't we go home now?" Jenna pleaded.

The Wise One was quite lost for words, but in the end, he did so.

**_The day before_**

"What the CRAP was that?" the Wise One yelled.

"My idea for an awesome game," Kraden said. "And my idea of what might happen though I couldn't think of a good ending."

"Wait, you came up with all that yourself?" the Wise One asked. Kraden nodded. "So... why did you die in it?"

Kraden frowned. That was a good question. A very good question indeed. "I honestly have no idea."

"You are such a weirdo," said the rock.

"So... how about it?" Kraden asked, looking hopefully. "Can we play Battle Royale with them?"

"Hell, no!" exclaimed the Wise One. "Stay away from me, you crazy old man!" He promptly zoomed away at a very fast speed.

"Aw..." Kraden whined, feeling dejected. He sulked his way back to glare at the Adepts as they went on about cookies, Djinn, manicure kits/hairgel and food. Then he slowly sank to his knees and whimpered as he listened to their trivial conversations that wouldn't be protecting the world anytime soon. A war could be going on a town away! Would they ignore it and make a fuss about an injured bunny lying five feet away instead? Or some other stupid pointless thing? And continue to ignore him?

"The world is doomed..." Kraden whispered, raising his hands to the air. **"DOOOOOOOMED!!!!" **He then started crying loudly. Of course, the Adepts paid no heed.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Golden Insanity**_

_Another chapter of randomness and fun! Maybe a little too random this chapter... and a new Special Feature Story, "Overtaking Kitties"_

---------------------  
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--OBJECTION!----  
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Laurel glanced around the forest surroundings. Good, nobody was around. They had some private time. "Oh, Tret, I wish it was possible to see you from here but I can't even turn around."

"Hroom. Yes, it is a shame," Tret said, snaking out a tree root through the ground. "How can our passion last with us rooted in the ground like this?"

"But at least we can talk all night long," Laurel said, also putting out a tree root. "I bet humans wouldn't expect this from trees."

"Humans don't understand what it's like to be a tree," Tret moaned, rubbing his root against Laurel's. "How's that?"

"That's so good," Laurel said, wrapping her root around Tret's. "I love those root massages of yours."

"My greatest wish is that we could walk," said Tret, continuing to massage her root. "What do you think we would do if we could walk?"

"First I would like a romantic walk through the forest," Laurel said, closing her eyes as she imagined it. "Then we would lie down under the stars, making sweet, passionate tree love."

"Our tender bark rubbing together..." Tret said whimsically.

"Roots intertwining..." Laurel murmured.

"Hroom," Tret moaned, eyes closed as he fantasised about it.

"My goodness," Laurel murmured. "I do believe I let out some sap."

"If only we could walk," Tret lamented.

"Yes. How depressing it is to be a tree, my sweet love," Laurel said.

"Let us just continue to make noises and romantic talk," Tret suggested.

As the trees continued to say sweet nothings to each other, the saplings around them blushed and prayed for death.

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----HOLD IT!------  
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"Yes! I have a new friend!" thought the happy turtle as a little baby turtle was placed next to him. "At last, Lonesome George is lonesome no more! How happy I am! What a joy and a wonder! To actually have-"

"Break off the Mind Read already," Felix said, looking exasperated.

"Oh. Right," Sheba said, doing so. The turtle continued to splash about in the water, looking positively delighted as the baby turtle paddled around next to it. "We have made a turtle very happy. All we did was give him a friend."

"There's quite an age difference though," Kraden commented. "It's just a little baby and the happy turtle's an adult. It's a bit strange to call it a friendship. Shouldn't the adult turtle assume a parental role?"

Felix, Jenna, Sheba and Piers simply stared at Kraden as he went on about turtles and relationships. None of what he was saying made any sense. He seemed to be treating turtles like humans or something.

"Ah, never mind," Kraden said, shaking his head. "They aren't human after all."

"Now that's a strange image," Piers said. "If you think of them as humans and not turtles, what would that be like?"

"Like giving a forty year old man a young boy and watching him be very happy?" Jenna asked.

Everyone fell silent and stared at the turtles, who stared innocently back.

"Ew," Felix said, shaking his head. "What is wrong with you people? They are just turtles!"

"But we can't help but think about how in the roles of humans, this would be just wrong," Jenna said. "Why can't the adult turtle simply be a father to the baby? Wouldn't that be more proper?"

"It's almost like that time that penguin was humping the other penguin on the islet near Tundaria," Sheba said, shuddering. "Now that was a disturbing sight. We should never have bothered to reunite those penguins."

"Let's go and do something more useful now," Piers suggested. "Lemuria awaits us after all."

"Ah, yes, that is a good idea," Kraden said. "Instead of talking about the strange behaviour of animals, let's do that."

"Animals are evil," Felix said, as they walked back to the ship. "That dog we gave the milk to peed on my leg! That bird pecked my hand! And that cow did a huge dump right after giving us the milk!"

As the group left the islet, Lonesome George turned to the baby with a big smile on his turtle face. "Want to see my secret spot?" he asked in Turtlese.

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---TAKE THAT!---  
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**Special Feature Story**

_Oinuki Neko_

Now that their fun adventure with Evil Alex Clones was over, Felix, Jenna, Sheba and Alex were quite happy to return home to relax. Sheba was first to reach the door and opened it. A small kitten sat at the door and meowed in greeting.

"Oh, hey. What's a cat doing in our house?" Jenna asked, having completely forgotten how it got there.

"Uh... Jenna..." Sheba smiled weakly. "You bought it, remember?"

"I did?" Jenna looked blankly at the kitten. "So, what's it called?"

"It's cute," Alex commented, picking up the kitten and walking into the house. "You've got good taste, Jenna."

"But it's not cuter than me, right?" Jenna loomed over him, a demonic expression on her face.

Alex cowered on the floor, sweating. Jenna could be really scary sometimes. "Heh... no. Of course not. You're the cutest."

"It must be starving," Felix said. "How long were we gone again? Did you even get any stuff for that kitten?"

Jenna froze, a bead of sweat rolling down her head. "Er... heh... I don't think so..."

"Sheesh," Sheba sighed. She immediately sat down with a pen and paper and scrawled down a list of things to get. "Jenna, you have to be more prepared. Animals have to be looked after properly."

"But it's not like I was planning to get a kitten," Jenna said, frowning. Why did she get a kitten again?

The kitten was tired of being ignored. It meowed loudly and leaped into Jenna's arms. "Meow!" it said again very loudly, gazing into Jenna's eyes and turning up the cuteness factor.

"That thing meows loudly," Felix complained, backing away.

"Uwaaahhhh!" Jenna almost melted into a puddle of goo right then as she gazed into the kitten's very cute eyes. "I want to keep you and love you... forever and ever..."

Sheba stared at Jenna, wondering what had got into her. Why was she suddenly acting so crazy? Sighing, Sheba stood up and brandished the list at Alex. "You. Go shopping."

"Why me?" Alex asked, staring at the paper incredulously.

"Because it's your fault we had to put up with clones and go on a dangerous adventure!" Sheba yelled. "Now do it!"

"I didn't ask to be kidnapped and cloned," Alex said, pouting as he took the paper. "Fine. I'll go to the pet shop." He walked out, leaving everyone at the peril of the kitten.

"You got a name for it?" Felix asked, sitting down. He didn't much like cats, but if Jenna was so keen on having one, there was no point in arguing.

"Skittles," Jenna said. "I will name it Skittles."

Sheba blinked. Well, she could have come up with worse. "Okay then. Welcome to the family, Skittles."

Skittles meowed and rubbed its head against Jenna's chest, purring happily. For a second, it opened its eyes, hypnotising her more for good measure.

"Aaaahhhh..." Jenna sighed. "You're so adorable, Skitty-poo..."

"Jenna, please," Felix protested. "I'll be sick if you keep going on like that."

"Huh? Going on like what?" Jenna looked at him in confusion.

Skittles frowned, an eyebrow twitching. Jenna's bad memory of hypnotism might just make this a little more difficult but of course he could pull this off. This was for Lord Mittens after all.

Sheba walked out of the kitchen, feeling suspicious. Something was up, she could feel it. It wasn't just that Jenna seemed to have a faulty memory, it seemed to be connected to that kitten. Surely, it couldn't just be all cuddly and innocent? She would have to investigate.

Eventually, Alex came back with stuff for Skittles and normalcy was restored to the place. For a while anyway. All the while, Skittles concentrated on hypnotising his owner. Once he was done with brainwashing her, he would simply move on to the rest of the house. This plan would be a piece of cake. Mittens would be very proud of him indeed. At one point, he burst out into maniacal meowing without realising it.

"Oh, Skitty-witty!" Jenna cried, scooping him up. "What's wrong? You're making a funny noise. Are you okay?" She anxiously brandished a cat treat at him.

Skittles sourly took the treat. He had a horrible feeling he was going to get fat and he also wished for Jenna to quit calling him such idiotic names. Why could he not have had an awesome name like Almighty Fearsome Cat of Darkness? At least, Skittles thought that was an awesome name. But then again, he was insane.

Felix picked up the packet of cat treats, noticing it was already half empty and they had only had the cat a short while too. "You're not meant to feed these treats all the time."

"Jenna, come on," Alex whined, sitting on the couch. "We haven't had a cuddle in ages. Don't you want to sit next to me and snuggle?"

"I think Skittles is ill," Jenna fretted, not noticing Alex's loneliness. "He made a funny noise. It's worrying."

"I feel so unloved," Alex said, sighing.

"She is paying a lot of attention to that cat," Felix commented. What was up with Jenna anyway?

"Do you want to play with a toy, Skittles?" Jenna asked. "Let's go play!"

"Don't talk to the cat!" Felix cried as Jenna skipped out of the room. "People will think you're strange!"

"You sure she isn't already?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Well... she's worse on a sugar high," Felix muttered, staring at the TV. "Anything good on?"

Sheba leaned in, peering through the door into the lounge. For some reason, she was sneaking around her own house. Her eyes narrowed and she nodded her head once. This was definitely strange. Jenna was paying far too much attention to that kitten.

That night, Skittles crept out of Jenna's room as he prepared to go and give Mittens his report. He couldn't risk being seen or heard so he had to go somewhere secret. As he prowled along the hallway, an ominous shadow loomed over him. Skitties froze and looked up at the imposing figure of Sheba. "Meow," he said innocently.

Sheba wasn't going to fall for his cute act. She promptly cast Mind Read and gasped. "You're trying to help a cat named Mittens take over the world by brainwashing us?"

Skittles's eyes widened and he backed away as Sheba glared down at him. He promptly lifted a paw and activated the communication device. "Lord Mittens! This is Code Number 12. I have been discovered by the blonde girl at this residence. Hurry to send aid immediately."

"At once!" Mittens boomed before cutting off the link.

Sheba was so taken aback by a talking cat that she didn't have time to react. Skittles turned and fled back into Jenna's room. Sheba snapped back to reality and shouted, running into her room.

"Uh?" Jenna sat up and rubbed her sleepy eyes, faintly aware of a frantically meowing cat. "Skittles?"

"Jenna! That cat is working for a cat plotting world domination!" Sheba cried out as Jenna gazed into Skittles's frightened eyes. "We've got to do something!"

"Stop it, Sheba! You're scaring poor little Skitty!" Jenna jumped out of bed and walked toward her.

"But, Jenna, the cat is evil! It's-" Sheba protested.

"Get out of my room!" Jenna shouted, kicking her out into the hallway and then slamming the door. She promptly locked it. "It's okay, poor little Skitty-poo," Jenna whispered, picking up the kitten and hugging him. "I won't let that meanie Sheba scare you anymore. She's just a big, mean bully."

"Jenna! Open the door!" Sheba cried, rapidly banging on it. "Jenna!"

Sheba was so focused on trying to save Jenna from the evil kitten, she didn't notice the glowing eyes looming in the darkness. Several paws pounced upon her and she screamed as she was wrapped up in yarn by many fiendish kitties and then dragged away, out of the house.

"Goodnight, Skitty," Jenna mumbled as she curled up in bed next to the kitten, a contented smile on her face. She was absolutely unaware of Sheba's capture. Skittles grinned evilly.

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----SOKO DA!----  
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Feizhi wandered around the house, humming a happy tune as she randomly ate from a packet of prawn crackers. It had to be her absolute favourite snack. She could eat them all day if she wanted to. But this wasn't important to the plot at all. Though the fact she was waiting for her boyfriend to come over so that they could have a romantic meal of Xianese food was kind of important to the plot. As she passed by the table, her fuchsia cellphone suddenly bleeped. Feizhi picked it up and answered, "Hello?"

"What's your favourite scary movie?" asked a voice.

"Well, actually, I don't like scary movies very much," Feizhi said in a conversational tone. "I'm more for action and samurai films. Do you know, I'm actually in a talent school so that I can star in a film with ninjas? How awesome is that? What would be even cooler is pirate ninjas though. Did you see that great action film, Return of Alex XXVII? I can't believe that guy keeps coming back from the dead. He's been crushed under rocks, incinerated, shredded, drowned, decapitated, buried... and he just keeps returning!"

The voice was silent, shocked by Feizhi's ease of conversation with an unknown person.

"So, what's up with you? Wait, who are you again?" Feizhi asked. She looked at the cellphone and realised it said Number Withheld.

"Who do you want me to be?" the voice asked, trying to sound sinister.

"Well, I would like you to be Hsu, telling me why he is late," Feizhi said, looking at the clock. "But I don't think you are."

"Go to the patio doors," ordered the voice.

Feizhi did so and peered out into the darkness. She gasped. "Oh, wow! Hsu is tied to a chair outside, bound and gagged. Isn't that weird? Did he want to surprise me or something? It reminds me of that scene in Return of Alex VI where Mia finds Isaac bound and gagged to a chair... mmm, Isaac is so hot... and then you know, Alex swoops in on a hangglider and captures Mia! He'll do anything to get the Golden Sun- EEK!"

The voice had got very sick and tired of Feizhi's prattling indeed. A mysterious cloaked figure had just run past and slit Hsu's throat.

"HSU!" Feizhi screamed. "Hsu! Voice, this is terrible! Someone just killed Hsu! Help me. Call the police. Do you know where I am? I am at Number 5, Crouching Tiger Road, Xian. Please, hurry and-"

"I'm the killer, you idiot!" screamed the voice. "Shut up!"

Feizhi backed away, eyes widening. "I'm a martial artist, you know. I could beat you up with my eyes closed."

"Why don't you answer this question?" asked the voice. "I'll let you live if you can tell me who the killer is in Nightmare in Lunpa."

"Uh... er..." Feizhi whimpered, sitting shakily on a chair. "Oh! I know! Donpappa!"

"... Wrong."

"What?" Feizhi said incredulously. "But I saw two of them! And..."

"The killer in the first movie was Dodonpa," said the voice. "Donpappa didn't turn up until the second movie and afterward through the rest of the series."

"You should have been more specific!" Feizhi wailed. She screamed as a guy in a cloak burst in the window then stared. "Is that a clown suit and clown mask underneath your cloak?"

"I asked the costume shop what the most scary costume they had was and they gave me this," the killer protested.

"... Am I going to be killed?" Feizhi asked tentatively.

Out of nowhere, a pink flamingo burst through a wall and pecked Feizhi to death as the killer laughed maniacally.

The next day, Mia was at home feeling quite bored and all alone in the house. She was feeling a bit creeped out too. Apparently some girl had been stabbed many times with a small knife or pecked to death by a pink flamingo and her boyfriend hadn't been any better off. Though Mia was perplexed about why a pink flamingo would peck someone to death, she was still quite bothered about it. As if she needed to be worrying about killers! She had enough drama going on with her hot co-stars in their horrid low budget films crushing on her. Isaac and Alex were always fighting over her, though she appreciated the attention.

But why did the filmmakers seem to want to keep making endless sequels of short films about Alex coming back from the dead every time, going after Isaac and kidnapping her? She was starting to get typecast as a damsel in distress. Mia felt like quitting, but then they would probably just bring in some other love interest. How irritating. She didn't like the idea of being replaced either.

As the day passed on and it became evening, Mia was feeling very bored. She was meant to be learning her lines for Return of Alex XXXIV but for some reason, she didn't feel like it. It was only a half-hour long movie too, in which Alex would kidnap her yet again to bait Isaac. Couldn't the filmmakers come up with any more ideas? Was anybody even still watching that crap? The cinemas didn't even bother to show the movies anymore, they went straight to video.

Her shiny blue cellphone bleeped insistently. Mia answered it. "Hello?"

"What's your favourite scary movie?"

"Don't talk to me about movies!" Mia yelled, angrily hanging up. Oh, whoops, she'd lost her temper. Oh well. The cellphone rang again. Mia growled and answered.

"Hi!" Jenna's chirpy voice exploded over the earpiece, causing Mia to wince. "Mia, I'm at a party. Do you want to come over?"

"How big is this party?" Mia asked suspiciously. Jenna had a strange idea of what parties were like.

"Oh, it's just me, Garet, Felix and Kay," Jenna answered. "We're at Garet's house. I think Felix just came to watch me and Garet. Overprotective older brothers are _so_ annoying." She let out a sigh.

"Doesn't sound like much of a party," Mia said, sounding slightly peevish. "It's two couples hanging out together."

"Oh, please!" Jenna cajoled. "I need someone to talk to about girl stuff. Kay's not all that interesting to chat to either. I want my best friend over there too."

Mia closed her eyes and silently counted to ten. Jenna would never give up. "Oh, okay. I'll drive over there then. Not doing anything here anyway."

"Yay! See you then!" Jenna said, before hanging up.

As Mia drove away toward Garet's house, the killer in the bushes watched on in astonishment. "H-hey," he said weakly. "I was going to kill you. Where are you going?"

Mia soon reached Garet's house and was practically ambushed by Jenna at the front door. "Hey, you're here! We're just about to watch some scary horror movies," Jenna said, dragging her into the living room. "You like horror movies, don't you?"

Mia fell down next to Felix on the floor, aghast. "Movies?"

"Jenna's obsessed with horror movies," Felix said tiredly, chewing popcorn.

"Yeah. I wanted to watch slushy romance movies," Kay said, looking slightly disappointed. "Jenna doesn't even live here. Why does she get to pick?"

"Because you don't argue with Jenna unless you have a death wish," Felix said.

"At least we aren't having a Return of Alex special," Mia said tiredly. "I am sick of those movies."

"Hey, you're not so bad in them," Garet said. "If you could just beat Alex up for once and not get kidnapped, it would be cool."

"Yeah. Hey, they should make a movie where Isaac gets kidnapped and I have to save him!" Mia said dramatically, punching the air.

"Isn't the company who makes the movies bankrupt yet?" Kay asked. "I expected them to be after the travesty that was Return of Alex XII."

"Movie. Now," Jenna said in a fierce voice, hitting Play on the VCR. "Now shush."

"What are we watching?" Garet whispered, snuggling up to her.

"Pengus and Pengulina: Killer Penguins of Doom," Jenna answered. "Those poor penguins. Put in the zoo and separated from each other by a wall, their grudge escapes the zoo and kills people in revenge. It's such a heartbreaking movie."

"How can you like that piece of crap?" Felix asked, sighing.

"Great," Kay muttered, leaning against Felix and closing her eyes. "Wake me up when it's over."

Mia's eyes glazed over as she watched the antics of evil penguins while Garet and Jenna made out with each other and Kay slumbered in Felix's arms. This was one of the dullest nights ever. If only it could get a little more exciting.

Kay stirred awake and looked around, feeling thirsty. "Garet, did you drink all the fizzy pop?" she asked, looking at her brother accusingly.

"There's more in the fridge," Garet mumbled, before re-attaching his lips to Jenna's.

Kay scowled and got up, walking toward the kitchen. When she entered, she saw a clown wearing a cloak and sitting on the fridge.

"Um, that's dangerous," Kay said. "What if the fridge falls over?"

The clown merely jumped off and stared at her.

"Uh... hey, what are you doing in my house?" Kay asked.

The clown did not say anything, he simply whipped out a giant flower and decapitated her. Then chuckling maniacally, he disappeared to another part of the house.

"Hmm, Kay's been gone a while," Felix said, half an hour later. "What's keeping her?"

"Maybe she just didn't feel like watching movies anymore," Mia said, yawning. "Sheesh, how long have those two been making out?"

"Oh, the movie's nearly over!" Jenna suddenly cried out, looking at the TV. "This is the saddest part. Pengus is killed and Pengulina is devastated by the loss of her love..."

"Can I pick after this?" Garet asked.

There was a sudden noise, startling everyone.

"What was that?" Jenna squeaked, quite creeped out after the antics of insane penguins.

"Maybe it was Kay?" Mia asked uncertainly.

"I'll go check it out," Felix said, walking out of the living room. Garet, Jenna and Mia waited with bated breath, anticipating his return. Then he came back, staggering and limping as he did so, and collapsed in a pool of blood. Garet cried out in shock and Mia went pale.

"Felix!" Jenna cried, rushing over to him and turning him over. "Oh no! He's been stabbed! Felix, talk to me! Are you alright?"

"Alright? He's covered in blood," Garet pointed out.

"I'll...live... I think..." Felix gasped out. "I got away before the clown... could finish me..."

"Clown?" Mia blinked.

"This is terrible!" Jenna cried, jumping to her feet. "Wait, does this mean..."

Mia stood up, her face masked in shadows. "There is a killer in the house."

Garet screamed.

"We have to find this killer!" Jenna declared. "Let's go!"

"Wait..." Felix gasped as they ran past him. "Help..."

"Here's the phone," Garet said, tossing him the handset. "Call an ambulance."

Felix sighed and tapped out the emergency number. They really cared, didn't they?

Garet and Jenna went through one door while Mia went through another. The clown leaped down in front of the couple and did a crazy dance.

"Wahh!" Jenna screamed, clinging onto Garet.

"The killer!" Garet cried.

"Run!" Jenna yelled.

The clown gave chase, pursuing Jenna and Garet back into the living room. Felix watched on incredulously. Why had they lured the killer back here where he was lying vulnerable and bleeding? How mean.

"Do something, Garet!" Jenna cried out, fending off the clown's knife with an empty bottle of pop.

"Ooh, I know! I saw this in a movie once!" Garet picked up the TV and threw it at the clown. Jenna and Felix watched on, aghast, as the TV exploded and the clown fell over dead with a TV on his head.

"What are you doing?" Jenna wailed.

"Oh man. My parents are going to kill me," Garet moaned. "Maybe if I blame it on Kay. Hey, wait a minute..."

"This ambulance can't come soon enough," Felix murmured, gazing at the handset.

"Your parents aren't going to think Kay's capable of throwing that!" Jenna shouted. "And that movie wasn't finished yet and... where is Kay then? Did the killer get her?"

"Hey, we haven't identified the killer yet," Garet said. "Aren't you supposed to do that in horror movies?"

"Yeah, that's weird," Jenna said. "Let's try and do it." They carefully moved the broken TV, revealing the burned, scarred face of what was clearly a hobo.

"A hobo?" Garet exclaimed.

"This is bad," Jenna whispered. "Maybe the hobo was actually a decoy."

"Meaning?" Felix asked.

"It's not the real killer!" Garet cried.

"Oh, great," Jenna said pensively. "The real killer might be after Mia."

Mia ran through the dark and scary corridors of Garet's house, wondering why they didn't just leave the lights on. As she came to the end of a hallway, she turned around and screamed as a clown burst out of a random room.

"Tell me what your favourite scary movie is!" shouted the clown, brandishing a big and dangerous looking knife.

"Oh, geez. You're worse than Jenna," Mia complained. "Why don't you just tell me who you are, what your motive is and try to kill me already?"

"Very well," said the clown, ripping off his mask.

"Kraden!" Mia gasped. The director of all those bad Return of Alex films was the killer? How could this be? "But... why?"

"More publicity for my films," Kraden announced. "The death of the main actress and the death of the character. Alex and Isaac will bond together, trying to seek revenge for their love, looking to find out who killed her and fighting for justice, punishing killers. A brand new series of films, Revenge of Alex... and Isaac. Yeah. That. Or something shorter. I don't know."

"Couldn't you just fire me?" Mia asked.

"No!" said Kraden. "The film will be shadowed by mystery as the media seeks to find out who killed you. Everybody will want to see the film, spurred on by all the news about your tragic and mysterious murder and once more, my many sequels of films will be popular."

"This is so lame," Mia moaned. "Weren't you kind of the bad guy in that Battle Royale parody too?"

HAIL KRADEN. HAIL KRADEN. THIS IS A SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE FROM A MEMBER OF THE TEMPLE OF KRADEN. NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLASPHEMOUS PARODY. HAIL KRADEN!

"You're right," Kraden said. "Why am I getting portrayed as a bad guy again? This is unfair!"

"Yes, very unfair," Mia said. "It's very unfortunate for you. I hate getting kidnapped all the time as well. Why can't there be a movie where Isaac gets kidnapped by Alex and I have to save him?"

Kraden stared at her, eyes glinting. "Yes... a good idea. Eureka! I'll make a film with Mia as the heroine! Everybody prepare for Return of Alex XXXV!" He danced off, cacklimg maniacally.

"But we haven't even filmed Return of Alex XXXIV yet..." Mia sighed. "Wait a minute, he stopped trying to kill me and left. How anticlimatic." She went downstairs to find Felix being loaded onto an ambulance, and Garet and Jenna freaking out about the fact Kay had been found decapitated. This really was not what she had in mind when she wished the evening would get more interesting before.

"Did you find the killer?" Jenna asked.

"Uh... no," Mia lied. "I didn't see anyone else."

"Oh... maybe it was the hobo then," Garet said. "How odd."

"We found Kay in the kitchen with her head cut off," Jenna whispered. "I don't know if I'll be able to watch another horror movie again."

"YES! THANK GOODNESS!" Mia cried. Garet threw her a hurt look. "Uh, I meant about Jenna not watching horror movies anymore."


	17. Chapter 17

**_Golden Insanity_**

_This fun chapter has a parody at the end. It doesn't really make sense unless you've read the fics I've referenced to, but it should still be amusing. I'm sorry to say that Mia acting whacked out like that in the end really has been done in a fic. I can't make it up._

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Isaac wandered around Vale, whistling a happy tune. It was a peaceful, beautiful day. The sky was clear with few clouds. Butterflies flitted around. What an absolutely perfect day it was turning out to be. In fact, Isaac felt as if nothing could possibly go wrong on this wonderful day. How wrong he was.

Because this day was about to be unlike any day he'd had before.

"Hi, Isaac!" Mia popped out from behind a tree, startling the Venus Adept out of his wits. Isaac nervously watched her as she walked up to him with a grin on her face. Something was odd about her, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. "Let's go on a date!" she suddenly cried, latching onto his arm.

"Uh... what?" Isaac slipped out of her grip quickly and backed away with wide eyes as Mia advanced on him. "What's gotten into you, Mia?"

"I want to go on a date," Mia said, pouting. "I love you, Isaac!" Her eyes began shining with a wild light as she advanced on him. "You love me too, don't you? You can't deny it!" Then she lunged. Isaac screamed and dodged. Mia hit the ground with a thud and stared at the ground beneath, quite dazed by the impact. Isaac wasted no time in running for dear life as Mia screamed his name, sounding quite mournful as she did so.

Just what was wrong with her? Isaac was quite disturbed. He came to a stop by a tree, gasping for breath. It wasn't that he didn't like Mia. It was just... when had she started being so forward? She'd never indicated she liked him either. What a mystery this was. Isaac straightened himself and leaned against the tree, sighing and trying to get back to enjoying this perfect day. Well, almost perfect...

Then Jenna appeared out of nowhere. Isaac froze, guardedly watching her as she walked up to him.

"Isaac!" Jenna said happily, glomping him. She didn't notice that he had stiffened as she squeezed him tightly and grinned, hearts flying above her head. "Omigosh! I have you all to myself! I'm so happy! Hey, Isaac, let's go and get married or something!"

Isaac shakily pointed in a random direction as Jenna mauled him. "Look, a flying hippo!"

Jenna let go and turned around to see this apparent flying hippo. She frowned, looking quite confused when she didn't see it. "Hey, Isaac, I don't see the hippo. Where is it?" She slowly turned back to see that Isaac was gone. Jenna gasped and fell to her knees, then raised her head to the sky. "Nooooooo!"

As Isaac found himself a new hiding place, he decided something was in fact very wrong. Jenna and Mia were suddenly head over heels for him, something which made little sense at all. Maybe this was some sort of practical joke they were both in on. He nodded and took a deep breath, deciding he liked that idea very much. It was simply a prank the two of them were playing on him. Isaac nervously peeped out from behind the hedge that acted as his hiding place, making sure Jenna or Mia had not caught up.

"Isaac!" Sheba leaped out from the other side of the hedge, almost frightening him to death. Unaware that she'd just terrified him, she smiled. "What are you doing there?"

"H-hiding," Isaac gasped out, recovering from the shock. "Jenna and Mia have gone insane. I'm hiding from them."

"That's good," Sheba said. Isaac frowned. "You don't need them after all."

Isaac's insides turned to ice and he slowly began to rise.

"Because you have me!" Sheba grinned.

"Waaaaaahhhhhh!!!" Isaac was already running for dear life toward the plaza. Maybe he was just going to run out of Vale altogether. Anything to get away from those crazed girls. Sheba was in on it too, wasn't she? It was one, big, awful practical joke that he didn't find funny in the least.

He was about to run right through the gate. However, something stopped him.

It was Feizhi, standing there. Isaac was quite confused about why some random girl he had briefly met on his journey was standing there at the gate. He was also quite frightened by her sparkling eyes.

"Isaac..." Feizhi said, walking toward him. "It is you, isn't it?"

"N-no," Isaac lied. "I'm his twin brother... Issac. It's spelt with two S's, you see, so don't get confused. Goodness knows, my name is spelled like that often enough, we might be the same person!"

"No... I can tell... it really is you, Isaac," Feizhi whispered, suddenly clutching him. "I knew I would find you eventually, after months of searching. My love for you shone like a beacon, guiding me to this very place. We were destined to meet."

"Gah!" Isaac wrenched himself out of her grip and started running again, feeling quite perturbed. This was beginning to look even less like a practical joke. How could some random girl living miles away be in on it? What if it was true... if they were all in love with him somehow?

Isaac ran all the way to his house, prepared to hide in his bedroom for eternity. Except for a single problem. There was already someone in his bedroom.

"What are you doing here?" Isaac cried out, staring in disbelief at Kay who sat on his bed.

"I love you!" Kay yelled, getting off the bed and running at him. Isaac leaped aside and she crashed into the wall, falling down unconscious.

"Okay," Isaac said, shuddering as he backed out of his room. "This is definitely not normal. I'm out of here!"

Where could Isaac possibly go that was safe? He decided to try Kraden's cottage. Nobody ever went there for fear Kraden would pop out and start rambling about something, which most of Vale intensely feared. Kraden's lectures were a mighty force indeed. Isaac quietly crept behind the cottage and sat down, sighing in relief. He truly believed that he was safe now.

How so very wrong he was.

For at that point, two pairs of hands burst from the ground. Isaac froze, staring in horror as arms followed the hands, then heads and bodies. Two people were coming out of the ground and were quite obviously dead. Even worse, he knew who they were.

For some inexplicable reason, Menardi and Karst had been resurrected as zombies. Perhaps they had come for revenge. Isaac got to his feet, shuddering in terror as the two zombies turned to look at him. How was this even possible? Why just those two anyway? What about Saturos and Agatio?

"Isaac! My love!" Menardi cried, reaching for him with bony, shrivelled hands.

"Isaac, I came back for you!" Karst exclaimed. She began to lurch toward him.

"Back off, he's mine!" Menardi shouted, turning to look at her sister.

"What? You're too old for him!" Karst yelled.

Isaac silently sighed in relief as the zombies began scrapping then ran for dear life. This was just unbelievable.

Who could possibly behind something strange and absurd as this? There was only one person... or, rock, capable of this.

"Wise One!" Isaac shouted, finding the rock sleeping in a tree. "This is all your doing, isn't it?"

"Yes," answered the Wise One. "You see, the endless shipping wars have been maddening as well as frustrating, so I found a solution to them. You have... everyone! No more bickering about Valeshipping or Mudshipping or some random shipping name I can't be bothered to remember."

Isaac stared blankly at him, then exhaled heavily. "I see... but don't you think you went a bit overboard?"

"Oh? How so?" enquired the rocky eyeball.

"Kay? Menardi? Karst?" Isaac spluttered. "Are you off your rocker?"

"Maybe," the Wise One said, before cackling evilly and disappearing.

Isaac moaned and started walking away, feeling quite glum. Now that all those girls were in love with him, what was he supposed to do? The Wise One didn't seem to be planning to undo his magic. He was surely one unfortunate, doomed Venus Adept.

"ISAAC!!!"

Isaac turned and screamed as Mia, Jenna, Sheba, Feizhi, Kay, Menardi and Karst flew at him and then landed on top of him in a huge pile.

As Isaac frantically struggled to escape, the Wise One floated around somewhere, whistling a happy tune. Until a rock hit him. It didn't hurt much, but he noticed it. The Wise One turned to see a bunch of slash fangirls booing him. The rocky eyeball sighed in frustration and resisted the urge to maim them all. He was trying to stop arguments after all, in a pretty strange way.

Isaac was now running for dear life after his escape. He managed to find a nice little hiding place behind a tree. Well, it wasn't the best hiding place, but it would have to do. The girls stampeded past, screaming his name as they did so. Isaac closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief. When he next opened them, he saw Garet, Ivan, Felix, Piers, Alex, Saturos and Agatio (the last two were naturally zombies) standing in a row and staring at him.

"Oh, hell. _No!_" Isaac screamed, breaking into a run. The lovestruck guys immediately pursued him through Vale. The girls heard the commotion and of course joined in the chase. Isaac later escaped to Tundaria somehow and hid there.

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-----DEUX---------  
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Commercials, Golden Sun style!

**Lighthouse Tours**

Ever wished to cross the vast pools of Mercury Lighthouse? Run along the sandfalls in Venus Lighthouse? Perhaps you have wished to risk being struck by lightning and thrown by whirlwinds in Jupiter Lighthouse or being burned to a crisp in Mars Lighthouse?

Well, fear not. Now your dream can come true. You will be escorted to Weyard and choose to go to the lighthouse of your dreams, with an Adept of your choice. Just make sure they are the right element.

We do not hold ourselves responsible for any injuries that may be caused, or in worse cases, death. Yes. You could die. If you're interested, call 555-WEYARD now!

**Works by the Adepts**

Ever wanted to read a literary piece composed by one of the eight Adepts? Well, now you can, as they have all joined in to write up their own individual pieces to raise money for some random charity. Yes, this is the best excuse we could come up with.

_Why Me?_ is a brilliantly emotional autobiography by Felix chronicling his life from the age of 15, with lamentations about the many hardships he has endured, as well as some angsty poetry as an added bonus.

_Ghei Pr0n_ is an erotica novel by Jenna, containing the steamy romance of a male pair who cannot wait to get their pants off. She claims that Robin and Gerald are entirely fictional and any resemblances to real people, alive or dead, is a coincidence, but upon researching the Japanese version of the games, we have realised she is lying. If you like cheap smut and a lack of plot, this is the book for you.

_Knit That Scarf_ is a detailed guidebook on how to knit by Isaac, who says that everybody should be able to make their own wonderful scarves, because he is deeply attached to his own. We don't recommend getting this unless you love scarves or only wish to knit scarves.

_Best Plases too Eet in Wayurd_ is an atrocious guide on places to eat, written by Garet. His spelling is not so good and this book may prove difficult to read, but if you want to know where to dine in Weyard, this may be the thing for you. In the meantime, we have fired the lazy proofreaders.

_A Tender Kiss_ Are sappy, mushy romances your thing? Unlike Jenna's awful erotica, this is sappy and full to the brim with angsty romance and even more romance and contrived plot devices. A rather epic work by Mia chronicling the troubling love of two people head over heels for each other and being disgustingly sappy in the process.

_A World of Grey _A frighteningly dystopian view of Weyard in the future. Wartorn by the effect of Alchemy, watched over by people struggling not to let the greed for power consume mankind, people are contained, only able to watch the world change before their eyes. A strangely disturbing piece of writing by Ivan that will give you the chills.

_The Goddess of Lalivero_ Yet another autobiographical work in which Sheba claims to be the Goddess of Lalivero and goes on about her life in Lalivero. Truly, she comes across as a diva as well as a Mary Sue. Stay away from this sickening book, we beg you.

_Lemuria_ is an overly descriptive, bland and frustratingly long piece of work about Lemuria. It is clear Piers has far too much time on his hands. If you're having trouble going to sleep at night, try this book.

**Golden Sun 3**

Golden Sun 3 has just been announced! That's right, a sequel is finally being released on the Nintendo DS after many years of waiting for a sequel to the popular Game Boy Advance series, Golden Sun!

It will be called Golden Sun 3: Alex's Revenge, involving a super unique, never thought of before plot which involves Alex pursuing Isaac for the power he wants! It took the Camelot team many years to think of something as amazing and original as this, even the fandom is surprised because they had never thought of this before. Which is odd, because you would think there would be bazillions of fanfiction following the exact same plot.

Hang on... ... we're back now, and we've been told to quit being sarcastic because it is annoying. We apologise. So what can we expect from GS3: Alex's Revenge?

The game will not be set on Weyard. It will span the mysterious city of Anemos and what lies beyond Gaia Falls. There will also be over 10 new kinds of Adepts and elements. Can you figure out what they are before the game comes out? Why there will suddenly be new elements and Adepts nobody has heard of before, we're not sure. It's also been hinted that new Adepts and new elements means new lighthouses.

Camelot has also promised an even more vast sea to sail, since they know everyone loved the sailing feature in Golden Sun: The Lost Age, and have promised that this new area will be at least five times larger. There will also be at least thirty dungeons to explore, more than half of which you will have to go through before the plot actually commences. Sounds like fun!

Wait, there's even more. 72 Djinn weren't enough for you, were they? Apparently, after an event occurs in a place named, wait for it, LUNA SANCTUM, over 150 Djinn will be released for you to track down and recruit. Gotta Catch 'Em All!

... Excuse us again. We're currently in the process of being sued. But we can tell you one more thing. Golden Sun 3: Alex's Revenge will be released some time in 2014! Pre-order it in stores soon!

**Camelot's future games**

Bored of waiting for Golden Sun 3? Well, Camelot has got a great line up of games to keep us entertained while we are waiting for their new DS game and wondering whatever happened to that rumoured Wii RPG.

First up is... _Mario does the laundry_. What, were you expecting more Golden Sun games? Anyway, Mario must rush to the Launderette every morning to wash clothes and get back in time for lunch! On his way, he will have to deal with rogue Koopas and Goombas, who are determined to see that he will never have sparkling clean clothes! See it on the Wii soon!

If that hasn't whetted your appetite, how about _Mario Spring cleans_? Swing the Wiimote and twist your wrist to clean those pesky corners on this exciting game for the Wii. Whatever else will Camelot think up?

_Mario mows the lawn_ of course! A high speed action adventure with Mario, a lawnmower and a very messy lawn. Look out for those flytraps as you mow! Try not to hit the flowers that have eyes, they have feelings too!

Last, but not least, Camelot will release _Mario watches paint dry_. Slosh paint onto a wall and time how long it takes to dry while Mario stares blankly at it. Different types of paint will dry at different rates! Once you've watched it dry a certain amount of times, you can go out to Mushroom Kingdom's paint shop and buy more paint at higher prices, using money earned by watching the paint dry! And yes, the paint dries in real-time!

In the meantime, angry Golden Sun fans are rioting outside Camelot offices. If you can afford it, fly to Japan and join them!

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------TROIS--------  
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**Special Feature Story**

_Oinuki Neko_

Felix sat up in bed, feeling quite tired and sleepy. He glanced at his bedside clock, seeing that it read 10:00 am. Well, that was just annoying. How could he feel like this at 10am? It was an injustice! As Felix mentally lamented, he proceeded to get dressed and go downstairs to face the inevitable day of surprises. His first surprise was just about to come and then he would wish he hadn't even woken up.

"Good morning," Felix announced in a tired voice, standing at the door to the kitchen and tiredly looking around. Jenna sat at the table staring at Skittles with a dreamy expression and Alex stood next to the chair, gazing in exasperation at her. Neither of them seemed to have noticed Felix. He wondered where Sheba was. Normally she was around at this time. Well, perhaps she had gone outside or something, it wasn't that unusual.

"Jenna," Alex said in a loud voice. Jenna didn't even seem to notice him talking as she continued to gaze intently at the kitten. Alex took a deep breath and pulled a small box out of his pocket. Felix's eyes widened as he watched the horrifying scene. Surely, it couldn't be... "I love you," Alex said, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I have a very important question to ask."

Jenna was still sighing and smiling as well as occasionally petting Skittles on the head, even as Alex fell to his knee and held out the now opened box, revealing a shiny diamond ring. She didn't even seem to hear Alex asking, "Will you marry me?"

Felix fainted right then, crashing to the floor. He didn't know how long he was out for, but when he awoke, he had a brand new bump on his head. His first thought was to beat Alex to a pulp. As he got to his feet, he didn't notice that Jenna was still staring at the kitten and Alex was back on his feet, looking like he was about to cry. In fact, he simply rushed across the kitchen, pinned Alex to the wall and yelled a load of verbal threats as well as some curse words into Alex's face.

Eventually, Felix managed to calm down and looked at Alex's terrified expression. Maybe he'd gone a little too far with the threats. Whoops. He decided to ask the question he dreaded the answer to. "So, Alex... what was her response? I kind of fainted..."

Alex looked down at his feet, looking even more upset. "Jenna didn't say a thing. She didn't even seem to notice I'd asked her to marry me."

Felix silently thanked the gods, then turned to look at Jenna, who was of course staring at Skittles and now whispering endearments under her breath. Wait, the cat was on the table? What was it doing up there? "Jenna, get that cat off the table! We eat from there!"

Jenna just sighed and mumbled, "I love you, Skitty." before stroking the kitten yet again.

"I think something's wrong with her," Alex suggested. "Let's get that cat away." He walked over to pick up Skittles, only to get blasted with a million megawatts of cuteness from the cat's eyes. Alex sighed and fell to his knees, caught in its trap. Jenna still hadn't snapped out of her reverie, even though the kitten was now out of her sight.

"This entire house has gone insane!" Felix exclaimed, before walking out of the house in annoyance. He decided he would go and eat breakfast somewhere else. Why the heck was everyone obsessed with kittens lately? If he found Sheba somewhere, feeding stray kittens or something, he was quite sure he would go insane too. Of course, there was no sight of Sheba. Felix decided to go over to Isaac's place.

"You're serious?" Isaac asked, sitting at the table and looking quite disbelieving while Felix stole one of his croissants and ate hungrily. "Alex and Jenna are completely obsessed with the cat?"

"Well, Alex isn't as bad as Jenna... yet," Felix said sourly. "He even asked Jenna to marry him this morning. Jenna didn't even seem to notice. She's ignoring us. Then Alex started staring at that damn kitten too. I just don't get it."

"Hmm... Mia found a stray kitten yesterday evening," Isaac said thoughtfully. "She wanted to keep it immediately. Actually, I haven't seen her since then, she was kind of focused on worrying about it. But what if..."

"What was she like around it?" Felix asked.

"Well, she started calling it silly names," Isaac said. "And talking to it. I think she talked to it more than me before I left. She couldn't even put the thing down for one second."

"I think I smell a conspiracy," Felix muttered.

"Oh no..." Isaac groaned. "We only thwarted some evil clone's plot for world domination yesterday! Can't we ever get a break?"

"You think this is another world domination plot?" Felix looked absolutely stupefied. He hadn't been thinking that way at all.

"Isn't it obvious?" Isaac said, his eyes narrowing. "The kittens are brainwashing people to pay attention to them so that cats can take over the world."

Felix gaped at him, his face paling. "You... think so?"

Isaac suddenly burst out laughing and slapped the table. "I was only ki-" Before he could finish his sentence, a cat popped out of nowhere and whipped out a gas can, spraying them with it. However, instead of being knocked unconscious, the two just laughed in unison.

"Oh, darn it!" the cat yelled. "This was laughing gas, not sleeping gas!"

"Look, a talking cat." Felix pointed and laughed hysterically.

"I know," Isaac gasped out between chuckles. "How weird is that?"

"That is weird..." Felix struggled to stop laughing and stared at the petrified cat. "Wait a minute, cats aren't supposed to talk!"

"Um, duh," Isaac said, grinning. "Maybe it's all a dream. Heh. Why are you in my dream anyway?"

Felix ignored the deluded Isaac who was apparently quite weak to laughing gas and grabbed the cat by the scruff. "Talk."

"I'll talk, I'll talk!" the cat screamed. "We're working for an evil cat named Mittens who is attempting to take over the world. He's sent out minions to brainwash the humans so that they will be completely obsessed with cats and then Mittens will be easily able to take over."

"That's a pretty lame plot," Felix said. "Can't anybody come up with a decent plot that makes _sense_? And why can you even talk?"

"I... don't know," replied the cat. "But... Mittens has a great army already. You won't be able to stop his grand plan to take over the world. Too long have cats been ignored, nobody realising the intelligence we all possess! Now that intelligence is being put to good use."

"Tell me where this Mittens is," demanded Felix.

"No."

"I have a very deep bathtub," Isaac said, having recovered from the laughing gas. "You don't want a bath, do you?"

"Nooooo!" screamed the cat. He promptly told them everything they needed to know, such was his fear of water. So, now that they knew where Mittens was and assuming that he would also be weak to water, Isaac and Felix set off out of the house.

"So, I figure we need super soaker pistols," Isaac said. "A hose would probably be too difficult."

"You go buy them," Felix said. "I'll attempt to rescue Alex and Jenna from the influence of that kitten."

Felix was certainly not surprised when he came home to find Alex and Jenna staring at Skittles, who was annoyingly enough back on the table.

"Un-brainwash them, right now," Felix said, looming over the kitten. "And get off that table!"

"Meow?" Skittles looked very cutely at him.

Suddenly, all the windows exploded and hundreds of kitties came streaming into the room. It was at that moment, Felix realised it probably hadn't been a good idea to leave that cat alone in Isaac's house. He quickly grabbed Jenna, who was miraculously somehow able to walk despite her brainwashing.

"Run!" Felix exclaimed, pulling her along as the kitties started mauling Alex and tying him up in yarn.

"Wait, where are we running?" Jenna exclaimed, snapping out of the brainwashing effect. She heard the frantic meowing and hissing behind her. "Uh... are there a hundred angry cats in our house?"

"Pretty much," Felix replied, as the two escaped out the back door. They sneaked around to see Alex being dragged across the street by a horde of kitties. "Oh. I guess Alex couldn't get away quickly enough."

"Oh no! Alex!" Jenna cried out. "Wait... is Skittles in danger? We've got to go back for him!"

"We can't right now. He'll be fine," Felix said, not quite willing to tell Jenna her new kitten was involved in a plot to take over the world just yet. "Anyway, we've got to go and find Isaac. He's buying super soaker pistols."

Jenna looked quite confused as she followed him along the street. "Uh... am I meant to understand what's going on?"

"You'll need to see it to believe it," Felix said tiredly. "Because it's just unbelievable."

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-----QUATRE------  
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Once again, Alex had survived the collapse of Mt. Aleph and was devising a grand plan to go after Isaac as usual. He was tired of behaving like this, but the voices in his head and most of the fandom told him he had to keep doing it.

So, he decided he needed a lackey. Of course. Because Alex never does anything. That is his number one rule. Somehow, he was able to call up someone from Earth. We won't bother explaining how.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Norris," Alex said, holding his hand out to shake. Chuck Norris seized his hand, crushing it as he shook, causing Alex to scream in agony as every single bone in the hand was shattered.

"So, what do you want me to do?" Chuck Norris asked, flexing his muscles as Alex whimpered and frantically cast Pure Ply upon his injured hand.

"Go... get... Isaac," Alex gasped out. "Beat him up. I want him alive. Argh, my hand hurts." He fell to his knees, crying bitter tears. Truly, he was in sheer agony from the force Chuck Norris had destroyed his hand with.

"What does this Isaac look like?" Chuck Norris asked.

"He travels in a group of eight warriors," Alex said, before fainting.

Well, that was all the information Chuck Norris needed, for some reason. He tore off, running across the landscape with great strides, and soon found them residing in a village named Vale. Chuck Norris quickly clambered up a tree before they could see him. He wanted to make a dramatic entrance after all.

The Adepts were quite startled as a man leaped out of a tree and crashed into the ground, creating a mile wide crater and destroying half of Vale in the process. This annoyed some of them greatly since the village had just been rebuilt.

"I am Chuck Norris!" Chuck Norris said, walking out of the crater and looking absolutely imposing. "Tell me, which one of you is the warrior named Isaac?"

"Why do you want to know?" Isaac asked guardedly.

"It's quite simple. A man named Alex asked me to find him and beat him to a pulp," replied Chuck Norris. "Wants him alive. So, will you tell me who Isaac is, or will I have to destroy you all?" He promptly flexed his muscles.

The Adepts knew danger when they saw it. This called for an emergency. Clearly, Chuck Norris was a foe too powerful for the likes of them. They needed to call on the most powerful being in this time of need.

"Earth!" Isaac and Felix shouted.

"Fire!" Garet and Jenna chimed in.

"Wind!" Ivan and Sheba cried out.

"Water!" Mia and Piers yelled.

"Heart!" Kraden shouted, leaping in. He was wearing a spandex outfit with a cape fluttering from his back.

"GO, KRADEN!" yelled the Adepts.

Chuck Norris narrowed his eyes as he stared at Kraden, who faced against him. He gritted his teeth, sensing that he might just have met his match. No! Impossible! How could this old man possibly be...

The Adepts quickly ran away to make space as Kraden and Chuck Norris began to do battle. It was a climactic, powerful battle that created craters everywhere. Stuff exploded and houses went flying. Fierce kicks and punches were exchanged.

Near the end of the battle, five minutes later, Chuck Norris was clearly losing. All his teeth were gone, he was covered in blood and a few bones had been broken. Kraden, on the other hand, had no injuries. In a stunning move, Kraden ended the battle by using his little finger to send Chuck Norris flying into a mountain.

Alex was absolutely horrified to hear how it had ended. So he went off to sulk and wonder how it had even been possible. Chuck Norris was supposed to be the most powerful being on Earth! And that old man made him seem about as strong as a fly!

In the meantime, while Alex sulked, the Adepts rested in Vault, trying not to think about the fact Vale would need to be rebuilt. Again.

Isaac and Mia stood by a glimmering lake, paying no heed to the fact there shouldn't be a lake there, with their hands clasped as they gazed into each others eyes. Truly, they were very much in love.

"Isaac," Mia said in a soft voice, "I feel as if it is you who keeps me alive. Your love is what keeps my life force going. I couldn't go on through life if we were even a mile apart. I need you by my side to go on because I love you with all my heart."

"Mia, that was so beautiful and romantic, I can't even begin to wonder about your sanity," Isaac murmured. "Now let me say something equally as lame and sappy. Mia, I love you so much that you make me feel as if I am reborn every time I see you. Truly, we were fated to be together by the stars themselves and we will always be together."

"Oh, Isaac," Mia moaned, leaning in for a kiss. "Let us never be apart, so that we can keep saying disgustingly sappy things to each other. Being with you is like a wonderful, amazing dream. I honestly wish it would never end.

"But this is not a dream, Mia," Isaac reminded her. "I just want to tell you, you are the most amazing and wonderful thing that has ever happened to me."

Isaac and Mia melted together in a soft, passionate, warm and loving embrace by the glimmering lake, not hearing Garet vomiting nearby. He'd just had the misfortune of hearing their nonsensical, sappy talking.

Then, amazingly, Isaac and Mia parted their lips and went their separate ways into Vault. The plot needed to progress after all.

Mia wandered by herself in the inn, sighing as she thought about Isaac. She thought about nothing but Isaac. As she wandered through the lonely hallway, thinking about Isaac all the while, Jenna suddenly blocked her way, jumping out of a random room.

"Hi, Mia!" Jenna said in a chirpy voice, smiling widely.

"Uh... hi, Jenna," Mia said. "What's up?"

"I'm just going to act out of character for a moment," Jenna said, looking serious. "You don't mind if I suddenly transform into a total bitch, do you?"

Mia was about to say she did mind when Jenna suddenly punched her in the nose and went on a long rant about how she should just stay away from Isaac and insulted Mia for no apparent reason. Jenna then bitched some more about the destruction of Vale and how PMS was a bitch, then skipped away whistling Dixie with a cheerful expression on her face.

Mia rubbed her bleeding nose and cast Ply, wondering what was wrong with Jenna, then ran crying to Isaac and claimed that the weather was making her emo. Isaac of course believed her because he was an idiot. He was quite surprised when he came up to his room later to find a letter from her.

"Dear Isaac," said the letter. "I am leaving for a while because our love is too powerful. I feel like it could destroy the entire world. I am completely serious about this. Please do not come after me. Mia."

It was at that moment Isaac considered that there might be something wrong with Mia. "Maybe I should hire a shrink," he said thoughtfully.

Mia, in the meantime, hadn't run all that far. She was just being a drama queen and was now hiding behind a random house in Vault. Isaac decided to be all dramatic and wangsted at Garet about how Mia had run away. Garet, for no reason, asked Jenna if she knew anything and Jenna started a huge sobfest about how it was all her fault.

"I can't believe you!" Garet yelled. He proceeded to yell about how stupid she had been, how mad he was, how hurt Isaac was, blah blah. Jenna was quite surprised that one of her closest friends was yelling at her while she was so upset and even crying, but her surprise quickly gave way to fury and she set Garet's hair on fire. Garet ran around Vault screaming.

Jenna wandered around Vault, feeling quite sulky. Garet had stolen her out of character act. That annoyed her greatly. Suddenly, Mia leaped out from behind a building.

"Hi, Jenna," Mia said. "I'm hungry. Would you like to come to my cave for dinner?"

"You have a cave?" Jenna asked in amazement.

"Uh... yes!" Mia said, smiling nervously. "Doesn't everyone?"

"What are you up to, Mia?" Jenna asked suspiciously, crossing her arms.

"I just think you'd go great with mayonnaise," Mia said, sighing. "Never mind." Jenna stared blankly at her. "Okay, here's the truth. I suddenly and inexplicably turned into a cannibalistic serial killer."

Jenna continued to stare blankly at her. "You're joking, right?"

"Stay away from Isaac or else I'll eat you all up!" Mia shouted, waving a mace above her head. Jenna sighed and went to tell Isaac to get a damn shrink already as Mia burst out into maniacal laughter and completely and utterly stole Jenna's OOC act and made it ten times worse.

In the meantime Alex decided he was fed up with plans and going after Alchemy so he baked cookies instead. Isaac found a shrink for Mia who restored her to normal, so everything pretty much worked out in the end.


	18. Chapter 18

**_Golden Insanity_**

_Writer's block is evil... finally managed to put a chapter together. Enjoy!_

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-----UNO----------  
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It was never a good idea to leave a ship simply drifting on the sea and not have someone looking out. The Adepts had just made this grievous error, and were playing in the futuristic basement of the ship, not caring that they were surrounded by technology not of this world simply to make the random skit work. Anyway, while they were entertaining themselves, their ship was exposed to dangers...

Such as pirates.

Or even worse...

Evil jellyfish attempting to take over the world.

A giant jellyfish crawled up over the side of the ship and plopped onto the deck, his small minions following. The jellyfish glanced around and burst into maniacal laughter. "This is perfect! Using this ship, I, Emperor Jellyfish the First, shall take over the world!"

"You're an emperor?" squeaked a small jellyfish.

"I will be soon!" snapped the Emperor to be, whacking his minion on the head with a tentacle.

"But how are we going to take over the world?" asked another jellyfish. "This makes no sense!"

"Stop asking questions!" snapped Emperor Jellyfish, slithering over to the door to the cabin. "At last, power is within my grasp..." He pushed at the door, which staunchly refused to budge. "Aw, crap."

"Should we go find another ship?" asked yet another jellyfish.

Emperor Jellyfish fumed. "No! We will not give up now!" He then burst out into maniacal laughter. "Jellyfish! Start wreaking havoc and make noise and stuff!" As his jellyfish minions got to work, he found a shiny button by the door and pressed it. A part of the wood slid away to reveal a screen.

Meanwhile, the Adepts had been blissfully unaware of the jellyfish attempting to overtake their ship. Until now. When strange sounds came from above and the ship began rocking wildly.

"What happen?" Ivan cried.

"Somebody set up us the bomb!" Piers shouted, falling over.

Then a giant screen on the wall flickered into life, emitting a buzzing noise.

"We get signal," Jenna said, pointing at the screen.

"What!" Felix exclaimed.

"Main screen turn on," said Isaac, pushing a button. A giant jellyfish appeared on the screen.

"It's you!" shouted Sheba.

"How are you gentlemen!" asked Emperor Jellyfish the First, ignoring the fact that there were three females in the room. "All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction."

"What you say!" Garet cried angrily.

"You have no chance to survive, make your time," taunted the giant jellyfish. "Ha Ha Ha Ha..."

"Captain!" Mia threw a desperate look at Piers, who was rubbing a giant bump on his head and looking very confused. Wait, he was the captain of the ship? Oh yeah...

"Take off every 'Zig'!" Piers demanded, striking a pose. "You know what you doing. Move 'Zig'. For great justice."

Then the showdown between the Adepts and the jellyfish army began.

And then... Garet woke up, feeling quite sick and bewildered, and wished he hadn't tried eating that jellyfish that landed on the ship last night.

---------------------  
---------------------  
-------DOS---------  
---------------------  
---------------------

In the bustling city known as Anemos, or the moon to Weyardians, the Balloon Festival was well underway. It was unknown why the Anemosians liked balloons so much, they just did. During this particular festival, a terrible event happened that made the people rethink having Balloon Festivals. Especially since they involved helium balloons. Helium balloons were just far more interesting than ordinary old balloons.

"Darling, are you sure you should be tying all those balloons to the baby?" a man asked concernedly, as his wife tied many helium balloons around their year old infant. The small girl smiled and reached for the balloons.

"Oh, but she likes it!" exclaimed the woman, smiling and rubbing the girl's head of blonde hair. "Look at how she's trying to catch the balloons. Here, give me those balloons."

"But..." the man broke off, realising there was little point in arguing. His wife had a habit of getting her way when she wanted to, and anyway, what was the worst that could possibly happen? So he handed them over and watched as the woman swiftly tied even more balloons around the baby's limbs. Now she was tied up everywhere.

"Ahh," said the woman, stepping back and smiling at her child.

Suddenly, a gust of wind blew, snatching up the helium filled balloons and then the baby began to float away on the wind.

"No!" screamed the parents, as the Anemosians gazed in rapture.

"Look, Mommy, a flying baby!" a young boy exclaimed, poking his mother who was more interested in eating food and not paying attention.

"That's nice, dear," the mother murmured, biting into a leg of chicken.

The parents could only watch in horror as their daughter disappeared into space. Somehow, the baby girl evaded freezing or suffocating in space, and even when she somehow got through Weyard's atmosphere, she didn't burn up. As the strange phenomenon floated below the clouds, she bumped into a bird.

The bird was quite annoyed, so it pecked one of the balloons. It found that it liked pecking balloons, so as the baby drifted down in the direction of Lalivero, the insane bird continued pecking the balloons like mad. Eventually, all the helium made it dizzy and it fainted. Meanwhile, the baby was plummeting rapidly down to Lalivero, much to the astonishment of onlookers, as all her balloons had been popped.

Then she hit the ground with a bloody splat. Or she should have, but she didn't, because videogame logic wanted her to live. So she simply hit the ground, was adopted by Faran, and from that moment, Sheba was doomed to wonder where she had come from and never figure it out because Camelot hated her. Or something.

And Anemos never bothered with a Balloon Festival again.

---------------------  
---------------------  
-----TRES----------  
---------------------  
---------------------

**Special Feature Story**

_Oinuki Neko_

"Did you get them?" Felix asked anxiously upon meeting up with Isaac. Isaac proudly held up the super soakers. "Great, let's go straight away."

"Uh..." Isaac hesitated. "We can't do that yet..."

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Jenna yelled, her temper rising to new peaks. She could barely remember what happened this morning, Alex had been dragged away by a horde of angry cats and she hadn't been able to take Skittles with her for some reason. Nothing was making any sense and this was annoying her intensely.

"What? Why not?" Felix exclaimed. "We have to stop those cats from taking over the world and save Alex again and-"

"We need to _fill them first_," Isaac stressed, brandishing the empty super soakers. Felix stared at him, then crashed to the ground.

"Cats taking over the world?" Jenna asked in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"L-let's... go see Mia..." Felix said, weakly pulling himself up and throwing Isaac a dirty look for making him look like an idiot. Not that anybody cared anyway.

"It's simple really," Isaac said to Jenna as the three walked to Mia's house. "There are talking cats out there brainwashing people so that they will be completely obsessed with their cats, pay no attention to anything else, and the cats will be able to take over the world. It makes no sense whatsoever, but it's true."

"Oh, I see," Jenna murmured, still looking perplexed at the strangeness of this ludicrous plan. Then she gasped. "Wait... then Skittles... was one of them?"

"Unless you just really, really like cats, yeah," Felix said, as they walked up the path to Mia's residence. "You weren't paying attention to much else."

"Aw, jeez!" Jenna sighed, standing still as Isaac knocked on Mia's front door. "First my boyfriend is kidnapped and cloned, then I find out my new kitten is part of some world domination plot. And Alex's been kidnapped again... this sucks."

"She's not answering," Isaac fretted, knocking and ringing the doorbell frantically. "Maybe she's gone out."

"Or she's staring at a cat..." Felix said.

"... That too," Isaac sighed, pushing open the door. The trio invaded Mia's house and found her in the kitchen, staring at a cat. She didn't even seem to notice that she had visitors as she patted the kitten's head and cooed at it.

"Mia?" Jenna poked her. "Mia! Hey, Mia? Quit ignoring me! Jeez, what is up with you?"

"This is so ironic," Felix muttered under his breath.

In a swift motion, Isaac grabbed the cat and threw it through an open window. The cat yowled before thudding on the ground below and ran off screeching angrily. Jenna turned to give Isaac a glare.

"That's animal abuse!" Jenna scolded.

"Fine, let's just sit back and let them take over the world then," Isaac suggested. Jenna frowned, then let out an exasperated sigh, apparently relenting.

"Huh... what's happening?" Mia blinked and shook her head, feeling quite dazed.

"You got brainwashed by a cat," Isaac replied. Mia looked at him as if he was insane. "It's true. Really."

"We need you to help us refill our super soaker pistols," Felix said. "We've got plenty."

"In fact, we're on a quest to stop the cats from taking over the world... I think," Jenna explained.

Mia stared at them, wondering whether she should believe them or not, then realised this couldn't be any stranger than evil clones or gene splicing experiments going horribly wrong. So of course, she had no choice but to believe them, and the four set off on the great quest to stop cats from taking over the world. It was simple enough. Fighting off cats in their path, they would head to Mittens's lair and put an end to the kitty's plans for world domination.

Soon enough they were outside of Vale and came to a stop in front of a dark and creepy looking forest. Jenna and Mia cringed at the sight in front of them. Even Felix seemed a bit put out. Isaac shook his head and sighed.

"I know it looks scary," Isaac said, swearing he could hear a bat screeching in there. "But that kitty told us Mittens's lair was deep within these haunted woods. After all, who would come in here and stumble upon a cat plotting to take over the world? It's safe for them."

"Haunted? Yeah right!" Jenna exclaimed. "There's no such thing as ghosts. It just looks creepy, that's all."

"But what about all those stories?" Felix asked nervously, as everyone stepped into the dark and scary forest. "You know, they say that anybody who goes into these forests never come back out..."

"Rubbish," Jenna argued. "They just make stuff up to scare us."

"But what about all the people who really went missing-" Isaac broke off, as Mia began to growl.

"Do you want to go stop this world domination plot or not?" Mia yelled.

"Of course..." Felix squeaked nervously.

"Well, let's go then!" Jenna exclaimed, running off along the path. Everyone else followed at a somewhat slower place, warily looking around the creepy forest as they continued along the linear path that should hopefully lead to the lair of the kitty plotting world domination.

Five minutes later, the walk came to a screeching halt as the group found something rather disturbing lying in their way.

"Aaaah! Bodies!" Jenna screamed, running and hiding behind Felix.

"Then... the story was true?" Mia backed away, looking horrified.

"Jenna, calm down," Felix gasped out, as Jenna's arms squeezed his waist in a deathgrip. "They aren't going to do anything..."

"It doesn't look like it was an attack..." Isaac looked around. "They seem to have died peacefully. But... how is it possible?"

Suddenly, a shining apparition appeared in the air and a blinding flash lit up the scenery. Everyone fell to the ground, asleep before they hit it.

_"Isaac! Isaac! Isaac!"_

_Isaac was surrounded by people all cheering him on, for some reason. Then he realised he was standing in some kind of arena, holding a sword. A random person standing to the side of the arena shouted into a loudspeaker, "One of the greatest warriors in Weyard, Isaac, has reached the final round of Tolbi's annual Colosso. Will he be able to defeat the undefeated champion, who has never lost a single Colosso battle?"_

_A giant armoured man stomped up to the arena, waving a sword that was surely bigger than Isaac himself. Isaac took one look at the giant man and swallowed nervously._

_"The great Deadbeard has once again come to the final of Colosso! He has won Colosso ten years in a row! Does Isaac stand a chance against the greatest warrior to live?"_

_Isaac readied his sword, staring at Deadbeard. A bead of sweat trickled down his head. He had to battle him, with everyone watching, and try to defeat him... "I can do this!" he declared confidently._

"I can do this..." Isaac mumbled in his sleep, rolling over on the path and smiling. Of course, he was in a deep sleep, just like everyone else.

_Jenna stood in a concert hall on the stage, staring wide-eyed as hundreds of people sat in front of her, cheering and whooping. She looked down and was surprised to see herself wearing a fancy outfit. A glance at the microphone in front of her and she began to comprehend what was going on. As the people continued to cheer her name, several spotlights shone down on her and music began to play._

_Well, this sure was exciting... however it had happened. Jenna excitedly approached the microphone and began to sing to the hundreds of people watching. Somehow, she'd become a popular singer! Well, this would be fun..._

Jenna smiled happily in her sleep, where she lay clumsily sprawled over Felix's legs on the forest floor.

_Mia lay on a deckchair, blissfully tanning herself as dutiful slaves rubbed suntan oil over her and massaged her feet. Other slaves waved palm leaves over her to keep her cool. Someone brought her an ice cold drink and she sipped thirstily. Relaxing music played somewhere nearby._

_"Ahh," Mia sighed blissfully. "I wish I could do this all the time..."_

In her sleep, Mia actually raised her arm as if drinking, then it fell back to the ground as she muttered something intelligible, quite unaware she was actually snoozing in a forest.

_Felix happily swam in the giant vat of blue jello. Why was he swimming in a vat of blue jello anyway? Hopefully he wasn't getting it dirty._

_He sneaked a taste and realised it tasted very good. Felix glanced around, making sure nobody was watching, and happily started eating away._

_A vat of blue jello, all to himself! He was in heaven!_

As Felix lay sleeping, he had no idea of the trouble he was in. Or anybody else.

They were doomed to sleep... forever, or at least until they starved to death. Or were they?

---------------------  
---------------------  
---QUATRO-------  
---------------------  
---------------------

This was definitely the strangest morning. Ever.

Saturos, Menardi, Kraden, Felix and Jenna all stared in amazement at the sight in front of them, their expressions a mixture of hilarity, disgust and confusion. The reason for this was quite simple.

Alex stood in front of them, a big grin on his face, as he twirled around to show off his lurid clothes once more. They were painfully bright and made everybody want to rip the shades from Alex's face and put them on themselves. For some reason, he was also wearing sandals. Why he was wearing sandals when the weather wasn't even that warm, it was a mystery for sure.

"Alex..." Saturos struggled to compose himself so that he could ask, but failed and ended up spluttering, "What the _hell?!_"

"What is the meaning of this?" Menardi snapped.

"Peace out, dudes!" Alex flashed a peace sign, then crossed his arms. "I have decided to show my true colours as a hippy."

"What? You're a hippy?" Kraden asked incredulously.

"Well, duh!" Alex pointed at his head, where his straggly mane of blue hair was the same as always. "Look at the hair. I'm obviously a hippy, dude."

"So that's why he never bothers to tie it back..." Felix said thoughtfully. "It all makes perfect sense now."

"It's such a beautiful morning!" Alex sighed, twirling around and staring at the sky. "I just want to lie down and sniff flowers all day, dude..."

"Stop saying dude!" Jenna screamed.

"Alex... are you high?" Saturos asked nervously.

"Sure, dude... hey, you wanna see all the pretty colours with me too?" Alex brandished a bottle of something that was possibly lethal.

"We're not going to be seeing any pretty colours!" Menardi said, snatching the bottle and throwing it into a nearby bush. "Alex, you go change right now, or we're not travelling with you."

"But... but... don't you like hippies?" Alex whimpered.

Everybody shook their heads.

"... Can I at least keep the hair?"

Everyone nodded, not really caring at this point. They just wanted Alex to put his normal clothes on before they all went blind.


	19. Chapter 19

**_Golden Insanity_**

_A much quicker update around this time. Enjoy the many fun stories ahead!_

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----ACCIO GS3------  
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------------------------

Alex was quite comfortably dead somewhere among the ruins of Mt. Aleph, sitting underneath several heavy boulders. Every rib was shattered, his head was partially caved in and carrion beetles were feasting upon him.

Sadly, the dead Mercury Adept would not be allowed to rest in peace. A blinding blue light lit up the tiny hollow under the boulders where he sat and a squatting teenager appeared, holding a suspicious looking device in his hands.

"Eureka!" the teen exclaimed proudly, looking over at Alex's dead body with a look of satisfaction on his face. "Not have I only managed to travel to this world, I have also been able to locate Alex's body!" Maniacal laughter ensued.

"Now for the next step of the plan, reviving him so that Camelot has to make a third game involving Alex going after Isaac for the rest of Alchemy. I don't care if it's overdone!" he declared dramatically, tipping a vial of some odd-looking liquid down Alex's throat.

Alex remained still for a few seconds, then his body began to twitch erratically and his eyes flew open. He blinked a few times and moved his head, realising he was in some cave or something, and the light came from that nearby person. Where was he anyway? For that matter, who was he? He could not remember a thing, nor did he care. He just knew that he was really hungry for some brains.

"How are you feeling, Alex?" the boy asked. "Ready to go out there and carry out a plot that's been done to death?" He realised that Alex was crawling toward him and looking hungry.

"Braaaaaiiins," Alex moaned, lunging at the shocked boy. His prey screamed and struggled, but his efforts proved futile. "NOM NOM NOM."

The Valeans were quite shocked when a bloodied blue-haired man emerged from the Mt. Aleph ruins, muttering about brains. Then their shock turned to anger when he went around biting people at random. The zombie Alex was quickly clobbered to death, but it was not over yet. The bitten Valeans promptly declared their love of brains and the zombie rampage began.

Meanwhile, the Adepts were standing around in the plaza, doing nothing in particular. Then some bald man named Bob with a chewed looking arm ambled over to them.

"Hey, it's Bob the Baldy," Garet whispered to Isaac frantically. "Do you think he figured out I broke his window the other day?"

"That's a nasty looking arm," Piers spoke up as Bob drooled and moaned. "What happened?"

"Brains," Bob moaned, reaching out for Mia. Mia squeaked and fled behind Isaac.

"Hey, no touching my girl!" Isaac said crossly. He wearily looked at Garet. "Honestly, Garet, I think all of Vale knows you broke that window."

"Brains!" Bob gibbered, stomping toward Sheba and latching his teeth on her shoulder before she could react. As she cried out in pain, Ivan quickly read Bob's mind.

"This is bad," Ivan said urgently, "he's become a zombie because he was bitten by one!"

"Eek!" Sheba was horrified and quickly struck down Bob the zombie with her most powerful attack. As the zombie lay dead, she clutched her sore shoulder. "Ow. This wound is pretty deep. I hope it doesn't get infected."

"I think you should be a bit more worried about something else," Jenna said exasperatedly.

"There is only one thing we can do," Isaac said. He walked over to Sheba and swiftly pulled out his sword, using it to decapitate her.

"Isaac!" Felix exclaimed angrily. "Why did you-"

"Don't you get it?" Ivan cut him off mid sentence. "The bites are infectious. Anyone bitten by a zombie becomes a zombie themselves."

"How awful," Mia said, looking upset. "If we don't act fast, all of Vale will be turned into zombies!"

"Let's hurry and take out the zombies before they infect anyone else," Isaac urged. "Everybody split up into groups."

Ivan ended up alone as Garet and Jenna, Isaac and Mia, and Felix and Piers teamed up. Well, he would be fine by himself, wouldn't he? Except he ended up getting attacked by a zombie swarm, who quite enjoyed the feast of brains.

"Take that!" Jenna cried, burning a zombified old man to a crisp. "That felt pretty good."

"Eh? Why?" Garet looked at her in confusion. "These zombies are people who we grew up with. How can it feel good?"

"I know, but that old guy there tried to look up my skirt once. Dirty old pervert," Jenna said, turning around to look at Garet. "Garet, look out!"

Garet froze as a zombie grabbed him. "Brains?" it hissed, sounding confused. Then it put its ear against his head, rapping his skull sharply with a fist. The zombie then made a disgusted sound, pushed Garet away and started walking off.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Garet yelled, casting Pyroclasm and reducing the zombie to ashes.

"Did that zombie just leave you alone because you didn't have any brains?" Jenna asked in confusion.

"I'm sure it was just a mistake," Garet said uncertainly.

Isaac and Mia walked by the river, taking out as many zombies as they could. Mia looked sadder with each victim of zombification they were forced to take down while Isaac simply marched on with a look of grim determination.

His look of grim determination was quickly wiped away when he spotted two kissing zombies. They promptly broke apart and turned to look at him, muttering about brains.

"Mom? Dad?" Isaac cried out in horror as his zombified parents lurched toward him. He was frozen to the spot, staring into their soulless eyes.

"Isaac!" Mia exclaimed as she saw that he was unwilling to move. "They are not your parents anymore! You have to destroy them."

Isaac numbly raised his sword and impaled Kyle with considerable slowness. His hesitation cost him as Dora lunged and sank her teeth into his leg.

"Isaac!" Mia hurriedly swung her mace, smashing Dora in the head. Both zombies were now down. She anxiously checked his leg. "Oh no. Her bite broke the skin."

"I see," Isaac said numbly as Mia stood and looked at him in dismay. "Mia. You have to kill me."

"No!" Mia exclaimed, horrified at the thought. "I can't do that. I love you."

"I'm going to become a zombie," Isaac said. "There is no other option. Do it, Mia. Please."

"But... Isaac..." Mia said in a small voice, looking tearfully into his eyes. "You can't become a zombie..."

Isaac suddenly twitched and jerked on the spot, his eyes rolling and frightening Mia out of her wits. "Br... brai...ns..." he muttered.

"Isaac!" Mia cried, firing an Ice Missile into his neck. He fell over next to his parents and slowly died, as she wept.

Felix and Piers were having considerably better luck with felling the zombies and managed to destroy most of them without further incident. Once Garet and Jenna got over the initial guilt of slaying their former neighbours, they found they actually rather enjoyed burning zombies. The zombies were soon wiped out and Vale quickly went to mourning for the fallen, praying that zombies would never disturb their peaceful lives again

The word 'brain' was also banned from ever being spoken in Vale again.

-----------------------  
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--STILL WAITING--  
-----FOR GS3-------  
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-----------------------

Alex had travelled far after somehow surviving the collapse of Mt. Aleph. He didn't feel like hanging around to plot some kind of revenge or whatever. Why waste time going after Isaac when he could be enjoying life, sniffing flowers and thanking the gods that he had survived such a nasty incident. He had a second chance at life! He could go on a leisurely walk near that pirate town, Champa or whatever, and watch the goblins play...

Wait, goblins? Alex blinked and rubbed his eyes, realising that he was being followed by monsters who were watching him keenly. Not just any monsters. They were all goblins. The same type of goblin too, whatever it was called. He frowned, wondering if he should blast them all away. The money would be rather nice, he could go and have a decent meal in Champa. Before he could raise a hand, the largest goblin coughed and stepped up, holding up a hand.

"We come in peace," said the goblin. "Aren't you the great and mighty Mercury Adept? Alec?"

"It's Alex," Alex corrected, sounding slightly miffed. "With an x!"

The goblins froze, looking utterly horrified, then clustered together and whispered frantically. Alex tried to listen to their conversation, but could only hear snatches of dialogue.

"Spelled it wrong... fools... unworthy... apologise..."

Well, that was enough, but Alex couldn't understand why they were so upset. The goblins turned back to look at him and the leader looked positively dismayed.

"You see," said the leader goblin, "we look up to you very much. In fact, we named ourselves after you. Or at least, we tried to. But... apparently, we're just lousy stinking Alec Goblins and our names make no frickin' sense."

Alex's head was swimming at this point and he took a step back. "Hold on... seriously. You're called Alec Goblins? What the heck? Were the translators on _pot_? Did they think it would be funny to give some monsters silly names? Did they try to name some random ugly monsters after me and end up _spelling my name wrong_? How can such loathsome, ugly, fat beasts possibly be named after me? It's an insult!" He fell to the ground wailing.

The goblins didn't know what translators were and didn't understand about half of what Alex was babbling on about, but they understood that he was insulting them. They all growled and raised wooden clubs, advancing on Alex. Alex looked up and screamed, before blasting them all with ice and destroying them.

Two things occurred to him.

He could have a meal in Champa.

He could also have persuaded the goblins to join him and become his own army, thus he would have yet another way to...

Never mind. He would just go and have the meal.

---------------------------  
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---NINJAS WANTED---  
---TO 'SPEAK' TO------  
-----CAMELOT---------  
---------------------------  
---------------------------

**Special Feature Story**

_Oinuki Neko_

The unwitting quartet were still slumbering happily in the forest, quite unaware an evil spirit had trapped them in their dreams and they were going to wind up slowly starving to their deaths. Luckily for them, the story would simply not permit them to die so easily.

A twig snapped somewhere nearby. A long skirt swished over the ground. Footsteps were coming closer to where the group lay slumbering. Dark eyes fixed upon their sleeping forms, then narrowed as they took in the bodies lying around. Then the figure, clothed in white and red, withdrew a seal from her sleeve and turned away.

"Rin, pyou, tou, sha, kai, jin, retsu, zai, zen," muttered the woman, holding up the seal. As she did so, the spirit emerged and began to glow brightly. Before it could trap the strange woman in her dreams, the woman had already turned and flung the seal, yelling "Akuryou Taisan!" The seal struck the spirit and it exploded.

A minute later, everyone was gradually waking up and feeling quite bewildered as they realised they were lying on the ground in a forest, among a heap of dead bodies.

"Jello?" Felix mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Slaves?" Mia looked disappointed. "Where did they go?"

"Aw, I was having such an awesome dream," Jenna sighed.

"Hey, who are you?" Isaac asked, his gaze falling upon the strange woman. "Did you save us?"

"I am Uzume, from Izumo. I am travelling around the world to destroy evil spirits," answered the woman. "You were all trapped in your dreams by a spirit and would have starved to death if it had not been for me."

"Yikes," Mia said, glancing at the bodies. "Then, that's what happened to these people?"

"Ew!" Jenna cried out. "I can't believe we were sleeping among corpses! I want to go and have a shower now!"

"We have to go and stop the cats first," Isaac reminded her. "Then we can go shower."

"Thanks for saving us," Felix said. "But how did you know there was a spirit here anyway?"

"I have strong spiritual power," answered Uzume. "Many of us from Izumo have this power, but at the moment, I am the one with the strongest power. I'm also great with food. Want a bento?" She swiftly pulled one out of some invisible pocket and presented it to the somewhat confused group.

"How did that fit in your pocket?" Jenna asked, as Mia took the box containing food.

"Secret," Uzume said, looking shifty. "Well, I must be off now. Sayonara."

Everyone watched Uzume leave, then hungrily looked down at the bento.

"Come on," Isaac said quickly. "Let's get away from the bodies and eat this delicious food."

So, while the cats continued to plot world domination, they happily sat down far from the corpses and dined on delicious Japanese food. Eventually, the food was all gone and their stomachs were full.

"That was excellent," Jenna said happily. "She really does make great food."

"That sushi was quite excellent," Isaac commented. "I particularly liked it with wasabi sauce and ginger. Oh, and the sashimi was good too. The Japanese know what they are doing when it comes to raw fish."

"Those rice balls were divine," Mia said. "I wish I could have some more already."

"I liked the octopus rolls and the takoyaki too," Felix spoke up.

"I wish we could do this again," Jenna said.

"Me too," Mia chimed in.

Then everyone suddenly remembered they were meant to stop cats taking over the world. Talking about Japanese cuisine hardly factored into their plan, so they sheepishly set off to look for Mittens's lair.

They soon found a creepy looking house within a clearing. It looked as if it hadn't been lived in for years. Part of the roof was collapsed, several windows were broken and creeping ivy was growing over the walls. The wind was blowing, causing the front door to swing open and then snap shut with a bang.

"It's creepy," Mia whimpered, edging closer to Isaac. "There might be ghosts in there."

"Oh, don't be silly," Jenna said airily. "There are no such things as ghosts. It doesn't look that creepy to me either."

"This coming from the person who screams upon seeing a bunch of corpses?" Felix asked in disbelief.

"Hey! Those corpses were scary!" Jenna protested. "You don't walk through a forest and expect to see corpses!"

"Creepy or not, we have no choice," Isaac reminded them. "Let's hurry in and soak some kitties."

It was quite a strange thing to set foot inside a creepy house and be attacked by angry kitties, but they were of course expecting that. The super soakers were immediately firing water directly at the cats and they ended up yowling and hissing as the water hit them, before running away. The cats were surprisingly weak considering they were supposed to be plotting some grand world domination scheme.

Even if they were having fun, Mia still couldn't help feeling creeped out. She swore that the faded portraits on the walls were watching her. Those huge spiders walking around on the cobwebs weren't much better. And those creaking stairs... she hated it, but she had to come along to fill the super soaker guns, didn't she?

Isaac coughed and rubbed his streaming eyes, before squirting a cat that came flying off the ceiling. It yowled and hurtled up the stairs to get far away from them. "It's too dusty in this place. Doesn't anyone spring clean in here?"

"It's an abandoned house in the middle of a weird forest," Jenna said with mild scorn. "Of course not!"

"I pray for just one thing," Felix muttered, glancing at a hissing cat watching them from behind a suit of armour. "Elephants don't plot world domination next."

"Considering people are stealing their tusks for ivory and other awful things, I'm sure it's only a matter of time," Mia muttered ominously. Felix heard her and went pale as a sheet, letting out a tiny whimper.

"Oh, come on, Felix! You know it's not going to happen!" Jenna snapped. "Stop being ridiculous!"

"It's no more ridiculous than cats plotting world domination," Isaac said sourly. "Hey, think this is it?" He gestured at a door. The words "MITTENS'S LAIR. DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT PERMISSION." were scribed upon the wood.

"Why do people keep vandalising their doors?" Mia cried. "Uh, or cats. It makes little sense."

"At least it's spelled right this time," Felix said, recovering from the horrifying thought of elephants trying to take over the world.

"It's simply done for convenience's sake," Jenna grumbled. "Let's just go and sort the kitty out."

"Agreed," said Isaac.

With that, the group burst through the door. What they saw surprised them. A room full of electronic machines and hi-tech junk, plus Alex and Sheba tied up against the wall. A desk sat in the middle, with a chair next to it. As everyone stood and stared, the chair swung around to reveal an imposing looking ginger tomcat wearing a pink bow around his neck.

"At last, you've come to my lair!" Mittens meowed maniacally, before getting hit in the face with four streams of water. "H-hey!"

"We're going to do the talking," Isaac said, slamming his hands on the desk. Jenna and Mia threateningly pointed their super soaker guns at Mittens. "Let's see... hi-tech junk. Machines. Random crap. Talking cats. How can the cats even talk?"

"Special implanted devices," Mittens stuttered. "They can turn our meowing into speech."

"Now it all makes sense!" Felix said. "But where could a cat even get this stuff?"

Mittens froze, his mouth clamping shut. The silence was broken by the sound of a door opening and ominous footsteps.

"From me."

Everyone turned and stared at the newcomer, who appeared to be Alex in drag. Except the real Alex was of course tied up, sitting next to Sheba. The both of them, if they had not been gagged, would of course have been yelling for the others to untie them already.

"Ah!" Isaac exclaimed. "You're that clone..."

"We missed one?" Felix cried out in dismay.

"This is so disturbing," Jenna whimpered. She was of course not used to seeing her boyfriend in drag.

"That's correct, I am Evil Alex Clone #12, though I think I'll change my name to Alexis when I finally get that gender changing operation, like," said EAC #12. "But for now... first, I wanted to be the greatest Evil Alex Clone ever, you know, aiding these cats to world domination, like, as well as becoming a woman... but with the destruction of the other clones, my thoughts totally also turned to revenge, like." The smirking clone hoisted a rifle and aimed it threateningly. "I will now avenge all the clones that you destroyed as well as the one who created me."

"Oh, come on!" Mia wailed. "This is madness!"

"Madness? This is CATWORLD!" Mittens cried, cackling maniacally. "That's what I'll call this world when we-" Isaac promptly squirted him in the face again, causing him to yowl.

"Can we untie them first?" Felix asked, pointing at Sheba and Alex.

"Fine," EAC #12 said, rolling his eyes. "Then I'll, like, get my revenge. And no funny tricks." He cocked the rifle in warning.

"Alex, I think our relationship has been affected," Jenna said in a small voice as he rushed to hug her. "I won't be able to stop thinking about you in drag."

"Neither will I," Alex said, shuddering.

"You came to save me, Felix!" Sheba hugged him. "Thank you!"

"Actually..." Felix coughed. "I didn't know you had been kidnapped..."

Sheba promptly released him and glared.

"Like," EAC #12 said impatiently, "can I get my revenge now?"

Everyone turned, staring at the Evil Alex Clone in drag, and the battle to save the world from being taken over by kitties and a man in drag began.

------------------------  
------------------------  
----WHEREFORE----  
-----ART THOU------  
--------GS3?----------  
------------------------  
------------------------

Vale had recently set up a local resort for some reason, which was rather strange for such an antisocial civilisation to do, but now they had some log cabins for people to stay in. Business was booming, everyone enjoyed having a little vacation in one of the most dangerous villages in Weyard. However, there was even more danger lurking and nobody knew it yet.

At the moment, four people were on vacation together, staying in one of the cabins.

"My father thinks Hsu and I went with Master Hama for her training session in the mountains," Feizhi said, laughing as she resumed necking her boyfriend while her grossed out friends watched on. None of them could understand what Feizhi saw in the overweight boy, but none of them wanted to ask.

"I'm going to order some pizza," Kushinada announced, reaching for the phone. "And then I'll probably call Susa. I'm missing him already."

"I'm going to get one of those videos I saw in reception," Uzume said. "We can watch it while eating pizza. Does anybody want to watch anything in particular?"

"Oh, Feizhi..." Hsu groaned, and the two fell onto the bed kissing passionately. Feizhi was too busy moaning to answer Uzume either. Kushinada was currently wrapped up in deciding what toppings they should have on the pizza.

"Fine, I'll choose," Uzume said dully, leaving the cabin and heading to reception. She ended up returning with a videotape labelled "Warning- This videotape kills." Uzume had thought it was an odd name for a movie and the fact it didn't have its own box made it even curiouser, so everyone sat down to watch the strange sounding film while eating their pizza.

A week later, a startling series of events happened.

Hsu was found with his head down the toilet. Nobody knew why his head was down the toilet, but they assumed he had fallen over and couldn't get up again, being overweight and all. He obviously drowned. Oddly enough, Feizhi fell off a cliff a minute later. Xian was not the only one to be hit by strange freak accidents. In Izumo, Uzume suddenly spontaneously combusted and Kushinada got electrocuted standing next to a pylon. Susa killed himself out of grief, but that doesn't matter.

Meanwhile, back in Vale, Garet was happily napping underneath a tree. He was quite disgruntled when Jenna came out of nowhere and threw a rolled up newspaper in his face. Before he could complain loudly, Jenna had sat down next to him and was urging him to look at the newspaper.

"Why?" Garet asked grumpily, not impressed about his nap being interrupted.

"Come on, Garet!" Jenna said impatiently, frantically unrolling the newspaper and pointing at the front page.

"Four people die in separate freak accidents. Story continues on Page 2," Garet read off the place where Jenna was pointing. A picture of four happily smiling people was displayed. "So what?"

"Turn to Page 2," Jenna hissed in a suddenly demonic sounding voice. Garet decided it would be better not to argue or question her any further, so he quickly turned the page in fear. "There. Read it."

Garet silently read the article. The thought of four people dying in separate freak accidents was frightening, especially at the same time and in two different places. However, he still didn't get why Jenna was so excited about it. "I still don't get it. Am I supposed to care?"

"You still don't get it? You're so dense!" Jenna exclaimed in frustration. "These people stayed in the same cabin at the resort last week! And now they are dead!"

"So... are you suggesting maybe the cabin is cursed?" Garet asked sarcastically.

"Yes." Jenna had a deadly serious expression on her face, which meant just one thing. She was actually serious.

"Bloody hell," Garet muttered under his breath. Jenna could really let her imagination run away with her at times. "So, now what?"

"We are going to go to this cabin and find out what caused the curse," Jenna said, tugging at his arm. "Come on!"

"I'm sure it's just a coincidence," Garet said weakly, as he reluctantly let Jenna pull him along toward the resort. "Right?"

"A guy drowns in a toilet, a martial artist falls off a cliff even though she was standing ten feet away, a pylon electrocutes someone even though it seems to be working normally and someone else just spontaneously combusts? They all stayed in the same cabin and died at the same time!" Jenna yelled in his face. "It's too much to just be a coincidence!"

"Okay, okay," Garet moaned. He just couldn't win.

Fortunately, the cabin itself was empty, so Garet and Jenna could look around without much trouble. There wasn't much to find inside the cabin, but still Jenna insisted on rechecking and searching every corner, nook and cranny. Garet began to get bored as Jenna crawled underneath a bed and poked around with a stick. What was she hoping to find anyway? The very bored Mars Adept sat in front of the television and glanced down at the VCR.

For some reason, he looked inside and found a videotape. While Jenna decided to check the bathroom again, Garet quickly pulled the videotape out and stuffed it onto one of his conveniently large pockets. Eventually, Jenna gave up on the search and they left the cabin. Garet didn't say a thing about the videotape. He wasn't sure he wanted her watching a videotape that said it would kill. Maybe he would watch it... later.

**Monday**

It wasn't until the next day that Garet remembered the mysterious videotape collecting dust underneath his bed. It wasn't the best of hiding places, but for some reason, he'd thought it a good idea to put it there. Well, hardly anyone was in the house for once, so he thought it a good idea to watch the tape while he was alone. Garet promptly set off to the lounge and put the videotape in the VCR, settling down in front of the telly and hitting Play on the remote.

Immediately, a message appeared on the screen. It said, "This is a video that will kill you. However, watch through the whole videotape to the end if you want to know how to break the curse. And yes, it is too late to hit Stop."

Garet silently cursed and decided to just watch it anyway.

A glowing white circle appeared on the screen. Then the scene changed to a woman brushing her hair while reflected in a mirror. The image turned upside down for a few seconds, before it switched to a blinking eye. Garet sleepily yawned as he watched exploding mountains, rolling dice, a bunch of faces and other stuff that honestly didn't interest him so much. He was a little spooked out, but also intensely bored.

"What a dull movie," Garet moaned, sleepily staring at the flickering image of a well. He was tempted to hit the Stop button now, but remembered the message telling him he had to watch it to the end. After what seemed like an eternity, the images stopped and a message was displayed. "If you wish to remove the curse, then follow the instructions coming up."

Garet leaned forward, holding his breath. Only for the video to suddenly change to a rock concert that had aired on television last week. Garet froze, staring at the television with his mouth wide open. Maybe there was some hidden message! He had to remove the curse by going to a rock concert! But a tiny voice in the back of his brain told him he'd watched the same show last week and that had been the first airing of the program. It was quite unlikely that whoever made the tape had meant for the concert to be there. Meaning those people recorded over the part that told them how to remove the curse.

"Damn it!" Garet yelled, ejecting the tape. "How am I supposed to get rid of this stupid curse?"

Suddenly, the phone began to ring. Garet froze, staring in terror at the phone sitting conspicuously by the door. It rang once, twice, thrice, a fourth time...

"Are you going to answer it or not?" Kay screamed, walking into the room. She crossly picked up the receiver and answered, "Jerra residence. Oh? Garet, it's for you."

Garet frantically shook his head and backed away. Kay glared at him then resumed speaking to the phone, "He won't talk. Want to leave a message?" She raised an eyebrow, then scribbled something down on a notepad. "Okay. I'll pass it on. Bye." She replaced the receiver, then walked over to Garet and dumped the notepad in his lap. "I knew you'd piss someone off enough one of these days."

Garet shakily waited until his older sister had left the room, then dared to sneak a peek at the notepad. It read, "SEVEN DAYS TO LIVE." He then screamed.

**Tuesday**

Isaac opened his door that fine morning to see Garet standing on his doorstep.

"Hey, Garet," Isaac said. "You don't look like you got much sleep last night."

"I'm going to die," Garet moaned, walking past him into the house. He whimpered and fell on the floor.

"Garet, get off my floor," Isaac ordered, shutting the door and poking him with his foot.

"You mean, your parents' floor," Garet mumbled, earning a sharp kick. "Ow!"

"That is irrelevant," Isaac told him. "Now get up."

Garet did so and glumly turned to look at Isaac. "I've been cursed by an evil videotape and I'll die unless I figure out how to remove the curse! You have to help me!" he wailed, shaking Isaac.

"Oh, okay," Isaac sighed. He wasn't sure why he was suddenly so willing to believe such a ludicrous story, but he might as well. Perhaps it had something to do with that article Jenna had been going on about yesterday. "Want to show me the tape?"

"Sure, here's a copy," Garet said, handing over the copy.

"Why a copy? Why not just give me the original tape?" Isaac asked in confusion.

"Because the plot said so," Garet murmured. "I'm gonna go write up my last will and testament now. See ya."

Isaac silently watched as Garet walked out of the house, glanced at the tape and shrugged. He might as well watch the tape and figure out if he couldn't help lift this so-called curse. So off he went to watch the tape.

**Wednesday**

Garet decided that he really was screwed. It was already Wednesday and he hadn't figured out how to break the curse, neither had Isaac, it seemed. So he decided he needed to do everything he should do before he died. Number one... the most important thing.

"Hey, Jenna," Garet said, taking a deep breath as he sat down next to her. Jenna was currently reading a horror novel.

"Hm?" Jenna didn't even bother to look up.

"I'm going to die in five days," Garet announced.

"Uh-huh." Jenna was far more interested in reading about the zombie rampage going on in her novel.

"I don't want to die a virgin, Jenna," Garet said insistently, wishing she would at least look up from the book and listen.

"Right," Jenna mumbled, still reading.

"So, please..." Garet readied himself. "Please have sex with me!"

Jenna actually looked up from the book and stared at him with an extremely confused, surprised expression. "What?"

"I'm going to die soon and I can't die a virgin so-"

"So you want to have sex with me?" Jenna asked very calmly. Too calmly, Garet realised.

"... Please?" Garet offered.

Jenna rose to her feet, an aura of fire suddenly glowing around her. Her eyes were shining with pure rage and psychotic madness. Garet gulped, realising he was in danger now.

"Better start running," Jenna growled, producing a random sharp, pointy object of doom from behind her back.

"But... Jenna... I'm going to die!" Garet gulped.

"Yes, Garet. Yes. You are."

Garet decided now was a good time to start running, so he did. He finally got away and sought a good hiding place. A few hours later, he decided it was safe to emerge, but ended up bumping into Felix as he sneaked along a random path through the village.

"Hello, Garet," Felix said.

"Uh... hi..." Garet gulped, praying that she hadn't gone and told him.

"Jenna told me you asked her for sex. Is this true?"

"Well, yeah, but see, I'm going to die-" Garet broke off as Felix suddenly produced a spiked mallet from out of nowhere. "BLOODY HELL, NOT AGAIN!" He screamed and ran. Luckily, Garet was also able to lose Felix, and went to Isaac's house, panting and gasping for breath.

"Oh, Garet," Isaac said, looking up as Garet burst into his house. "You look like you just ran a marathon."

"Jenna is a psychotic maniac!" Garet wailed, sitting at the table and putting his head in his hands. "She tried to kill me! Then Felix tried to kill me!"

"What did you do?" Isaac asked.

"I asked Jenna if we could do it together," Garet moaned. "I've only got five days to live after all. Then she told Felix."

"Oh," Isaac said, not looking at all surprised. He knew how much of a dumbass Garet could be after all. "I thought of something interesting about that videotape."

"REALLY?" Garet yelled, startling Isaac. "Tell me!"

"Well, there's a well in it," Isaac said. "Perhaps we should look for a well sometime."

"That's it?" Garet pouted and sank back in his chair. "Great. I'm going to die a virgin. It's going to be written on my gravestone and everybody will point and laugh at it!"

"I'm sure you can pick your own gravestone inscription," Isaac muttered, half to himself.

**Thursday**

The strange thing was, there were no wells in Vale. There was not a single well to be found. Of course not, they had pipes and stuff. They didn't need a stinking well.

"I'm doomed!" Garet wailed, as Isaac decided to ask around about wells. Garet wasn't much good at trying to get rid of curses.

"Hey, apparently there used to be a well in the area," Isaac told him, after speaking to some random person. "But... it seems it was built on."

"Oh... where?" Garet asked.

"In the resort," Isaac answered. "But I've got a great plan. Tomorrow night, we sneak in with axes and smash up the floor looking for it. Oh, and I have a hunch that it was buried underneath the cabin where the teenagers watched the video."

"You're going to dig up the floor on a hunch?" Garet cried.

"We could both die instead," Isaac offered.

"Oh, never mind," Garet grumbled. Everything seemed unnecessarily complicated. He wanted this stupid curse to be gone already. "You're going to pay for repairs."

"What? Why?" Isaac cried out. "Just because it was my idea?" Garet nodded. "You suck." He turned away and pouted.

**Friday**

"I can't do it tonight," Isaac coughed over the phone "I've got the flu all of a sudden. I don't know why."

Garet swore and slammed down the phone. He then walked downstairs and decided to go watch TV.

Only to find Kay and Aaron watching the cursed tape. Garet screamed and crashed to the floor in horror. Oh, great. He'd gone and cursed his siblings. His parents would kill him! If he didn't die first, that was. No, scratch that. They would revive him somehow then kill him again.

"No!" Garet screamed, running in front of the TV. "What are you doing? This is a cursed tape! It kills!"

"Move aside," Kay demanded. "I'm watching this movie."

"It's scary," Aaron whimpered, hiding his face behind a cushion.

"But you'll die in seven days!" Garet wailed. "Didn't you read the label?"

"Move!" Kay yelled, flinging a cushion at him.

Garet groaned and slunk away, mentally hitting himself. Why hadn't he hidden the tape better?

The video then changed to the rock concert. Aaron put down the cushion and smiled. "Hey, this is cool!"

"Where's the bit about removing the curse?" Kay wondered.

"It's taped over," Garet pointed out. "And not by me."

"Oh, well, I don't believe in this curse crap," Kay said, crossing her arms. Suddenly, the phone rang.

"I'll get it!" Aaron cried, running over to the phone. He picked up the receiver and listened. "Hey, Sis, someone says we have seven days to live."

"That person again?" Kay rolled her eyes. "It's just a prank caller."

"I don't believe this," Garet muttered, stomping out of the room. While Jenna didn't believe in coincidences, his sister seemed to steadfastly do the opposite. Did she think the prank caller just happened to call twice, as soon as someone finished watching the particular videotape, by _ accident_?

Oh, whoops, he'd forgotten to get the tape. Garet quickly hurried back, swearing to hide it in a better place next time.

**Saturday**

Isaac still had the flu. Garet was feeling thoroughly bored, so he decided to attempt talking to Jenna. She hadn't spoken to him since the incident and he was getting a little worried. Garet had also been taking extra care to hide from Felix.

"Hey, Jenna," Garet said, once she opened the door to him. "Can I come in?"

"Fine," Jenna sighed. "But if you try anything, I am going to beat you senseless then kill you slowly. Got it?"

"Got... it..." Garet said weakly, stepping into her house. "Hey, did you ever figure anything about those people who died? You know, the freak accidents?"

"Hm? Oh... those people who stayed in that cabin... I forgot about them," Jenna said, not sounding terribly interested. "How come?"

"I reckon those people were all cursed to death by an evil videotape," Garet said. "They watched it and then they only had a week to live."

Jenna looked blankly at him. "Really? I was thinking, maybe the cabin was haunted and whoever stayed in it would be killed a week later by a vengeful ghost."

Garet stared incredulously. Jenna really did have an active imagination. For that matter, people must have stayed in that cabin and lived. Her idea made no sense, but he wasn't going to argue with her. She was actually talking to him again. "So, uh... do you think Felix still wants to kill me?"

"I don't know," Jenna replied. "Ask him."

At the risk of dying two days earlier than planned, Garet decided he might as well ask and hopefully be forgiven. Felix only ended up calling him an idiot, a moron, a doofus, a douchebag and a dumbass along with various other names, then proceeded to warn him against ever making any advances toward Jenna, before issuing death threats. After being chased with a sharp, pointy object of doom as well as a spiky mallet, his death threats didn't seem so frightening to Garet however.

"How did it go?" Jenna asked cheerfully, looking up from her manga as Garet tiredly walked into her room.

"I feel like I was beaten over the head with a thesaurus," Garet said bitterly, sitting next to her on the bed. "What manga are you reading?"

**Sunday**

Isaac had finally recovered from the flu, much to Garet's relief. That night, they went to the cabin and quietly smashed the floor to pieces, discovering a gaping pit beneath. Within that pit was a boarded up well.

"See? What did I tell you?" Isaac said triumphantly. "My hunch was right!"

"Okay, there's a well," Garet said cluelessly. "Now what?"

"Now we go down the well and see if there's anything down there."

Garet wasn't too happy about the idea, but he had to do it if he didn't want to die.

So down the well they went, to discover a skeleton. Neither of them knew why there was a skeleton in the well, nor did they even want to know.

"Gross," Garet commented, staring at the skeleton that had now been dragged out of the well. "You think that's what was cursing people through the videotape?"

"Possibly," Isaac said. "Now if we tell everyone and the body gets a decent burial, the spook won't want us to die anymore and the curse will be broken."

"Good..." Garet muttered. "But aren't we supposed to find out how they ended up in a well?"

"Well, we can't very well ask them, can we?" Isaac looked at him exasperatedly.

"But... it's such an anticlimax..." Garet complained.

**Monday**

The feeling of knowing he wasn't going to die after all was wonderful. Garet smiled blissfully, happy in the knowledge that he wasn't going to die after all. Isaac was paying for the hole in the floor. The skeleton was buried and the ghoul at peace. He didn't have to worry about a thing.

"Jenna, guess what?" Garet asked Jenna, who was perusing yet another horror novel.

"I dunno," Jenna muttered.

"I'm not going to die after all!" Garet cried. "Isn't that great?"

"Yeah, sure," Jenna murmured, too engrossed in the gory torture of some random victim.

"You know, don't worry about that whole sex crap. It was just dumb," Garet carried on. He might as well apologise now he wasn't going to die today.

"Mm hm," Jenna said idly, wishing Garet wouldn't talk to her while she was reading.

"It's not like I want to have sex with you or anything," Garet said, laughing nervously. "I wouldn't even want to do it with you if you were the last person in the world! Am I forgiven?"

Jenna growled and threw down the book, looking at him menacingly. "What. Did. You. Say?"

Garet froze. Had he said the wrong thing again?

"You bastard!" Jenna howled, proceeding to beat him senseless with a blunt object. She then left Garet lying on the ground. He was feeling extremely confused now. Did she want it or not?

It was probably better not to ask.

**Tuesday**

Isaac sat in front of the television, watching some random TV show. Suddenly, the TV show was replaced by a black and white scene of a well.

"Hey, what gives?" Isaac yelled, flipping through the channels. However, they all showed the well. "What is this crap?"

A girl emerged from the well and began staggering toward the TV screen. Isaac froze, his eyes widening in horror. That was the same well as in the videotape. Then... was he going to die after all?

"I don't understand!" Isaac cried, as the girl crawled out of the TV. "We found the skeleton, we buried it... why?"

The girl scrambled across the floor, coming even closer. Isaac screamed and tried to run for it, but the girl swiftly reached out and grabbed his leg. Isaac fell to the floor with a crash and frantically tried to get away. Why was this even happening?

As the girl prepared to make quick work of him, Isaac's eyes fell upon the videotape. The copy that Garet had made... he gasped, realising exactly why Garet had lived and he didn't. Of course... he'd made a copy and Isaac had seen it.

As Isaac reached out and grabbed the videotape, the girl smiled insanely and killed him with her brain. He was found dead still holding the videotape.

Somehow, through some amazing strain of brainpower, Garet actually figured out that Isaac was holding the copied videotape as a means of telling him something. The curse was not broken yet. So, he apparently needed to have the cursed people make copies of the videotapes and show them to other people. No problem. So he quickly had his siblings make copies, much to their bewilderment. He found bribing helped.

"Right, Kay, you show this videotape to that old woman who's always throwing feral cats everywhere and screaming gibberish. Aaron. You know that annoying old man who keeps telling people to get off his lawn, talks too much and yells at everyone under twenty? Show this to him. And if they die, it's because they were old. That works."

Now Garet just had to try and get Jenna to forgive him somehow. Buying her a few gory horror novels would probably do it. It suddenly hit him that Isaac hadn't paid for the floor and now Isaac was dead, so that only left... "Oh, crap."


	20. Chapter 20

_**Golden Insanity**_

_The final chapter is here. Yes, this story is finally coming to an end sadly. Enjoy the last ever chapter of Golden Insanity! Anyway, 20 is a nice, round number to stop at, isn't it? At least, I think it is. This fic was definitely fun to write over the past couple years. Too bad it's over now, but it's got to end eventually._

--------------------------  
--------------------------  
---------THE------------  
-----PHANTOM--------  
-------DIVIDER---------  
--------------------------  
--------------------------

Kraden prowled along the dark and mysterious hallway, his footsteps echoing across the stone floor. He was in some mysterious building of some kind, due to having received an invitation here the day before. The letter had simply said:

_Tomorrow, come to the stone fortress beneath the mountains. We will be waiting for you. There, you shall finally be defeated. We will show you who are truly the most powerful beings out there._

_The League of Overrated or Merely Popular Characters._

Kraden had been quite mystified by this strange letter. He had no idea who this League were supposed to be, but he could hardly resist an invitation now, could he? It was quite unlikely they would even be able to defeat him anyway. Kraden smiled confidently and continued to walk through the fortress. Eventually, he reached a door set in stone and opened it to reveal a large room also made of stone. The whole fortress was nondescript, bland and made of stone, which didn't exactly make for the most exciting setting.

"So, you have arrived, Kraden."

Kraden glanced up at the figure floating several feet above the floor, silver hair swaying to his waist. His cold, blue eyes fixed sharply on the old man and he smiled icily, reaching for the Masamune at his waist.

"So, you are Sephiroth, the most overrated videogame villain ever, I take it?" Kraden asked calmly. "I think this duel should not last long."

"No, it will not last long, because I will now defeat you," Sephiroth replied. He then lunged, the Masamune aimed for Kraden's chest.

Kraden simply stood his ground, eyes narrowing as he watched Sephiroth fly even closer. Then in a swift movement, he sidestepped and whirled around, his brown cape flying off and landing on the ground. Sephiroth skidded on the floor and came to a halt, throwing a glare of loathing at Kraden. To think that this mere old man could possibly have dodged him! It was unthinkable!

"Well, you are slower than I thought you would be," Kraden taunted. Now that his cape had been tossed aside, his white robes beneath were plainly visible, as was the sword at his waist. He reached to draw out the katana and pointed it at Sephiroth. "This should be an interesting battle."

"Do not underestimate me," Sephiroth said coldly, moving to the side. He then circled around Kraden in a swift motion. Kraden stood still, knowing there would be no point to watching his movements. He felt the disturbance of air behind him and promptly bent his legs, before jumping backwards in a circle and landing behind Sephiroth. Sephiroth looked dumbfounded as he thrust the Masamune through empty air.

"Now, who is underestimating whom?" Kraden smiled. Sephiroth growled and swung the Masamune at him angrily. Kraden promptly parried his blow with the katana and the swords clashed repeatedly as Sephiroth tried to land a blow upon him. Of course, Kraden would not let this happen.

"This ends now," Sephiroth said, flying backward. Kraden lowered the katana, wondering what Sephiroth was up to now.

Sephiroth smiled insanely and summoned Supernova.

Except Supernova was something completely different in Weyard, so Kraden simply felt a little explosion of fire and that was it.

"WHAT?" Sephiroth yelled in shock.

"Supernova is a Mars Psynergy. It is also the Stellar Axe's Unleash and Jupiter elemental in that case," Kraden said. "In this case, it seems you somehow used the Mars Psynergy. What, did you expect some huge fireball to come out of nowhere, decimating a few planets in its path, and hit me?"

"Well then, I'll just have to do this," said Sephiroth, holding up a tiny little marble. "I will summon Meteor and destroy Weyard!" He paused, closing his eyes, then opened them again. "There, I just summoned it. Now quiver in fear!"

At that moment, a meteor harmlessly crashed through the roof and hit the floor. Sephiroth stared at the floor, dumbfounded.

"Meteor is a Mars Summon," Kraden told him. "It requires four Mars Djinn to summon. Honestly, I do not understand how you even managed to call it."

"You annoying old man!" Sephiroth snapped. "Then... it's time to get serious."

"Bring it on!" Kraden tensed, waiting for Sephiroth to attack.

Sephiroth flew up into the air and plunged toward him. Kraden sidestepped and grabbed the hilt of Sephiroth's sword in mid-air, throwing him aside with it. Sephiroth hit the ground, looking stunned. He struggled to his feet, only to see a katana swiftly planting itself between his eyes. Sephiroth then fell over on his back, dead. Kraden walked over and pulled the katana out of Sephiroth's head, wiping the blood off on the villain's clothes.

"That was a nice warm up," Kraden commented to himself. "Now to go seek out my other foes."

There was another door awaiting him. Kraden walked up and put his ear against it, listening for any sounds in the next room. It was better to be careful, and whoever was in there would almost certainly know of his presence at this point. He heard the sound of footsteps near the door. So someone was in there after all. Kraden placed the katana in its sheath and reached to open the door.

The second he did, a hail of bullets were fired in his direction. Kraden swiftly ducked and rolled across the floor, avoiding them. He came to a stop and stood up, staring at his foe.

"Ah, Master Chief," Kraden acknowledged. "The protagonist of the popular Halo series. Yet another one of the overrated characters, I assume."

"I'll show you who's overrated!" Master Chief growled, aiming a flamethrower and blasting fire straight at Kraden.

"I am resistant to the elements," Kraden spoke, looking perfectly calm as the rolling flames washed around him. "Water, wind, fire, earth... they cannot harm me at all. I am one with them."

"Eat this then!" Master Chief produced a rocket launcher and fired a hundred rockets straight at Kraden.

"A futile attempt," Kraden taunted, using his supreme power to send the rockets into separate directions so that none of them even hit him. The walls shook slightly from the multiple explosions throughout the room. "Perhaps you would be more skilled as a Master _Chef_?"

"Foolish last words!" Master Chief roared, swinging a spiked mace on a chain above his head. The writer was in fact thinking up random weapons for him because she had never played Halo, but he didn't care. Kraden swung and jumped as the mace flew at him. Then somehow he slipped and the chain wrapped around his arms, pinning him. "Well, well, looks like I have you trapped. How does it feel to finally taste defeat?"

"You honestly think you have me defeated?" Kraden asked, staring down the barrel of a gun. Just as the gun blasted at him, the chains broke apart into a million pieces. Master Chief looked through the smoke rising from the barrel of his gun, expecting to see the corpse of Kraden falling to the floor, but there was nothing there.

"What?" Master Chief cried out, stunned. "Where did he go?"

"Right here," Kraden said, before slamming his knee into the small of Master Chief's back. Master Chief groaned and sank to his knees. Kraden seized him by the back of his collar and bodily lifted him. The sage then whirled him around several times before flinging him into a wall with all his strength. The wall wobbled and several chunks of stone fell onto Master Chief's bruised body.

"Damn you," Master Chief hissed, spitting up blood. "I am not finished yet!" He produced a blow dart from his pocket and blew on it. A dart whistled through the air, embedding itself in Kraden's leg. "Now feel the terror of poison seeping into your bloodstream!"

"I'm immune to all poison actually," Kraden remarked, pulling the dart from his leg. "A pitiful attempt to take my life indeed."

"I... I will not lose to you..." Master Chief growled, struggling to his feet. "I can still use... this!" He whipped out a flying knife and hurled it through the air. Kraden reached out and swiftly caught it.

"I think you are all out of tricks now, Master Chief," Kraden said, walking steadily toward him. "This battle ends now."

"Then... eat this!" Master Chief yelled, pushing a button on his belt. He then exploded in a massive fireball that consumed the entire room.

Eventually, the fire died down, revealing Kraden standing among a huge mess strewn throughout the room. He flicked some ashes from his hair and shook his head in bewilderment. "Well, I certainly did not expect him to go kamikaze."

Now that Master Chief had uselessly sacrificed himself, it was time for Kraden to proceed to the next room and meet yet another foe waiting for him. He approached the door and kicked it down dramatically.

A man was standing in the middle of the room, wearing a smart suit. He took one look at Kraden and crushed his martini glass with his own hand. Blood dripped down his wrist as he smirked.

"You aren't a videogame character," Kraden noted, raising an eyebrow. "That much at least I know. So, who are you?"

"The name's Bond," replied the man. "James Bond."

"Ahh, of course. A popular fictional character, but not overrated," Kraden commented. "At least, someone with a book series and so many movies couldn't possibly be overrated. So, are you prepared for your defeat?"

"It is me who will be defeating you, Kraden," corrected Bond, pointing a Uzi squarely at Kraden's forehead. "This is rather pathetic really, fighting a man who's over twice my age."

"Age does not matter," Kraden replied. The Uzi fired and a bullet went rocketing toward his head. Kraden merely reached out and caught the bullet, flinging it aside.

Bond spluttered in shock as he saw what Kraden did. "You... caught the bullet?"

Kraden started walking toward him. Bond opened his jacket to reveal a dozen knives, which he whipped out and threw straight at Kraden. Kraden nimbly sidestepped and ducked to avoid the flying knives and caught the last one, which he threw back at Bond. It simply bounced off his chest.

"I have the sense to wear a protective vest," Bond said, smirking. "How pitiful to assume otherwise."

"Oh, I didn't intend to finish you off with that weak blow," Kraden assured him. "I like to have a little warm up first."

"Well, seeing as you have already defeated two of my comrades, I cannot go easy on you," threatened Bond. He whipped a handheld laser out of his pocket and fired it, making a slicing motion through the air as if to decapitate Kraden with it. In fact, that was what he had intended.

However, the laser had simply been unable to touch Kraden, as if some force field protected him from it. Bond stared in amazement at the unharmed old man.

"Are you even human?" Bond exclaimed.

"I merely appear as one," Kraden said. "In truth, I am an immortal, ageless being and I am omnipotent. I am the true Guardian of Weyard. I am no mere mortal."

"Yeah, right!" Bond laughed. "I still have some tricks up my sleeve. Like this." He whipped out a can of acid and sprayed a load into Kraden's face.

Kraden calmly wiped the acid from his face. "Really, Mr. Bond, give up this futile game."

"Never!" Bond whipped out two semi-automatic pistols and fired bullets at Kraden's head from point blank range. He then stopped, blinking in astonishment. Kraden had disappeared from his sight before he even pushed the triggers.

"Surprised, Mr. Bond?" Kraden asked from beside him, before aiming a roundhouse kick to his crotch. Bond groaned and collapsed, making a high-pitched sound in his agony.

"You... truly are... mighty... Kraden," Bond gasped. "But... can you avoid this?" He pulled out a device and pressed a button.

A homing missile promptly popped out of the wall, aimed at Kraden. Kraden turned to look at the oncoming missile, shrugged his shoulders in a dismissive manner and lifted Bond up with one arm. He then held Bond up in front of him. Bond screamed as the missile hit him.

A massive explosion ensued, sending Bond flying. Kraden merely stood still as the missile exploded around him. He glanced over at Bond's corpse lying on the floor. "Nice trick, but not good enough."

Could there be even more foes waiting for him? Kraden was of course going to find out, as he proceeded to go through the door. The next room was much bigger than the previous ones, and it was circular in shape with multiple doorways. Kraden looked around at all the doorways, wondering what the secret behind this was. Was he perhaps going to have to fight several enemies at once? Well, that should be easy.

Then, the doors opened simultaneously. Kraden narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists, ready to take on his foes.

"Derp derp derp derp derp!"

Well, this was certainly an unexpected turn of events. Kraden watched in astonishment as hundreds of Bidoof poured through the doors and headed toward him. He wasted no time in springing into the air and grabbing onto a chandelier that was on the ceiling for some reason. As Kraden hung on and thought of a method which he could use, the Bidoof rapidly piled up. Half the room was flooded with Bidoof and still even more were coming in.

Was this the league's last resort plan? To sick an army of Bidoof on him?

Evidently it was.

Kraden looked down in annoyance as a Bidoof nipped at his ankles. Just how many Bidoof were there? Surely there were... over nine thousand! Except, not that many. He had to deal with them quickly. Their irritating derping was grating on his nerves.

So, he unleashed a devastating power that quickly decimated each and every Bidoof. Even more Bidoof came in, only to be torn apart by his awesome powers. Eventually, about half an hour later, the Bidoof stopped coming into the room. So, they had evidently run out at last. Kraden let go of the chandelier and dropped to the floor, dusting off his hands. Well, that had been fun, and a tad annoying.

Since there were no foes left, it was time to return to Vale. Kraden turned and walked out of the fortress, smiling in satisfaction. He'd had a lot of fun today, that was for sure.

"Ah ha ha ha! So you fell for the trap, Kraden! Take this!"

Well, he should have expected that. Someone would have lain in wait outside the fortress in the event that he defeated everyone else and them came out. Kraden slowly turned to see a dark-haired boy on a broomstick raising a wand and aiming it at him. Kraden stood his ground, staring at the next overrated character to appear.

"Avada Kedavra!"

Maniacal laughter ensued. Kraden shrugged as a blinding flash of green light surrounded him, and reached into his pocket to pull out a book. Harry Potter gasped in amazement as Kraden was simply unaffected by the death spell and began to read.

"You irritating old fool! How could you survive that?" Harry cried. "Then take these spells! Crucio! Imperio! Stop reading that book! Sectumsempra! Why... why do my spells not even work?"

"Well, this is fascinating," Kraden murmured, continuing to read. "Such an exciting plot twist."

Harry shuddered in rage, his green eyes hardening. "Then take this! CAPS LOCK OF RAGE ATTACK!"

"I'm sure glad my book isn't flooded with caps lock," Kraden commented. "Why is it not simply enough to say the character yelled, raged, shouted, cried or screamed? I can't stand overused caps lock."

"Pathetic old man. Stop ignoring me!" Harry shouted. "Don't you know who I am? I am the boy who lived, I am the one who defeated Voldemort!"

"I'm not listening to someone who gave his son a dumb name like Albus Severus," Kraden muttered, waving a hand. Harry Potter screamed and then exploded. "Now I can get back to reading." He turned and walked off to Vale with his nose still buried on the book, whistling a happy tune.

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Kraden was not only known as one of the greatest ninja in the hidden ninja village of Vale, despite his age, he was also known as the harshest teacher ever. Year after year, upcoming ninja were trained daily into becoming great ninja just like him. It wasn't so surprising then that about half of the village had given up on being ninja. At the moment, Kraden was standing in the middle of a forest and watching his current students train hard.

Isaac crouched in the middle of a bush, silently watching and constantly aware of everything around him. He carefully listened and tensed as he heard the cracking of a twig. Then he leaped up and turned around, flinging a kunai. It happened to fly straight into Felix's arm... only for him to disappear. Isaac mentally cursed himself. How was he supposed to get better if he fell for such a simple trick? He was going to become a better ninja than Felix!

"Gotcha!" Felix cried, jumping from the top of a tree and flinging a shuriken. Isaac stepped aside and watched the shuriken hit the ground. Felix calmly dropped down next to the shuriken. "You need to be prepared for surprises, you know."

"Well, as soon as I caught your substitute, I was quite sure you would attack from somewhere else," Isaac said defensively. "Anyway, it's not like we're trying to kill each other."

"But that's exactly it," Felix said, twirling a kunai on his finger. "You should train as if you're going to kill, Isaac. Well... at least you're better than Garet. That guy just doesn't seem to be cut out to be a ninja." He let out a weary sigh and shook his head.

"Hey, we're all trying here," Isaac said quickly. "Anyway, with a teacher like Kraden, I'm sure he'll have to-" Isaac screamed as a kunai suddenly flew past him and jumped back in alarm.

"We're under attack!" Felix exclaimed, just as about ten shuriken flew at him. He nimbly leaped out of the way somehow and ran up a tree.

Isaac was about to do the same, but even more shuriken were flying at him. He gritted his teeth, watching the spiked weapons come even closer. There was no time for him to move out of the way.

"Isaac!" Felix cried out in horror as the shuriken impacted with Isaac's body. Blood flew up into the air as Isaac flew backwards, eyes filled with horror. Then he hit the ground and turned into a log, embedded with sharp and dangerous ninja weapons.

As for the real Isaac, he was now standing behind the ninja who had just had the nerve to attack. "What was the meaning of that?" Isaac cried out. "Are you trying to get us killed?"

"I'm always trying to get you killed," Kraden said, turning with a glint in his eye. "That is the way of ninja. Kill or be killed. It's better than standing around and chatting, isn't it?"

"Darn it!" Isaac ran at him, but then froze in spot as he felt a kunai at his neck.

"This is fun, isn't it?" Kraden asked from behind. Isaac glared at the doppelganger as it vanished in a puff of smoke. Kraden chuckled and released him. "Remember, an enemy ninja will not play fair at all. That is also the way of ninja. I'd better go see how the others are getting on. Keep training!"

"How many ways do ninja have?" Felix asked in exasperation from the top of another tree. Isaac just moaned and stabbed the tree bark with a kunai in frustration.

Garet and Jenna were currently attempting to climb trees. Jenna was rapidly becoming a master of walking up trees. Garet, on the other hand, had a sorely bruised bottom.

"Come on, Garet!" Jenna called out, sitting on a tree branch and looking down at him. "Remember, focus the chakra on your feet. Focus!"

"I'm tired of focusing!" Garet wailed, angrily kicking the tree. "Stupid tree. Why do I even have to be a ninja?"

"Well, it's true that you don't have to, but then you don't get to do cool things like this!" Jenna jumped onto her feet, then leaped onto the branch of another tree and ran down the tree branch, while flinging a shuriken in a random direction. She reached the ground and then mock bowed. "I am so awesome."

"Throwing your weapons about like that isn't awesome! It's dangerous!" Garet cried out. "What if you hit an innocent little bunny?"

"I would hear the bunny and therefore not hit it," Jenna said. "Though, it's hard to tell if random noises are the enemy or just animals. So, maybe we should just freely throw our weapons about after all."

"But you just threw it for no reason at all!" Garet exclaimed.

"How is training going?" Kraden suddenly appeared, giving them a fright. "Well, Garet? Can you climb the tree yet?"

"Ugh..." Garet had decided to try again. He managed to walk a precarious metre before slipping. Garet let out a yell and once again crash landed onto his bottom. "Darn it!"

"Oh, man," Kraden muttered, shaking his head. "Garet, is there anything you can do?"

It was obviously meant to be insulting, but Garet took it entirely the wrong way. He got to his feet and grinned. "Actually, yes, there is one thing I can do!" He put his index fingers together and cried out, "Sexy no Jutsu!"

There was a puff of smoke, and then, where Garet had been standing, was now a naked Garet with long hair, feminine eyes and breasts. "Well?" He wriggled his hips and winked.

"Kyaaaaahhhh!!!" Twin trails of blood spurted from Kraden's nose and he went flying into the forest, blood splattering everywhere as he did so. Garet undid the transformation and chuckled in amusement. Kraden always fell for it.

"Garet!" Jenna yelled angrily, whacking him. "That isn't funny at all, you pervert!" On the other hand, her inner self was currently thinking, "Oh yeah! Garet is so awesome!"

"Being a ninja is not all fun and games, you know," Felix lectured from on top of a tree branch. "Sheesh."

"At least he got rid of Kraden," Isaac said, walking up. "Let's run back to Vale before he recovers!"

Kraden returned, two wads of tissues stuck up his nose, to find his students very much gone. "Great, not again," he muttered in frustration.

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----REVENGE OF------  
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After a long and tiring walk through Gaia Rock, Felix and company had now arrived at a room full of barrels, barrels and even more barrels. At the centre of the room, a huge, green serpent was happily lapping away at a bowl as a brown-haired man dutifully rolled a barrel over and proceeded to refill the bowl.

"Um, why is that guy giving the serpent a drink?" Sheba wondered out loud. "Could he be trying to poison it, perhaps?"

"I wonder what's in all these barrels," Jenna said, lifting the lid of one and taking a sniff. "Hmm, it smells of... something. It's clear too, I don't think it's water."

"It smells familiar to me too," Kraden said. "I can't quite put my finger on it though."

"Hey," Felix said, walking up to the man. Apparently, this had to be Susa, the guy who was so desperate to save the future sacrifice. "What is that stuff?"

"Out of my way," Susa said grumpily, straightening himself. "I must keep feeding dragonsbane to the serpent. This is necessary to save Kushinada." He pushed his way past and hurried over to the barrels, presumably to grab yet another one and give the contents to the serpent. It was apparently a very thirsty serpent.

"Dragonsbane, huh?" Piers said from behind Felix. "That doesn't make much sense. Why would people be keeping a ton of barrels of that down here? Why, for that matter, would they keep the poison so close to the intended victim? What if it freaked out and smashed the barrels or something? Then they would have no more-"

"Piers. Will you just think quietly?" Felix asked, as Susa came back. "Anyway, I don't think the serpent's even realised that stuff is dangerous."

"How strange," Kraden commented, walking over and looking at the serpent. "It doesn't seem to be suffering any ill effects. If anything, the lights shining on it are affecting it more."

"Hey! This stuff tastes pretty good," Jenna said. She had a cup in hand and was now drinking from one of the barrels. "No wonder the serpent likes it so much." She promptly refilled the cup and gulped down the contents.

"It tastes kind of icky." Sheba grimaced, but refilled the cup anyway. "Well, maybe I'll just have to develop a taste for it." She gingerly drank from the cup.

"Hey, should you really be drinking that?" Piers called out. "What if it's poison?"

"I don't think it's poison," Felix said, watching Jenna and Sheba happily drink from the barrel. "They wouldn't have got past the first cup, would they?"

"Well, I guess not," Piers admitted. "So, how exactly is it dangerous to the serpent then?"

"I cannot believe how foolish they are being," Kraden muttered, shaking his head. "To just start drinking an unfamiliar liquid like that."

"Uh... um..." Susa was standing still and stuttering, while staring at the girls in shock. "Er... I don't think..."

"What's wrong?" Felix asked, turning back to Susa. He noticed that Susa seemed somewhat pale. "Is something the matter?"

"My head feels funny." Jenna giggled and drank from another cup. "It's making me feel all happy and stuff, but... I don't know... something's kind of strange. It couldn't be... nah." She paused, staring at the contents, then shrugged.

"Whee!" Sheba laughed and leaned on the barrel, looking dazedly up at the ceiling as she sipped from the cup. "I've never had this feeling before."

"Uh oh..." Kraden muttered, looking at the girls. Apparently, he had realised exactly what the stuff was. "This isn't good."

"Well... you know we call it dragonsbane, right? Well, it's actually sake," Susa said sheepishly. "Rice wine. I'm feeding it to the serpent to get it _drunk_. But, because this is an E rated game, we can't have any mentions of alcoholic substances now, can we?"

Felix and Piers stared at him in shock, then turned to look at the girls who were still drinking the sake.

Kraden sighed. "I knew it."

"Stop drinking that!" Felix cried. "It's alcoholic!"

Jenna promptly did a spittake and dropped the cup. "Aw, crap, that's what this funny feeling is. I don't feel good..."

"Now it all makes sense!" Piers clicked his fingers. "The people of Izumo keep their sake in Gaia Rock! ... Actually, that doesn't make much sense."

"I put the barrels here, you idiot!" Susa exclaimed. "Why would we keep our sake next to a freaking dangerous lizard?"

"Jenna, are you okay?" Felix rushed over and caught her, before she could collapse. "Piers, hurry! She needs some water!"

Sheba let out a high pitched giggle and began to wander off. Nobody noticed, because Jenna was also drunk, Felix was too busy worrying over his drunk sister, Piers had just taken offence at being called an idiot and Susa was currently yelling about how everyone was an idiot in the first place. Kraden, on the other hand, had just discreetly taken a cup of sake and started sipping slowly. Of course, he had the sense not to get drunk.

Eventually, the drama died down. Susa was back to getting the serpent drunk, Piers was making Jenna drink water, Jenna was struggling to keep it down while complaining about feeling dizzy and sick, and Felix was yelling obscenities at Susa and blaming it all on him. Susa wisely chose to ignore him. Kraden had got through two cups of sake and decided he'd had enough now.

"Where is Sheba?" Kraden asked suddenly.

"Huh? She's not here?" Felix looked around, only just realising the Jupiter Adept was very much missing. "Well, she can't have got far. She's probably crouched down, throwing up nearby-"

That was a bad time to say the words 'throwing up', as Felix quickly learned, since it apparently triggered Jenna to decorate him with vomit. He shuddered and threw a dirty glare at Susa, which Susa did not see.

"My head hurts," Jenna moaned. "This sucks..."

"We have to go and find Sheba," Piers said urgently. "Felix, why don't you cast Retreat and get us out of here? Jenna should get some rest at the inn."

"Why can't you cure Ply on her?" Felix asked. "Wouldn't that work?"

"It's for healing illnesses and injuries," Piers replied. "Being drunk doesn't fill the criteria. Maybe if I tried Cure Poison... anyway, this isn't the time for that. We have to go and find her!"

"Okay, let's go," Felix said, standing up and helping Jenna to her feet. Thankfully, she didn't throw up again. He then cast Retreat, whisking the group out of Gaia Rock.

"Look!" Kraden exclaimed, pointing at a stain on the ground just outside the door. "It's vomit! Sheba must have gone this way."

Jenna took one look at the vomit and started convulsing. "Blaaaarrrrgh!" she cried, spewing projectile vomit all over Piers. Piers grimaced and wiped it away.

"Please," Felix said in a gritted voice, "don't talk about being sick around Jenna."

The group hurried to Izumo, little knowing they were in for a surprise. When they reached the town, they stopped and stared in shock.

The people of Izumo were running around and screaming, as Sheba stood on top of the platform where the drummer normally sat. She was currently cackling maniacally and throwing lightning spells all over the place, as if trying to strike down the poor Izumans.

"This is not good." Felix gulped.

"Why is there lightning everywhere?" Jenna looked around dazedly. "Is it a storm?"

"Sheba! Get down from there!" Kraden shouted.

"How did she manage to get all the way here in such a state?" Piers shook his head. "She's amazing." He looked at Jenna, who was still slumped over Felix and looking pale. "I guess different people react in different ways to that kind of stuff."

"Hey, guys!" Sheba had caught sight of them and was waving frantically. "Guess what? I can fly!" She then proceeded to take a dive off the platform and hit the ground below with a loud thud.

"Well, at least she's unconscious now," Piers said, looking at the knocked out girl. "That's a good thing, right?" He proceeded to walk over and heal her bruises and broken bones. Mercifully, she remained unconscious, despite the healing.

"That's unfair," Jenna mumbled sleepily, as Piers picked Sheba up. "How come she can fly and I can't?"

"Come on, let's go to the inn now," Felix said. "You need to get some rest."

"I didn't mean for her to jump off," Kraden muttered, following Felix and Piers to the inn.

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--------A NEW----------  
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**Special Feature Story**

_Oinuki Neko_

"Bring it on!" Jenna yelled, running forward. She was already furious at the Evil Alex Clone #12 for dressing in drag. He had caused her mental trauma that might be irreparable and she would never be able to forget the horrifying thought of her love wearing women's clothes. It was just simply disturbing. EAC #12 immediately began firing the rifle, but she had been expecting it. In a swift movement, she ducked and rolled the rest of the way across the ground.

Upon reaching his position, she leaped up and slammed a foot straight into his chin. "Take that!" she cried out. EAC #12 went flying and hit the ground with a thud, the rifle falling away and clattering to the ground out of his reach. He was about to get up, only to feel her foot pressing on his chest.

"You are going to pay for wearing drag," Jenna said, smiling sinisterly. "Do you have any idea what you have done... to my _mind_?"

Evil Alex Clone #12's only response was to catch her off guard with a surprise blast of water. Jenna went flying and skidded over the floor, landing on her side. "Ugh... I'm wet!" she complained loudly, tugging at her soaked clothes in disgust.

"What's the problem? Ten minutes ago, you wanted a shower," Felix reminded her. Jenna did not appreciate that, as she proceeded to lunge at him with her fists.

"That's not funny!" Jenna yelled, assailing him while he tried to defend himself from her blows.

"You sure are in a bad mood," Isaac muttered. Luckily for him, Jenna didn't hear his comment.

"I'll be your opponent," Alex said, stepping up and narrowing his eyes as he faced his evil clone. "You are my evil clone after all. It's my responsibility to take you down."

"Oh, just bring it on, pretty boy," Evil Alex Clone #12 taunted, wagging a finger. Jenna fainted in horror, even more traumatised by hearing her boyfriend be called _pretty_, and Felix quickly caught her before she could hit the floor.

"Pull yourself together!" Felix exclaimed, trying to shake her awake. However, it didn't work. He sighed in exasperation. Jenna really wasn't being much help today. What was so distressing about Alex being in drag anyway? Felix found it kind of amusing himself, but he wasn't ever going to tell anyone. Especially not Jenna, because then he would be at severe risk of ending up six feet under.

"You're calling me a pretty boy? That is so ironic!" Alex exclaimed. He glanced around for a weapon and snatched up some iron pipe that happened to be lying around on the floor. Evil Alex Clone #12 promptly whipped out a pink umbrella and waved it above his head. "Uh... is that your weapon?"

"Totally," Alex Clone #12 replied, smirking. "Like, isn't it awesome?"

"I'm going to defeat you right now!" Alex shouted, running at Evil Alex Clone #12 and swinging the iron pipe. EAC #12 nimbly dodged it and smacked Alex on the head with the umbrella. Alex turned around, raising an eyebrow. "Uh, that didn't even hurt. Are you even being serious?"

"Like, how is this for serious?" Evil Alex Clone #12 smirked and leaned over, kissing Alex passionately on the lips. Alex froze in shock. EAC #12 drew back, winking at him. Alex's eyes rolled to the top of his head, his face turning dangerously white, and then he crashed to the floor in a dead faint. "Well, that was totally easy!"

"You cheated!" Felix exclaimed, feeling repulsed. "That wasn't playing fair at all!"

"I think I'm about to see that Japanese food I ate again," Isaac muttered, putting a hand over his mouth. The sight of Alex being kissed by himself was not something Isaac had ever thought he would see, and certainly not something he'd wanted to see either.

Sheba, on the other hand, was flushed, partly in embarrassment and mostly in perversion. She'd never had the opportunity to see two guys kissing, and if she pushed aside the fact one was a clone, it seemed rather hot. Still, she had a feeling she shouldn't say anything. The guys wouldn't agree because they were guys. Jenna wouldn't agree either, if she was awake. It was probably just as well she'd stayed unconscious during Evil Alex Clone #12's trick. Mia, on the other hand, had also fainted in horror. Suspiciously enough, her nose had begun to bleed right before she fainted.

"Well?" Evil Alex Clone #12 placed a hand on his hip. "Who will be my next opponent?"

Felix and Isaac glanced at each other uncomfortably. Neither of them wanted to go anywhere near that freak, so they remained perfectly still with reluctant expressions on their faces. Evil Alex Clone #12 crossed his arms and sighed.

"Like, am I meant to just beat you all up while you're, you know, just sitting there, like?" EAC #12 tutted. "How boring, like."

"You guys are wimps!" Sheba snapped, stepping forward. "Evil Alex Clone #12, I'll fight you next!"

"Give it your best shot, little girl." EAC #12 sneered annoyingly.

Sheba promptly ran over and grabbed Mittens. "Hey, put me down!" the cat yowled as Sheba swung him by the tail. Mittens went flying and landed smack dab on Evil Alex Clone #12's face, digging his claws in and clinging in fear.

"Ah! Oh! The pain! I can't see!" EAC #12 screamed, running around with the cat on his face. "Help me!"

"I feel a little bad about the animal abuse but it can't be helped," Sheba murmured to herself. She walked over and picked up the iron bar lying next to Alex's unconscious form, then approached EAC #12 who was still crying, screaming and trying to pull Mittens off his face. "Take this!" she yelled, slamming the iron bar straight into his crotch.

EAC #12 let out a high pitched keening noise and fell over, curling up into the fetal position. Mittens let go and fled into a corner, shivering in fear. Sheba stood over Evil Alex #12, smirking.

"Is someone going to destroy the clone or shall I do it myself?" Sheba asked, looking over at Felix and Isaac

"Let me at him!" Mia yelled, jumping up and waving a mace over her head. Everyone jumped in fright, except Jenna and Alex who were both still unconscious. When had Mia woken up? "I'll teach him not to do things like that in front of me!"

"Why is there blood on your top lip, Mia?" Sheba asked innocently. Mia flushed and quickly wiped it away.

"I hit my nose when I fell," Mia lied. Sheba frowned, but before she could say anything, Mia was already running at the Evil Alex Clone and proceeding to beat him to a bloody pulp with her mace. "Take that, you stupid clone!"

"Uh... where am I?" Jenna opened her eyes and sat up, shaking her head. She looked over at Mia and Evil Alex Clone #12. "Oh... that's right. Hey, Mia! Let me have a piece of him!" She was immediately at Mia's side, proceeding to incinerate the clone.

"Well, everything seems to have turned out pretty well," Isaac said. "Those cats won't be able to take over the world without that clone helping them."

In just a minute, Evil Alex Clone #12 was nothing more than a pile of ashes and Mittens was still cowering in fear in the corner. The triumphant group left the creepy house, dragging Alex's unconscious body along with them.

"Why is he still asleep?" Felix grumbled, pulling on one arm.

"I guess the mental trauma was too much for him," Isaac muttered, pulling on the other arm

"Can't you carry him properly?" Jenna yelled. "You'll bruise him! And, what mental trauma?"

"It's better you don't know," Mia assured her. "One unconscious person is enough to carry back." She was pretty sure Jenna would faint again at the thought of Alex being kissed by his clone wearing drag.

"Uh... right..." Jenna gave her an odd stare. "Anyway, we'd better hurry back! I've got to feed poor Skittles. He must be so hungry."

Sheba sighed, shaking her head. Apparently Jenna hadn't figured out her kitten had been in on the world domination plot yet. They would just have to break it to her gently.

Alex remained stubbornly asleep until everyone returned to their respective homes. When he finally did awake, the first thing he did was let out an ear-wrenching scream and faint again.

"What is wrong with him?" Jenna asked in exasperation, looking down at Alex who lay unconscious on the sofa. She'd already managed to get over Skittles somehow. The only reason she'd fawned over him so much in the first place was because he'd been brainwashing her after all. "Why is he acting like this?"

"Oh, because the clone kissed him," Sheba spoke up, absentmindedly flipping through a magazine. Jenna's sanity didn't matter to her so much right now. "He couldn't handle the shock."

"I'm so glad we got rid of that thing," Felix muttered, shuddering at the appalling memory. He never wanted to see it happen again.

Jenna's head almost asploded. Almost. Instead, she just got a splitting headache and felt the urge to set Sheba on fire, which she somehow resisted.

--------------------------  
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---------THE------------  
-------DIVIDER--------  
---STRIKES BACK----  
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--------------------------

Kraden had come to the realisation that something was missing in his life. How odd. Something was missing? What could it possibly be? So he thought very hard, trying to figure it out. He had companions, limitless power, eternal life, everything he could ever hope for. Kraden went for walks every day, pondering the mystery of this missing thing in his life. He sat and fretted, amazed at how difficult this was to figure out. What was he lacking?

"Woof!" A random dog ran up and bowed to Kraden fervently, his doggy eyes sparkling in wonder.

Kraden stared at the dog, who fell to the ground and whimpered something that would probably have been "I am not worthy enough to be stared at by the great Kraden!" in human speech. Then a lightbulb flashed on above his head.

"Eureka!" Kraden cried, jumping to his feet. "That's what I need! A pet of my very own! I can't believe it took me this long to figure out!"

So, Kraden immediately sent out flyers across Weyard. These flyers announced that Kraden was looking for a very special pet. A mere dog or cat would simply not do! He needed something special. So everyone in Weyard started searching for this special something to give to Kraden.

Within a week, people were queued up outside Kraden's house with creatures of all shapes and sizes, eager for Kraden to accept their special creature as his pet. Kraden sat patiently inside, eager to see what the people had brought him. Finally, he could get his own special pet! Was anything they had worthy enough for him? He would wait and see.

The first people to come in were Donpa and Dodonpa, with a giant, blue toad behind them.

"Daddy, please!" Dodonpa sobbed and fell to his knees, holding up his hands in a begging gesture. "Don't give away Toadonpa!"

"Show some respect in front of Kraden, you whelp!" Donpa pulled a stick out of nowhere and hit Dodonpa with it. "And act your age! I'm not letting you keep the toad anymore because you keep using it for evil deeds."

"But... I love my Toadonpa..." Dodonpa cried, flinging his arms around the giant blue toad.

"Ahh, a toad?" Kraden leaned over and looked at the slimy, gigantic toad. "It certainly is very big. What has it been eating?"

"You'll have to ask my son," Donpa replied, glancing at the crying thief. "I apologise for his behaviour. He's been spoiled in the past and he's quite attached to the toad, but he keeps using it to do evil things, so I don't want him to have it anymore. Would you accept Toadonpa as a pet?"

Kraden looked over at Dodonpa, who was crying and still not acting his age at all. He looked back at the toad and then shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can have a toad. They are rather unappealing creatures in my opinion."

"I understand," Donpa said, bowing to Kraden. "Very well. Let's go, Dodonpa. I will find someone else to take this toad." He seized Dodonpa by the ear and pulled him out, the toad hopping after them.

The next person to come in was Obaba, with the Avimander. Kraden looked at the red salamander, raising an eyebrow.

"Is it meant to be shivering so much?" Kraden asked.

"Well, since it's a salamander, it has to live in pretty specific conditions," Obaba said, glancing at the oversized lizard. "You wouldn't happen to have anywhere hot in particular to keep it? Like, a giant oven for example? If it isn't kept hot enough, it will die."

"My superpowers could probably be enough to heat it," Kraden said uneasily. "But by the sound of things, it would have to be hot all the time. I don't particularly fancy the idea of standing next to a lizard and heating it all day."

"I knew this was a bad idea," Obaba muttered. "Sorry to waste your time."

"Oh, it's quite alright. I have all the time I need," Kraden replied. "Thanks for trying."

Obaba sulkily led the Avimander out, feeling quite frustrated. Great, she'd missed out on another chance with Kraden. The old woman from Champa had secretly been hoping that Kraden would accept the Avimander, then thank her profusely. They would then stare into each other's eyes and he would suddenly ask her out for dinner... well, maybe another time.

Kraden sat bolt upright in shock as a giant merman suddenly burst in, smashing down the front wall of his house. Poseidon sat there, looking around at the rubble as chunks of the ceiling began to break off and clatter to the floor. A blue-haired elderly man ran up, looking appalled.

"Poseidon! I told you to wait outside and I would go in instead!" King Hydros exclaimed, waving his fists.

Poseidon fixed an eye on King Hydros then flipped the bird. Hydros stood still, staring in shock.

"Hydros, whatever is the meaning of this?" Kraden asked calmly. He would not get mad. It had just been an accident. Anyway, his powers could rebuild the cottage in a second so it didn't really matter. "Why have you brought Poseidon along?"

"Well, I heard you were looking for a special pet," Hydros replied, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. Poseidon let out a cry of rage and thrashed his tail about in anger. He would become nobody's pet! How dare they try to tame the King of the Sea and treat him like a mere animal? "I thought I would offer you Poseidon."

"Hydros." Kraden closed his eyes and kneaded his forehead with thumb and finger. He would hardly dare say it, but it sounded like Hydros was starting to succumb to senility. "A pet... what would you say a pet is exactly?"

"Well, something you keep and look after of course!" Hydros exclaimed. He patted Poseidon's tail. "Also, a faithful companion."

"Pets are usually _animals_, are they not?" Kraden asked, very patiently. "You wouldn't keep a _human_ as a pet, would you?"

"I guess not..." Hydros said uncertainly, looking up into Poseidon's angry face. "But, he's a fish!"

"He's a _merman_!" Kraden slammed his hands on the table. "Poseidon is half human! Can't you see it? He may not talk, but he clearly has a will of his own and the top half of him certainly looks very human. The only thing about him that doesn't seem human is the fish tail!"

"So... you don't want him then?" Hydros looked crestfallen.

"Put him back in the sea right now," Kraden ordered. Hydros sighed and walked out, Poseidon bouncing along after him. "Crazy old king..." the sage muttered to himself.

Next up was Master Poi with the Chestbeaters. The three gorillas roared and beat on their chests.

"Three?" Kraden blinked, slightly surprised. "Well, I didn't expect someone to bring me so many. I would have been fine with just one pet."

"Well, you see, the three of them are siblings. They have been together since birth." Master Poi wrung his hands, looking slightly apologetic. "So they don't like to be separated. Also, they really, really enjoy eating bananas so you have to make sure they have plenty of bananas or else they will go berserk."

"Well, since bananas don't rain from the sky, it's rather difficult. They grow on trees and... there are no banana trees in Vale," Kraden said. "The demand for bananas isn't particularly high anyway."

"Can't you use your powers to make an infinite supply of bananas?" Master Poi asked hopefully.

"Then everyone in Vale will want bananas too," Kraden argued. "They will say it's unfair how I'm keeping the bananas for a bunch of animals and lose respect in me. Having my people look up to me is very important. I can't give special treatment to these gorillas. Anyway, three is a little too much. I only need one pet."

"I guess I see your point," Master Poi said. "Well, see you then, old man."

"Don't call me an old man!" Kraden complained as Master Poi and the Chestbeaters walked out of the house. "Sheesh..."

The next person to enter was Kaja, pulling a large tank of water behind him. A giant pink creature was splashing about in the tank, making strange noises and looking quite happy for a sea dwelling creature trapped in a tank.

"Well, this looks interesting," Kraden said, leaning over the table and squinting at the tentacled beast. "What do you call this?"

"This be the fine Kraken, the beast of the Karagol sea," Kaja explained, waving a hand at it. "Once, it attacked my captain's ship but Isaac and his friends defeated it. I've been keeping it ever since, but I would like to offer it to you. The Kraken is actually quite calm at times and has a great temperament. It doesn't do anything nasty with its tentacles, so you won't have to worry about that."

"Wow... so... you said it was called the Kraken, right?" Kraden stared at it. "As in, it's spelled almost exactly like my name?"

"With a K instead of a D, yeah," Kaja said. "I guess that's a coincidence, huh?"

It was a sign. It had to be. Kraden gazed at the Kraken, his eyes going all starry. This beautiful sea creature was his destined companion! With a name almost exactly like his, it had to be! "I'll take it," he said immediately. "This Kraken shall be my pet and companion."

"Great!" Kaja grinned. "Remember, it likes to eat small fish and algae. Also, be sure to let it go in the water often so that it can keep itself hydrated. Do I get a reward?"

"Uh... sure... anything you want..." Kraden murmured, now standing next to the tank and staring some more at his new pet.

"Gloop." The Kraken put out a tentacle and Kraden reached out to pat it. At last, he had found his special pet, and he had the thing he was missing in life.

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-------RETURN---------  
-------OF THE----------  
-------DIVIDER---------  
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--------------------------

"Isaac."

Isaac glanced up from his book to see Jenna standing over him. "Yo," he said, glancing back at the book. The storyline had just reached its exciting climax. He simply could not stop reading it now!

Jenna let out an impatient sigh and put a hand on her hip. After searching for Isaac for hours, she'd finally found him hiding behind a tree and his face was even buried in a book. He wasn't even looking at her. Well, she would distract him somehow. "You know, Isaac, Sheba once teased me a long time ago."

Isaac didn't say anything. He didn't care that Sheba had teased Jenna before.

"She thought you and I were an item," Jenna said, tapping her chin with a finger thoughtfully. "Do you know what that means, Isaac?"

Isaac let out a sigh and buried his face even deeper into the book. So what if Sheba liked to think people were an item? He had to keep reading!

"A fourteen year old girl who lived a sheltered life in Lalivero couldn't know much about love either. She'd never seen us before either at that time. So, do you know where I'm going?" Jenna ranted. "Because someone like that thought we were a couple, we have to be one! Right?"

Isaac glanced up at her, frowning. "What the heck are you on?"

"You know exactly what I mean," Jenna said, clenching a fist. "Because Sheba thought we were a couple, we have to get together right now."

"Jenna, has it occurred to you that just maybe, she was guessing or even simply trying to tease you?" Isaac rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to date you because somebody thought it would be fun to play guessing games." He promptly went back to reading his book.

"You suck!" Jenna yelled, setting fire to his book and stomping away. Isaac looked at the burning ashes of his book in horror.

"My... book..." Isaac whimpered. He threw his head back and screamed. "Nooooooooo!"

Mia was having trouble of her own. She'd been searching for Garet for ages and finally found him in one of Vale's cafés, munching his way through a ten foot long sub. He didn't seem to be so keen on looking away from it either as he happily chomped on it.

"Hey, Garet." Mia sat down next to him. "Do you remember when the journey ended and we were all celebrating?"

Garet mumbled something through his mouthful of food, nodding his head.

"Well, we were looking at each other, right?" Mia chewed her lower lip. "Don't you think that maybe that meant something?"

"Ivan and Kraden were looking at each other too," Garet pointed out once he'd swallowed. "Do you think that means something?"

Mia narrowed her eyes, suddenly feeling slightly irritated. Had that really been necessary? Garet could be so rude sometimes. He had even taken another mouthful already.

"Well, I just thought..." Mia pursed her lips in annoyance. "That, well, we were even kind of holding each other as well and-"

"So were Piers and Sheba," Garet said, between mouthfuls. "And if either of those pairs meant anything, Piers and Kraden would be pedophiles. Gross." He promptly resumed eating.

"But, come on, Garet!" Mia cried out, her temper rising. "We were looking at each other, engaging in bodily contact at the same time!"

"Felix and Jenna were doing that too," Garet said absentmindedly, not noticing Mia grow angry. "If that meant anything, it would be incest, you know."

Mia snapped. She got off the chair, lifted it and then smashed it over Garet's head. Garet slumped over the table unconscious.

"Moron," Mia hissed, swiping his sub and walking off. She handed it over to a random starving dog as she stomped away, silently swearing never to speak to that idiot again.

Sheba had managed to find Felix, who was gazing at the sky from the top of a small hill, an angsty expression on his face. He wasn't particularly busy, but didn't seem to notice Sheba either.

"Felix, we should talk," Sheba said, sitting next to him.

"The clouds... there are so many..." Felix whispered.

Sheba sighed. Apparently he was more interested in the clouds than her. "Uh, you know how you jumped off a lighthouse for me?"

"Such interesting clouds..." Felix said quietly, watching them move across the sky. They were much more interesting than the person speaking to him right now.

Sheba hesitated, a light blush creeping across her face. "You did that because you were in love with me, right?"

Felix promptly spluttered in shock and ended up rolling down the hill somehow, shouting in pain and screaming obscenities on the way. Sheba silently got up and walked down to where he lay in a bruised heap, cursing the hills for eternity.

"Well?" Sheba asked. "You love me, right? That's why you jumped off the lighthouse to save my life!"

Felix stared at her, and stared some more, unable to speak in his utter shock. Finally, he found the right words, but not necessarily the words that would make her happy. "Has it occurred to you that I don't have to like people romantically to not want them to die?"

Definitely the wrong words. Sheba hit him with Spark Plasma, then ran away crying, leaving him feeling very, very confused. Felix then shrugged and went back to staring at the sky.

Later on, Jenna, Mia and Sheba all sat together somewhere, eating ice cream for comfort.

"Men are such jerks," Jenna said.

"I agree," Mia replied.

"Who needs them? I've got ice cream," Sheba said bitterly, biting into another scoop.

"Isaac's cute though," Jenna sighed.

"Garet's kind of cool when he isn't being an ass," Mia moaned.

"And Felix is so hot!" Sheba wailed.

"Maybe we went about things the wrong way," Jenna guessed. "I shouldn't have gone on about Sheba like that as if she should be the sole reason for us having a relationship."

"I didn't think there was anything wrong with my way," Mia complained. "Garet was just being really stupid."

"I was probably too direct," Sheba muttered. "I guess I also got the wrong idea from him saving my life."

At the same time, Isaac, Garet and Felix were also sitting together and lamenting.

"Since when does Sheba decide who goes together?" Isaac hugged his new copy of the book protectively. "I'm not letting a fourteen year old girl dictate my life. If I want to be with Jenna, it won't be because of Sheba."

"I was being a bit unfair," Garet mumbled through a mouthful of his new sub. "But I was busy eating at the time and I didn't feel like having a serious talk. That chair really hurt. Mia sure is scary. Now that I think about it, it makes sense kinda. I should be more careful next time."

"You're just an idiot," Felix said to Garet. "What was saying all that crap supposed to prove?"

"I just wanted her to leave me in peace to eat!" Garet whimpered, eating furiously. "I thought it would make her leave, not hit me unconscious with a chair and steal my sandwich."

"Girls are so unpredictable," Isaac said, gazing at his book and wondering what page number he had been on last.

"I was probably too blunt myself earlier," Felix said, thinking of Sheba. "But did she have to hit me with Spark Plasma? Of course I'm not in love with her. All I did was save her life. What was I supposed to do, let her drown?"

"Eh, she'll get over it," Isaac mumbled, opening the book. "She's just a naive girl anyway."

"Mmm..." Garet didn't feel like speaking anymore, he would rather keep eating and not talking.

"Hey... that cloud looks like a fish..." Felix commented, staring up at the sky again.


End file.
